Chapter Eighteen

Daddy

"Theia..." I smiled as I watched her lying on her crib.

After all, even when I said that I hated her mom, siya pa rin ang naaalala ko sa anak namin kaya medyo pareho pa ang pangalan nila na ako rin ang nagpangalan sa anak ko.

I named my daughter Theia Alexandra Ybañez. And I call her Theia as her little nickname.

And to tell honestly, it wasn't so easy to care for and raise a daughter alone...

But I want to take care of Theia. And she's given me a new reason to continue working hard so that I could continue living with my daughter.

When I came back to the Philippines, I had no one but my baby daughter. I went back to Cebu dahil doon ay may bahay na kami ni Lola dati pa. And I was most familiar with the place where I grew up. I wanted to study medicine and so I did with the help of my savings at ang pera rin na iniwan para sa akin ng parents ko. Pero kulang pa rin iyon lalo na at magastos din ang medical school. And I also have Theia with me now. I also have to hire a nanny to take care of her while I was outside studying medicine and also working. Pinagsasabay ko ang pag-aaral, pagtatrabaho at pag-aalaga rin sa anak ko kapag nasa bahay lang naman ako.

"Airway obstruction... tension pneumothorax...ventricular dysrythmias... cardiac tamponade...exsanguination... hypoglycemia..."

I was trying to memorize for my exam while I carried my daughter in my arms. Pinapatahan ko siya at pinapatulog na rin. She's a few months old now. And she looked chubbier and healthier. Magaling din ang yaya na pinapabantay ko sa kaniya at experienced din talaga sa pag-aalaga ng bata.

I smiled as I watched her in my arms. She's so lovely. And I love my daughter very much. Marahan ko siyang hinagkan habang nakatulog na siya sa braso ko. Before I carefully laid her down the crib again. And put her for a nap.

And while she sleeps I continue to study.

One day I'll become a doctor and I'll make my daughter proud of me. I will work hard to give her a better life.

But like I said, it wasn't all so easy. I had it rough as well. Like anyone else does, I guess...

One time, I went home to finding my daughter who was very sick. Sa panahon kasi siguro na marami rin bata ang nagkakasakit. I couldn't look after her well because my time got so occupied by my studies and work. May yaya naman siya pero hindi rin talaga maiiwasan ang pagkakasakit ng mga bata minsan.

"Ano po ang nangyari?" I asked the nanny.

Kanina ay nag-message siya sa 'kin para ipaalam na may lagnat si Theia. At nagmadali agad ako na makauwi.

"Pinainom ko na siya ng gamot sa lagnat kanina. Pero parang hindi pa rin bumababa ang lagnat niya." She worriedly said.

I looked at my daughter and took her in my arms. "I'll bring her to the hospital." I said and brought my daughter out to my car. Sumunod din ang yaya na dala ang gamit ng anak ko. I gave Theia to her so I could drive to the nearest hospital. And we rushed my daughter there.

We're living in the city kaya hindi na rin ganoon kahirap ang pagpunta sa mga hospital. Sa syudad kasi ako nag-aaral at mabuti na lang din na nandito lang ang bahay namin ni Lola noon pa. At memoryado ko na rin ang lugar na kinalakihan ko.

I wanted to raise Theia here. Since dito rin kasi ako lumaki. Dito ako pinalaki ni lola. But if I'll have greater offer and opportunity in other places, then I might also move there with my daughter. I guess I understand my parents better now. That they had to work abroad when I was young...

Dinala ko na si Theia sa hospital. At agad din naman siyang tiningnan ng mga doctor. And once settled she was brought in a private room.

I sighed my relief. The doctor said that my daughter will be all right. Inaapoy lang talaga siya ng lagnat kanina pero bumaba na rin ngayon. But the doctor said that she still need to stay here in the hospital because they will have to observe her. Ayos lang naman sa akin basta gumaling ang anak ko.

Sobrang nag-alala ako kasi sobrang bata pa niya. She was still months old and she's not even one year old yet. She's still a baby and she had to be hospitalized like this. Sinisisi ko rin ang sarili ko, because I was not always there for her. And I need to study and work.

She's already sleeping now in a hospital bed with an IV. Pinauwi ko na muna ang yaya, to get Theia more of her things from the house. At mamaya ay siya naman ang magbabantay dito sa anak ko sa hospital when I go to med school. Kailangan ko pa kasing mag-aral and I can't just absent dahil may mga importante rin kaming ginagawa sa klase. At may trabaho rin ako. It was really hard.

Earlier I was really panicking. Hindi na ako nakapag-isip nang maayos at gusto ko na lang na dalhin agad dito sa ospital ang anak ko. Medyo mahal din dito, but I don't care. We also have savings that I really keep also for times like this of emergency. Hindi ko nga lang masasamahan ang anak ko dito sa ospital palagi dahil kailangan ko pa rin mag-aral at magtrabaho.

And while I was alone at the hospital with my sick daughter, I also experienced anxiety. That I cried while I watched her sleep there and was sick. Kung ano-ano pa ang naiisip ko no matter if the doctor had already reassured me.

I held Theia's small hand gently and carefully not to wake her up. "I'm sorry..." And then I whispered this.

At sa huli ay hindi ko namalayan na nakatulog na pala ako roon sa tabi ng anak ko habang nakaupo ako roon sa gilid ng hospital bed niya dahil na rin sa pagod ko. Minsan ay hindi ko na namamalayan na sobrang pagod ko na rin pala sa pagsasabay-sabay ko ng mga ginagawa.

And when Theia got better, doon pa lang talaga ako kumalma na. Naiuwi na rin namin siya ni Ate Mia, ang yaya ng anak ko, sa bahay.

In the morning or the afternoon, whenever I have the time I also try to exercise kahit jogging lang around the subdivision. So that I could stay healthy and I'd be able to do all my tasks at once. Hindi rin ako pwedeng magkasakit dahil ako lang ang inaasahan ng anak ko.

I also had to earn extra for my daughter's first birthday. I wanted to give her a birthday party. And I just invited our neighbors, kaya may mga bata rin na pumunta. And I saw Theia smiling with everyone around on her birthday, kaya napangiti na rin ako habang nakikita na mukhang masaya rin ang anak ko.

And then one day I just heard my daughter talk for the first time. Medyo nag-alala pa nga ako because I guess she was just a quiet kid. But one day she just suddenly called me and said Daddy clearly...

"Da... Da..."

Agad akong napabaling nang marinig ko siya. I was at home and was preparing to go to work. And although we were suggested that med students like me to not take a job, I still had to work somehow. It's really hard, but I can manage. Med school is also expensive. Pero tingin ko ay mas mahal din yata ang milk and diaper ng anak ko. I can only smile thinking about it. I can still work part-time. Currently I'm working at a cafe managed by a relative here in Cebu City and it's also just near my university. So it was also somehow just manageable with my class schedules.

"What is it, Theia?" I asked her when I turned my attention to her who was just playing on my bed.

Puyat pa ako galing sa pag-aaral and I went home to rest for a while. And when I woke up beside my daughter I'm now off to work again. But I stopped preparing to go for a while when I heard her. "What is it?"

She was looking at me while she sat on the bed with a toy in her hands that kept her busy while I was preparing to go out.

"Dad...dy... Daddy!" She suddenly said it loudly. And then she's smiling at me.

While my eyes widened and my lips stretched into a happy smile. "Theia..." I went to her and I hugged her. Hinagkan ko rin siya na medyo nakiliti siguro siya kaya naman napatawa rin siya. I smiled while I hear her adorable laughter. "Thank you, Theia." I said.

"Daddy!" And then she said it again that just made me smile even more in content. And my heart felt warm as well.

Even if I hate Aletheia now, I didn't regret meeting her. And I still thank her for giving birth to my daughter... Theia is my happiness now...