Chapter Eight

Ex

"Ali?"

I turned to the person next to me who just called my name. We were in one of Gerald's, Elias cousin's party again. It wasn't his birthday anymore but he just like throwing parties like this. And I didn't expect I'd see Max here tonight. He's not a friend to Gerald but was invited by one of his friends rather.

"Max..."

He smiled. "Ali! I didn't expect I'd see you here! Who are you with?"

Ako rin. Hindi ko alam na magkikita kami rito. Hindi ko siya agad nasagot.

"Anyway, if you have time can we talk?"

I looked at him. And I was about to say no when he just held my hands in his.

"I've been really wanting to talk to you, Ali. I want to know until now why you broke up with me?"

I stayed just looking at him. And then I sighed. And after a while I finally decided to tell him the reason. "Because you only used me, Max." I seriously said.

His lips parted. "What? Ali—"

"Please don't you even try to lie. Remember when you invited me at your house before? I clearly heard you and your parents talking. You only got close to me in the purpose of trying to have a connection with my family. When all I ever did was to trust you, Max?" May hinanakit pa rin na sinabi ko sa kaniya.

At parang naalala ko pa rin iyong nangyari sa amin dati. Although I have moved on now. And I now have Elias, too. But his betrayal was still painful to me. It's hard to be lied to. Especially when all I ever did back then was to trust him.

And he somehow ruined me, too...

I felt like I have lost my true identity somehow. After what he did to me. After hearing the truth from his family, from him, and from some of the people I called friends back then. When I thought everything was just fine in my life that was when I discovered that they all just lied to me. And behind my back they were not really as nice as I genuinely thought of them.

That's why after that I grew cold towards other people. I put up a wall around me. And I distanced myself with the others. And only Elias have brought me back to my old gentle self... And I want to remain like this. So even Max can't ruin me now. Not again.

"We're done a long time ago, Max. So we don't really have anything to talk about now." I said.

While he shook his head at me. "You're wrong, Ali. It's not just the whole truth. Just give me another chance to prove to you that I—"

"Aletheia."

Bumaling ako kay Elias nang marinig ko siyang tinawag niya ako. Nagpaalam siya sa akin kanina na kukuha lang ng drinks namin. And now he's back not so long ago. "Are you all right?" He asked me and then he looked at Max in front of us now.

Tumango naman ako sa kaniya. But then Max spoke again. "Who's this guy, Ali?" He asked.

Bumaling muli ako sa kaniya. "This is Alexander, my boyfriend." I told him.

Max lips parted. And then he looked like he's angry at something. "Let's talk about us more, Ali." He said and tried to reach for my hand again but I already took steps back. At bahagya na rin akong tinago ni Elias sa likuran niya. Pumagitna siya sa aming dalawa ni Max. At hinarap niya ito.

And Elias stood even inches taller than Max even when he's already a really tall guy. "She doesn't want to talk to you. You're making her feel uncomfortable." He told Max.

And we heard more people calling Max. And so he just looked at us one last time before he went back to his friends. I sighed after he's gone.

Binalingan naman ako ni Elias. And I know that he would ask me who Max was. Kaya inunahan ko na rin siya ng sagot ko. "He's my ex..." I honestly told him.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Pagkatapos ay niyaya ko na rin siya na kung pwede ay umalis na lang kami muli ngayon sa maingay na party. Agad din naman siya na pumayag sa gusto ko.

"Your dorm is just near here, right? Can we go there, instead?"

Nagkatinginan muli kaming dalawa pagkatapos ng sinabi ko. He's staying in a dorm or an apartment near our university with his cousin, Gerald. And Gerald was still busy partying like usual so if we go there now ay kami lang dalawa ni Elias doon...

"Don't you wanna go home yet?" He asked me.

Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. He let out a sigh and also agreed. I smiled and I went out of the bar with him.

And I also started telling him about Max. Alam ko kasi na mukhang gusto pa niyang magtanong. But maybe he's just stopping himself to ask me directly, and just waiting for me to open up instead. So I also told him about my past. How I felt the betrayal from the people I thought who were true to me...

"I feel like he only got close to me because his family was interested with my family's connections..." I said.

"Just like the other people that I had called my friends back then... Which later on I also found out on my own that they only befriended me because I was Aletheia Rozovsky..."

Tumingin ako kay Elias pagkatapos. "That's why I became a bit rude when we met in school..." I said and I bowed my head down.

While Elias touched my chin and made me look at him again. "I understand. But you shouldn't change yourself just because of other people... I want you to stay just the way you are, Aletheia." He told me and he gave me a gentle smile after saying that.

Napangiti rin ako sa sinabi niya. Pagkatapos ay niyakap ko siya habang nakaupo kami roon sa kama niya...

I realize that I want him to be this close to me always.

I just want us to be together always.

But sometimes the things that we ask of the most can often be hard to just be given to us that easily...

"You're going back to the Philippines?" Agad akong kinabahan nang sinabi niya ito sa akin isang araw.

He nodded. "But it won't take long. My parents just want me to come with them to attend the funeral of a loved one in the Philippines." He said.

While I was feeling hesitant to let him go. That I even tried to think of other things that could make him stay. "What about school? It's nearly our graduation, Elias." I told him.

He held my hand as if to try to calm me down as well. "Don't worry about it. Nakapagpaalam na ako sa university. And also I'll graduate with you on time. I already did my projects and research in advance. And I'll just submit them to our professors. I'll be back in no time so don't worry, okay?" He tried to smile at my conflicted face.

While I could not smile back to him. We're already doing all okay until this had to happen to us. Do we really need to be apart now?

"Hey, Aletheia. Listen, I'll be back, okay? I promise. It's just a few weeks..." He said.

Sa huli ay wala na rin akong nagawa at unti-unti na lang akong tumango sa kaniya...

And somehow I got scared that he had to leave now and what if he wouldn't be able to come back here anymore? I knew that I was only overthinking things and it doesn't help. But I just can't help it but to worry about us this much. Parang pakiramdam ko kasi ay may hindi magandang mangyayari sa pag-alis niya...

And why now? Why does he had to leave now that I think that I have already become more dependent on him... I just didn't want us to be apart anymore...

But still he had to leave...

"I want to touch you...and feel you more... Elias, I want to make love..." I told him when we're left alone once again in his apartment.

We were at their dorm. Kasama niya rito si Gerald at silang dalawa lang ang nakatira rito. But his cousin went out with his girlfriend, Emma. Kaya kaming dalawa lang muli dito sa place nila.

Kaming dalawa lang ngayon ni Elias ang nandito...

I was a virgin. I've never done this with Max before. Mga bata pa kasi kami noon. And I just didn't thought of this thing when I was with him. But now all I could think about is doing it with Elias right here... right now...

Pero ang lakas pa rin ng loob ko na mag-initiate ng ganitong bagay sa kaniya. Inisip ko naman that he's my boyfriend. And it's only natural for couples to do this... We're not the first pair to do this thing. I'm sure marami na rin ang gumawa nito sa mga boyfriend at girlfriend nila. So I guess it's okay...

And although I felt scared as well but I started kissing him.

"Aletheia—"

"What? Don't you want me?" Parang maiiyak na agad ako habang tinanong ko siya nito.

His lips parted as he was looking at me. And then he shook his head. "It's not like that..." And then he let out one heavy sigh. "Are you sure about this? We don't really have to do this now—"

"Then when? You're leaving, Elias. And even if you tell me now that you will come back, anyway. Still, I will miss you..." I trailed off. And then I tried to breathe more because I feel like I was getting short of breath...

Tears also already pooled in my eyes.

Yumuko ako.

Inangat naman muli ni Elias ang tingin ko sa kaniya sa pamamagitan ng paghawak ng mga daliri niya sa baba ko. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. "Don't be like this, Aletheia... please..." He begged me.

At ayaw ko naman talaga siya na pahirapan. I shook my head. I just really have a bad feeling about this... I looked at him in the eyes. "I will miss you so much, Elias... I know that..." I said.

"Then... if this could lessen you missing me..." He said as he trailed off, too.

Tumango naman ako habang nakatingin din ako sa kaniya. "I love you, Elias..." I told him wholeheartedly.

"I'm in love with you too, Aletheia Hartmere Rozovsky..." And then his palm gently cupped my cheek... and he lowered his head to me and slowly kissed me at first...

Habang nagpaubaya naman ako sa halik niya sa akin. We've already kissed several times before. The first one was when we were also here in their apartment and we were alone that night after we met Max at the bar. We went here and I told him about my past experience with my ex. And I was comforted even just by his mere presence. And so we started to kiss... and even made out a little at that time... But Elias had to stop us even back then...

But now I just don't want him to stop anymore.

He can own me now. All of me. For I am his from the moment we became close to each other and we entered this relationship together. And I will remain his, and his only until the end... That's what I could only wish for...

And the same as he's mine as well. And tonight I'm just owning what's mine.