Chapter Twenty-three

Betrayal

I always thought that Adam's life would be better without me. If he never met me.

Until I found out from the twins that their family was only helping me, and supporting me and my child in exchange of like acting as their real daughter who's sick...

"I'm sorry, Aeva..." was the only thing Ate Asherina and Kuya Asher could say to me after I learned the truth...

Habang ako naman ay natutulala pa rin. Parang ngayon ko lang din naintindihan ang sinabi ni Papa noon nang marinig ko silang mag-usap ni Mama. "She's with child now..." ani Papa kay Mama na para bang may sinasabi nga siya rito na gusto niyang maintindihan din ni Mama...

At the end I still feel grateful to them... At kahit paano ay ligtas naman ako sa puder nila at ang anak ko...

Sinama ako ni Ate Asherina isang beses sa kung nasaan nila tinatago ang totoong kapatid nila. Ang totoong pamilya nila.

The first time I saw the real Analia, Eithne Analia De Avila Zachmann, she was lying in bed. She was sick. Ate Asherina explained it to me that the Zachmanns were hiding her because of her condition.

"Hindi nakakasiguro sina Mama kung sino talaga ang kalaban namin. Or Mama is just so mistrustful, dahil na rin sa mga pinagdaanan niya sa buhay... At may ilan na mga taong malapit din sa pamilya namin ang nakakaalam na na lima kaming magkakapatid. And that we have a younger sister."

"After Mama realized that they, sila ni Papa, can't train Eithne like how they trained us siblings, that's when they decided to hide her here." Ate Asherina said looking at her real younger sister laying there unconscious.

"Ano ang sakit niya?" I asked calmly. Even though I can already feel the betrayal.

I still feel betrayed. Because after all I still considered them as my family. Ang pamilya na inakala ko noong magmamahal sa akin nang kinuha nila ako sa orphanage noon. I followed the Zachmanns orders all my life until now. Sinunod ko ang Mama at Papa, si Kuya Aldrich. Kahit pa natatakot ako. Kahit pa ayaw ko naman talaga sa gawain ng pamilya.

But I was not given a choice.

Pagkatapos nila akong kunin noon sa orphanage ay parang nawalan na ako ng kakayahang mamili. Dahil simula noon bawat kilos at kahit paghinga ay parang kailangan na may approval sa kanila... Kailangan gawin ko ang utos sa akin. And I couldn't say no.

Because we are family.

And now after I learned about this, hindi ko na alam kung tinuring nga ba talaga nila akong pamilya. Or just plainly used me for their daughter, for their real sibling. Para sa totoo nilang pamilya.

I feel betrayed. And I feel sad and alone...

Dahil pakiramdam ko ay wala na talaga akong totoong pamilya. No one really truly cares about me...

Kahit ang pangalan na mayroon ako ay hindi naman talaga sa akin...

Bumaling sa akin si Ate Asherina para sagutin ang tanong ko kanina. "She was involved in an accident many years ago when she was still very young. And she fell into a coma. But also, unlike us four, sa amin nina Asher, Kuya Levi at Kuya Aldrich, Eithne was already born weaker..."

"Kaya hindi siya pwedeng maging katulad namin..." she added.

"Kaya kumuha kayo ng iba na pwedeng maging katulad ninyo?"

Mula sa kapatid niya ay bumaling muli sa akin si Ate Asherina at nagkatinginan kami sa sinabi ko. And then she let out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, Aeva..." she apologized.

"Why are are you telling me this now? You're letting me know? Why did you bring me here?" I asked her.

Ilang sandaling nagbaba siya ng tingin. Bago muling nag-angat ang mga mata niya sa akin. "I just thought that... You're with your child now, Aeva. And we care about you and your son. Napamahal na rin sa amin si Mikos."

"And I thought that, if Kuya Levi was able to change..." Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Tiningnan niya rin ako deretso sa mga mata ko. "Then maybe, just maybe, Aeva... you can change, too? For your son, for Mikos. And for yourself, Aeva..." She looked at me gently, but at the same time with worry in her beautiful expressive pair of eyes.

I looked away a bit. "Does Mama and Papa approve of this?"

This time she looked away.

"They do not know that I am here?" I asked.

Bahagyang umiling si Ate Asherina. "I brought you here, Aeva. And I will deal with my punishment later. Ako ang nagpaalam sa'yo nito. You didn't ask to be here. So it will be only my fault."

"Why are you doing this, Ate Asherina? Is it because of guilt?"

Nag-angat muli siya ng tingin sa akin at muli rin kaming nagkatinginan. "Maybe..." she told me as if honestly... "But I care about you and Mikos, Aeva."

She sighed. Before she started walking towards the small window of the room. Pagkatapos ay tumingin siya sa labas ng bintana at humalukikip. "And I think... Matagal ka na rin ginagamit ng pamilyang ito, Aeva." She looked back at me again. And this time her eyes turned a little cold... An expression that she probably only uses when she's doing her missions...

"I wasn't even given a choice..." I remember blurting this out on Kuya Levi who was just listening to me one time. Who would have thought that he'll be like the closest sibling to me? After I talked with Ate Asherina dumeretso na ako rito sa bahay ni Kuya Levi to talk to him. Because I feel like he'd understand me...

I heard him sighing a bit, before he spoke. "We didn't know about choices before, Aeva. Na mayroon pala tayo no'n... Na pwede rin pala tayong mamili... ng sariling gusto natin. At hindi lang susunod sa lahat ng kagustuhan nina Mama." He smirked a little...

Nakatingin lang ako kay Kuya Levi habang nagsasalita siya. I never knew we could talk like this one day. When we were younger we were never close. I don't even get to talk to him like I could with Ate Asherina and her twin brother Kuya Asher... Who really knows, huh. And unexpected things really does happen.

"That when I learned that I could make a choice of my own..."

"You chose this..." tinutukoy ko ang sariling niyang pamilya na mayroon na siya ngayon.

Tumingin sa akin si Kuya Levi at ngumiti pagkatapos ay inabutan ako ng isa pang can ng beer. Ito lang din ang mayroon siya ngayon dito sa bahay nila because he doesn't really drink liquor anymore. Lalo na at may mga anak na siya. Hindi rin umiinom ang asawa niya. But maybe my sister-in-law just at least prepared this beer for times like this. Napangiti na lang ako.

I have always felt that I'm different from the Zachmanns, from my siblings, sa talino at appearance pa lang, I'm not as strong as them, too... I felt weaker especially after what happened with Adam. And I'm always different from them no matter how I try. I remember myself back then always trying so hard...

And I thought that I can never be like my siblings...

But what's good about this? After I learned the truth about the other Analia... I thought to myself that I did the right thing with Adam... Na lalo kong hindi pagsisisihan na hindi ko tinapos ang buhay niya...

Because how could I end the life of the first person who made me feel alive?

The only person who made me feel loved...

And I realized that I wasn't alone. Adam might not be here with us... But I have my son here with me. I have Mikos. And I'm not alone.

Kung tatanungin ako noon kung maayos lang ba kami nang mga panahong iyon ng pamilya ko, ang magiging sagot ko siguro ay oo. Dahil simula nang umuwi ako sa mga Zachmann noon para ipagpatuloy ang pagbubuntis ko pa lang noon kay Mikos ay naging maayos naman ako sa mansyon hanggang sa maipanganak ko noon si Mikos. Inalagaan naman nila ako sa puder nila. Kahit pa siguro isipin ko ngayon, after learning about Eithne Analia, na naging pambawi na lang din nila siguro iyon... And so that they could continue using me after I gave birth to my son...

But then I still realized something... At that time after I heard Mama and Papa secretly talking to each other... That after giving birth maayos akong nagpaalam na aalis kami ng anak ko sa mansyon...

Kaya naman ngayon ay may sarili na rin kaming bahay ng anak ko. I still work for the family, but at least I get to live with my son in a different house. And Mikos doesn't have to grow up with the Zachmanns. At natatakot din ako na baka mangyari rin sa anak ko ang nangyari sa akin na pagpapalaki ng mga Zachmann. At least my son could live like a normal kid gaya rin sa mga anak ni Kuya Levi ngayon. Since he left the Zachmann estate, too.

"Thank you for allowing me to leave, Mama..." I remembered saying this to Mama back when we're just about to leave the Avila mansion with my son who was still a little baby at that time. Kahit na hindi ko na maiwasang magduda pa rin na hahayaan lang nila akong umalis...

Nagmakaawa rin ako sa kanila ng Papa na pakawalan na sana ako... Na gusto ko na lamang sanang mabuhay para sa anak ko pagkatapos kong maipanganak si Mikos. I know that it wouldn't be easy. But I also realized that nothing's just really easy in this life. Lahat ay kailangan paghirapan at ginagawan ng paraan...

"Pero kailangan mo pa rin mag-ingat, Aeva Analia... May ilan pa rin tayong kalaban na nakikilala ka na..." Mama said to me.

In the past I killed people for my family, for them, the Zachmanns. And although we were careful hindi nga imposible na may nakakakilala pa rin sa akin. Lalo na sa mga napatay ko na rin noon. Pero malakas din ang connection ng mga Zachmann. At hindi lahat ay kayang gumanti sa pamilyang ito.

"The Rozovskys..."

Napatingin ako kay Mama sa binanggit niya. Nagkatinginan kami.

She sighed very softly that it could go unnoticed. "Hindi man natuloy ang pag-assassinate kay Adam Rozovsky, maaring balikan pa rin tayo ng pamilya niya. Lalo at kilala na nila tayo. I doubt na palalampasin lang nila ito. Kaya nga nagtataka rin ako kung bakit parang wala pa rin silang ginagawa hanggang ngayon..." Tiningnan ako ng Mama sa mga mata ko. "Given the influence their family have and the power that they hold..."

Nanatili rin akong nakatingin kay Mama. Pero wala rin akong maisagot. Dahil hindi ko rin alam. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip ng mga Rozovsky. No one probably knows, even the Zachmanns.

Pero sana ay hayaan na lang nila iyong nangyari... I know that it's a dumb thinking, but I want my son's safety. Alang-alang na lang sa anak ko na dugo pa rin naman nila.

And if one day I'd be left with no choice, hindi na ako magdadalawang-isip na ipakilala na rin sa kanila si Mikos kung iyon lang ang makakapagligtas sa anak ko. Sa panganib na maaring maging dala rin ng mga Rozovsky...

When I realized that I may put my child's life in danger more if I leave the Zachmanns, I quickly thought that maybe I should just stay with them...

Although it was frustrating. Because I really wanted to leave this life. Pero parang wala na rin pala akong kawala rito. Parang mamamatay na lang din pala talaga ako na isang assassin ng mga Zachmann...

Because after all I'm just Aeva. I have no real family... And I have no one to help me and my child... Wala akong lakas at kakayahan para masiguro ko lang na magiging ligtas ang anak ko. Kung ako lang, I feel nothing. I'm still nothing without the Zachmanns...