Valarya de Mertaire

The room was still, not a sound or movement noticeable. Touching the gemstone on the wall didn't do anything.

Walking over to the other end of the room, I touched the stone there, too. Nothing happened. Quiet. Nothing.

Five stones were around the room, all of them shifting colors. No door, but instead a window.

The window slid up. A familiar man stepped through, shutting it after him. "Hello again, my dear."

"What do you want?"

Cadice smiled. "You look much different from the last time we met. Whatever must've happened?"

"You knew," I murmured, crossing the room.

"You're wrong. I didn't know you weren't going to marry Ilias. I thought you had changed because of Ashe. Or should I say Nicholyn?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He hands rested on my shoulder, turning me around. A chair was now there. Cadice flipped his tailcoat and sat down, flexing his fingers comfortably.

"I assumed Ashe had made you less selfish. I assumed you were going to marry Ilias because you didn't want to be selfish. It seems like I overestimated your ability to change. I like that."

I backed away, tripping into a seat.

"There's a reason that I kept Ashe alive, you know. I knew he was going to drive you to the brink of your own death. Only someone as selfless as him could drive someone as selfish as you—"

"I am not selfish," I gritted out. "And I will certainly not die."

"We'll see." He got up from his chair but didn't step. "You'll see how our fates align. We were always destined to die. No one will understand you. Not even I can understand you."

"I don't need you—"

"Who locked you up for your entire life? Your father knew your fate. He was protecting you—saving you. He was the only person who remotely understood. And now that you and Ashe have trust in one another, it's only a matter of time before the Curse of Cadice is on you."

I couldn't move from my chair, or else I would've thrown him out the window he came from. "No curse can hurt me."

"A curse isn't magic, sweetheart. It's fate. You'll see how much Ashe understands you by the end of this. When you're all alone and have no one, don't come crying to your family for help. You're selfishness did this. Your drive for acceptance did this."

Tears threatened to break from my eyes. "Ashe trusts me."

"Does he?"

My throat clogged. "He does. I don't need anyone's acceptance."

"Hm." He paced behind me in the chair. I couldn't see his face as he leaned down and whispered, "You need love, no? Any kind to feed you."

"I do not."

"I believe that." Cadice's finger tipped my chin up. "You are so much more powerful than Knightley. He might've been blessed with shreds of my powers, but you have an eternal well of it. You saw Manea that day Kace took you because you called on her soul. You almost killed Avaloryn because you began ripping her soul out. Don't you see, Valarya? You are death incarnate."

I tightened my jaw. "Get away from me."

"Let me finish, sweetheart." His finger dropped my chin as he came in front of me, kneeling down. "You are not selfless, and that's all right. Don't let Ashe Knightley hold you back. He wants you gone. The sooner you're dead the sooner he gets relieved."

My eyes locked on his, but no tears came through. "He is not holding me back—"

"Oh, he is." His hand held mine, our eyes still meeting. "You're a faerie, just like me. You're immortal, unlike any human you'd ever encounter. You will die before you see Ashe accept you, and that is the devastating part about this. We are all doomed to lose the people we love."

"I've already lost people I love," I intervened. "What's the difference if I lose him?"

At that, Cadice laughed. "The difference is Ashe was the cause. If Ashe never existed, then Manea wouldn't have been in the burning house. You wouldn't have been in chains and watched Irene beheaded. Ashe did this. He did all of this. Don't be blinded by your feelings."

"You were blinded by yours when you killed yourself."

His laughed was gone. Now there was something else on this face, something I couldn't put my finger on. "Watch yourself."

"No, I think I won't." My legs lifted, meeting his and knocking him to the ground. "I want you to watch me. Watch me do what you weren't able to."

His smile returned. "There's my little Arya."

"What?"

"Let's keep this encounter out little secret, all right? We'll meet again soon." Once I blinked, he vanished, but I was still in the room.

I spun around and saw Ashe seated on my chair, his neck loose.

Running to him, I cupped his face up to look at me. There were scars at every crevice, his face no longer what it was. "Nicholyn?"

"Yes?"

Now my tears poured out. "Who did this to you?"

His eyes fluttered open. "You did, remember? You killed me."

"What?"

"You killed me. You're going to kill me, just like you said you would. You did it, Princess. You've finally gotten your revenge—"

*~⚜️~*

I flew up, gasping for air. The wagon was still moving, and I was still here, heading north.

Nicholyn came up next to me, his hand enveloping mine. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." I pulled off his hands. "I just need a second."

"Bad dream?"

Nodding, I leaned back my head. I knew I wanted him dead, but now what did I want? I didn't want him in my life. I didn't care about him. I didn't care if he was dead or alive. So what was he?

"I want to tell you something," Nicholyn started, his body shifting next to mine. "Will you let me?"

"Go ahead."

He leaned back his head and said, "I've been in all your dreams since I took you from your first wedding. Every one has left me sleepless. Cadice was in this dream, right?"

I turned to look at him. His eyes flicked to mine, a gleam in them. "Yes, he was," I truthfully said.

"And so was I, right?"

I didn't say or move. It was answer enough.

He sighed, his eyes shutting. "I understand if you don't want me alive. I'll take you back to the Palace and finish the rest of this myself."

"You think I'll kill you?"

Nicholyn stared at me. "Princess, don't ask me such questions. You know what I'll say."

"That you despise me with every fiber of your soul? Yes, I know that answer." Crossing my arms, I turned over.

"I agree with Cadice. You are great and powerful and so much more, but I know you aren't everything he said." His hand grasped mine. "And you aren't everything I thought you were. There's a lot of things we need to handle before we could ever admit our feelings, but I'm a patient man, and I hope you'll find patience in you somewhere."

"But it's true, you know. I was locked up my entire life. I don't know the first thing about social interactions. I can't make anyone like me for more than two seconds. The entire country hates me."

"And why do you care if they hate you?" he asked, his hand firmer on mine. "Because you aren't selfish. You care. Cadice would never understand you because he doesn't know you. He hasn't seen your feelings the way I have."

"Don't be my therapist right now."

"Am I lying?"

"Oh, shut it." I laid back, resting my head on his lap. "You know I despise you."

He smiled down at me.

That was the first time I ever told him that. Had he known what I meant? Why was he looking at me like I was gold and he was a broke man?

His hand grazed my cheeks. For the first time, he was heartbreakingly gentle, taking his time to scan my face. "You know something, Valarya?"

"What?"

"Sometimes I tell myself we are beyond friends."

My heart went wild.

"I tell myself we're family."

My heart sank. I lifted myself from his lap, touching my fingers together. "Oh."

He was smiling. I couldn't tell him anything. I couldn't tell him that I hated him so much I couldn't stop thinking about him. His smile was bright, and yet why was I smiling back? He just told me I was family.

"Family?" I rasped out.

"Well, I mean when we're not pretending to be in love, I could see you as someone I can trust. Trust like one would trust, what I think, family."

I swallowed down whatever feeling was clawing up my throat. I smiled back at him, touching his wrist. "Pretending to be in love with you after I had two failed weddings? How dare you rush me," I teased.

Nicholyn's check twitched. "Of course. I never meant to rush you. Besides, it was all an act."

An act. Three days ago, before an-Amor, I might've bought that. But now it stung. Cadice was right when he said Nicholyn didn't want me.

Glancing down at his wrist, I asked, "Where's our bracelet?"

"I took it off. Randa said that it clashed with my other one."

Randa. She was the woman currently steering this wagon. Maybe I'd get lucky and she'd tip off the front and the horses ran her over.

"And why does it matter what Randa says?"

"She did save my life in Torth. We even got drinks together, so I think it somewhat matters."

He got drinks with her?

"Can she help us at all?" I grounded out. "Or is she only useful for fashion advice?"

"She's the royal treasurer of Kandose. Of course she'd be useful."

So it seemed.

"Yes, very useful indeed. How kind is she?"

"I don't see why that matters, but she's very charismatic. When she wasn't flirting with me, she was actually quite talkative. One might call her annoyingly talkative."

Randa. I'd remember that name of hers. "She flirted with you?"

"Ah, it was just little thing—"

"Stop talking, Ashe."

His mouth snapped shut. She flirted with him and he let it happen. I was not allowed to be mad or hurt about it. Ilias was my fiancée, and as repulsive as that was, I couldn't blame him for liking another person.

Then it hit me. That was why he considered all of it an act. He liked Randa and he never saw me as anything more than a friend. Fine, then. We were friends. I was not going to get in between him and Randa, and I wasn't going to fight for his attention. If he wanted me, he'd find a way to have only me.

"I hope she's helpful," I muttered, turning away from him.

He stayed quiet.