Valarya de Mertaire

It wasn't too difficult to find Ilias's room again.

He was pacing back and forth on his balcony as he spoke to a man seated.

The night breeze blew through some of the open windows in his room, revealing the stars and a half-lit moon.

"What are you doing in there?" the voice asked as an annoyed tone leaked through.

"Cadice told me to be selfish," I murmured to the voice.

"What?"

"He said I needed to be selfish—that I should think about myself. He came to me when you slept."

I could almost see the look of confusion on the voice's face as he said, "So you being selfish involves going to that dimbo's room at the crack of midnight?"

My hand reached out to pull the door open to the balcony, but I stopped halfway.

I was not going to be a selfish coward and do what made me happy. That was what Cadice wanted me to do—and even though he was a good man, I couldn't do it.

"You've come so far, my princess. Don't throw it all away," the voice murmured. "Who cares about what some dead man says?"

"And what do you recommend?" I asked him, stepping away from Ilias's door.

"I would analyze all my choices. There's always more than two."

"Lay out my choices."

"You could escape the Palace and run to Kandose, but you'd get caught no doubt. You could wait it out, but that'd would make your father and Ilias impatient, causing them to make a choice for you. You marry Ilias and give him Crown Matrimony... or you don't. That would end in civil war between the Guard and monarch surely."

"You're really good at this," I grumbled.

"There's most likely more options that haven't presented themselves. Please think this through."

"I am."

"Why haven't you responded to Ashe?"

"Nicholyn is a liar."

The voice paused for several long seconds. "And have you tried to think about why he didn't tell you sooner?"

"He thinks I'm a little girl that can't keep a secret—"

"What if he simply can't tell you? What if a war would break out if anyone found out about him?"

"Valarya, do you need something?" I spun around and faced Ilias. His brows tilted quizzically. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened earlier, but I stand by what we said. We must appear powerful against our enemies."

"You're forgiven." I bunched my fingers together into a fist, fighting against the urge to hold in the words, but I knew what I had to do to make sure I wasn't selfish. "Ilias, I've thought about your proposal."

His eyes lit up. "And your answer?"

"I'll marry you."

"Congratulations, princess," the voice told me.

Ilias scooped me into his arms and whirled me around, my gown flaring. A sense of nausea crept over me, nullifying any other emotion.

"I will tell your father immediately!" Ilias rushed out of the room, stumbling over the air.

I slammed the door shut and threw myself down on a chair. My heart unraveled like yarn and began skipping to the ground, pulling every nerve I had that was keeping me together apart with it.

"Valarya—"

"Just leave me alone," I cried, shoving my face into the back of the chair. "Just go away."

My body went limp as I concealed my sounds, trying my best to not collapse. Fire built up inside me and burned through all my sense. Smiling felt like I was running against a hurricane, and suddenly I realized that all of these futile attempts at being free were just a distraction—that I'd never be free, no matter how good or bad I was. I'd never be good enough for someone to want me.

I was unraveled in every way I didn't want to be.

*~⚜️~*

Ashe Knightley

My head pulsed.

Every time she vomited, I did too. Randa stood behind me, patting my back as I hurled into the bush next to the shore. "You vomit a lot for someone who doesn't drink."

When Valarya vomited again, I lurched forward, grasping the twigs. This had been happening for months. I was starting to think I was pregnant.

Avaloryn and Whila boarded onto the ship. I rushed up from the ground, brushing off the sand. "I'm fine. Let's go."

"Valarya, listen to me," I said down our bond. "I promise you're not alone."

"Nicholyn lied to me. They all lied to me." I listened to her sob.

Her voice was like glass that dropped; completely and utterly broken. For some reason, it took so much strength to not turn around and run back to just pick her up and hold her like I did many weeks ago. Her crying echoed down the bond as I stepped onto the ship, and a part of my chest began to ache.

Heartburn. Typical for pregnant people. I tapped my chest in a lousy attempt to get rid of that ache, but it only grew as I saw wet strands of her hair cover her eyes.

Did she really think that was the selfless choice?

I sat on the wood of the ship as it took off. My vision swayed left and right, but I couldn't help but pull away from Valarya's vision.

"Who are you?" I heard her say faintly.

My eyes began to burn. What were these ridiculous aches I was getting everywhere?

"I cannot tell you," I finally told her.

I pulled out Valarya's last letter from my pocket.

Knightley,

I've decided it's best if we cut off contact for the time being. I'll write to you again if anything comes up.

Valarya

"Ouch," Avaloryn said as she sat next to me. "And what did you do to get that response?"

"I messed up."

"Clearly." She grabbed the letter out of my hand and quickly skimmed on. "Well, she's definitely upset."

"You don't say?"

"Quit the attitude."

My head pounded again.

"We really should get this sickness of yours under control." Avaloryn tapped my back as I vomited again. "Before you vomit on my expensive shoes."

I pulled away from Valarya's head and glared at Avaloryn. Her poor humor never did help.

"I think we're almost here," Randa called from the front of the ship. "Come here, Knightley."

Hustling off the ground, I came up to Randa watched her captain the ship. She told me she was a pirate, but I assumed she'd be wearing an eye patch and peg leg.

"Good think we got Whila calmed down," she said.

"Why did you help me?"

"I'm a pure soul—"

"You're a pirate, not a saint," I bit back. "What's the price?"

Her laugh sounded like a crow that got hit by an asteroid. "I'll tell you the price a different day, darling." Randa's finger tapped my nose. "I'll make sure to give you a discount."

"How sweet of you," I muttered back.

"I saved your life—"

"I'd rather die."

"Really?" she mused, turning her steering wheel to the side. "Well, I'll remember that for next time." Randa pointed out to the distance, a mountain taller than any I'd ever seen in Thaeleck. "Cadice's birthplace."

I couldn't believe it took meeting Randa for me to think about going there.

"Apparently, it's been colonized by dark faeries for eons. No man has been able to go in and come out alive."

"Why'd you take us here if you knew that?"

"Well, I'm not man, Knightley. And there are three women on here."