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There is one word to describe what I feel right now. And that word is: Confused. I can't figure out what is the right thing to do right now. 

Damon is depressed and it scares me because whenever he's depressed, he ends up drinking a lot and that usually means bad news. 

Sometimes I don't want to be the only person stuck up to deal with Damon. It is too tiring. Exhausting. I do not mean that anything has changed between me and Damon. No. We're still the same. But sometimes it gets suffocating. 

Damon still cares for me a lot. He would save me in a heartbeat if the need arose. And nothing can ever change between us. Never ever. 

But I don't know what to do. I've been stressing a lot lately. I have no idea how to put up with everything. I wish Stefan was here with me. Together it would not have been so difficult. 

At times I wonder how would our life be like if Stefan had never left. Or if I went with him instead of staying with Damon. 

Damon can be an awesome guy if he wants to but whenever he's depressed, he wrecks everything. Its not a new thing for me. You could say I've gotten used to it. But still this could have been better if only Stefan was with us. 

Ever since he left, nothing has been the same. Damon doesn't know because I don't give him any reason to figure it out. I know he's undergoing a lot of trouble and I don't want to increase his worries. 

In front of him, I try to bury all my emotions and show him the happy smiley face which he so adores. I like making him smile and can go to any lengths for him to be happy. I've been like this since the past many years. 

I'm not the bubbly carefree kid anymore. I've grown up and sadly, its the worst that could happen to me until now. 

I don't know, maybe Damon's depression is infectious or maybe I'm just getting influenced a lot by him. Of course it would be natural since I live with him. 

I think I should not have pressed him into telling me about Augustine because things have really gotten a lot messed up. He doubts it but I believe that Arianna was my own mother. I mean she looks so much like her and those words she used to talk about when I was little were no doubt related to Augustine. 

Maybe that's why when Damon mentioned it for the first time, I felt like I had heard about it before but couldn't recall exactly when and where. And the biggest proof, the sole evidence of all my doubts is the color of my eyes. They're so much like Damon's, so exactly alike. 

I can understand why he is so worried to think that I could be the hybrid child. He doesn't want to believe that Arianna could be dead and the hybrid could be living with her own father unaware of anything. He would be guilty. 

I still don't know who I really am. Everything points out to one thing clearly but both me and Damon don't want to believe it. However I know I won't let anything change between us. I would tolerate anything but I won't let Damon break. Even if it is at the cost of my own life.

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