Benjamin

"What up, virgin! Wake up!" - Drew woke me in the early morning, though I'm already woken up as usual.

"I'm not a virgin anymore. Have you not been paying attention?" - I snapped at him in a snarky tone.

"Do you mean have I been watching my only brother being fucked by a big boy with a monster cock? No, I haven't. But good for you. I'm busy following Zach's adventures in college. Damn, I wish I was still alive!" - He salivated in jealousy of his best friend.

I gasped at his words, blushing the reddest my skin complexion allows me.

"That only happened once! I'm mated now." - I defended myself, though I don't know why exactly I would need to do that.

"Yes, you are. To a rogue. Congratulations, Alpha!" - He spoke in a snarky tone.

"Hey, I don't get to pick my mate. Leave Alistair out of this!" - I spoke in a threatening tone, glaring at him.

Drew raised both his hands in a surrender pose.

"Fine, ex virgin. Don't forget to visit me today. I miss you!" - He spoke in such an endearing tone that I nearly wept.

"I miss you too. So much that you will never know." - I said, watching my brother who hasn't aged a day since late 17.

"Hey, tell mom I'm sorry for not listening to her that day. I really thought there were only two of them." - He said to me and I gasped in nervousness.

"Tell her yourself! I'm not gonna say that to mom, are you freaking kidding me?" - I cried out in protest, revolted at the mere suggestion.

"I'm really sorry. I mean it. This whole thing should never be on you. I was supposed to be the next Alpha." - He spoke in a vulnerable tone.

"Yes, you were. Now I'm stuck here having to be responsible for 15 thousand people. Thanks for that." - I snapped at him angrily.

Drew looks at me with longing eyes.

"I missed waking you up everyday." - He said and I couldn't help the tears from falling down my eyes.

"Me too. You have no idea!" - I spoke, then moved to hug him.

I wake up sobbing. This immediately scares Ali, who asked me what was wrong.

"It's silly. I had a dream with my brother." - I told him, still tearing up at the vivid dream. It was as if I could see him right in front of me.

"It's not silly, he is your brother. And it's okay to remember him by. Even in dreams." - He reassured me in a soothing tone.

"I know... and today it would've been his birthday." - I informed him, who got spooked by this.

"Oh really? Then you don't need a psych degree to figure out why you dreamt with him." - He smirked.

"Yeah, I know." - I mumbled, mildly annoyed.

We got up to do our morning rituals, then got downstairs for breakfast in our separate dining rooms.

Even though we're long for that day, I can't wait for us to share our meals together. And I don't mean that just when he was trying to escape his mother after the whole Bruno debacle.

I enter the dining room to find my family all looking somber because of the day. I quietly take my seat and wait for the food to be served.

"Did y'all sleep alright last night?" - I asked them, waking them up from the slumber.

"Yes, we did. Did you?" - Dad replied, turning to pay attention to me. Mom also watched my reaction.

"I did, yeah. But I dreamed with him." - I replied and Sasha got wide-eyed.

"Me too." - She sounds enthusiastic.

"Good, children. This way your brother will always remain close to your hearts." - Mom spoke, before a tear dropped from her eyes.

She's emotional and dad throws his arm around her in a comforting hug.

"I miss him too, my love." - Dad spoke, fighting back tears.

The maid comes with hot trays of food and a fresh pot of coffee. My sister grabs the hot milk and makes herself chocolate milk. I pour coffee with my warm milk, while my parents drink theirs black.

Then, I stuff my plate with bacon and eggs. I'm hungry and my day is long.

My sister eats pancakes while my parents toast their bread. It'd be a lovely family breakfast if it weren't for the fact that it's Drew's birthday.

But we do a good job of distracting ourselves from it. But I asked my sister what her dream was about.

"He just kept nagging me about Justin, saying I'm too good for him." - She said with a humorous tone and I laughed mildly.

Justin is Sasha's crush / occasional boyfriend. I mean, they haven't defined the relationship yet and are in no hurry to do so.

"Basically, he talked about big brother stuff." - I commented, grinning as if he was right here nagging her about him.

"Exactly. What was yours about?" - She asked me intrigued.

"He still called me a virgin. Then he told me he's keeping tabs with Zach's college adventures." - I replied, honestly.

"Our brother is a ghost peeping Tom!" - She joked, to which dad laughed.

"Then he made fun of me for being mated to a rogue. Then he told me..." - I trailed off, glancing over at mom. She frowned at me in curiosity.

"Told you what?" - She asked, voice dripping in curiosity.

"He wanted me to tell you he's sorry for not having listened to you back in that day. He shouldn't have gone out to hunt." - I replied and watched my mom break down right in front of us.

She cried loudly and couldn't eat anymore. Dad comforted her the best way he could, but he too looked destroyed by the memory.

"I'm sorry, mom. I shouldn't have said anything. I was being stupid! I'm so sorry." - I apologized to her, mortified in shame for putting my mom through this again.

"It's fine, Ben. Thank you for being honest. I appreciate it. He really should be sorry for not listening to his mother. When we tell you we know best, it's because we do." - Mom said in a  serious tone.

Damn, great comeback, mom.

I can see this day is going to be incredibly difficult on my family. It is for me too. I'm brooding and tearful right now thinking of him.

I catch myself drifting off, reminiscing on the time he was still alive. Sometimes I feel like he's gonna barge into my room waking me up to go to school. Even if he never actually woke me up at all.

I miss him so much.

We arrived at school as if it was just another day of February, but Lex knows what day it is. Of course he does and he wouldn't let it pass it by.

"Morning, bitch. How are you doing?" - He greeted me as soon as I stepped foot inside the school yard, next to my mate and the others.

"I'm okay. Dreamed with him last night." - I replied, sounding rather detached.

Lex hugged me for a moment, then said:

"It's okay. Whatever you're feeling is valid and if you need me, I'm there." - He smiled at me.

"Thanks, bitch." - I smiled weakly at him.

Ali, Chris, Elodie greet everyone as they walk inside and she quickly finds her mate talking to his friends. Lisa is also talking to some girls.

We walk towards our classroom, meeting them along the way.

"So, how was the dinner with the Boltons?" - I asked Elodie, who's walking next to Roger.

"It was great. They were so nice to me." - She replied, ecstatically.

"I told you they'd love you, El." - Her brother spoke with a pleased expression.

"I know, but after what happened to Tris, you'd never know..." - She noted, referencing the star crossed lovers. Lex grimaced at hearing that name.

"I'm sure it's gonna be better for you when you get confirmed to Lisa, since her mom already knows you." - She continued, glancing at the happy couple.

"From your lips to the Goddess' ears." - Chris breathed out a hopeful sigh.

Since Lisa and Chris got back together, Lena hasn't talked to him at all. But to be fair, he stopped acknowledging her existence since the day of her heat.

And it continued even after they got back together. Or better yet especially because of it. Not that she pushed it any more. I think that was a lesson well learned.

But for the last few weeks, she has been trying to get closer to my mate, her cousin. And I do hope they can become friends.

We werewolves know more than anyone else the importance of friends and family. Especially considering we never know who to trust with our secret.

More often than not, the only ones who can really understand and relate to us are other werewolves. Like I always say: a pack is just another word for family.

"Hey, cousin. There will be a dinner party at my house on the 24th because of my birthday. I'd love it if you could come. You and Ben, of course." - She invited him with a gentle smile at the end of the second period.

"Oh really? Cool... is Bruno gonna be there?" - He asked her instantly, who grimaced.

"Do you mean my father's twin brother? Yes, he will be. The whole family is coming." - She replied, already noticing his unwillingness to go.

"I know what happened to you sucks. I can't imagine growing up without a father. Or thinking myself unworthy of his love. But I really wish you would give the rest of the family a chance. I know our grandparents would be thrilled if you came." - She spoke in an uplifting tone.

"Thanks, Lena. I'll think about it, I promise." - Alistair replied, humbled by the invitation.

During lunch break, we're talking just like any other day. Except there's one subject no one has addressed it yet.

Elodie and Roger's completing the bond.

Since I'm not that close with her - or him, for that matter - I'm not the one who's gonna bring it up. And especially not in front of her brother.

So instead, I talk about the subject that I can speak of.

"Today, my family and I are gonna pay a visit to the cemetery later in honor of my brother's birthday. Do you want to come along?" - I asked Ali in a meek tone.

He seemed surprised by the invitation. Our friends all look at him for a response.

"I know it's not as glamorous as a dinner party with the Carreras." - I snickered.

"I'd love to! If you think my presence is not intruding." - He spoke, somewhat unsure.

"It isn't. You can never intrude, mate." - I said and kissed him. Lex, Lisa, Elodie and Chris all swooned at this exchange.

"I wish I could bribe the Goddess to mate me sooner." - Lex spoke, sounding envious.

"I don't have much money, but I would chip in my friend." - I agreed with him.

"Maybe Lena is your mate." - Chris joked, except no one is laughing. Lex is glaring daggers at him.

"First of all, omegas don't get mated to each other. We're naturally attracted to strength and height. Second, though she's a pretty girl, she lacks certain parts that I require in a mate." - He deadpanned, annoyed at him.

"Are you going to her birthday party?" - I asked Ali, curious.

"I'll think about it." - He replied, not giving any indication of wanting to talk about it further.

"I know it's a tough sell with Bruno there, but I agree with her that you should get close to the rest of your family. You are a Carrera after all and their only grandson." - I argued, humbly.

Principal Carrera has only one daughter, Lena. Bruno has a 10 year old girl. And their younger sister has another daughter.

"I know, mate. Like I said, I'll think about it. There's still a week to go." - He said, uncomfortable with the topic.

"Of course. No pressure." - I said, trying to not push him too much.

After the last visit from Bruno, the truth is any sighting of him isn't gonna be a walk in the park for my mate. I get it. Literally, I thought Ali would have a syncope he was in such bad shape after his visit.

So I can't really blame him for not wanting to go to this family outing.

When we're returning from lunch to class, we pass by the teachers' lounge and a familiar scent troubles my mate. And I very much wish he would just ignore it.

Alistair kept staring at the closed door, waiting for him to come out.

"You know, I don't think he's here for you. Maybe we should go our own way." - I argued, trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation or a scene at school.

"You're right. He isn't. I sometimes forget that his mate works here, even if we have classes with her every other day." - He agreed, grunting.

He turned around to my side and continued walking.

"Beto?" - Bruno said, walking out of the lounge with Mrs. Carrera and his brother.

"My name is Alistair! I'm gonna have it changed as soon as possible, I can't take this anymore!" - He spoke through gritted teeth.

"Please don't do that, it would kill my father." - Principal Carrera interjected in a somber tone.

"What are you doing here anyway? Don't you have a job?" - He shouted at him, annoyed at his presence.

"I do, but today is my day off so I thought I'd surprise my wife by bringing her some home cooked meal." - He explained, humbly.

Alistair looked at her, who's feeling sorry for both of them.

"Great! Good for you. Please excuse me." - He turned around and continued walking.

Damn, that was uncomfortable even for me.

Later that day, I skipped training since I was going to the cemetery with my family. But Delta Johnson knows what today means to us.

We arrived at my brother's tombstone in the cemetery. It's a very nice place, reserved for all Livingstones. Every single Alpha and his family has been buried here since the last century.

First, we put flowers to adorn his grave. Then, my father speaks a few words about how much he's missed and how bad we wished he was still here.

Mom is weeping in dad's arms. Sasha is cuddling up next to me and Ali is beside me, looking somber and respectful.

"I miss you so very much everyday, brother. You have no idea. I would've loved for you to meet my mate. As I'd love to meet yours." - I said after a while.

"Please watch over us from heaven and keep our family safe from harm. I know you're no angel, but you always loved your family and I could never have survived without you and your support." - I admitted, sobbing while looking at his picture on the grave.

We all stood there paying our respects for a while, reminiscing on the fallen future Alpha. But to us, he was a son, a brother. I can't begin to put into words how much I miss him every single day.

I understand I have now the weight of a whole pack's future on my shoulders.

And I'm okay with that as I have to be.

But I would trade it all for my brother to come back. He was the one born for this, not me. I'm just the spare.

Sometimes, there is so much pressure to do well and succeed in my father's footsteps that I quake in fear of failure. I always have to constantly psych myself out of that mindset. I need to believe I'm enough.

If I'm enough for my family, then the rest of the world will have to accept me for who I am. I promise to do my best. I always will.

But right now the loss of my brother still hurts me too much.

https://youtu.be/_4VoZ6afztc

A|N: Damn, these emotional chapters... My goodness!

I wish I could say it's only rainbows and flowers from now on, but I'm a terrible liar. I'd make the worst secret agent. LOL

I love the Spice Girls and haven't had the chance to put one of their songs in my novels since "Mama" on 'Topping the Alpha'. So that was a bonus. And I do love this song.

Though I didn't arrive at the title until I had written the first 'too much'.

Shirtless Ben. *drools*

Love,

Léo.