She Will Be Loved.
Not edited.
Before I can really comprehend what's happening, I am pushed up against a wall, Liam hovering over me. He stares down at me, his green eyes drawn narrowed. All filled with anger and craze. His eyes are wild as he let's out shallow breaths.
He's obviously misinterpreted my previous statement. And it's probably by the way I phrased it. But I can't find my voice to quickly object and explain thoroughly about what I mean.
Instead I gaze up at him, feeling incredibly small and weak under his burning eyes. I swallow roughly when his forearm presses against my throat. And I know he's not doing this to hurt me. Mainly because he doesn't apply any sort of pressure. He's just trying to lock me in place.
He can't risk me running away when I have said something like this. When I have dropped my biggest and darkest secret that I have been trying to conceal for a month now.
Though I know Liam won't hurt me; panic still creeps up on me. Because I feel so incredibly confined between the wall and Liam's broad body. Almost trapped as if I'm some deer in head lights. But I guess I kinda am.
It's funny, really. Just a few hours ago I was in between a tree and Liam's massive body and I certainly wasn't feeling as claustrophobic and trapped as I am now.
I realize that's exactly why he has me in this position when I begin to squirm. It's futile. I can't move my arms or my legs or just about anything. It's because of the weight Liam is putting on me and the current position I'm in. He wants to lock me into place. He wants to ensure I won't run just like I have too many times before.
He's tired of me running. And honestly, so am I.
"What did he do, Ronnie? Did Alpha Beckett hurt you? Did he touch you?" Liam spews sporadically, all at once. My head spins at his questions that sounds more like accusations.
I manage to shake my head. Liam obviously wants a real answer since he removes his forearm from across my throat and instead grabs me by the shoulders, lowerng his face down to mine. His top lip curls over his teeth with a deep and frustrated growl. "Explain, Ronnie."
My throat feels dry and taught at his sudden demand. I am silent for several minutes. He forces me to look him in the eyes when I shamefully avert my eyes to the ground. He hisses a lethal, "Answer me."
The the grip on my shoulders tighten to a point where I register a pinch of pain. But it doesn't matter, not right now. Besides, I've had worse.
And it was because of Alpha Beckett, a small part of me whispers, tell him. Tell him so he can make sure Alpha Beckett will never harm you again.
I want so badly to simply spill the secret that I've been holding in for too long. But there's another part of me that argues if I do say, I could be putting Liam at risk. I could lose him.
And I'm so incredibly scared for that to happen. Because I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to slip away from my grasp the way my mom did. I have the chance to protect Liam. I have the chance to preserve his life. The way I never got the chance to do with my mother's life.
Either way, if I decide to tell or not, I'm still putting the both of us at risk. It's either let Alpha Beckett keep manipulating me as if I'm some puppet, or put a end to it before Beckett puts an end to the both of us.
I know I won't comply to the mating with Adam. I'll end up stupidly disobeying because of my morals. Because I can't be with someone who I don't love. Someone who I can't even look in the eye anymore.
And when I don't follow orders, Alpha Beckett will kill Liam. Then Anna. And maybe me if he decides I am of no use anymore. But I'm more scared for Liam and Anna's death than I am mine. Mainly because I know Alpha Beckett won't let it be a merciful death. He will make it slow and agonizing. He will make me regret for not obeying his demands to be with Adam.
Maybe I haven't been protecting Liam and Anna. Maybe I have been setting us up for disaster.
I suddenly realize I was incredibly stupid for making myself believe that I would actually go along with Alpha Beckett's demands. Or that I could possibly run away.
I couldn't run away. Not when I knew I'd be leaving behind Liam and Anna. I had too many connections here. Too many memories to simply discard.
The only way I can escape this whole mating with Adam is if I tell Liam. It's worth the risk. Even if it does end up getting us killed.
So I manage to utter weakly, "Alpha Beckett has been black mailing me to be with Adam."
My statement doesn't do any justice to suppress Liam's budding anger. "Why?" He asks throatily. His eyes flash darkly as he tilts his head at me, examining me like his prey.
"Because he wants me to mate with Adam," I whisper so faintly that it's barely audible. I know he catches it when he presses down harder on my shoulders. It makes me wince.
"What are you talking about?" He says, a growl stirring in his chest that makes his eyes flash again.
I begin to wonder if I've done the right thing by telling Liam this. I'm concerned he will go incredibly ballistic and do something irrational. Like running off into a war zone with my pack and end up getting himself killed.
I'm quickly wrenched from my thoughts when Liam grips my chin roughly and forces me to look him in the eye. "Look at me," He sneers. "And fucking answer me."
"I told you, Alpha Beckett black mailed me so I'd mate with Adam. That's why I was with him."
And that's when he loses it.
He detaches himself from me and begins crazily ranting about how I could keep this from him, and why, and then he throws in some profanities.
"I just wanted to protect you," I argue at one moment when he declares that I was foolish for keeping this vital source of information from him.
"Protect me? From what?" He let's out a sinister laugh that makes me flinch. "From Adam? From your stupid Alpha?"
"Yes," I mutter. "If I didn't go along, they would hurt you. Or Anna. Or my dad. Or even me. I had to take those things into consideration," I pause for a minute, then say, "It was stupid of me, I know. I should have told you the moment after I actually did get hurt from-"
"Wait, what?" He cuts me off. The angry scowl on his face disappears for a minute or two. It's replaced with confusion. "When you actually got hurt? Are you talking about the Purgatory when they attacked you?"
I nod stiffly and suck in a shaky breath, "Yeah. That attack.. It wasn't caused because of you. It was because I didn't go along with the kissing Adam at the-"
Liam - again - interrupts me when he hears the word 'kiss' and 'Adam' in the same sentence. The angry scowl returns along with a gleam of jealously in his eyes. "Kiss? When the fuck did you almost kiss Adam?"
"If you let me explain, I'll get to it."
"How long has this been going on? Have you kissed Adam before? How could you go behind my back like that?"
"I haven't kissed him!" I spit, "And go behind your back? We weren't even a couple."
"It doesn't matter. You're mine. You're not supposed to go around playing house with other guys!"
"I didn't have a choice! I did it to keep you safe!" I seethe and shove at his chest when he attempts to grab on to me. "The Purgatory came after me when I ran off from that night of the ball after I refused to kiss Adam. They went after me because Alpha Beckett gave them a lead. He knew they were angry about you killing a pack member. So they chased me and well, you know what happens next."
He is quiet for a mere amount of seconds before he breathes a profanity and slams his fist into the wall. And then again. And again.
He does it until his knuckles become bloody.
That's when I step in and grasp his shoulder, trying to still his jerky movements. But he simply shrugs me off. I try to ignore the subtle pain that arises in my chest at his action.
"Stop it," I demand feebly, "Liam, stop-"
"I'm going." He declares abruptly. He quickly snatches his leather jacket from above the fireplace and shrugs it on, not even caring that it's still wet.
"What? Where?" I ask as I follow him out the door, into the musky night air. I don't even care when I feel the dirt and leaves sink in between my toes. The only thing I'm concerned about right now is what rash decision Liam is about to make.
But he doesn't answer.
He shifts into wolf form and takes off. Leaving me behind.
I'm tempted to run after him and somehow convince him to calm down. To tell him I'm sorry. But I don't think that's particularly smart when Liam is battling his anger. And I certainly don't want to get into the middle of that.
So I decide to let him cool off. And pray to God he doesn't go attack Alpha Beckett without thinking it through.
Yeah, I want Alpha Beckett gone, but it's too.. well, risky. Everything is at risk right now. Most importantly, our lives.
I know that Liam likes playing fire. He always has, clearly.
I just hope he doesn't get burned.
The next three days are long and agonizing.
The only thing I do is wake up, eat, go to school, eat again, go home, sleep. And though this is just events of my everyday life, it's still weird. Mainly because for those three days, everything is peaceful and quiet.
There is no one to pick a fight with me. No Alpha Beckett. No Adam. No Anna. And no Liam.
They haven't been around much. Anna and Adam maintain their distance. It's only during lunch that we acknowledge each other's existence with chaste glances at one another. We always turn away after and pretend to be incredibly engrossed with our food. That's it.
As for Alpha Beckett and Liam, they are a no show. Alpha Beckett is gone from the pack territory. Mrs. Beckett tells me briefly that her husband has gone away to discuss business with other packs. When she tells me this, I can't help but flinch and wonder if one of those packs Alpha Beckett might be associating with is the Purgatory.
I ponder that thought at night. But I quickly convince myself when imagines of Alpha Beckett and those five men who attacked me pop into my head with a scene of them talking about plotting my death.
Besides, I'm grateful I don't have to listen to his stupid commands for the next three days. It's almost like my normal, lonely life before being chosen to be Adam's mate has returned.
Hence, the almost part of that sentence.
When I had no Liam around to constantly fill my thoughts, when Adam and I were simply strangers with memories. When Anna and I were friends. When my dad wasn't around to even wish me a happy birthday.
Things have really changed.
Because Liam does constantly fill my thoughts. Adam and I are supposed to be mated. Anna and I aren't friends. And my dad is around.
So much for normal.
Then again, you can't really ever have a normal life if you're a teenage werewolf.
Mostly the thing that is the most shocking about all of what I've just listed is that my dad is around. He hasn't left.
We don't talk or really look at one another, but he's still there. And for some reason, it bugs me. Probably because I'm not use to his company and because I don't know why he's here. It leads me to believe he wants something.
The last time my dad stayed for more than a day,it was because he had no cash. He begged me for money when he got tired of being around. At first, I told him to piss off. But I finally got fed up enough to give him the money I had raised just a summer before.
I was planning to spend it on more art supplies, but it was made obvious that even if I had gotten my supplies, I wouldn't be able to paint with his constant nagging in my ear.
It's not until Saturday night that my dad finally speaks to me.
"Are you hungry?" He asks timidly. He stands awkwardly at the entrance of my door while I remain seated on my bed and file through my homework for the weekend.
I glance up from my English assignment. My eyebrows furrow. "Uh, why?"
"I was gonna go head out for a pizza. To Accuardi's. You remember that place, right? We took you as a kid."
I reconciliation with my suppressed memories of my childhood at the mention of the oddly familiar name. I remember it mostly because Accuardi's was the only thing I ever ate as a kid. I refused anything else.
My parents gave in when they realized that. It was after mom's death that I stopped going. Because of the fact many of my memories with my mother lie in that place. And because It's more into the town while the pack lives on the out skirts. It takes too long to get there with human walking. And I don't suppose I can just go jogging into town in wolf form without people screaming for their lives.
The last time I went town is when I got beat by the Purgatory.
Good times, I think sarcastically before I state blandly, "That's in town."
He clears his throat, "Um, yeah. I got my car from the shop the other day. It shouldn't take us too long to get there, if you want to come, that is."
I'm silent for a minute or two. He must have done something really bad if he's offering to go get dinner with me.
I realize whatever the reason he has been sticking around these past few days must be pretty serious. I'm bound to find out sooner or later. I rather find out what this is about from him then the stupid pack gossip.
I sigh, "Alright."
I place my homework on my desk and slip on my leather jacket, along with my combat boots. I don't bother doing up the laces.
I follow him out the door and out to his polished truck. My eyes widen at the sight, since last time I saw his truck, it was all beaten up with scratches and dents. Now it's perfectly painted with a sleek coat of black and there are no traces of previous abuse to his poor car. He notices my facial expression and gives me a grim smile.
"It looks better then before, huh?" He asks as he runs his hand over the hood of the car. "It took about a year for the engine to get fixed. Took another year just to get all the dents out."
"Cool," Is all I say. Then I hop into the car and he starts the car. We drive in silence. But it doesn't bug me. I simply gaze out the window the whole time and watch as the town's over due Christmas lights come into view.
It's no where near Christmas, but clearly, they don't care. They leave it up all year. It somehow bring's life to the dull brick building's and makes the town seem so much more warm and friendlier then I remember it being.
There are also soft glows of light coming off from the other shops and when I step out of the car, the air smells of warm pastries. I realize it's coming from the bakery down the street. I make a mental note to stop by after we get done at Accuardi's.
We drift into the warm and small restruant that smells equally as good. I can't help but stare as one girl walks carrying a platter of pizza that is topped with goey cheese and pepperino.
It's not long before a perky hostess takes us to a table located in the back and hands us our menu's. She wishes a nice meal and then skips off.
The waitress stops by between tables and takes our order. It's only when our food is in front of us and I've already scooped up a slice of hot pizza that I say, "So, what's up?"
My dad shrugs and brushes a stray of inky black hair back. "Nothing. Why?"
"I don't know. I just figured you wanted to tell me something."
He frowns, "What?"
"I mean that you obviously have something to tell me if you offered to go out to dinner with me. What'd you do?"
My dad scuffs, "I got arrested for robbing a bank."
Though it's evident he's being sarcastic, I still say, "You serious?"
"Have you always been such a smart ass?" He mutters. I barely catch it, but when I do, I snort.
"Of course. So what is it?"
He draws in a shaky breath and places his pizza down, leaning back in his seat with a hard look on his face. I decide this must be pretty serious and place my food down as well. I don't want to choke when he announces whatever the heck he feels the need to tell me.
He mumbles something. Something so quiet that I can't even catch with my werewolf hearing. "Huh?" I say, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.
He covers his hand over his mouth and repeats it.
It's comes out incredibly muffled. The only thing I catch from the sentence is the word 'met'. I roll my eyes. "I don't speak idiot, sorry."
He isn't even phrased by my insult.
His silver eyes flash to mine and he suddenly blurts, "I met someone."
I don't necessarily freeze or go into panic at his words. I just stare at him like he's grown a second head.
Met someone? What did he mean met someone? As in he met a girl that he found special? The thought makes me uneasy for some weird reason. "You met someone," I repeat blankly. "So?"
"Well," He drawls, "It's a woman. Her name's Tara and well.." He trails off and bites down on his lip nervously. "We've been seeing one another for a while. I didn't bother to tell you because I didn't think it was important. But things have gotten serious."
"Does she know about me?" I blurt. He nods.
"That's why I'm here. She wants to meet the infamous Ronnie Mars." He jokes lightly, obviously just trying to ease the tension. It doesn't work.
"Why? Is she gonna become my step-mom or something?"
The nerve-wrecking part is that my dad doesn't laugh when I say this like he probably would before. My dad has had plenty flings. One's that he hasn't concered himself with telling me. His relationship with this chick must be getting serious. And if she's in her late thirties like my dad is, I bet she's expecting a ring on her finger pretty soon.
Just the mere thought of my dad getting married to another woman is.. weird. And almost feels like betrayl. To my mom, that is.
She was his mate. His other half. Once your other half is gone, that's it, right? You don't look for another. But my dad has. He's found someone. And I can't help but feel angry.
He wasn't over mom. How could he date another woman? How could he be in a relationship when he was still mourning over the death of his wife?
It's wrong. So wrong.
But why should I care, anyway? If she was human, they could never live together. Never marry. The pack wouldn't allow it.
It's not until I look up that my dad has been ranting the whole time. I've just been to tuned out to listen. I break his rambling when I ask, "Is she human?"
He nods jerkily and I watch his adam's apple bob.
"You know the pack wouldn't allow you guys to marry or anything, right?"
"I know. If it comes down to it and we do decide to take the relationship a step further, then.. I'm ready to give up the pack if that happens."
I gape at him. Oh, so now he's willing to ditch the pack for a girl, but not when the Alpha's son picks me as a mate and I don't want it?
Then again, dad had given them the permission for Adam to pick me. He had gladly thrown me to the side for his convince.
I don't say anything. I simply nod and fall into silence. That's how it is for the rest of the meal. Once we've finished eating, he pays and we exit the restaurant. I'm ready to get into the car and drive home, but dad has other plans.
"Hey, I'm gonna go stop by the shop and take to a pal there, you mind?" He asks timidly as he points in the direction of the auto shop.
I quickly shake my head. "Uh, no. That's fine. I'm going to go walk around. I'll meet you back here later."
"Okay," He says and gives me a brief wave. "See you later."
I return the gesture and turn away, digging my hands into my pockets and walking off. I wander around for a while. I even stop by the bakery and get a latte along with an oatmeal muffin. I finish the muffin at the bakery and then I walk off with my coffee in my hand and somehow find my way deeper into town where the Art Gallery lays.
When I arrive at the front, there are no flashy lights. Just a soft glow coming off from the tall building. I try the door and find that it's unlocked. I don't even have to question myself if I should be doing this. They're obviously open if the door isn't locked.
I walk down the long halls to see many paintings. All ranging from moods of happiness, despair, love. They all seem to tell a different story each. I wonder if the people behind the piece of art also have a story to tell.
Whoever they are, they're seriously talented. And I silently wonder how my painting got in with all of these. Sure, I think I'm good, but I'm not as great as these people behind the rows and rows of art work.
I bet they have bright futures ahead of them to do with art while I'm stuck with my stupid pack. That's the only bad part about being apart of a pack.
You're supposed to stay together. Forever. And it's very rare for someone in the pack to branch off. Mainly because if you do, it comes with consciences.
If you leave the pack, you're immediately considered an outsider. An enemy. You'll be a rogue. And most packs find rogue's as a threat.
It makes me think of what I would have done if I hadn't been picked to mate with Adam. If I hadn't met Liam.
I probably would have made the decision to leave the pack. I probably would have applied to the art school of my dreams and if I had gotten accepted, I know I would have left in a heart beat. I would have created a new life for myself, no doubt.
I wonder if that path would have been chosen for me, would I have met Liam? Would I have ever really found somebody to love?
Maybe. Maybe I would have met Liam and we wouldn't have anything stopping us from being together. We could have moved into our own little shoebox apartment and chase our dreams together. The thought makes a smile linger on my lips.
But it quickly disappears when I know none of that will ever come true. I won't be able to chase my dreams. I won't be able to become the person I have always intended to be.
Most people would say being a werewolf is incredibly amazing. It has it's perks, yeah. But if I could just be normal, I would pick it.
So I wouldn't have any pack to obey. I wouldn't have to be careful about what I'd say. I could be carefree.
I push away the thought shortly after and continue my journey down the hall until I rear the corner and find my own painting.
Immediately, I stop in front of it and stare at the shiny gold plaque that sits underneath my painting.
Ronnie Mars, 16
Portland High School
I lean forward and finger the plaque with a feeling of pride rising in my chest. And then I collapse down onto the bench directly in front and I can't help but feel proud that I've actually managed to get into a gallery. I can check that off my non-existent bucket list.
Too bad there's no one to share this accomplishment with, I think pitifully. And I feel like some stupid little girl right after this thought occurs. Still, that quick prideful moment is gone and now I feel somewhat hollow when I realize that everyone else has someone while I don't.
Anna's got Cliff. Mandy and Kara at least have each other and their boy toys. Alpha Beckett - the cruelest man I know - has Mrs. Beckett. And my dad has this new Tara chick that he's trying to replace my mom with.
I know I shouldn't care even if he does have some new woman in his life, but I do. Because that's exactly what he's doing. Trying to replace my mom. And apparently he want's me to meet her and play buddy-buddy with her.
And I'm so incredibly angry about that. But you know what's the worst thing? When your anger turns into pathetic tears.
That's what happens. I sit there with tears that drip down my face and onto my coffee cup. A sob breaks from my lips at some point.
And that's when I hear a voice softly call my name.
I turn and I'm not shocked to see Liam standing there. He stands there looking perfect with his perfect golden brown hair and his perfect clothes, along with his perfect beautiful eyes. And here I sit, probably looking like a mess.
Pull yourself together, I tell myself urgently. But then another sob wrenches itself from my throat and I can't stop the next overflow of tears.
Liam doesn't make an attempt to run over and sweep me into his arms. But that's okay. Because honestly, I don't want the stupid pity or whatever.
I just want someone to listen. That's it.
So when he takes a seat down on the bench, I tightly wrap my hands around the warm coffee cup and say, "He met someone." I shake my head, "He met someone and now he's trying to replace my mom. How can he just do that?"
Liam doesn't reply. All he does is stare at the side of my face while I angrily wipe at the falling tears and continue to blabber like the stupid idiot I am, "He said he'd leave the pack for her. He said if it came down to it and they wanted to marry, that he'd leave for her. Why didn't he offer to leave the pack when I made it clear I didn't want to mate with Adam? Why'd he choose a girl who he's only known for a few months over his own flesh and blood?
I know I've said I don't care about my dad. Or that I'm not even sure who he is anymore. But I-I oh, I don't know. I just don't know a-anymore." I stumble over my words and even out my breathing before I whisper brokenly. "All I question is, how can he love her more then me?"
I glance over at Liam. He gives me a sad smile. "I don't know, but I bet she's a bitch."
I shake my head and I can't help but laugh dryly when I realize Liam is trying to comfort me by saying this. "You suck at comforting people."
He shrugs, "I'm a better listener." He says, "What's her name?"
"Tara." Her name taste bitter in my mouth.
"Definitely a bitch," He mutters.
"He wants me to meet her," I state sourly. A frown etches on Liam's handsome features.
"Are you going to?"
I shrug, "I don't know." I wipe at the stray tears on my face before I ask, "What are you doing here?"
"I figured I'd find you here. I wanted to talk about the whole Alpha Beckett situation."
I stiffen slightly but nod, "What about it?"
"I wanna take the bastard down."
"You mean you didn't try to murder him?"
"Oh no," He shakes his head. "I did. But he wasn't at his house. Where is he?"
"No. Mrs. Beckett said he went off to go attend to business with other packs or whatever," I reply. "Where were you these past three days?"
"Around," He answers half-heartedly. "I was pretty angry after I found out about the whole Adam thing.. Especially about the kiss." He spits the last word out. I frown.
"Adam and I didn't kiss. I ran off before that could happen," I mutter the last part. But I know he can hear me perfectly fine.
"So you never kissed?" He questions with a raised brow. I shake my head with a sigh. That's when Liam pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around my waist. "I still don't know what were gonna do about Beckett."
"Make a plan, I guess," I murmur lowly and twist around slightly so I can face him. "I just can't go through with the mating."
"You're not," He states sternly. He then deadly whispers, "I swear, Ron, I'll kill Beckett. And those Purgatory fuckers. I promise you."
I rest my hand on his cheek with a grim smile, "I believe you."
"We should really start thinking of how to take Beckett down. The mating is in a little, right?"
I nod stiffly, "Yeah." I place my free hand on his bicep and place a real smile on my lips, "But at least we'll be taking Alpha Beckett down together."
"Together?" He murmurs and leans closer to where our lips brush. "Does that mean you're mine?"
I nod, tightening my grip on him and whispering, "Yes. I'm yours and you're mine."
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Do you guys just realized what happened at the end of this chapter? :o
LONNIE IS OFFICIAL!
And if you don't know what Lonnie means, it's Liam and Ronnie's name blended. Lonnie. xD
And listen to the song on the side. It kinda describes Liam towards Ronnie. :P Not 'Kinda' it definitely does!
That's why I named the chapter this. And mainly because I can't think of a chapter name, sooo,
Until next time,
- CeCe.
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