The Rogue’s Love

Chapter Ten: Rebirth 

I sighed in contentment, letting the cool breeze caress my skin.  By the time I saw Sasori, again, it’d be far too soon. Yet, I still craved for his attention. I still wanted him to acknowledge me like--if nothing else--a friend would. For me, any positive aspect he had on me quickly outshined anything the rest of the Akatsuki could ever do, combined.

Now, if only there were a way for him to show me that side. Although, I was quite convinced that Sasori didn’t have a soft side. Deidara not helping my suspicions, at all.

Once again I found myself under the same tree as last time, gazing up at the stars. “You seem troubled,” a dull voice called form up the tree, scaring me. I really had to be the world’s worst ninja, not noticing that I had been followed by the very person I didn’t care to see at the moment.

“Shouldn’t you be shut in your room, playing with your dolls, or something?”

“Puppets,” he corrected, almost absent mindedly. Sasori jumped down beside me, looking up at the sky.

“Same thing,” I grumbled, pouting. I think I’ve been hanging out with Deidara too much, he was starting to wear off of on me. I didn’t like the fact that every time I would come outside to be alone, he would follow. It’s as if I had to be constantly watched. Much like a child.

“Besides, I can’t really go to my room. Deidara’s supposed to be fixing my wall.”

“Why’d you even come out here?”

He shrugged, as if annoying me to death wasn’t really a big deal. “Nothing better to do.” I sighed, just wanting to ignore him.

“You should really consider being less of an asshole,” I muttered, gripping at the grass. I busied myself with angrily pulling out the blades, trying my best to not pull out his hair, instead. It wasn’t much of a substitution, but I had to make do. I didn’t know what it was about Sasori that made me so violent, but I wished to use all of this pent up anger on him.

But, then again, I was scared to hurt him. Not that I actually could, but I wanted to. Oh, how I so badly wanted him to feel the physical pain of my inward confliction. But, at the same time, the thought of him hurting made me want to coddle him in my arms. To protect him. Keep him somewhere I knew he’d always be safe.

Kami, I needed a physiatrist. 

“Now, that wouldn’t be any fun, would it?” He whispered, picking up my hand, carefully holding it in his own. I froze, is unexpected touch scaring me. Why was he so…bipolar? It was hard to pick up on his mood swings. Just trying made my head hurt. He chuckled, moving his touch from my hand, to my chin, forcing me to look at him.

My breath hitched in my throat, his lips way to close to my own. What was he doing? Would he pull away from me, again? I wasn’t sure if I could handle the rejection, another time. I could feel his breath on my lips, calling me forward; tempting me to lean forward just that bit more. Should I? Could I close the gap between us, that seemed so far away?

“Stop acting like you don’t enjoy this…Raikou,” His deep brown eyes gleamed, pulling me further into a muddled daze. “I am.”

I wanted to pull away. I tried to pull away, but my body wouldn’t budge. I didn’t know if it was Sasori’s handiwork, or just my own body craving for his touch. I was seriously hoping for the earlier of the two, knowing it would most likely be the latter.

“Please…don’t play games with me,” I whispered, silently pleading with my eyes. Sasori’s gaze grew more intense as time seemed to slowly drag by, tenderly stroking my cheek. I didn’t know what to do. What originally had meant to be a demand, had come out as more as begging. I was pathetic.

He leaned in a bit further, our lips just barely brushing together when he talked. “Who’s playing?” Ecstasy rolled through my body, feeding the inner hormonal teenager that was raging to jump out at the man holding me. But, my indecisive nature kept it at bay. Although, just barely. It also kept my body from moving away. Would he kiss me? I know I’d regret it later, if I didn’t. Especially with the opportunity punching me in the face like this. I was just scared.

Sasori rolled his eyes, tired of waiting for me. Instead of doing the gentleman-like-thing and back off to wait for me to make up my mind, he did the complete opposite. He never claimed to be polite, I suppose. 

He bit my lower lip, harshly pulling on it. I whimpered from the quick flash of pain, only to realize how amazing it felt at the same time. Oh, Kami, I wanted more. So. Much. More.

Only, as the realization hit me, Sasori pulled away, leaving me cold. “Come see me if you ever make up your mind. Remember, I don’t like to be kept waiting.” He said, not bothering to hide the irritation in his voice. It was simple. Sasori hated to wait on someone--and vice versa--and I made him wait too long. I may as well ruined my chance to feel those oh-so-perfect lips against my own. 

I helplessly watched his retreating figure, trying to piece together the events in my mind. There was only one thing I couldn’t understand. “What the fuck’s his problem?” A voice called, voicing my thoughts exactly.

I gasped, spinning my head so fast, I swear I got whiplash. Form what I could tell, Jesshika had her hand on her hip, wearing a disapproving glare in Sasori’s direction. And, a new outfit. But, where were her shopping bags? 

“How long have you been standing there?” I asked, suddenly feeling self-conscience. 

“Long enough,” she shrugged, coolly leaning against the tree, examining her freshly painted nails. “I’m surprised y’all didn’t notice me. Then again, you two were kind of…occupied.” She winked, making me blush. Jesshika made it seem as if we had just finished having cheap sex.

“Don’t say it like that,” I scowled.

“Like what?” She feigned innocence, looking genuinely sincere in her confusion. She wasn’t innocent. She was clueless.

“Like we were being…bad or something.”

“Well, if you weren’t such a pussy, who knows? Y’all could have been….’bad’, as you put it.” She shook her head. Everything about her made me feel so innocent. So good. I hated it.

I stood up, feeling a bit defiant. I hated living up to everyone’s expectations. I was going to step outside of my comfort zone, and become someone that I actually liked. My outer self was about to reflect the inner Raikou. 

“Fine. Maybe we will, who knows?”

Jesshika grinned, happy with my sudden change of heart. “Now we’re talking.”

~                     ~                      ~

I stared at the newly fixed door, suddenly feeling nervous. I cant do it. I lied. Inner Raikou is gonna stay right where she is--in my comfort zone. My own personal communitarian, if you will.

I angrily shook my head, hitting myself on the forehead. No, no, no. That’s old Raikou trying to break through, again. Sensible Raikou. But, there was no room to be sensible. Not now. Not here. I took a deep breath, raising my fist to knock on the door. Only for it to swing open before my hand could connect with the wooden surface.

“I thought you were going to over-think things, and walk away.” Sasori explained, seeming a bit impatient. I chewed my lip, realizing I almost had.

“I did have my moment of doubt…” I confessed, a wave of nervousness hitting me. He rolled his eyes, pulling me into the room.

“You’re too…safe.”

I grimaced, sitting on Sasori’s bed. I was saint-like compared to normal people. So, how did I seem to such a bad ass criminal?

“I try not to be. It’s just the way I’m wired,” He nodded, not really seeming to be listening to what I was saying. Rather, watching the way my lips formed each word.

“Can I ask you something?” I breathed, trying not to get too caught up in the moment. Maybe I really shouldn’t have said anything, and just have enjoyed myself. But, the question was beginning to eat away at me. Deidara said that if I wanted answers, I would have to get them myself.

“Make it quick,”

“Deidara said something…” Sasori’s expression turned sour at the mention of his teammates name, but I tried not to dwell to much on why that was. “about you losing the ability to have emotions, or something. Why?”

“Well, it’s partial true,” Sasori sighed, obviously not wanting to talk about it at the moment. 

“Why?” I pressed, almost as curious to hear his back story as I was to feel his lips against my own. Almost. 

“I’m a puppet.”

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This is one of those chapters where I'm like, "Ehhh, probably could have been better." Sorry :$ 

Happy Readings~!