A few days later, I was already breaking the rules again. But it was a harmless minor infraction, I told myself, as I thumbed through the racks of women's dresses at a thrift shop. It wasn't like I was at a friend's house, or say, visiting another decade.

My dad left me a very detailed list of things he needed me to pick up at the auto parts shop, and because he hadn't specified which auto parts shop, I drove to the one the next town over and made a quick side trip to the Goodwill next door. If my dad was tracking me on his phone, the little dot marking my location would blink close enough to the auto parts store to keep me out of trouble.

I had a set of vintage sheets with a cheerful pink, yellow and apple green floral print draped over my arm. The colors ignited a little spark of joy in me and I thought maybe I could make something with them if I could figure out that sewing machine. A sixties or seventies looking dress with an autumnal floral print with orange and mustard yellow blooms and brown leaves and billowy sleeves also caught my eye. I had no use for vintage dresses anymore, but it was too pretty to leave behind. It was practically begging me to help it escape from its thrift store purgatory, surrounded by all those pilled, stretched out sweaters and scratchy, boring office appropriate shirts that would best be described as blouses. And it was five dollars.

As I checked out, I got a text from my friend Kaitlin, Can you come over? I'm not okay

I asked what was wrong. She hadn't been at school that day, and I assumed she was sick.

Kaitlin: Chloe dumped me

Vanessa: Oh crap, Kait. I'm so sorry

I texted my dad to ask if I could go to Kaitlin's but he wouldn't back down. I even used her broken heart to try to convince him but he responded, No dice.

Vanessa: Can you come to my house? My dad is heartless

Kaitlin was a hopeless romantic and she'd been with Chloe for over a year. She was probably an absolutely devastated wreck. Chloe left for college in August and they were planning to visit each other every other weekend until Kaitlin joined her at Michigan State after graduation. I hoped Kaitlin wanted to vent and rage, because if she wanted hugs and comforting platitudes I feared I was not the right friend for that.

When I got home, Kaitlin's red Corolla was parked haphazardly in the driveway and she was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch in her pajamas and fuzzy slippers.

"Make yourself at home," I announced with a sweeping arm gesture.

She snorted. Strands of blonde hair had escaped the messy bun on the top of her head and clung to her puffy, wet face. Her sea green plastic glasses accentuated the redness around her eyes. She drew her legs to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. She was such a radiant person with a huge heart, but right then she looked so small.

"I'm so sorry, Kait."

"Three weeks," she said before sniffling and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "Three weeks at State and I'm toast. I feel so stupid. And now there's no way I can go there."

"It's a huge school. You'd probably never see her."

"But knowing I could at any time, I don't think I could stand it. What am I gonna do?" She wailed and started crying into her hands. I sat on the floor next to her and awkwardly patted her foot. I was very bad at this.

"Maybe she couldn't handle missing you so much," I offered unhelpfully.

"She should be used to it! She lived in another town! We only saw each other on weekends for our entire relationship! State is only an hour and a half away, it's not like she's on the other side of the world." She scoffed. "It's not because she misses me, it's because I was only good enough until there were better options. Like fifty-thousand better options."

"Come on, I doubt every single person at State is a better option than you."

"You're supposed to tell me that no one is a better option than me," she said with a weak smile. "You suck at this."

"I know." I grimaced. "You probably should've called Laura."

"No way, Laura's all disgustingly happy with Tyler. And Sophie's like you but way more aggressive. She'd be trolling Chloe's Insta and driving to East Lansing to vandalize her car right now. You were my best option." She covered her eyes with the crook of her arm and started crying again. I tried not to take it personally. Chloe was Kaitlin's best friend, too, and now she was stuck with us.

The dogs were inside the house barking, so I let them out and we all sat at Kaitlin's feet while she sobbed. Eventually she wiped the tears from her face and took a ragged breath. She looked down and said, "I feel like Snow White, when all the forest creatures watched her cry."

"You are Snow White. You're kind and encouraging and beautiful and you make people smile and you see the best in everyone. You are a freaking ray of light and Chloe made a huge mistake."

"She did say that." Kaitlin held out her hands to let Gonzo lick the salty tears from her palms. "That she was probably making a huge mistake, but that this was inevitable. Because high school relationships don't survive college. I mean, of course they won't survive if you don't even try, right? And she acted like I should've known this was coming but I didn't, not at all. I still thought we were going to stay together through college and then move to Nashville and buy a cute camper and go on cross-country road trips and that makes me delusional and naive, doesn't it?"

"No, it makes you hopeful and determined. There are too many cynical dicks in the world. Don't change, Kait."

She sighed. "Maybe you don't suck at this after all." Kaitlin released her long, wavy hair from the bun and shook it out. "I need a haircut," she announced, before narrowing her eyes at me thoughtfully. "You need a haircut, too."

"Okay..." I self-consciously gathered my unruly hair into a ponytail.

"No, I mean, you clearly went through something this summer. I don't know what it was, but I think we both need haircuts."

"I think after a break-up is universally known as the worst time to get a haircut," I pointed out.

"No, it's the best time. It's like a fresh start, you know? Hey, where were you, anyway? I thought you weren't allowed to leave your house."

"I'm my dad's unpaid personal assistant now, so I had to pick some stuff up for him...and I stopped at the Goodwill."

"Find anything?"

I grinned and jogged back to the car. Kaitlin had eclectic style and I hoped my secondhand finds would distract her from her pain, even if for a minute.

"Check this out," I said as I lifted the floral dress out of the plastic bag.

"Ooo, I love it!"

I held it up to my shoulders and swayed a little to make the floaty skirt move. "I'm thinking about becoming a hoarder of vintage gowns and I'll lounge around the house in them like an eccentric recluse."

Kaitlin looked concerned. It was an expression I'd gotten used to being directed at me.

"Or," she started slowly, "you could wear it out in public like a normal human being."

"I'm not allowed out in public. Nor am I a normal human being."

"Wear it to school."

I laughed. "Never." I shoved the dress back in the bag. "Do you want to watch tv and eat nutritionally deficient foods?"

"More than anything," she sighed. 

I grabbed her hands to pull her out of the rocking chair and we went inside. I microwaved a frozen cheesy spinach artichoke dip, poured some tortilla chips in a bowl, and slid them across the counter toward Kaitlin. 

She hugged the warm bowl of dip and sighed. "No more warm body for me to hold. This will have to do for now."

"You know, one bright side to this might be that your best work is yet to come.  Heartbreak songs are the best songs."

She crunched into a chip and glared at me while she chewed. "Who are you? Telling me to look on the bright side of my very fresh break up?"

"I'm sorry," I cringed. "That was really insensitive."

"What I meant is, it's not like you. You might be right, but it's a weirdly optimistic thing for you to say."

"Am I really that much of a downer?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

"Um. Yes." She picked up her phone. "I'm scheduling haircuts for us."

"Okay. I'm gonna Google 'best break-up movies.'"

I wondered if maybe a little bit of Pete's optimism had worn off on me. I wondered if knowing him had changed me at all, besides leaving behind an ache that wouldn't go away. It was always there, like a throbbing emptiness somewhere at the core of me, but when it flared up it radiated to my limbs and made me feel unbearably heavy. It seemed unfair that every physical wound I sustained in the past healed in an instant when I traveled back to the present, but my heart still hurt two weeks later with no relief in sight.

I felt so sorry for Kaitlin, but in a small way I was jealous of her. I wished that there was a chance I could run into Pete on campus or literally anywhere. Or that I could call him or text him or monitor and analyze his activity on social media or see him in any way that wasn't staring at a greyscale image on my bedroom wall in which his face was the size of my fingertip. Or in my head. I saw him in my head a lot.

While I scrolled through the internet's post break-up movie suggestions, I thought about how the way things were left with Pete felt less like a break up and more like a death. Seeing him again in person was an impossibility. He was on the other side of an invisible line that shouldn't be crossed. Again. And probably should have never been crossed in the first place.

When I felt a tightness in my throat and tears threatening to make an appearance, I gritted my teeth and squashed my feelings. Any sadness I felt from what happened with Pete was entirely my own fault and I deserved it. Kaitlin did nothing wrong. She loved someone who was good for her and loved her back and made sense and she hoped and tried to make it last.

When Kaitlin finished up her call to the hair salon, I asked, "So do you want something funny, full of violent revenge, heartbreaking, trippy and philosophical, or escapist and feel-good?"

"You know me, I want feel-good," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Legally Blonde it is."