Hewlo Lovely ppl~! Kenar here. Sorry for leaving you all hanging for over four years. *bows*

I have good news - I've all the chapters written now so I should be able to update every week or two until finish.

Please note that I've gone over and edited the first chapter a bit, mainly to change the texts from present tense into past tense because I'm more used to writing in past tense. I've updated the warnings in the description as well so you might want to recheck those before you dive in! (In other words, the angst starts here :P)

Now, enjoy~!

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Ah, I am weak after all.

Because of me, everyone...

Don't take me away just yet.

I need to live with my sins. I deserve to suffer.

It is only fair this way.

The smell of the hospital reminded Gaku of many unpleasant memories. One time he was wheeled here after taking an elbow to the side of his head. How it happened during the fight, he did not remember. His vision simply faded as if he were drugged and he fell asleep. It was exactly why a blow like that was scary. It was quick, yet deadly.

Other times, Gaku visited a hospital as an ordinary fighter getting a checkup, making sure he was fit to fight. No, he was not unfamiliar with hospitals; he'd just never thought he'd be sitting by someone else's bedside. The man lived alone. Not to mention he had not been appearing in matches. He was simply running a gym!

The kid in front of Gaku passed out right after the doctor treated him. He was sleeping but not so peacefully. It seemed like his dream was not very pleasant. At the very least, he was safe.

Gaku did not need to be sitting and waiting for Riku to wake up. That was, if he did not need to talk to the crazy little thing. Okay, who the hell jumped right into Thai boxing with bad lungs? According to the doctor, this guy was no stranger to this hospital thanks to a respiratory disorder. No wonder he looked way too exhausted during a simple drill.

A part of Gaku wanted to force the guy to quit, though another part of him had seen how stubborn Riku could be. The pro fighter had talked to the doctor earlier about Riku's asthma. It turned out that Riku was encouraged to exercise as it could help improve his condition, but he needed to know how hard he should push himself before going over his limit. If he kept attending Gaku's sessions like this, it might do him more harm than good.

Well, all hope was not lost. Gaku had something on his mind. After around ten minutes, Riku started to regain consciousness in a dramatic fashion.

"Ahhh!" The boy shouted when his eyes snapped open, reaching one of his hands up in the air.

"Quite a nightmare you had, huh?"

Riku's eyes looked different. They were wide and teary. Those were the eyes of someone who was in a state of shock. Riku opened his pale, shaky hands in front of his face. His focus was not on them. Instead, he stopped looking around once he saw the white sheet covering his lower half.

"The hospital..." Riku croaked, his voice full of disappointment. He shut his eyes before letting out a heavy sigh. Only then was he ready to make eye contact with Gaku.

The pro fighter kept a straight face when he was actually startled by Riku's expression. He saw sadness. Pain, too. A trainee whose eyes once lit up with passion now looked as if he had lost all hope. It made Gaku wonder what the university student had been through. Riku was only 23. How much had he kept bottled up in that little mind of his?

"What the hell, Nanase? Are you trying to kill yourself?" While Gaku could have gone with a better word choice, he chose to speak his mind.

Riku reacted by looking away guiltily. Just before Gaku could open his mouth to yell at him, he apologised. "I'm sorry for not telling you."

"Seriously?" That was something Gaku did not expect.

Riku went into panic mode when he realised he wasn't being clear. "Ah! I mean my condition! I'm sorry I didn't tell you about it."

Gaku sighed before pulling his stool closer to Riku's bed. "Look, I'm your coach. You've got to tell me these things. Geez, I'll never be able to sleep if you die, you know?"

"Will you make me quit?" Riku tried to sit up, but Gaku pinned the guy's shoulder down effortlessly. The redhead was worried. He was sure Gaku was going to tell him to quit.

"You can't keep doing this, Nanase."

Riku closed his eyes. He knew it.

"You aren't fit to train with other people," Gaku said with his usual bold, intimidating tone. "Not yet anyway."

Riku looked at the man, feeling confused.

Gaku continued, "8 PM. Once a week. Private."

"You mean...?" Riku sprang up excitedly.

"I'm coaching you. One on one. Is that not clear enough?"

Gaku hid a look of pity. With that fiery determination to keep standing despite how tired he looked, Riku showed much potential to become a competitive fighter if his health problem had not held him back. The younger boy had piqued his interest. His mind was made up. He was going to keep training Riku for at least a little longer.

"But let me get this straight. I'm against you fighting competitively when you're prone to having attacks. Too risky." Gaku spoke firmly.

Riku clenched his fists. Anyone could tell he wasn't happy. "I know, Yaotome-san. I'm not trying to be like you. I just need to know how to fight."

"So long as you understand," Gaku replied after staring at the patient for a moment. He left the room wondering why Riku insisted he needed to fight. The fighter told himself it was a question for another day. Riku was supposed to be resting and recovering anyway.

~~++~~++~~

"I'm home- wah?!"

"Nanase-san, where have you been?!"

The redhead opened the door only to find an angry face staring right at him. From the looks of it, the man expected Riku to come home earlier. Much earlier, as in last night.

"I-Iori? I thought you'd be at your morning class." Riku asked the first thing that came to mind as he shut the door behind him. After all, Izumi Iori had always been a perfect student, be it at the university or high school. It would take a disaster for Iori to skip class, Riku knew that.

And he knew he was a disaster.

"And whose fault do you think that is?" Iori would have screamed if he knew how. He'd always been calm and composed. Riku seemed to be the only person who could break that persona. "Do you know how worried I was? I've texted you. Called you several times. I was about to go check every Muay Thai place in the vicinity to ask about you, and here you are innocently asking why I'm not at class. You're unbelievable, Nanase-san."

"Sorry I made you worried, Iori." Riku forced a dry smile. The last thing he wanted was to get into a heated argument with his best friend. "But I can take care of myself, really! I was only gone for a night. You're younger than me. I feel bad when you're looking out for me all the time." Scratching his face, he avoided eye contact with Iori. That sharp gaze could eat him alive just like the guilt he was feeling. The older boy knew fully why Iori would be anxious.

Because he was nothing but trouble.

Iori sighed. No, he didn't want to lecture Riku, really. The guy looked fine as he claimed, but just in case, Iori asked, "So where were you anyway?"

"...hospital," answered Riku reluctantly.

Immediately, Iori frowned, indicating his lecture mode was starting. "You're telling me not to worry but you ended up at the hospital?!"

Grabbing Iori's arms tightly, Riku pleaded with baby doll eyes. "It won't happen again, okay? Promise! Yaotome-san is going to coach me privately instead now that he's found out I'm asthmatic..."

Iori looked away. Quietly, he listened to Riku explain what had happened after the session. At least Riku sounded happy that the Thai boxing coach didn't make him quit. To Iori, Riku's happiness was the most important thing. Given what the redhead had been through, he would do anything to protect his feelings. It was the best thing he could do as Riku's longtime friend.

Then again, Iori wasn't quite sure if training to fight was the thing that made Riku truly happy. "Nanase-san-"

"Don't say it, Iori. You know I have to do this."

Riku snapped, and even the weak smile he had earlier was gone without a trace.

~~++~~++~~

"PULL BACK FASTER!"

And so came the day of their first private session. Gaku gave Riku a moderate smack on his forehead with a pad since the guy kept forgetting to retract his arm back to protect his head after punching. It would be fine if Riku were more mobile, but the boy did not have the stamina to move around too much, so a tight guard was important.

"Ack!" Riku yelped. His arms shook from keeping them in a guard position with large gloves on. A beginner like Riku would need a while to get used to holding his arm like that. Holding the huge pads was even worse because they were much heavier, but Riku did not need to do that since he trained privately with Gaku.

"Enough. Catch your breath. We'll work on your problematic lungs next week." Gaku set his pads away. Before he could walk away, he caught Riku looking at him with hateful eyes. "Angry?" He smirked. "Why not punch me then?" The tall man opened his arms wide, looking completely defenceless.

As soon as Gaku saw the slightest amount of movement from Riku's leading foot, he countered by lifting his left leg and pushing his left heel into Riku's stomach. The student was sent flying backwards. He just gave Riku his first taste of a push kick.

"Owwww!" Riku fell on his bum, holding his stomach in pain. Gaku did not kick that hard, but a push kick was very effective against a fighter who tried to step forward to throw shots.

Especially when they were not expecting it.

"Come forward with a jab, brat." Amused, Gaku stepped off the mat with a smirk on his face. With that, the session was over.

Riku cursed under his breath. Frustration fueled his blood-red eyes. "He totally made a fool out of me..."

Riku's workout today was like a light exercise for Gaku. Still, the pro fighter thoroughly enjoyed himself. The younger boy's energy sure put a smile on his face. Now, if only the fight matches could do the same to him, all of his problems would be solved.

~~++~~++~~

The next morning, Gaku woke up to his phone flashing in the dark and buzzing on the bedside table in his small bedroom.

"Urrrghh," Gaku groaned. "What time...?" He groaned again after looking at the alarm clock. "Who the hell texts at 7 in the morning?"

Gaku used his long, floppy arm to grab hold of his smartphone. "Hmm?" He saw an unusual name on the screen, so he let his eye adjust to the light first. "Nanase?"

He opened his RabbiChat.

Nanase: Yaotome-san, I feel terrible.

Gaku's eyebrows shrugged. The session had probably killed the boy. That sounded pretty worrying. Concerned, Gaku typed the first thing that came to his mind.

Gaku: Did you have an attack?

Within a few minutes, Gaku got his reply.

Nanase: I coughed a lot last night but no attacks so nothing to worry about!

Gaku scratched his head. That was not very reassuring.

Gaku: Then why?

Nanase: Well, this is embarrassing...

Nanase: I can't move.

Gaku paused for two seconds and a half before bursting out laughing loudly while lying in bed. Good thing he lived alone in a two-bedroom apartment. He would have woken everyone up otherwise.

Gaku remembered that whenever Yuki introduced new exercises into his routine, his whole body would ache so badly the day after. Basic activities such as getting out of bed or reaching for the tall cupboard would become chores. Today, Riku would probably be hurting every single time he moved any part of his upper body. In fact, he might be feeling it in the legs too since the guy was a total beginner.

Riku's next sentence brought Gaku back to reality.

Nanase: I don't think I can get to uni today. Yaotome-san, is there like a way tonchvwponf83yhf

The fighter sat up and facepalmed. He wouldn't be surprised if the redhead had dropped his phone due to sudden muscle pain.

Gaku: Skip class. Do some light stretches if you can. Your body needs to adjust to this.

Gaku: Do I need to expect any angry parent phone calls?

While Gaku had never experienced it himself, Yuki used to get complaints from parents saying he had pushed their children too hard. He would answer with "Well then, don't do sports" every time. Riku wasn't a child; Gaku knew that. He assumed that since Riku had a relatively severe health condition, he would be living with his parents. The boy's parents certainly would not be happy to see the guy in pain.

Nanase: Eh?

The coach expected anything but a confused reply.

Gaku: Do you not live with your parents?

Nanase: No, I'm sharing an apartment room with my friend, Yaotome-san. My parent's house isn't in Tokyo.

Nanase: I work part-time and pay for everything.

Yaotome scratched his head. It was good to be independent, but it sounded like Riku hardly got any time for rest? Gaku hoped Riku's family situation wasn't like his—complicated. He continued texting without thinking much.

Gaku: What about siblings? Have you got any?

Gaku's phone went quiet for a long while—long enough that he thought Riku had gone back to sleep. Before he tucked himself back in bed underneath his comfy blanket, the phone vibrated. He sat back up.

Riku: No.

Riku: I'm an only child.

~~++~~++~~

Coaching Riku while caring about the boy's health wasn't so tough for Yaotome. Caring for the boy's fluctuating emotions was. Were he to raise his voice too much while scolding, Riku would be terribly upset. If he gave Riku too many breaks, the boy would be frustrated.

From a fighter's perspective, Riku could certainly use his swinging emotions to his advantage, but getting angry every time before a fight wasn't exactly healthy. Negative emotions would also cloud his judgement. Gaku did say he was against Riku fighting in the ring. Still, he would train Riku like a proper fighter to his best abilities.

"Alright, stop." Gaku made a loud handclap noise and Riku did his last shaky push-up on the knees before sitting up and catching his breath. Gaku threw a water bottle at the boy. Riku almost missed it. The coach then grabbed a towel from the side of the room before going to sit down on the floor in front of Riku. He threw the towel in the boy's face because he was a jerk.

"Yaotome-san, we still have half an hour...?" Riku looked confused. Why did Gaku act like the session was already over?

Gaku kept his answer short and to the point. "I know. Let's talk."

"Talk?" Riku seemed even more confused.

"Why are you doing this?"

Riku tilted his head. "Yaotome-san, I already told you that I want to get stronger."

"But why?" Gaku stared into Riku's eyes to show that he was serious. "What are you going to do when you get stronger?"

Riku opened his mouth, almost as if to answer, but he decided to shut it. Gaku got to experience Riku's turmoil once again. It was clear from the redhead's face that he was upset.

The older man decided to push a little further on the subject. "Why Muay Thai? Why fighting when you could have chosen any other sport?"

There was a long pause. Gaku sighed. "Look, there is no right or wrong answer. I just wanna know what goes on in that head of yours." He pointed at Riku's forehead.

Riku looked away, thinking he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears if he made eye contact with his coach. He wouldn't open his mouth, even when it took all his mental energy to keep silent. His fingers were fidgety. Whatever was on his mind wasn't the easiest to swallow for the uni student.

Gaku now felt somewhat bad for pressing the point. The sudden emotional change wasn't normal. The whole event leading to them training together wasn't normal. In the end, Gaku decided to drop the subject, but he said what he needed to. "Fine. We haven't known each other for that long. Maybe you don't want me to know. One thing to remember, though. Your emotions control you most of the time. It can be your ultimate weapon, but it can also be your greatest enemy if your opponent knows how to use it better than you do. Even when you're not becoming a fighter, I will still train you like one."

With that, Gaku left the gym room. Riku sat there, hugging his knee and resting his forehead on it for a long moment before packing up his stuff and heading home.

Gaku couldn't understand Riku. Not when he was always confident, sure about what he wanted, and regretted none of the choices he had made. Yet he understood the sad face Riku had shown earlier. He pretended to have walked away when he actually watched the boy from afar. The coach realised then that he and Riku might have something in common. Riku definitely had a reason to fight, but his inner war was preventing him from reaching his full potential. Gaku was a natural fighter whose career path was blocked by fading passion.

They were both struggling to find their way in life.

~~++~~++~~

"*Pant pant* Thanks for today, Tsunashi-san."

A 23-year-old idol lay down on the gym floor with his right forearm resting on his head. Kujo Tenn hated bodyweight training but it was unavoidable. He needed some muscles to keep him dancing on stage. As a solo idol, any mistake he made would be blatant. Not that Tenn ever planned to make one even if he had landed a spot in a random idol group.

"Good work today, Tenn." His training coach, Tsunashi Ryunosuke or Ryuu, offered him a bottle of electrolyte drink.

Looking up, Tenn saw nothing but beautiful lines of muscles glistening in the light. Ryuu's build was the exact opposite of Tenn's—ripped and masculine. Tenn would look like a teenage boy walking alongside the man. No wonder why Tenn kept getting delicate commercial jobs like beauty products.

Tenn sat up, twisted the bottle open, and took several big gulps. His sweaty shirt became see-through. "Tsunashi-san-"

"Please call me Ryuu. It's already been five years since we started training together." The muscular man laughed.

"I hired you." Tenn plainly stated the fact. "And we're here for work."

"But I think of you as a friend!" Sitting cross-legged in front of Tenn, Ryuu knew exactly how Tenn felt when he avoided contact. "I bet you know all of my secrets already."

"That's just because you can't keep your mouth shut." Tenn chuckled.

"Other than your idol life, I hardly know anything about you, huh?"

Ryuu dropped the line, and the mood dropped with it. A part of him hoped Tenn would confide with him a little. Several fans screamed for Tenn on stage. No doubt he was a powerful man. However, to Ryuu, Tenn looked so little; he looked as if he were carrying the weight of the world all by himself. He always gave it his all singing, dancing, and smiling for someone. All these years, Tenn's smile had remained unchanged. It was the same smile—angelic, pretty, and-

robotic.

"You know you can talk to me, right, Tenn?" Ryuu voiced his concern.

Just when Ryuu's fingertips touched Tenn's skin, the younger boy pulled away. "Excuse me," said Tenn, who rushed off into the bathroom.

In the mirror, Tenn saw nothing but sentimentality. Tears welled up in his eyes. No smile on his face. He saw anything but Kujo Tenn and he didn't like that at all.

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Chapter Notes

- The hospital scene is adapted from season 1 anime

- "Tenn looks like he's always trying his best for someone." I think this line happened in canon somewhere. So much of my Ainana memories is mixed up ahaha.

How was the chapter? Please feel free to comment.

And yes, I am open to feedback both on the fic itself and writing in general.

Thanks for reading~! Until next update, teehee!