Chapter 9

The monster they made me

Galen sighed while he was waiting for Bianca. The two teenage girls at the next table were avidly texting and giggling. They were meeting a new friend. A young Aussie who was visiting the area for the first time, but the lovely, blonde haired, blue eyed image on a screen was of a girl who had died years ago. The older man, three tables away and his accomplices, a rogue wolf, and a dark coven vampire in a van, were waiting for me to leave. They needed to be dissuaded. Chelsey needed to go home to the QZ and meet Quinn again, so she could be with her mate. Galen wondered if the teenage werewolf would remember that a once-human Quinn sat at her mother's table, sipping coffee, and talking about finding tutors for the learning disabled for the coming school year. Galen stood and stretched, giving the girls a wink. The advantage of carrying his brother's darkness was it gave him a goth bad-boy look that young females seemed to find so appealing in this generation. Stepping over to their table, the human male stalking the teens seemed put out by his action.

"So, what are a lovely shewolf and human girl doing texting a human kidnapper from a Ukrainian Vampire sex-trafficking ring?" Galen asked loudly.

They stared at him shocked. The human stood up quickly, but the cursed fae was faster. He slammed the human's face down on the table in front of them before he handed them the man's phone. They stared at the entries, and both were more than a little terrified. A van pulled up as he yanked the human to his feet, showing him the gruesome death that waited for him in less than a month. The human was sobbing when Galen threw him in the van door, showing the dark vampire and his werewolf driver his brother's evil. As Galen glared, the wolf crouched down, and the vampire shrank back in fear. Dark Vampires feared few things, and Demonus Fae were at the top of the list. Today, Galen was grateful for the monster his brother and mother made him.

"If I catch you hunting in my territory again..." Galen left the promise of violence unfinished.

The driver sped off without an apology, but they wouldn't be back, and their group would move to other less dangerous hunting grounds. Grumbling, Galen wished he had his strength back, so he could have just killed them and the rest of their crew. Galen shook away the thoughts and sighed; he was starting to sound like his brother. Bianca was standing next to the girls, soothing them.

"Th-thank you," Chelsey stammered out. Her speechless friend was clutching her arm.

Galen nodded, looking Chelsey in the eye, letting her see what may be. His voice was gentle, "It is time to go home. There is someone waiting for you there. Go alone and be careful. Don't stop in the cities, and if they chase you, run until you are flying." Her eyes were wide as she saw the vision of her mate. "He needs you, so he won't be forever lost. Don't be afraid, Chelsey Thomson."

Bianca tugged at his arm, then they walked into the coffee shop and step through the mirror in the Ladies' Restroom, just as Chelsey burst in through the door. Her friend right behind her. They looked around the small space, confused. They had seen the two fae go in and not come out. Bianca laughed as they move between the places of the outer world.

Stepping out into her office, Galen stumbled a little.

"You need to be more careful," she scolded him.

"They didn't know that I'm tired. They only saw my brother's darkness."

He was still weak, but not just because of the soul energy he used to facilitate Quinn's rescue. He was weak because every time a Fae pledged to a clan dies without returning their power to the clan, it weakens the whole clan. Sebastian, the old Demonus, had done something Galen had not expected. Seb not only used his power to protect Quinn when the house was attacked but enchanted a scarlet hood to hide her from all fae. Then he died dispersing the magic of his ancient soul and destroying the mountain manor, rather than returning his power to Galen's mother's evil clan. Quinn changed Sebastian just by being herself. Galen watched her through Joshua's eyes and Jacob's dreams. It was incredible. If he didn't know better, he would think she was a Light Fae, a soul healing Angeles, instead of a damaged human woman turned werewolf.

Will dragged the buck he hunted for Jake back outside. His brother looked at him with sad eyes and then pushed it away. Jake wasn't raging anymore, but he wasn't eating either. Will was afraid his brother had given up. Will felt like part of it was his fault because he trusted their cousin Paul to warn Jake about the Raver Rage, the PTSD that struck those who recovered from the Revelation Night. Will blamed himself for what Jake was going through now. Greyson said if Jake had allowed himself to Rage for short periods like Will, Rand, and Clark had, then perhaps he wouldn't be stuck as a Raver now. Saul, James, and Will spent as much time as they could, trying to coax him back.

They saw their grandfather and the Monarch Mountain Ravers less and less since Paul died. Richard still came and sometimes their Grandfather, but the visits were fewer and fewer. Saul told and showed them what he and Shalom found at Monarch Mountain. None of them could imagine that the Ravers were going back there, or that they would want to, but they didn't know where else the Ravers would go. Saul assured them there was no sign of the Ravers at Monarch Mountain Pack when he and Shalom buried the dead. The giant warform wolves would lumber out of the darkness like a nightmare just woken from and disappeared just as quickly. They also failed to find any sign of Shalom. The only clue they had, was a cursed fae had shown up in her cabin and spoken with Jake.

Will pondered the strange message.

"Tell Saul to stop protecting her from his distrust and fears.

She needs protected from her own, they are more real

and more deadly than all the Ravers on the mountain."

There were mountains everywhere, this was Colorado. What did Shalom fear more than Ravers? Nothing as far as Will knew and she didn't need protection from the Ravers because Saul and Will had seen them protecting her with their own eyes. As Will's wolf ran back to hotel where he and Saul alternated staying, he looked up at the ringed half-moon, it would rain in the morning. Will howled a prayer to the Moon Goddess and told Molly goodnight. He went to bed hoping that maybe tomorrow would be the day Jake shifted back or Greyson would call with good news.

Since Greyson was at the Refugee Center with Monarch James, it was Galen's chance to rescue Jacob from certain death. Both Fae had known he was going to revert to his Raver. Greyson hoped to heal him and restore him, but Galen knew that Shalom had to be the one to encourage it. However, he did not know that Jake would give-up and accept being a monster as his punishment for what happened that night.

Galen wondered, "Why is it so hard when the noble fall? Why can they accept faults, weaknesses, and failings in everyone but themselves?"

"Are you ready?" Bianca asked.

Galen just hummed in acknowledgement. His strength was returning, but she insisted on going with him and using her power to help him least he become lost in the overworld. From Bianca's office, they traveled through the mirrors. Stepping out into Greyson's room in the local high school turned pack house, Galen half-smiled to himself. Wolves were creatures of habit with their need to live in groups. Greyson's chosen Lance was sound asleep in the bed. The human would never know they were there.

Galen let himself soak in the vibration of Greyson's healing aura. He missed his old mentor, but they parted on poor terms when Galen blamed Greyson for not stopping what his mother did. It was years later when Galen realized Greyson tried to warn him. Telling Greyson that he hated him was one of the deepest regrets of Galen's long life. Bianca squeezed his arm, she knew Galen longed to see him again, but if they met in an unblessed place, there was the chance Galen's mother would feel it and know. Bianca opened the door and they slipped quietly out into the hall.

"I'll talk to Nic, you talk to Saul. Hurry, Greyson will know we used his mirror," Bianca reminded.

"No, Greyson will know you used his mirror to come see your girlfriend. I was never here. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must help with a jailbreak like the demon I am before I talk to Saul." Galen winked, and she laughed softly when he faded into shadows.

In moments, Galen was walking through an old correctional facility. Standing in front of a silver-reinforced cell, he surveyed a pathetic sight consumed by self-loathing and self-pity. Galen told Jacob to find her once, he thought bitterly, "Looks like I am telling him again."

He knew Jake didn't listen because he was drowning in his pain and guilt, instead of overcoming it. He accepted the monster they made him, listening to the voice of guilt in his head, instead of waging war against that fate and fighting for his mate. Shalom could change him, heal him, if he were willing to try to make things better between them. She would try to forgive him, she wouldn't be able to stop herself. She would learn to love him through the hate; even the tiniest seed tried to grow for Quinn because she was a gardener.

Jake...

I did it again. A few days ago, I was overwhelmed with the Rage and almost attacked Will and Saul. I tried to stay still, and let Greyson do what he needed. But being touched had me twitching; the fae was not who I wanted to touch me. Red began to color my vision, I snapped my teeth together to warn them and they retreated out of the cage. Then I paced growling and snarling like a wild animal, clawing myself until Greyson held out her shirt. It was what I wanted, but not what I needed. I needed her. Greyson spoke to me in his soothing voice, but I couldn't calm myself.

Finally, I just stuck my arm between the burning silver wrapped bars, biting down on them as Nicolea drew vial after vial of blood and gave me shot after shot. For three more hours, try as we might, no injection of any kind would allow me to shift back to my skin. Even the silver solution given to force an out-of-control werewolf to shift back to their skin only set off my rage. Nicolea eventually admitted failure. Yesterday, Greyson left to talk to the healers and doctors at the Refugee Center, and James went with him. I lost hope. If they couldn't find a solution, I would have to be put down.

It was after midnight as I lay curled around Quinn's yellow sleep shirt. I don't know how much time passed since I lost the ability to shift, but it was too long. Will and Saul came every day, encouraging me to try to shift back to my skin, but I couldn't. I couldn't find my way back to the man I was.

A noise made me raise my head. The dark fae I met at Quinn's house was standing there, smirking, while holding the door to my cell open. "Alpha Commander Vanguard, you have visitors and have been granted a day pass."

I just stared at him for a moment then put my head back down. I was in no mood for fae games, I was waiting for Greyson and James to return, to tell me if they found a cure or if I was to be put down like all the others who lost their ability to shift back.

The Fae made a disgruntled sound, "Seriously? Of course, you can't go back to the man you were, you have finally accepted all that happened that night. Now, it is time to move forward into the life of the man you could be. She needs you; your son will need you. Her forgiveness will save you, but you must earn it first. It's time to go. Joshua is waiting to take you home. It is going to be hard, but you can find your way back. Let her lead you." Then just like that he was gone.

I blinked, the door was still open. Outside, I heard my grandfather howl. I lumbered through the old jail, ducking through the open doorways. The path of open doors led straight outside. Grandpa, Richard and three of the other Monarch Mountain Ravers were there. They growled and sniffed me. I snapped like a tiny dog, and my grandpa cuffed me with a snarl. I knew better than challenge him. My father was only made Monarch because Joshua stepped down. The third Monarch had never been defeated. The Ravers all greeted me by rubbing their scent on me. Richard came last and he eyed me in a way that reminded me of Saul but nodded with a flash of fang. Turning, they started rapidly toward home. It wasn't long before I realized where they were taking me. We were going back to Monarch Mountain.

An hour later as Galen watched Saul sleep, he resisted the urge to just dump his bed over as he sat and waited for him to stir. Now that Saul's brother was dead, Galen needed to have a long talk about him projecting the resentful and suspicious feelings he had for his brother onto his cousins and Quinn. Galen let himself look along the path of Saul's soul, something very subtle caught his attention. Galen examined it, if he was Gerard, he would have rejoiced in this seed of darkness, but Galen was not his brother and it concerned him greatly. Galen wondered if Bianca knew and that was why she kept Saul close.

Saul's wolf woke him, someone was sitting in the darkness. "Galen, what are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you about Quinn, but now, I think that there is something else we need to talk about." Galen barely shifted from his slouched position on a chair, his boot propped on a drawer pulled out. "You love her, the same way you loved her aunt."

Looking confused, Saul demanded, "What?"

"I am a cursed Angelus, I can see the paths of people's souls. Quinn's aunt Myriam was Paul's choice mate. He shared her with you after you felt your mate die. He used you to get her pregnant when she went into heat because he couldn't reproduce, but then he got jealous. She loved you more than him, even though he was her mate. You dosed him with wolfsbane, and peyote laced wine the night the two of you were going to run away together, the way her little sister would later run away with her true mate rather than be with another. But Paul, as humans say, had a bad trip. He went looking for Myriam and found her at the place she was supposed to meet you and killed her after tearing your child from her body while she yet lived. You knocked him unconscious and held her as she died in your arms, then you took him home and cleaned him up. You blamed yourself for his crime and her death. If you had just told the truth, everything could be so different. You could be different."

Saul glared at him, his jaw worked as he ground his teeth together. "It was my fault. We had an agreement, get Myriam pregnant so they could have a pup, but she insisted getting to know me first, she wouldn't just have sex with some stranger as she had on their mating night. We spent the month before her heat getting to know each other and I fell in love with her. To Paul, she was a trophy, a way to increase his prestige, but to me..."

"But to you, she was a beautiful shewolf with a kind soul, who didn't look down on you because your mother died when you were a pup." Galen interrupted then added sadly, "Her death wasn't your fault either. You were three months old and she died of internal bleeding after your father beat her, not from a post-partum aneurism as he claimed. Joshua suspected it and that is why he took you from your father. You have spent your life blaming yourself for the deaths of two women who you loved. Now, you are willing to do anything to protect Quinn, even keep her from her mate because you are in love with her. She can heal both their souls, if given the chance. Do you want her to continue to hurt? Do you want Jacob to continue to suffer? He is nothing like Paul or Reginald, he loves her." Galen sat up and put his boot on the floor with a thump. "By all that is holy, Saul. She isn't yours either. You can't protect her from your fears, or you will destroy her future and get her killed. You will risk everyone's future, if you keep her from forgiving Jacob. War will come."

Saul stared at him in horrified curiosity. "War?"

Galen nodded, "Like in the dark ages only with modern weapons, we can't hope to hide and survive this time."

"What do you want from me, Fae?" Saul growled.

Galen stood up and walked over to the window, pulling the curtain aside. He stared out, his expression inscrutable. "Help her find the truth, and you will find your own. She can change you. You decided she was worthy to protect, and she is, but she isn't yours to love the way you long for."

Saul put his head in his hands as he leaned forward and planted his elbows on his knees. His whole soul colored with the taint of despair. "So, I will always be alone. Everyone I have ever loved has died. Myriam was murdered, my mate is dead, and I might as well be too."

Galen ached for him, so he exaggerated to give him hope. "You surrendered to your guilt long ago, it is a knife cutting you but there is healing waiting for you. The war you wage is against the most difficult enemy of all, yourself. The monster you hear in your head is of your own making, Saul, and it lies to you. Stop listening to it and the light of hope and love will find you."