Chapter 19 Broken Trust

Jake...

Shalom and I haven't spoken since the morning we marked each other, but she called me to come for dinner tonight.

"Good evening, Shalom."

She set a large plate of pasta and Swiss steak-style elk in front of me. It smelled divine. She didn't make herself a dish and I wondered if she had eaten anything today.

"Promise me something, Jake." Her voice was hollow.

She had never asked me for anything except to not be called Quinn. "Anything, Shalom. Anything you want."

"Promise me, if anything happens, you'll get J.J. to safety. You'll forget about me and the whole protect your mate crap and save our child." Dark circles and pallid cheeks diminished her beauty, through the bond, she felt so tired and hopeless. It was like she was giving up and my heart seized in fear of losing her again.

"Shalom, what's going on?" My hand rested on her arm, I promised I wouldn't touch her after Justice was born but I couldn't help it.

Her hand rested on top of mine, she stared at it. "I... I don't know... But I feel like death is coming. If it does, I want you to save Justice. He is all that is important." She stared out the window at the sky.

"Look at me, Shalom, I will never let anyone hurt you again. And I won't let you die, not if I can save you. I know you are still grieving but don't give up."

Pulling her into my arms, I just held her. I could feel her sorrow as I was sure she could feel my desperation.

"Shalom, I don't know why all this happened to us, but I know this isn't a mistake. We aren't a mistake. You're the most courageous person I have ever met, and I know you don't think of yourself that way, but you are. You give me a reason to live, to overcome. Before you, I was just going through the motions, doing my duty because it was expected. Watching the tapes of you in the hospital, learning how cleverly you escaped. Reading about your past and all you overcame in the words of the man who loved and admired you above all, made me realize how far I have to go to be worthy of you."

My fingertips wiped the wetness of the tears trailing down her cheeks. "I know you can't see it right now, but I can. If something happens, if the dark fae come for you and Justice, put on your cloak and flee. Let me fight for you. I am a warrior. It would be my honor to die for someone like you, mate or not."

"I don't want anyone else to die," she whispered, teeth catching her bottom lip.

I never wanted to kiss anyone more than I wanted to kiss her at that moment, but I didn't. We weren't ready for that. "I can't promise you that won't happen, and I won't promise to let you die while I run away."

Her vulnerability turned to an angry glare, she shoved me away, "You wouldn't be running away, you would be saving our son."

"Shalom, you weren't raised as a wolf, you don't understand. I cannot leave you to die or be hurt, even to save our pup, so I expect you to leave me. Take J.J. and go, and don't look back. If I survive, I will find you when it is safe for me to do so."

"You're so frustrating!" She snarled out her discontentment, and I growled back.

Grabbing her arm and turning her to look at me, my demanding words vibrated the room. "You will save yourself and our son. You will go with Saul and Richard to safety. Do you understand?"

Hazel defiance flashed in her eyes. Somehow, she resisted my authority. I'd seen it before, so I confess something I hadn't told anyone. "Shalom, if you die, I die. But I know if I die, you'll survive because you're strong. I know you hate me and will never forgive me, I have made peace with that. But I refuse... I can't lose you, I won't survive. I just..."

"I don't hate you," her interruption was almost too soft to hear.

"What?"

"I don't hate you, Jake, and I am trying to forgive you. It is just hard. It is hard to get up every morning, hard to breathe in and out all day long, hard to look at J.J. and not remember how he was made even though I love him so much that the thought of him coming to harm kills me. I am trying to get better, but now, I can feel you. Your misery mixing with mine and I don't know how to shut it off. I can feel how desperate you are for me to not be hurting, but you can't change what happened any more than I can. I know you're a good person, I see it. But be honest, you're better equipped to raise J.J. than I am. I couldn't even save Miles and Molly that night. All I had to do was listen to the alerts and get in the storm pod, but I didn't, I ignored the warnings and killed my children." She sobbed out her guilt.

"Technically, I killed your children," I reminded her, hating myself.

"No, you were sick when you attacked us, Miles died, and I shot Molly myself. I was negligent, I didn't protect them when I had the chance. That is why I want you to save our son." Her voice was firm.

Shaking my head, I repeated, "Shalom, you aren't listening. If you die, I die. My wolf won't survive without you. I won't let your guilt kill you because then there will be no one to be with J.J.. Your passive suicide isn't an option. You have to live."

Saul lumbered into the kitchen, slinging a pack of supplies on the counter. It halted the retort I felt in her mind. He whined, "Man, I forget how far it is to the borders. I'm starved."

Another wolf walked in behind him, and I was shocked to see Cory and Carl's eldest surviving brother with a pack on his back. "Craig, old man. What did you do?"

"Just went on a walkabout, Alpha Commander," he bared his neck respectfully. "Luna."

"Are you hungry, Craig?" She offered sweetly, she didn't even look like she was upset moments ago. I knew then I would never be able to trust that she was not hiding her pain from me.

He almost bowed, "Yes, Luna. Thank you. Mother always said if a female cooks for you, then you eat it, even if it looks and smells like roadkill, but whatever you're serving, it surely doesn't," he answered jovially.

She laughed, and revealed, "It's elk Swiss steak and pasta. And it's just Shalom. Don't call me Luna, I'm not looney yet."

Chuckling, Craig bowed his head with a humble yes ma'am, but he glanced at Saul and I. Saul gave him an "I told you so" look.

Shalom set large bowls of pasta smothered in elk meat, tomatoes, and bell peppers in front of him and Saul. Then picked J.J. up out of his basket and carried him to her room. I heard the door lock and almost groaned. My wolf would be sleeping outside her door or window tonight, instead of beside her bed, which meant nightmares for both of us.

"What's going on?" Saul mumbled around a mouth of pasta.

I glanced at Craig, he nodded. Craig was one of my most trusted friends and my ears inside my brother's office. He handed me a letter, I read it quickly. My elder brother thought he could come and take my son, protect him, when he doesn't even know why or from whom Justice needs protection.

"James is coming for a visit, soon." I growled. I fed my body instead of feeding my temper, I will not Rage. Stuffing a bite into my mouth, the flavors of elk and bell peppers in marinara sauce are perfect. I never tasted anything as good as my mate's cooking.

Nodding, Saul seemed to be expecting the answer I gave him. We ate in silence. After dinner, Saul pulled a pack of lagers from the fridge. He poured one in a bowl for Richard and one for Grandpa Joshua.

Saul sounded tired as he said, "What's the plan?"

"Saul, if something happens, if we are attacked or anything suspicious occurs, I want you and Richard to get Shalom and my pup to safety. Hide them, even from James and Will."

"Are you sure?" he asked as we walk out into the night air.

"Nothing else matters, I just need you to do it." I growled tiredly. My wolf hated the thought of being separated from our mate and pup, but he understood that we may have no choice.

"You know I will, but what aren't you telling me?" He eyed me cautiously, ever the Beta.

Richard and Grandpa Joshua were waiting for us.

"My source brought me a transcript..."

Craig then told them what James was planning. After, I tell them what I want them to do if we are attacked or when James comes. Then I revealed to them a secret known only to me and Joshua, something my father never trusted James with. A place I know where Shalom will be safe, because she has been there before. She knows those who live there, but not what they are. I know the Elder and he owed me a favor.

"Are you kidding?!" Saul looked at me wide-eyed.

Snarling viciously, Richard dumped another lager into his bowl and drank it straight down. Joshua made the rumbling sound that showed he was amused by his grandsons' reactions.

"I think I need something stronger than beer," Craig bemoaned.

Richard rumbled in disagreement. Saul was still shaking his head as our grandpa's Raver growled at them.

"Saul?"

"I don't think... Maybe we could take her..."

Draining my bottle, I looked him straight in the eye as I slammed it down. "No. You'll take them there, Beta." My gaze shifted to Richard, "You too, Alpha."

"She may not want to go there with her bad memories, but I'll do it." Saul chewed a new cigar like a piece of licorice.

Richard growled like death and stormed away into the evening. Joshua just huffed a growl after him before looking at me.

"I know Grandpa, his father's pack was the one who hunted most of them down after his mother and sisters were taken and killed, but that was over a century ago and Terrance's shoals had nothing to do with it. They were on the other side of the continent in Alaska." Jake pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Look, Jake..."

"No, you look, Saul. The Ursus Spelaeus are one of the few species the dark fae won't tangle with. You will take Shalom to Nanaimo, British Columbia. Or I'll have Craig do it and you can go wherever it is you go when you shirk your responsibilities." Jake's blue eyes darkened to a stormy blue-gray.

Saul's jaw ticked then he nodded his head. "I'll take her, Alpha Commander, but only so I can stay with her to protect her. I don't trust them, and I am not sure I trust you."

"Understood, but you will do what I order you to do, Beta Tracker." I didn't care if he trusted me or not, he would protect my mate and pup. I stalked off toward my house with Craig following. Grandpa Joshua turned and went after Richard.

We left Saul standing alone outside Richard's house.

VvvvvV

Quinn Shalom...

I woke to the sound of Richard's wolf pawing and whining at

my bedroom door. It had my backpack, the one I had put in the pickup truck and prepped to flee. I followed it down the hall to Richard and Julia's bed room. It struggled to shift to Richard's skin. He dumped it out on the bed, trembling clawed hands tore some the clothing Jake had bought to bits. I watched terrified as Richard pulled small black chips with long metallic threads from the seams of the ruined garments.

"What are those?" I breathed out, but I thought I knew.

"T-t-track-ckers." He stammered as he put them in my hand. Then he began stuffing Julia's clothes into the bag. "Not t-t-take from J-jake. Wear-r-r J-Julia's when go... T-t-tell S-Saul... N-Not go... Bears c-can't b-be trust-t-ted."

He collapsed to his knees but struggled to hold his skin. "M-map in t-t-truck, go th-there-ere. I... f-f-find..." His fur began to sprout through his skin as his jaw pushed out and teeth became pointed.

I held his hand as it turned to his Raver's claw. "Are you sure you want me to take Julia's clothes, they smell like her?"

His wolf head blinked at me and licked my cheek. "Take."

"Okay, I trust you, Richard." I finished filling the bag and zipped it up.

Richard's Raver took the bag and quietly went out into the night.

VvvvvV

Days passed and it seemed like I was always waking up with Jake's wolf on the floor between my bed and J.J.'s crib. It always left quietly as soon as I woke. Thankfully for my peace of mind, but much to my wolf's disappointment, there has been no repeat of naked mate in our bed. She seemed content to let me take things at my own pace after Jake and I marked each other. But I had no intent of it ever going any further.

He would be a good mate, she chided, if you could get over that night.

I reminded her, What about the other morning when he forced his mark on us again, and he made us relive the worst time of my life?

Every time he looked at me, and I felt that mate bond thing, I cringed as my fear shoved what happened that night into the front of my thoughts. My wolf pushed against the fear. She made me want to forget my distrust, but I just couldn't. Not yet, and especially not after Richard and I found the trackers hidden in the clothing he ordered for me. I found them in every piece, so I marked the ones not to wear on the day I fled.

What about the trackers in all the clothes he gave us, is that something we should trust? I won't get over it because I don't trust him. And neither should you. The bond isn't enough to prove he is trustworthy.

My wolf thought it was wrong that I didn't want our mate to find us.

It isn't just about that night and us. We must protect J.J.. I told her again with a sigh.

Fed and cleaned, J.J. made happy noises, kicking his feet and cooing. I placed his basket on the kitchen table as I began breakfast. He was growing so fast. Saul revealed J.J. would be walking by the time he was one, then progress like a normal human until he hit five when his wolf would emerge. My wolf became obsessive about having him in the same room unless he was with Jake, Richard, or Saul.

Biscuits baked in the oven while bacon, sausage, and eggs cooked. As I was stirring the gravy, Saul and Richard's wolves ran up onto the porch. Despite everything, I was happy that half of the Ravers had gotten back to their wolves. None except Richard could find their skin, and that was only for a few minutes at the place where he and Julia first met or in his and her bedroom. Ryan tried every day, so did Cory and Matthias.

Placing breakfast on the table, I made a bowl of tea for Richard's Raver, coffee for Saul, and refilled my coffee before heading out onto the porch with the door left open so I could see J.J.'s basket. Saul was standing next to where Richard's giant rusty red wolf was laying on the ground. Its body was convulsing and distorted. It was easy to see why they call Richard's wolf the big red bear. It was easily the size of a Kodiak. I could feel Jake watching me, but I didn't look up; instead I gave Craig a small smile before kneeling next to the giant beast.

"Breakfast is ready, and your tea is getting cold, Smokey."

Clouded green eyes narrowed at me and in moments, Richard's Raver was laying on the grass, panting. I patted his head and teased, "Don't worry about it so much, at least you got your bear back or maybe it's a pony. It's pony sized."

Jake snorted, Saul and Craig both laughed. Joshua's Raver chuckled. Giant yellowed daggers appear as his lip was raised, but Richard took the bowl of tea and milk without a sound, lapping up his morning drink of choice.

I grinned at him, my fingers working the fluffy spot of fur behind his ear. "You know I am just teasing you because I still haven't figured out which snores louder, Saul's wolf or your bear. But I think big red bears might have it by a few hundred decibels."

Richard lunged at me pinning me to the ground and started licking my arms and face, I couldn't help a laughing scream. The more I struggled the more he growled playfully and put drooling licks on my arms.

"Get off me, Smokey the bear or you don't get any bacon!" I giggled.

Everyone was laughing until Jake's Raver rolled Richard off of me snarling, then it was a full-on battle. Joshua howled at them to stop. Saul shouted. Craig looked terrified, the veteran of the wolf military had never seen Ravers battle.

Without a thought, I stepped between the warring monsters. "Enough!"

Jake's claws paused midair, poised to strike. It was just like my nightmare the morning J.J. was born. Richard, at my back, was rumbling like an erupting volcano.

"Shalom, step away," Saul said in a low voice, edging toward me.

"Please Luna," Craig added just as quietly.

Joshua growled in agreement, but I couldn't move at that moment. Jake snarled at Saul viciously and I was terrified Jake would attack him next.

"Saul, stay... Craig, it's okay," I whispered.

I could feel rage, protectiveness, and jealousy rolling through the bond between Jake and I, and I knew he could feel the terror I felt getting stronger by the moment. Jake's paw slowly lowered, and his growls turned into whimpers. My wolf was begging me to comfort our mate as anger turned to despair. Slowly, I placed my hands on either side of his giant silver gray wolf head and pulled his nose to my neck. I was so afraid I didn't know if I was going to faint or pee myself or run screaming into the house, instead I didn't move as he inhaled and exhaled slowly on his mark.

I glanced at Saul and looked toward the house. He nodded and took Craig inside. I reached back and gave Richard a light push, he and Joshua moved away almost silently.

I murmured over and over through our bond and aloud, "Calm down. It's okay, you're fine, and I'm fine. Come back, Jake."

I was praying that his Raver didn't kill me or hurt me because I didn't trust him not to hurt me again.