Chapter 10

In The Rain

Quinn Shalom...

I watched the rain from the thunderstorm washing away everything beyond the glass. I couldn't stand to stay inside anymore; I needed to do something, anything. My not-so-little bump ached today and so did my back. If Joshua or Richard wasn't back tonight, tomorrow morning I would take the truck I got running and head to get Jacob. I couldn't let them kill him. Even with the little I knew about werewolves, I knew that mates suffered when the other died. I didn't know what it would do to me or more importantly, to my baby. J.J. kicked me hard and I gasped for breath. He was head down a full month early. He had done it before, so I just pushed and scooted him trying to turn him as I did last time, but he wasn't having any of it today. Finally, I got up to walk around.

Ryan was sitting on the porch looking out at the clouds. He didn't act like the other Ravers. Perhaps it was because he was only a teenager. Tomorrow was his birthday. I salvaged what I could from his and Rob's house. Moving pictures and personal stuff from the windowless, doorless cottage to one that was barely touched but had a similar lay out. I even hauled all the bedding, clothes, and anything that smelled of Beth over to the new place. Ryan quickly accepted that I moved them, but Rob still slept in the garden behind their destroyed house. Beth died in the master bathroom. It appeared that Ryan had been in the weight room in the family's basement, really a saferoom that locked electronically. Beth's blood was on the keypad. A mother's love locked her son away for his safety. Ryan was trapped there during the beginning hours and perhaps for days after the Revelation Night. I still wasn't sure how he had gotten out, but I was glad that his soul was not scarred like the others, like his father and uncle. He helped kill other Ravers that wandered into our territory, but he had not been caught in the horror of that night.

I went out and sat next to Ryan, rubbing his ears as he crunched up a cookie I offered. "Ryan, do you think we could get you back to your wolf? I mean have you tried shifting back?"

He tipped his head at me, questioning, so I explained my thoughts.

"No, not all the way to your human skin, but just to your fur side. Have you tried to get back to your wolf only? William, you know Jonah, when he recovered, he shifted to his wolf first, then to his skin. So did the two other wolves I knew who were affected on the Revelation Night. That's what everyone calls that night now. Everything from Trinidad to Loveland is in the Quarantine Zone. Rand said he went back and forth from his Raver to his wolf a few times before he got his skin back. Maybe we could try that sometime, see if we could get you back to your wolf. I would like my wolf to meet your wolf someday after J.J. is born. Besides, it will be easier for me to take you for a ride in the truck as your wolf, you'll fit in the cab then..." While I talked, I watched the sky too.

The rain stopped, and the sun was peeking through the glistening trees, creating the illusion of a fantasy landscape as the slate clouds and ghostly gray columns of rain moved off across the emerald and evergreen valley. Pillars of golden sunlight streamed down creating a patchwork effect. I admired the Jacob's ladders, trying to think of the old story about angels going up and down the slants of light and not what that name meant to me now. I shook my head, I always loved the colors in the Colorado mountains, if only I knew then what I know now. I wondered where all the Ravers were. I knew three went with Richard and Joshua, but I guessed the rest were off doing Raver things.

I realized I was rambling as I talked, I did that a lot now. Ryan was watching me curiously, so I shut up. "Sorry, I'm just talking nonsense," I apologized, and he licked my cheek. "Gee, thanks for the cookie drool, mange boy," I said sarcastically, and he snorted, amused.

In a weird way, he reminded me of Miles. I knew in my heart, they would have been great friends. I couldn't let that first tear fall or they wouldn't stop. I had to stop looking back but I missed my children so much.

Ryan hopped off the porch, dropping onto all fours. His Raver turned in circles in the grass for a few minutes, like a dog about to lay down. He bowed his head with a growling moan and began to twitch. His form started to shift, and he dropped onto his side, thrashing. Howling in pain and crying. I didn't want to get too close, but he was hurting so much. I could feel his distress; I dropped to my knees and held his head.

"Ryan, stop! You're hurting yourself. Shift back, please." I urged above his growling and whimpering.

The eleven other Ravers, who stayed behind to guard me, gathered around us. Rob growled and paced, making desperate sounds in his throat. But Ryan kept pushing, trying to get back to the thing he lost, that they all lost. His wolf. It was agonizingly slow. But after an hour, a lanky russet and copper wolf lay in the wet emerald grass panting and smirking triumphantly. I laughed and cried at the same time at his ridiculously proud expression. Rob was whining and rubbing his head on his son's wolf. He threw back his head and howled a victory call and the others echoed. I ran my hand through Ryan's fur. His wolf's fur was so much softer than his Raver's fur.

"Your wolf is beautiful," I said proudly. "But I think this is enough for today, Little Fox."

He huffed at my teasing and Rob made the huffing sound of a laughing Raver.

I smiled up at the ruddy giant beast, "Was that his nickname? Little Fox?"

Ryan whined as Rob nodded. Ryan wiggled, and we helped him get onto his feet.

"You did so good, Ryan, I'm so proud of you."

At first, the red wolf staggered like a newborn fawn, but soon he was running around, yipping and tearing up clumps of grass in his excitement. I couldn't help laughing aloud at his antics. Carl nudged me, looking between the three of us, then at me intently.

"Don't you do it, Carl, my nerves are shot! We'll try tomorrow, if you want to try to shift, but I'm done for today." I laughed tiredly and grinned, but he whined and look behind me.

Turning, I felt the blood draining from my face as my breath caught in my throat. Standing next to Joshua was a nearly identical replica of his gray Raver; Jacob. He took a step toward me, his massive clawed hand reaching out toward me just like that night. I couldn't make a sound. I managed a single step backwards before everything went black. I remember falling but I never hit the ground.

Jake...

We traveled through the rest of the night and into the morning to get to the land I had known my whole life. I was on my grandfather's right, Richard was on his left. I knew I deserved the place of less prestige, but it did not make my wolf happy. Traveling in this form took longer than in my wolf, but we still moved very fast. We stopped to hunt, and the fresh meat tasted so good. I was reminded of the pack hunts from when I was younger. I couldn't resist the pleasure I felt as the warm metallic taste of moose blood slid across my tongue. Will and Saul had been bringing me beef or venison, but this was so much better.

Rain was falling hard and cold against my fur and wetting my flesh; the torrent washed the blood away. I shook out my fur, and my grandpa gave a gruff snort before shaking the water back onto me. We could not talk in these forms, but we shared a more primitive deeper communication. From the nip at my shoulder, I knew he loved me and was glad I was safe with them. I wondered if he knew they were going to put me down since I couldn't shift back. There were discussions of hunting down and killing all the Ravers before Greyson began studying the Monarch Mountain Ravers. I wondered how he and James' meetings were going. People, wolves, vampires, and fae all wanted to return home to the Quarantine Zone, but with the threat the Ravers presented, it wasn't safe. As we trekked out of the rain-soaked forest and into the community I grew up in, we heard other Ravers howl in victory.

Richard was running before anyone else, Grandpa and I were beside him in moments. What I saw shocked and amazed me. Her hair was almost down to her waist now, she was kneeling with a juvenile wolf lying in front of her. His head in her lap while she was laughing and almost crying with joy as she praised him. She teased him about being a fox. I realized it was Richard's cousin's son, Ryan. He got up like a new fawn, staggering at first, then running around her, yipping happily. A wolf I knew bowed his head to us, he nudged her. I couldn't stop myself from moving toward her; she smelled so good, so happy, and my scent was on her somehow. I realized she was wearing one of my shirts and my heart burst with joy until she turned around. The look of complete terror had my blood flash freezing in my veins. Her flushed cheeks paled, and she took a small step back as I stepped forward. I realized too late she was fainting.

Richard caught her. Ryan stopped his running and jumped at me, snarling, but his father, Rob, and Carl dragged him away. The other Monarch Mountain Ravers looked at me with something like contempt. Richard gave me a disgusted huff and carried her away to his house. His home, not mine. I whined but my grandpa stopped me from following, somehow, he knew she wasn't ready to see me yet. Not like this, not in the form that destroyed her world. I knew it too, but it still hurt.

I wanted to follow Richard as he carried her into his house, the house he shared with my sister and my nieces. I wondered how hard it was for him to go in there now. I saw the pictures, I knew what happened. I never imagined coming home would hurt so much. The rubble that had been next door was gone, nothing remained of my grandparents' house but a flagstone path and a cement slab. Grandpa pulled at my arm, I followed with a whine. I was not sure I belonged here anymore, not if this was her home now. I didn't want to leave her, but I knew she would need time.

Joshua led me to the grotto where we buried the ashes of our departed loved ones for generations. Names were written in permanent ink and coated in some kind of shellac or poly resin. I recognized Saul's squared script, but many of the names were written in a more looping feminine hand. Grandpa Joshua left me to mourn alone. Looking around, I noticed there were flowers in planters placed in the sunny spots. I realized Quinn was tending our dead. She would have to carry water here every day.

I couldn't stop the whimper that escaped my throat, after everything that happened that night, she still cared enough to do this for the Ravers of my pack. As I wandered around looking at the names of family and friends, I noticed my nephew's name had been added, next to my sister's and nieces' names. My wolf wanted to howl his grief, to run to the top of the mountain like we did when father died, but we were trapped in this form. I felt him pushing forward violently, burning flesh, breaking bones, agonizing pain.

My wolf struggled to stand up and staggered a few steps before he got his balance. He lowered his head to the names of my sister, nieces, and unborn nephew. We could smell that Richard had been here. He had run his hand over the names enough times that the rain did not wash his scent away. In other places, near other names, we smelled the other Ravers. Always Quinn's scent was with them, like she came with them, or made them come. My wolf trotted out to explore the territory. Most of the houses were empty, but they have been repaired. Broken windows were boarded, and doors replaced. They had all been cleaned of the blood that was shed inside them, my wolf could still faintly smell it mixed with bleach. There were several houses in different states of being demolished.

Gardens were weeded and flowers tended. All signs of normal life, although the grass had grown high. And everywhere, I could smell her. Some of the Ravers were living in their former homes or made beds on the porches or in the yards. I saw that Ryan and Rob were sitting on the porch of his sister's home, their house was almost torn down. Rob's giant gnarled claw was resting on Ryan's wolf's back. I didn't know the story there, but I felt like it was important. That what we witnessed when we arrived was something special. As I wandered, I found myself back at Julia's house. Richard was squatting by the door, guarding it. He lifted his lip and flashed his teeth at me. He was telling me to go away. A deep feral growl echoed through his chest when I approached. Protective. Challenging. Denying.

My wolf wanted to fight him to get to our mate, but I knew I would have been hard pressed to overcome him before, now that he was a Raver, I doubted I could. My grandpa's growl made us both turn our heads, he signaled me to follow. I looked over my shoulder as we walked away. She was watching me from a window, hugging herself in a terrified embrace before she drew the blinds. There were Ravers on all four sides of the house, she was safe from anything, including me. My pack didn't trust me with my mate. The realization was like a knife in my heart.

My grandpa Joshua took me to my house. It was messy. I could smell that he had been in here. My bedding was missing, my dresser drawers laid on the floor. My button-down shirts were gone. I nodded, realizing he took them to her, and I wondered how hard it was for him to get her to wear them. Saul told me she was stubborn, but I knew that was an understatement. Will reluctantly revealed to me how adamant she was not to have anything to do with me, even if it would help ease her pregnancy sickness.

In my office, I could smell her faintly. She had been here, she had touched my photographs. I was surprised when a lump of denim landed beside me. It was one of my shirts, but it smelled like her. I watched as my grandpa stalked out of my house, and I felt a tightness in my chest. He had always taken such good care of me and my brothers since long before mother and father died, and I couldn't help him now. I couldn't even help myself. Picking up the shirt, my wolf settled himself on my bed. Burying our snout in her scent, we drifted off to sleep.

I yawned and stretched, nothing felt better than to wake up in your own bed on the first morning after coming home. It was still dark, but my internal clock always woke me up before dawn, when it was darkest. I stumbled into the kitchen to make coffee. The power was still working, and that meant the hydro-plant that supplied the pack's power was online. I rubbed my face as I waited for the coffee. I needed to go up there and check it. My brain tried to make a to do list, but I was distracted. I dreamed about the rain washing away all the pain I caused her, and she forgave me. Rationally, I knew it was a dream I may never know, but something in me still had hope. If she could overcome her fear and pain to help all these Ravers, my family and packmates, just maybe... Paying more attention to my thoughts than my actions as I poured a mug of coffee, I sloshed a little on my hand, burning myself. I gaped in disbelief.

I spilled coffee.

On.

My.

Hand...

I stared at my reddening knuckles, shaking. I was back in my skin and I had no idea how.

I watched Quinn come out and sit down on the porch, she held a mug in one hand and offered a bowl to my grandpa. He took it, bowing to her, and I watched as he lapped whatever she brought him while she sipped hers. It seemed to be a routine. I walked quietly toward them. When they noticed me, I watched her put her other hand on the mug and lower it to her very large baby bump. She was shaking so badly, I was afraid it would slosh.

"Please, don't be afraid. I promise I won't hurt you."

She took several deep breaths, then whispered, "I am trying."

Several awkward minutes of silence passed, before she spoke again, "Do you want some coffee, Jacob?"

"Thank you, Quinn. Just black, and please, it's just Jake." I could smell her fear, pungent and souring the scent of lilies and citrus that belong to her alone.

She nodded, and in moments, was back with a cup. Her hand trembled as she held it out to me, spilling a little. Her voice was tremulous. "Please call me Shalom, I... I don't go by Quinn anymore. I can't, not since..." Her eyes closed as tears glistened between her lashes, a single drop painted a glossy trail down her cheek. She looked away, swallowing the lump I know was in her throat. "You got your skin back, that's good. First the wolf, then the skin, that seems to be the way it goes." She was talking more to herself than to me.

"I saw you got Ryan back to his wolf," I said, trying to make conversation. I watched her sip. A sniff told me it was coffee and chocolate so I asked, "Should you be drinking coffee? I mean, Julia always quit coffee while she was pregnant. She..."

Her deadpan look made me hesitate. Grandpa Joshua started making a strange huffing sound, almost like he was laughing.

"For your information, Commander Vanguard, it's decaf coffee with sweetened condensed milk and cocoa powder. I'm craving hot creamy chocolate beverages, and I am out of hot chocolate, chocolate syrup, Nesquik, baking chocolate and powdered milk, and I don't exactly have a milk cow or cocoa tree here."

I just stared at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Look, I know, it's weird to drink hot things in the summer, but I am pregnant for the third time in my life. All pregnant women know, what the baby wants, the baby gets. Meaning if the baby wants a mocha, the baby gets a mocha. I seriously would trade my soul for a freaking avocado BLT on sourdough. Sooooo, thank you sooo much for reminding me about the whole 'avoid coffee when pregnant' thing. I had no idea you were soooo considerate," She snarled sarcastically, then she got up, took Grandpa Joshua's bowl, and went in, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the windows.

Cringing, I looked at Joshua, shocked at her temper, "What did I say wrong?"

He just shook his head at me and continued making a strange wheezing noise. A pat on the back almost sent me sprawling. I groaned as I straighten myself, rolling the shoulder he 'patted'. I needed to distract myself while Quinn calmed down.

"Grandpa, I need to check the hydro-plant. Are there any vehicles running or do I need to go as my wolf?"

Joshua just looked at me blankly, blinked, and looked up the mountain. I groaned. It looked like I was going as my wolf up the 17% grade to the pack power plant. As I sat my cup on the porch, thinking about what she said, I realized I could do something nice for her. I needed to get my satellite phone charging so I could call my brothers to deliver some groceries.