Chapter 13

A Pup, A Mate, and A Raver

In an hour, they were driving toward Monarch Mountain. Will was in his wolf and he was riding in the open bed in back with Ryan like two giant dogs. They switched to a pick-up when Dr. Trinity insisted on bringing some of her medical equipment. Nicolea had barely spoken, and Saul wondered if she had a visitor the night Jake disappeared too.

"So, what did Galen say to you?" Saul asked casually, out of the corner of his eye, he saw her slump slightly.

"I didn't see Galen, but Bianca told me that when the Ravers came for me, I was to go with them. That Greyson and Galen wanted me to find a way to help Shalom save them." She sat silently for the next few miles before she spoke again. "I... I think something bad is going to happen."

His head snapped to her, then he looked back at the road, mountain driving required attention. "What do you mean something bad?" Decades of knowing Bianca taught Saul that Fae intuition was never to be ignored.

Nic sighed heavily. "I don't know. It is just Bianca... she seems... different. Like she is trying to distance herself from me. I hate it. And..."

"And what?" Saul waited for her to finish; he could tell she was struggling. But he learned that listening took time. Julia taught him that, all those times she just sat with him for hours, never saying a thing, waiting for him to find the words. So, Saul waited for Nic to find the words.

"She said no matter what happens at Monarch Mountain, I am not to let Shalom or her son out of my sight or let harm come to them until the moment when I will have no choice but to save another's life. When I asked whose, she wouldn't give me a straight answer."

Her voice was cold and harsh, very unlike any light fae and then he remembered where she came from and what Bianca told him about her and the abusive childhood she suffered. About the reason she didn't trust males and how her own clan brothers abused her before trying to sell her to the flesh traders when Bianca found her.

"Don't worry, Nicolea. I would die before I let anything happen to Shalom or her son."

She breathed out the words so quietly Saul wouldn't have heard them if he wasn't a wolf. "I hope it doesn't come to that."

Jake...

I could sense Saul and Will sitting impatiently on the porch with Joshua and Richard. They arrived late last night. Too late to see Shalom and her newborn baby, in my opinion, but they were back this morning and the sun was barely lighting the sky. It wouldn't clear the mountain for another half-hour. I wondered where they left Dr. Trinity, the pack clinic had been destroyed on the Revelation Night, leaving only the abandoned urgent care in the town miles away. Perhaps she was setting up a clinic in one of the empty homes.

I looked down into the silky mass of dark waves and inhaled their sweet scent. Shalom had a terrible dream and was thrashing in her sleep, and I was afraid she'd wake Justice. I didn't mean to fall asleep in the bed. I only meant to lay with her until she fell into a more peaceful state. But I woke up with her in my arms and our son asleep between us. At first, I thought it was a dream, then I remembered we were both living a nightmare.

Shalom made a small whimpering sound in her sleep and curled her face closer into my shoulder. Her breath on my neck was like fire. I wanted to be burned alive by it. But it was too soon, she was still terrified of me and I knew she would probably have a fit when she woke. Also, I didn't know if I trusted myself with her after remembering what I had done. Her hand flexed and curled on my ribs, only the thin cotton sheet under her fingers kept them from touching my flesh. Her silky flower-tattooed thigh slid against mine as my leg was trapped between hers. My boxers and tee-shirt never looked that good on me. I closed my eyes again; my body and my wolf were reveling in her closeness. Her citrus and lily scent was so soothing, and I could taste the vanilla in it.

Breathe, Jake, I reminded myself. I was about to embarrass myself like a teenager. Focus on something else.

She whimpered again; the faint sour scent of fear tinged the air. I focused on it. I didn't need to wonder what she was dreaming about, I knew. She was dreaming about that night, just like she always did, just like I always did. I thought about us. Everything I knew about her, I knew from her late husband's notes.

Had they slept like this, with her clinging to him?

The thought was sobering as I remembered what he confessed in his letters. Rationally I understood his reasons, I would also do anything to protect my family, but could I have done what he did? I wondered and decided no. I wouldn't have been able to have an affair, no matter the reason, not after holding her for just one night. It was crazy how much I wanted to be with her only forever.

Would she accept me, believe that I wasn't like him, we had both hurt her so terribly?

Everything she knew about me; she knew from that night or from my brother and my cousin who was like a brother. I knew they would never betray me, but simply put, she didn't know the real me, only the nightmare and the hearsay. I needed to change that if we were ever going to have a chance. I needed to heal her as much as I needed her to heal me.

Her head jerked and I knew she was awake, I didn't move hoping she would choose to stay if she thought I was asleep. Her scent changed, rage tainted and overwhelmed the sweetness of lilies, citrus, and vanilla. I opened my eyes, hard hazel swirled with a mesmerizing storm of emotion then narrowed into predatory slits.

"What. The. Hell. Are. You. Doing. Here?" She cursed softly, as her arms curled protectively around our child and she drew away from me.

"I, uh, I fell asleep, you were crying.... in your sleep. I... I was just t-trying to help," I stammered.

I was a full-grown Monarchy Alpha, only outranked by the Monarch himself, and the commander of our military's best core of warriors, yet in that moment, I actually was concerned for my life and well-being. A mother shewolf was the most dangerous creature on the planet, even more dangerous than a dark fae. If they felt they or their pup was threatened, they didn't stop until they or the threat was dead.

"Calm down, Shalom. I'm not a threat, I won't hurt you."

"Get. Out." She growled almost ferally, backing away. Her wolf was fully forward.

I could see her fangs and claws dropping as she challenged me. Clutching our son carefully to her as if he was the only thing in the world that mattered. To her and her wolf, he was.

"This is my house and you are mine." I couldn't stop my wolf from growling back.

He was angry that she was denying us her presence, taking our pup, threatening us. He didn't understand. Her body was healed, and she had no injury that he could see. He did not understand why she acted like we were a threat, he felt remorse for hurting her that night, but she was healed in his mind. Everything began to tint red, and I panted against it. She smelled so sweet, like cake to a starving person. I felt my jaw stretching with the need to mark her. I fought it with everything I was, begging my wolf not to do this. Warning him, if we marked her while she feared us, we would lose her forever.

She screamed as the shift began. My son was crying. My wolf seemed to realize her terror and we tried to pull back, but the Rage was too strong. It rode over our senses like a tsunami. My last clear sight was of Saul and Will rushing in and getting Shalom and Justice out of the room, then it all went red.

Saul and Will were sitting on Jake's porch with Richard and Grandpa Joshua, waiting for Jake and Shalom to wake. Will could feel that Jake was awake, but Saul said Shalom was still asleep. Will didn't need him to say so but said nothing. He thought it was weird to be able to feel her as part of the pack link now. She was having a nightmare. Will glanced at Saul, he was frowning. He had always been more sensitive to her needs than anyone else and Will couldn't help but wonder that if Shalom wasn't Jake's mate, would she be Saul's? The more he thought about it the weirder it seemed to think of Shalom and Saul as mates. Shalom and Saul had an almost sibling relationship, she treated him like he was her big brother.

Richard made a slight growl and turned his red wolf head to stare at the house. They all felt it; Shalom was angry and terrified, and Jake... Jake was losing control to the Rage. At Shalom's scream, Saul and Will rushed through the door into Jake's house. Shalom was cowering against the wall, clutching her baby so tightly he was crying. Her claws and fangs were out, and she looked ready to fight to the death. Jake was on his knees on the opposite side of the bed, shifting into his Raver. Saul got between Shalom and Jake's Raver in a moment. He pulled her against his back and was edging her out of the room, but Will couldn't hear what he was whispering to her.

Will's whole attention was focused on Jake. "Jake, big brother, you need to calm down. You need to breathe slowly and stop shifting, you're scaring Shalom. Jake, can you hear me? Nod your head."

Jake growled out some unintelligible sounds, as his jaw pushed into a new shape. He stuttered, "R-red-d-d...."

"Yes, I know. Everything turns red, it's the rage. You need to focus on a calm, happy memory. You need to think about the first time you held your son. Focus on how happy you felt. On how you wanted to be the best father ever," Will knew he was rambling, but he kept saying the things Greyson would say. He knew Jake would have thought all the things they both always desired. Will lost his future, so he would fight to help Jake keep his.

Jake let out a sound that was somewhere between a roar and a scream, slowly he started to shift back. In moments, Jake was laying on the floor, panting and sweaty, but in his skin again. "Sh-shalom?"

"She's fine, a little freaked out, but fine. Saul got her and the baby out of here. He..."

"HE! WANTS! MY! MATE!" Jake snarled.

Will could feel the Rage returning, jealousy boiling over Saul and Shalom's friendship. So, he did the only thing he could think of to diffuse this situation, he burst out laughing. Forcing out a big belly laugh, like Jake just told him he was going to dye his hair pink or something just as crazy. Uncertainty clouded Jake's features, he just stared at Will like he had lost his mind.

Will slapped Jake's back in brotherly affection. "Dude. You get funnier all the time. Saul wants your mate, pphbshhhah, that's awesome. Aw, man, I'm crying now." Will wiped his eyes, hard enough to make them tear-up.

Jake rocked back on his heels, confused, then growled, "Why would you say that? He loves her. I can see it."

"Yeah, loves her like a brother, same as me. Man, Jake, you have always had a jealous streak," Will said trying to distract him further.

Jake got up off the floor and staggered to the bed, he held her pillow to his nose for a moment. "I have never been a jealous person," he mumbled indignantly.

"Oh please. You were so jealous when you were dating Cassiopeia Rossi that you wouldn't even let me open a door for her, I was eleven... And when she found her mate, you went into a three-year funk. You were happy for her and you let her go, but you wanted to eat that poor wolf over that big boobed airhead." Will was taunting him to remember the most embarrassing relationship of his life. Cassie was very sweet, but Will thought she was as dumb as a box of rocks.

"We cared about each other then we couldn't because we weren't mates."

"Oh didn't we all know you weren't mates and were reminded of it every week for those three years." Meanwhile, listing all the Cassie-tastrophies, Will reminded Jake how glad the whole family was Jake didn't mate her.

Jake groaned as he hugged the pillow with Shalom's scent to his face, comparing the two females, but there really was no comparison. Shalom was strong, determined, independent, intelligent, and everything Cassie wasn't. He cared for Cassie, and enjoyed how she lavished attention on him, but he hated that he would be talking about almost anything and she would just stare at him with a completely blank look. She was beautiful, supermodel beautiful, but Cassiopeia never remembered anything he or anyone else told her. Jake remembered how she followed him around like a love-sick puppy. She bowed to his every whim, catered to his every want, but she had the personality of an empty white room. Everyone thought Julia had the patience of a saint to spend so much time with her.

"Cassie was a sweet female," Jake growled in his former lover's defense.

"Oh yeah, she was sweet as cotton candy and had just about as much common sense. Do you remember when we had to drive all the way to Denver because she ordered Julia's birthday cake from the wrong bakery and then it had real strawberry filling, which Jennifer was allergic to? And what about the time, she dyed all your socks, undershirts, and boxers pink? Julia spent a whole day dying them dark colors to fix it. Or the time she set Grandpa's beard on fire? Or ..." Will rambled on about the many mishaps of Cassiopea Rossi.

"Enough, Will. I know what you're doing. You're distracting me to calm me down," Jake announced tiredly.

Will just smirked at him. "Well, it worked, didn't it? Get a shower... you stink." Will squeaked out the last two words like a little kid as he wrinkled up his nose.

Jake almost smiled for a moment, but then he frowned instead. "Is... is she okay?"

Will linked Saul, sending the impression that Jake was better and worried for Shalom. The impression he got back reminded him of when he had the Rage and shifted to his Raver. Shalom had freaked out badly, had to be sedated, then was terrified of him for days. He also felt the warning that Richard would hurt Jake if he came to Richard's house.

"Will, tell me. Saul's blocking me, all I feel from him is anger." Jake eyed Will cautiously, pleading, "Please, I'll do anything she wants."

Will sighed, he wouldn't keep the truth from Jake, they were brothers, but Jake hadn't seen Shalom have one of her anxiety meltdowns.

"No, Jake, she's not okay. It's just... they may have to sedate her, like Greyson had to when I first met her. The first time I had the Rage, when she saw my raver... She has these nervous spells, severe anxiety attacks, PTSD really, from surviving the Revelation Night. She'll come around, Jake. She knows what happened... she knows it wasn't our fault. You... you just need to give her some time." Will fumbled for the words to say that would hurt the least, that would encourage Jake.

Without a word, Jake turned and went into the bathroom. Standing outside the door, Will heard his older brother crying as the shower ran. Jake, the one who had always been the strong one, was breaking down. Through their brotherly bond, Will could feel his pain and he wish he could help Jake, but this was the way things were. They both needed time. While Jake showered, William went in the kitchen and started digging through the freezer and pantry. He put some frozen biscuits and sausage patties in the oven to cook then poured canned gravy in a sauce pan to warm. He stripped, shifted, and ran to Richard's.

As Will quickly trotted across the compound toward Richard and Julia's house, he felt a twinge of sadness that he would never see his sister or his nieces again. Will thought about going to the grotto later, but right now, he needed to make sure his brother's mate and their child were okay.

Richard greeted Will with a snarl as he shifted to his skin.

Will snapped back at the giant red Raver. "He's not coming, I told him to stay home and give her some time."

The red raver huffed, and his wolf head turned in the direction of Jake's house, a protective growl rumbled in his chest. Giant yellowed daggers that were once canine teeth showed to the gumline.

"Give him a break Richard, he has a harder road than either of us now."

Richard's white eyes regarded him coolly, and he growled out the word, "My frrrrrieeeend."

"She's mine too, but she's his mate."

The giant red raver lifted his lip revealing his fangs again at the statement as if he didn't agree.

Saul stepped out on the porch holding the baby. "Keep him away for now, Will. She said he looked at her like he did that night. Nic says we're going to have to sedate her. She wants to leave. You know what she's like, you know what she fears."

"Okay, but he needs her as much as she fears him, Saul. She can't leave, he's barely holding on. That night broke both of them, not just her." Will shifted back to his wolf and sprinted for Jake's house.

By the time Jake came out from his shower and dressing, Will finished making the frozen biscuits, sausage patties, and canned gravy for their breakfast.

"Will, I can't eat," Jake complained.

"Dude, you gotta eat. You have to get your strength back. Look, I got a lot to tell you. Nic found something, in the data Shalom and Saul found in Denver. We think we found where the planes sprayed the chemical into the storm. There was a folder of images, weird lines laid over topographic maps. I didn't know what it was, and I was hoping you or Saul would. And Lance thinks he found where the planes were kept. He wants to go there, but he is waiting on Greyson to come back. None of the wolves can go to protect him, since we don't know if the Elm is still there..."

"Wait," Jake interrupted, "What did you call it?"

"Uhh, Nic calls the Project Elm Street chemical just Elm. What? What is it? You've turned pale. Jake... Jake? Do I need to have Saul send Nic over?" Will was trying not to panic as he watched the color drain from his brother's tanned face. Will could practically see the gears turning in his head.

"That. Damned. Fae." Jake muttered, "Find the elm and you'll find the answers, Alpha... All this time I thought it was a metaphor, but he meant the actual name of the chemical weapon." He blurted out, "I gotta talk to Dr Trinity. I have an idea."

Jake shoveled the food in his mouth chewing rapidly, then stopped and stared at Will like he was trying to poison him. He swallowed, almost painfully, before shoving his plate away.

"You are a terrible cook, little brother," Jake choked out, dumping coffee down his throat.

"Not that terrible," Will growled, "You're not dead."

"Yet," Jake retorted gruffly, then Will grinned at him, insisting, "Have another bite, I slaved over a hot can opener to make that gravy."

"Oh really?" Jake looked at him like he hadn't seen his brother in a long time. Evaluating, assessing, the way he watched the warriors he trained.

"I never told anyone I was a cook. Julia gave up trying to teach me," Will reminded him.

Jake chuckled, and they finished eating in silence, but it really was terrible.

"How do you do it, Will? How do you keep such a good attitude with all the crap we have gone through? Knowing what we did?" Jake asked pouring himself another cup of coffee.

Will leaned back in the chair, under his shirt, he could feel Molly's enameled silver locket resting on his skin. The solder used on Molly's locket had some silver in it, as did the raised lines above the glass, and it burned his skin lightly as it rubbed over his heart, but he welcomed the pain and the scarring. Will planned on having one of her wolf drawings tattooed onto his chest when he got back to civilization, so he would always have a piece of her creativity with him.

"I do it for her, for Molly. I do it, so she can see I'm not the wolf she met that night. I do it because she loved wolves and would want to find a way to save us. But I have it easy, she's gone, she was dead before I could hurt her, and knowing that... It doesn't hurt as much to remember what I did to her body. Molly is her diaries and artwork, and her beautifully determined spirit to me. Someday, when I go to the moon, she'll know I did everything after that night for her. But you have to see the pain every time you look in Shalom's eyes and smell her fear every time you walk in a room. You have it a lot harder, Jake, but I'll be here for you, whatever you need. Anything... Even if it means protecting her from you because she isn't ready to face you or is having a weak day... because I love you and I want for you what I will never have."

"You can always find a choice mate."

"Naw, I'm good." Will gave him a lop-sided grin.

Jake just stared at him, then he flashed Will the half-smirk, half-smile Will had seen his whole life and it almost reached Jake's eyes... almost. Then Jake demanded, "Who are you and what have you done with my little brother who was dating Betty and Katy at the same time?"

Will laughed, and corrected his older brother, "It was Brandy and Candy, and he's gone. You're stuck with me now and I am way more annoying. Your Sat-phone is charged. Call James later. You know he has to be freaking out. Everybody felt Justice's birth."