Quinn Shalom...

December after the Revelation Night...

I spent the weeks leading toward the holidays trying to learn what took Kenneth years to learn. I started studying the books I stole and reading Kenneth's work. He left me everything to survive, learn, and work on understanding his work. There was even a set of portable solar panels to run the computer he left there, with courses on everything I needed to help me understand. It was all so beyond anything I ever learned... I felt lost looking at the sheer volume of Kenneth's research.

I didn't know how he expected me to figure out what went wrong, if he didn't see it before he was killed. I felt like I was trapped in a maze and wished I could just walk in a straight line to get out but that wasn't going to happen.

They tested it against my recommendation...

Tested what? I wondered.

There had to be information he didn't have, that his whore kept from him, his boss Aliza Abbott. I met her once, she seemed nice, beautiful and friendly. After reading her notes, I despised her, I couldn't help it. Anyone so filled with hate for others solely based on their genetics was not even a person in my book. She needed to die, and not because she was screwing my husband, but because someone like her was a blight on humanity. I didn't even celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas because I had nothing to be thankful for or hopeful about.

VvvvvV

I dreamed again...

Kenneth was telling me about the new phase in his research. It is our 10th anniversary and we are sitting in a private cabin at the Mt Princeton Hot Springs. He arrived at home unexpectedly two days earlier. When I arrive home from picking the kids up from school, Darcy was waiting. He just made me pack an overnight bag, put me in the car, and brought me to the resort. It had been an amazingly romantic weekend. I watched him moving M&Ms around on the tabletop. He and Molly loved them, I hated them.

"The Red ones are those who will be most affected by the contaminates. They have genetic traits and the accompanying infections that always occur together. The Orange ones are people who have the traits but not the infections yet. The Yellow are people with a few traits who might get the infections, and Greens are people with even fewer traits who will most likely never get the infection."

"So, the genetic traits and the infections together make people sicker?" I asked because I really didn't understand.

"No. It doesn't make them sick in a classic sense like the flu. It is more passive than that. It changes their metabolism, so some environmental contaminants affect them like a poison. Like Darcy can't have certain artificial sweeteners or she gets migraines. People with the traits pass them on to their children. A Red will always have a Red or Orange child who will be susceptible to the contaminates, Oranges will have Orange or Yellow children, and so on and so forth. That is why my work is so important. I am not going to be gone for a week or two here and there. I could be gone for months at a time in some other part of the world. The whole future of life as we know it could depend on my work." He frowned in that way he got when he didn't know if what he was doing was going to be good enough.

"Isn't there anyone who is going to be okay?" I was really worried for our children.

Ken smiled and held up a blue M&M, "About 15% of the population will be completely unaffected, but that leaves the other 85% at risk. And anytime a Blue marries any other color besides Blue, their children always carry the other parent's trait level."

I looked at all the ways he arranged the M&Ms, it was almost too much for me to understand. Then I got a very cold feeling, "What are the effects?"

"Some have mental disabilities, developmental delays, metabolic disorders, immunologic problems, some could even die," he says the last part so softly, like one of the kids telling the scary part of a nightmare.

"What colors are we?" He raised an eyebrow at my question. I just gave him a stern glare to hide my fear. "I know you already know. What are you? What are we?"

He swallowed, and sighed heavily, moving a Blue and an Orange between us and an Orange and Yellow M&Ms beside them. I stare at the Orange closest to me, Molly's was Orange too, Miles was Yellow. Ken's was Blue.

I couldn't stop the tears, Molly and I were high level trait carriers, the environmental contamination caused her developmental delays.

"I made Molly sick?" My grief choked me.

"NO... no... You did not make her sick, Quinn. Your genetics makes you strong, immune to a lot of other things that make normal people sick. It was just bad luck that Molly developed Asperger's. And look at her, look at how well she does, how well she copes, how hard she tries. You did that! You taught her to do that and now you are helping other mothers who face the same thing. You turned what we went through into a platform to help others. 1 in 60 children develop it every year, and every year that ratio gets smaller. I want to stop it, so Molly and Miles don't have to worry about their children, so when they have children your work helping families cope with Autism spectrum won't be needed."

He held my face in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs. "Your work now is more important than mine. You help people cope, you help them heal, you keep families together. I'm just a glorified janitor cleaning up someone else's mess. I can't tell you how proud you make me."

I chewed my lip for a moment then leaned in to kiss him. Afterward I whispered, my forehead pressing into his, "You do whatever you have to do to find a way to fix this. I'll support you. I don't care how long it takes, how long you're gone, just do it. I know you can do it. I know you can figure it out. I love you."

"I love you more," he whispered back, his lips against my cheek...

I woke with the memory of the warmth of his whisper on my skin, 'I love you more'. Was it a lie?

Rolling over I pulled his letter out of the drawer and read it again, then I laid in bed and cried. I hated Kenneth as much as I had once loved him, and I hated myself that I still loved him too. I wished I had never stopped running, I would have been better off alone.

VvvvvV

The day before Miles' birthday I made a horrifying discovery. Kenneth was studying the anti-Nonhuman antigen that was added to flu shots and routine vaccinations for two decades. While working with the most recent vaccine additive to prevent those with nonhuman genetics exposed to the trans-formative virus from becoming infected and changing, he realized it was causing metabolism defects, mental and behavioral issues in young children, and even deaths.

The Human Purity Project directors had done nothing about it. He developed a new form without the drastic side effects. He was so proud of it, only to discover that the milder symptoms showed up years later after repeated doses. The higher the genome percentage, the more likely the side effects. Molly was in the first group tested with Kenneth's development; Miles was given vaccines without the additive. Looking at the dates, I knew that two years later, Molly was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I needed to stop for the day. I wasn't the one who made Molly Autistic, he was.

Snowed in again, all I had to do was continue to study the notes Kenneth had made, but after reading that, I just couldn't. Our children were his guinea pigs. My husband made our daughter the way she was, trapped her in the prison of her mind because of his pride, so confident that his vaccine additive didn't have side effects. I hated him.

Two days later, I finished my last bottle of whiskey with my wolf taunting me that I wouldn't get so lucky to die or lose our pup to alcohol poisoning, wolves were stronger than humans. I shouted at her how much I hated her and all wolves. My voice echoing harshly off the walls of my tiny house as I screamed about how much I hated that I lived. I only lived to find the truth and what I found was worse than anything I could have imagined. I ran outside and threw myself down in the drift covered meadow. Staring at the sky and waiting to freeze to death.

I woke up inside, in a tub of warm water. My frozen vomit covered clothes in the sink. In the living room, the clock chimed midnight. I dressed and went to bed. My New Year's resolution was to quit drinking and find the truth. Hers was to have and raise our pup without our mate or me.

Then I had the strangest dream...

I was standing in a snow-covered meadow surrounded by mountains. The one near my cabin where I tried to die only hours earlier. Gerard was standing there looking around curiously. I couldn't help my shock that he was standing in my dream, or that it didn't feel like a dream at all.

"This is lovely, are you near this place now?"

I turned around looking at the scene, so I was not facing him when I spoke, "I have no idea where this is. It's beautiful. Someplace you know from France or Canada?" I don't know why I lied to him, but I did. I didn't want anyone to know where I was.

He shook his head, "I have never seen this place either."

"What are you doing in my dream, Gerard?"

"I was worried about you, mon petit loupe. No one has seen or heard from you since you were taken from the hospital and replaced with that other shewolf. No one will tell me anything." He sounded so worried and sincere. He hugged me in the dream, and I felt comforted, but strangely like I was betraying Kenneth. "Why are you so sad, mon loup?"

"I'm not, not really." I felt guilty for misleading the one who saved my life. "Gerard, you shouldn't ask about me. They might come after you too."

"Is someone after you? Are you and your child in danger?" He sounded concerned. "I can protect you."

"Gerard, they were at my house, waiting for me. Dark Ones. I'm in hiding 'till I can figure some things out. Please, don't look for me, I don't want you in danger. Know that I am warm and safe," I assured him.

He brushed the back of his knuckles across my cheek. "I am here for you, Quinn, I gave you my blood and my oath. You can trust me. You are the bravest female I have ever met."

Tears swelled in my eyes, because I was not brave. "I can't trust anyone right now, maybe not ever again. And neither should you. There are evil people who did all of this. Please, please be careful, Gerard. I'm sorry. I need to wake up now." I made myself step away from him and the feelings he gave me.

The wind blew hard as the snow swirled around us; Gerard called out to me to wait.

I opened my eyes to the darkness of my room and the hum of the heater keeping the house at 60 degrees. Turning on my side, I started to cry. I was so lonely, my wolf was so lonely, we were fighting all the time, but I couldn't risk anyone else getting killed or hurt until I figured out what happened. I knew I had neighbors, but I hadn't seen any of them recently. Maybe tomorrow, or next week, I would drive to one of the towns, maybe I'd run into one of them. But what if they weren't nice? What if I ran into one of the monsters?

My mind went back to Kenneth's research as it always did. Nothing in Purity's research indicated that anything like what did happened could happen. I couldn't go back to sleep. Part of me hoped Gerard would come and find me. Each and every day by myself, I knew I was breaking down. I didn't want to be alone anymore and neither did my wolf.

VvvvvV

Galen watched his brother Gerard dream-scrying to the missing shewolf. She was beautiful, her soul shone like a star in the dark sky. They were standing in a snowy field surrounded by mountains. She claimed she didn't know where they were, but Galen was sure she wasn't being truthful. Then she revealed someone was after her, and she didn't want to put him in danger. Galen rolled his eyes; Gerard was the most dangerous thing to her. Galen's older brother wanted a reading on this shewolf's soul, and he wasn't going to be happy. His brother's charm always worked on the innocent, but not this time. Gerard swore colorfully as the images faded into nothingness. She went dark on him.

Galen pointed out, "She is far too selfless to put anyone else at risk, even when she doesn't understand what the risks are. Her soul is pure."

"I think she must have realized who her mate is, if she went into hiding so quickly." Gerard tapped his perfect chin thoughtfully.

"Ger, she doesn't know anything about the werewolf world or monarchy, there is no way she knows who her mate could be," Galen reminded him, but Gerard didn't seem convinced.

"Perhaps she knows her husband's work has the answer and is trying to figure out what happened? She has more reason than anyone to seek the truth," Galen suggested, "To vindicate her husband."

Gerard sat back and stretched; he shook his head in disbelief. "She barely has a high school education. And Troy was keeping it all from her. He was worried Director Abbott might harm her and their children if she knew about their work."

Galen couldn't help his smirk. "How is Aliza?"

Gerard laughed, and answered smugly, "Beautiful, vain, and still easily seduced."

His arrogance knew no bounds, so Galen needled him, "Mon petit loupe? Since when are you so French, you hated the old country. Still, I can't believe the little shewolf shot you down, she actually resisted your charms, big brother. You must be losing your touch."

He gave his younger brother a mocking glare, "You are the devil, little brother."

Galen snorted derisively. "Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

Gerard reached up and ruffled Galen's dark hair which he hated, "I don't have to, I only have to look at you."

Galen narrowed his eyes, demanding sarcastically, "Hmmm, and how long will I have to bear the burden of your 'enlightened' soul?"

"Not much longer but think of all the fun you can have while you carry it," Gerard offered benevolently.

Galen frowned, and reminded his brother, "It's only the kind of fun you would choose. When this is over, I look forward to going back to my old ways and my true soul-self."

It was Gerard's turn to snort, mocking, "Boring. Where's the fun in that?"

"Exactly." Galen stood. "We are even now. I owed you a reading and it is done. Still why would you choose this little wolf when you could have had me read any of your enemies? What's special about her?"

Gerard gave him a devilish grin. "Nothing as far as she or anyone else knows. Will you be coming to visit mother and the clan soon?"

"No... Goodbye, brother. Call me when you want your curse back."

As he flew away, Galen decided he needed to call in a favor from an old friend. Gerard became testy when he didn't get his way and tended to make rash choices that created problems. Galen knew his brother wanted this shewolf. Gerard gave her his blood to keep her alive, but what Galen didn't know was why. Why was this newly turned shewolf in particular so important to his brother? Galen wondered if Gerard knew about the pup she carried. Galen decided he needed to find her first and protect her from whatever Gerard's end game was.

VvvvvV

Quinn Shalom...

In the three and a half months I lived in Kenneth's little cottage, I only met a few others who live around here in the last month. I told them my name was Shalom Smith and showed them the fake ID Kenneth left in the cottage for me. There was a vampire with a human beloved and her human family, four wolves, five other humans, and a Fae and human couple who barely escaped the city. Once a week since the New Year, we met in the small cafe in the little town to the south called Westcliff or made the trek as a group to one of the cities by the Interstate. It seemed we added a person or wolf to our group every few weeks.

Everyone was worried about my pregnancy.

I felt it kick. I can't hate it anymore; it is my child.

It wasn't safe to travel alone because of THEM. We call them Ravers because they are raving mad. THEY were the wolves and vampires who had not recovered from the Revelation Night. They were always naked, deranged, and reeking of aggression. They never spoke, only growled, and their eyes were clouded like a corpse's, so at least they didn't seem to see well. There were only two things to know about them; kill on site, and never ever run if they see, smell, or hear you.

They remind me of these creatures from an old Sci-Fi series that Kenneth loved called Firefly. When they made it into a movie, we stood in the rain for three hours so he could be one of the first to see it. Those creatures were called Reavers, people driven mad by an environmental toxin put in the air. The cause and effect were the same that I faced now. It was terrifying to have seen science fiction become fact with the deaths of two million souls.

Merle Grayson, a fae veterinarian, and Jon Lance, a human forensic pathologist and CSI, trapped a Raver in their barn, hoping to heal it and make it sane. They gave it food every day, but it wouldn't eat anything that wasn't freshly dead. It began eating itself rather than consume meat that was cold and bloodless. Even when it was too weak to stand or crawl, it tried to attack them. As doctors, they were both horrified. They performed a bunch of tests that showed no bacterial or viral infection and nothing that appeared on a tox-screen. Lance even autopsied it. The Raver had the expected malnutrition, minor wound infections, and starvation, however nothing seemed grossly abnormal.

The only odd things in its blood chemistry were that it had scurvy and anemia besides the expected elevated testosterone and adrenaline levels. Its corneas were clouded like it developed cataracts, but they didn't know why. Whatever made the nonhumans sick that night did its job and vanished. I wondered about sharing Kenneth's work with them and decided I would. I hoped they could find something because I had had no luck.