“It was like we were exchanging codes, on how to be a father and a daughter, like we'd read about it in a manual, translated from another language, and were doing our best with what we could understand.” Aimee Bender, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake

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Chapter Nineteen

“Ow,” groaned Imogen lethargically as she came to. What was that pounding in her head? And why could she hear it? How could one possibly hear pain?

Her temple was absolutely throbbing. Her entire body ached. What on earth had happened?

“Imogen?” gasped a panicky Alexandra. “Imogen, are you awake?”

“Mm,” moaned Imogen. Her eyes fluttered open. Her vision was blurry and it took a moment to focus. She was in her bedroom. It was dark, only illuminated by a few flickering candles.

Alexandra sat in the chair beside her bed while her mother was currently dozing in the settee next to the fireplace. Imogen wondered what time it was. It had to be very late.

“Mama!” cried Alexandra. “Mama, wake up! Imogen is conscious!”

Bess immediately stirred and raced over to the bed to tend to Imogen.

“What happened?” asked Imogen quietly. It was hard to hear her own voice over the sound of her head throbbing. She could remember being out on the ride, and she could remember congratulating Alexandra on her engagement, but the rest was blank. Had she fainted? She had fainted dozens of times before without losing any of her memory.

“Your horse spooked,” explained Alexandra tenderly. “You fell from your saddle and you hit your head. But fear not. Doctor Richardson has been to see you and he says there is nothing to worry about.”

“You just need to rest, sweetheart,” her mother said softly as she brushed her hand over her forehead. Imogen did not feel the action, which told her that either she had lost all feeling in the area, or that it was bandaged. The former was slightly dramatic so she assumed the latter.

“My head hurts,” Imogen complained.

“You have a few stitches,” replied Bess, “little ones, so no scar. I have some laudanum somewhere. Would you like me to fetch it? I do not want you in any pain.”

Imogen nodded, but immediately regretted the action. Nodding felt as though she were jostling the pain around inside her head. Bess quickly left the bedroom to hunt down the laudanum.

“Oh, I was so frightened,” exclaimed Alexandra. “Just seeing you on the ground unconscious …” Alexandra shook her head as she trailed off. “Imogen, I do not know what I would have done if something had happened to you.”

“I have been unconscious plenty of times before,” murmured Imogen.

Alexandra seized her hand. “But not like that. I was panicking, Joaquín was trying to keep me from fainting from shock, but Simon …”

“What about Simon?” Imogen had tensed at the mention of Simon’s name, an action she quickly regretted. She had severe bruising on her abdominal muscles, she could feel it. She immediately relaxed and felt relief.

“Oh, he was brilliant,” gushed Alexandra. “A true military commander. He immediately set us to work, sending Joaquín and I off in search of the doctor while he brought you home on his horse. He did not panic. He led us calmly and he made sure that you had everything you needed.”

Imogen smiled. She could just imagine Simon protecting her, just like he did everyone in his life. Imogen had always been reluctant to allow herself to rely on people, but she felt a certain harmony with Simon. He pushed her to try, yet he was always there in case she fell, literally.

“Is he still here?” Imogen asked Alexandra hopefully. She knew it was late, but she could still hope. She wanted to thank him properly. If he had retired then she would wait until morning, of course.

Alexandra pursed her lips and shook her head. “No …” she said awkwardly.

“Why do you say it like that?” asked Imogen curiously.

“Well, no one knows exactly where he went,” Alexandra said slowly.

Imogen’s eyes narrowed. “What?” Did he simply wander off? Where could he be?

“He was here,” Alexandra said insistently, “he was here all afternoon. Joaquín said he was pacing the foyer to the point where he was about to wear a hole in the floor!” She huffed. “James and Rebecca arrived for dinner and then suddenly we realised Simon was missing. One minute he was here, and the next he was gone. James and Rebecca sent word from Salisbury Hall when they returned home to say that he was not there. One of their horses is missing. He … rode off, we think.” Alexandra chewed on her bottom lip nervously.

“Rode off?” repeated Imogen. “What do you mean he rode off? Did he leave Derbyshire? Is it permanent? Is he coming back?” Imogen immediately started to panic. Simon would not just leave without telling anyone. What could have possibly happened to make him leave so abruptly?

A sudden thought popped into Imogen’s head. Something had indeed happened today. Simon had got a taste of what life would be like with Imogen. A simple ride had turned into a medical emergency. Simon was forced to carry her across the countryside in search of a doctor. Perhaps he did not want to deal with a wife who fainted and needed carrying and could not even handle a horse properly.

“He rode off,” Alexandra said again. “James said he handed Simon a letter and then he suddenly disappeared.”

Imogen’s eyes narrowed. “You neglected to tell me that little titbit of information,” she snapped. “What letter?”

“Oh.” Alexandra blushed. “I do not know anything about the letter, just that there was one.”

Imogen felt relieved. She knew Simon was too noble to simply abandon his family. It went completely against his character to abandon those he cared about. All he did was care for people. His men, his family, and now her.

But what had been in the letter that could take him away so quickly? She hoped it was not bad news. But it had to be. Only bad news would take him away without explanation. He must have been in such a hurry. Something dreadful must have happened.

Imogen’s thought immediately travelled to his son, Harry. Had something happened to him? She prayed she was wrong.

“I am sure everything will be fine,” promised Alexandra. “You must concentrate on getting better now. Rest.”

“I am sorry for ruining your day, Allie,” apologised Imogen as she settled back into bed. She had become quite rigid as she stressed over what had happened to Simon. “It is not every day that you get engaged.”

Before Alexandra could reply, the sound of Imogen’s bedroom door shutting disturbed them both. “Engaged?” gasped Bess.

“Mama,” exclaimed Alexandra, “we did not hear you come in.”

Bess ignored her. “Tell me, Allie, are you engaged?” she asked excitedly. She hurried over to her daughters and set the bottle of laudanum and a teaspoon on the side table.

Alexandra helplessly nodded.

Bess beamed with delight and pulled Alexandra into a tight hug. “Oh, this is wonderful!” she cried. “I am so happy for you, my darling girl. After so long, you shall finally be happy.” Bess kissed her cheek. “Alright, let me give your sister some laudanum and we must all start discussing wedding clothes.” Bess uncorked the bottle of laudanum and poured some onto the teaspoon before feeding it to Imogen. “I assume Joaquín will need to return to Spain shortly. He cannot be away from his Court for much longer. Will the wedding be here in England? Or will we all travel to Spain? I do not know how your grandparents would fare on a journey like that. Travelling between Bath and Derbyshire is trying enough,” she rambled before gasping. “But Joaquín is Catholic!” she exclaimed. “Would you have a priest as well as our vicar?” she asked. “Will you convert?” Bess pursed her lips. “I do not know how I feel about that, though I suppose Elena converted when she married David so that their children could be brought up with one religion. But what of your children? Oh, I would so like them to be christened here, but I know that is not feasible. Promise me that you will raise them to speak English as well as Spanish. I am too old to learn a new language. My schooling days are long over.”

“Mama!” cried Alexandra, after trying to interrupt for nearly a minute. Alexandra looked thoroughly embarrassed.

“What?” asked Bess.

“We have been engaged for mere hours!” Alexandra huffed. “We have not had a chance to think about the christening arrangements for our children.” She rolled her eyes. “Wedding clothes will be as far as we go this week, I think. I do not know much about anything else. Just let us be happy for a short while, Mama. There is much for Joaquín and I to discuss, but that will happen later. I know I will do whatever I must to be his wife. I know I will have to compromise but I am willing to do that.”

Bess begrudgingly accepted that. “Well, as soon as Imogen is on her feet, then we shall go into the village to look at the catalogues. If there is nothing suitable in there for a lovely new wedding dress then we shall order something from London.”

Alexandra and Imogen exchanged a knowing glance. Their mother had a habit of turning weddings into grand, often ostentatious, affairs. This was to compensate for the fact that she had no such wedding. Even though Bess had always claimed that she had not wanted a fancy wedding, it was obvious that she was fulfilling a dream of hers every time she planned one.

“Mama, let us leave Imogen in peace. She needs to sleep soundly. We can discuss all things wedding in the morning. Joaquín is yet to ask Papa’s permission. We have that to look forward to.” Alexandra giggled.

Imogen smiled as Bess and Alexandra left her bedroom. The laudanum had started to work and Imogen did not feel the pain in her forehead or muscles anymore. She was able to reach out to her lamp to turn it down.

Just as sleep was about to claim her, she found herself thinking of little Harry Spencer. She did not know what he looked like, but she imagined a little, blond cherub. She hoped he would be alright.

There was something eerie about Mrs Hepburn’s Somerset cottage. It was not the same as it had been when he had visited four years earlier. It seemed lifeless and grey. Simon got the awful feeling that he was too late.

There was no livestock. The chicken coup was empty and there was no smoke coming from the chimney, which was odd as winter approached.

He had been riding for several days, stopping wherever he could to rest his horse, but he did not want to lose any time.

Simon dismounted his horse and led him inside the small gate. The horse soon began munching on the grass. Simon approached the door and opened it, not bothering to knock.

His suspicions were confirmed. The house was empty. There was still a handful of furniture pieces, but the possessions, the things that made a house a home, were gone. Mrs Hepburn and Hannah did not live here anymore.

Dread and worry filled him. If he was too late, then Hannah could already be in an orphanage. He would need to seek it out. He would have to adopt her. That thought stopped him in his tracks. He had not quite decided what he was going to do when he collected Hannah. Was he going to take her in? Or was he going to put her into a good home, like with James and Rebecca.

He did not know.

“What are you doing?”

A gruff voice from behind Simon disturbed him. He spun around quickly to see an ageing man in his forties glaring at him. Simon knew the scene before the farmer looking suspicious. Simon looked like a snooping thief.

The farmer sat atop a small cart with what looked like groceries in the back. Sacks of flour and grain were stacked neatly.

“I am looking for Mrs Hepburn,” replied Simon. He prayed that there was a chance that she was simply in the care of the doctor.

The farmer’s eyes softened. “Oh, I see.” Simon could tell from his tone that Mrs Hepburn was gone. “She is with the Lord, sir,” he replied. “Gone about a fortnight now.”

Simon closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was too late. But where was Hannah? Had she already been taken? “And her daughter?” he asked.

The farmer peered closer at Simon. He brought his own hand up to the right side of his bearded face, the exact location of Simon’s scar. It was something people often did when they first saw him. “Your face,” he realised. “You must be Colonel Spencer.”

“You have heard of me?” Simon took hold of the reins of his horse and immediately climbed atop him.

The farmer nodded. “Evelyn told us you might be coming to collect young Hannah. She told us to wait a month for you before we sent her away. She gave us as much money as she could.” He sighed sadly. “My name is Tom Benson, Colonel. My wife and I have seven children of our own. I struggle to feed them, let alone another one. Hannah is a sweet girl, but we cannot afford her.”

“Take me to her,” instructed Simon authoritatively. It was making him anxious to be apart from this child. He wanted to see her, to know she was safe. He was going to take Hannah with him, no matter what.

Tom nodded. “Follow me, sir. We live about a half mile away.”

Simon rode behind Tom as the farmer led him to the small house where he, his wife, and his seven children lived. The house was narrow, and two storeys high. It looked tired, but humble. Smoke was slowly puffing out of the chimneys and Simon could smell something delicious cooking.

His stomach grumbled. He had not eaten properly in days, though he would never take any food from these people. With seven children, they needed every serving.

Simon helped Tom to unload his cart and he followed him inside. The interior of the house was very warm and comfortable. They entered into a small sitting room which consisted of a settee and two overstuffed armchairs which sat adjacent to a roaring fireplace. The kitchen was off the sitting room and Simon could see a small, kindly woman humming away as she tended to her cooking pots.

Simon was nearly knocked over by two little boys as they ran past him to hug their father. The boys looked of a similar age, perhaps a year between them. Their hair was a dark blond colour, similar to that of their greying father.

“Go and fetch Hannah, would you, Michael?” asked Tom.

Hearing her name brought Simon’s nerves to the surface. This was it. He was to meet her.

The boys hurried off to in search of Hannah. Tom led Simon through the sitting room and into the kitchen, where he motioned for Simon to put the two sacks of flour that he was carrying.

Tom kissed the cheek of his wife, and she jumped in surprise, before laughing lightly and kissing him softly. “We have company, Alice,” he informed her.

Alice’s head immediately searched for another person, and her green eyes widened when she saw Simon standing in the kitchen entry. She self-consciously wiped her hands on her apron. Alice was a pretty woman, with lips and cheeks that told him that she smiled often. As Alice looked him over, her eyes, too, settled on his scar. Realisation flooded her face. “Colonel Spencer,” she whispered.

“A pleasure, Mrs Benson,” Simon said politely. His scar must have been the only thing that Mrs Hepburn could remember about his appearance.

“Can I get you something to drink?” she offered. “Or are you hungry? I am sure I have got some stew leftover from luncheon. That is if Charlie has not already found it.”

“Charlie is our eldest son,” explained Tom quietly. “He helps me in the field and eats anything he sees.”

“No, thank you, Mrs Benson,” replied Simon. “I am quite alright.”

“Are you sure? It is no trouble,” she promised.

Simon could tell, though, that she was doing sums in her head, as if to work out just how much food they had for their next meal. “I stopped for a meal a few villages over. I am still quite full,” he lied.

“Alright then,” Alice replied, smiling. “I suppose you have come to see Hannah?”

Simon nodded. “Yes. I received a letter from Mrs Hepburn. It was her wish that I take her.”

Alice nodded. “Yes, it was. Evelyn spoke so highly of you. There was hardly a day when she did not slip you into conversation. She was ever so grateful to you for helping her, after everything that happened with George.”

Simon stiffened subtly at the mention of George Hepburn. Did these people know him? Had they known him before he went away to join Her Majesty’s army? “Mr Hepburn was one of my men,” he said quietly.

“Yes, we know,” replied Tom. “We all thought the military would be a good place for George.”

“Why?” asked Simon.

“George was always … odd,” said Alice. “Poor Evelyn loved him to pieces, but there was always something odd about George. You always got the impression that he was holding something back, as though one day, something would set him off.”

This was news to Simon. He had never been told this by any of the men who had worked closely with him. Battle, it seemed, had been the environment to set him off. Had he always been mad? Simon did not want to simply dismiss his guilt, but hearing this testimony put some things in perspective for him.

“We are sorry for what he did to you,” quietly apologised Tom.

Simon was so used to rebuffing apologies when it came to his scar. He always simply said ‘it was an accident’. But for the first time ever, he just said, “Thank you.” He would never blame George Hepburn for being ill, or mad, or whichever, but he would never blame himself again.

At that moment, the two little boys appeared in the kitchen, this time with a small girl. Simon’s breath caught in his throat as he looked at her. She was a small, pale child, with straight, chocolate brown hair that fell to her hips. She wore a tatty, worn dress that was patched in several places, and she was covered in grass stains.

According to her mother, Hannah was five years old, but she looked undernourished, as though she had not been getting enough to eat for a while. He wished Mrs Hepburn had simply asked him for more money, for the doctor and for food whenever they needed it. He would have gladly given it.

Hannah looked up at the stranger curiously. She had a very sweet face, but the main feature were her large, dark brown eyes. She was angelic. He could see that she had noticed his scar, but she did not say anything. She merely smile, flashing him her small, white baby teeth.

Simon decided in that moment to take her in. He would jump in blindly, and do whatever he could to be the best father he could be.

“Hannah, say hello to …” Tom paused. “What would you like her to call you?”

Perhaps it was too soon for her to refer to him as her father. “Simon will do,” he replied. One step at a time.

“Hannah, say hello to Simon,” Tom introduced.

“Hello, Simon,” greeted Hannah.

“Hello, Hannah,” replied Simon carefully. “I was a friend of your mother’s.”

“Mama is in heaven,” stated Hannah confidently.

Children could never properly comprehend death, or what it meant to be truly gone. Simon knew that he would have to explain it to her properly when she was a little older.

“Yes,” he said, nodding, “she is. Hannah, how would you feel about coming to live with me in Derbyshire?” he proposed. He knew it would be a shock for James to arrive at Salisbury Hall with a child, but he knew his brother would understand.

But how could he take in Hannah while leaving his other child in London? In this moment of clarity, he would make their little unconventional family complete.

“Why?” asked Hannah.

“Because your mother wanted me to take care of you,” replied Simon. “And I promise you, I will take good care of you.”

Hannah looked to Tom and Alice, to see if she could trust this strange man. They both nodded encouragingly. “Does that mean that you will be my Papa?” she asked. “Like Mr Benson is Jack and Henry’s Papa?”

Simon nodded. It was the truth. She could call him ‘Papa’ when she felt comfortable to, otherwise ‘Simon’ was perfectly alright.

This pleased Hannah very much. She beamed. “I never had a Papa before!” she exclaimed. Much to Simon’s surprise, trusting Hannah leapt into his arms. She was very light, and she could hold her weight on one forearm. “How did you hurt your face?” Hannah asked curiously. She touched his scar softly.

Only one other person had touched his scar, aside from his doctors, and that was Imogen. He felt such a sense of acceptance as Imogen had touched his scar, just as he did now. He did not want Hannah to be afraid of him.

But Hannah’s question was one that he would never truthfully answer, not even when she was grown. If she was unaware of what had happened to her father then that was how her mother had wanted it. “I hurt it while I was working,” he said. “It was just a silly accident,” he lied. That would be the last time that he called it an accident.

“Does it hurt?” she wondered aloud.

“No,” he told her. He placed Hannah on the ground and told her to collect her belongings. Hannah quickly scurried off with her little friends. She seemed very excited.

“Did you want to stay for dinner?” asked Alice.

“I thank you, no,” replied Simon. “We have a long journey ahead and we had better start.” Simon fished his money pouch out from the inside of his coat and fished out a ten pound note. Winter was coming, and that would surely help this family sustain themselves. “I shall hear no objection,” he instructed as he held out the money to Tom.

Tom clearly looked reluctant to take it, but Simon’s firm, authoritative gaze told him to obey. “Thank you, Colonel, very much,” he said gratefully.

Alice was suddenly teary. “That is so kind of you,” she gushed.

“Thank you for caring for Hannah, and for waiting for me. I sincerely appreciate it. You have my word that she will be safe and cared for with me,” he promised.

“We do not doubt it, Colonel,” said Tom faithfully.

Hannah returned wearing a pink, hole-filled, shawl. She had also fixed a tatty hair ribbon to her head, though the bow was sloppy. Was this all she had? One dress, a moth eaten shawl, and an old ribbon?

Why, oh why, had Mrs Hepburn not written him to ask for more?

Alice sank to her knees before Hannah and gave her a kiss on the forehead. “We will miss you, Hannah,” she said softly.

“Goodbye, Hannah,” said Tom, as he ruffled her hair, causing Hannah to giggle.

Hannah said goodbye to her friends in the Benson children and Simon helped her onto the horse. He climbed on top of the horse as well and sat behind her. Placing his arms around his new daughter, he took hold of the reins and moved the horse on. They both waved to the Bensons as Simon pushed the horse into a trot.

“Simon, can I ask you a question?” asked Hannah after they had been riding for around ten minutes.

“Yes,” he replied.

“Can I call you ‘Papa’?”

He had to admit that she pulled at his heartstrings as she asked that question. It was astounding how fond he was of her already. “Of course you may.”

“Are we going to Derbyshire now, Papa?” asked Hannah next.

Simon liked hearing that title. “No, not yet,” he answered. “We are going to London.”

“What is in London?”

He took a deep breath. “Your little brother.”

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Looooonnnnggg chapter for you :) This was 10 pages on word lol. 

Apologies by the way for my football freak out on Instagram. You will see me post stuff like that most weekends lol. Basically my team were playing the best team in the competition - Hawthorn. The Hawks won the premiership last year and everyone was expecting them to go undefeated this season. My team were down by 16 points with 3 minutes to go. My family were nearly dying from screaming and heart attacks lol. Joey Daniher scores a goal to put us only 10 points down. There's still only a couple of minutes to go and we're thinking this isn't going to happen. Then all of a sudden speedster Travis Colyer just boots another goal and we're only 4 points down and thinking "HOLY GUACAMOLE WE CAN DO THIS!" and then our full back Cale Hooker, (full back meaning main defender and not a goal kicker) appears in the forward line, snaps a goal with 57 seconds to spare and we're two points in front! My family were screaming the house down, it's a wonder our neighbours didn't call the cops thinking someone was being murdered :P But we managed to hold onto the lead to beat the best team in the AFL, showing that Essendon are Grand Final contenders this year!! Could I be a football commentator or what? I'm going to post a video of the final two minutes on the side. A lot of people ask me what Australian football is too so that's what it is. 

Anyways, vote and comment!!