Once I was home, I took out the pink notebook that once belonged to Hayley. I studied it and left it beside me as I tried to gather enough strength to pick it up. Eventually, I did and held the journal as I stared at its pink cover. I heaved a sigh as I opened it. My eyes fell upon the first two words, which caused me to slam the book shut again. I expected the usual 'Dear Diary' or 'Dear Journal' greeting. Instead, Hayley's high school handwriting began with 'Dear Taylor'. I heaved another sigh as I forced myself to open the journal again. My heart began to pound at my chest, it giving me a tight, subtle pain again.

Dear Taylor,

I will probably never tell you this, but I'm a cutter. Yup, I'm one of those emos. I started it about a year ago, then stopped during first semester. I'm at it again. Thing is, I never was happy. My parents are divorced and they still argue. I'm still bullied here and there. And there's hardly anyone there for me. You're just about all I have. Josh doesn't know about this. My cuts, I mean. You don't know about it. Jeremy and Zac don't know about it. It's just me... and this 'God' my mom forces me to believe in. I don't know, T. Wouldn't you think that he would have made things easier by now if he were real? I tend to question the whole thing.

I would ask you, but... I'll leave you to your opinions. And I'm also afraid of judgment. You wouldn't judge me, would you? I mean, I know it's a silly question to ask, considering we've been best friends since middle school... but people change, you know? Even I've changed. I'm changing now, actually.

I dunno... I really want to talk to you about this, but I guess that won't happen. I wouldn't want to bother you with my stupid, sad songs. I guess this is part of being a teen, huh? So far, I hate it. It's not anything I have ever thought of.

I studied the page, then started to leaf through the rest of the journal, all of the entrees starting with 'Dear Taylor'. It gave me a weird chill as I felt goosebumps rise on my skin. I heaved a sigh as I skimmed through a few more pages, until I found her handwriting in red ink. The page had hearts drawn around it.

I felt a pang in my chest as a memory of her laugh and smile came to my mind. I closed the journal and put it down on my bed as I lied down, staring up at the ceiling. I missed Hayley. I missed her more than anything. No one could ever mount up to her. I closed my eyes as I exhaled, Hayley still flooding my mind, like she always did. She never did leave me. She haunted me, almost. But I didn't mind it. As long as I got to see her for that time being.