As much as happiness now controlled my life for good, there was always something on my mind. Jackson. We hadn't spoken in over half a year, and the complete radio silence would sometimes haunt me so much that I would go to dial his number only to pause and place the phone down.

The truth was that I was scared of seeing him again. Scared because I would have to face that fact that I had used and manipulated someone, placing my interests above the feelings of someone else. Having to face up to the fact that you have hurt someone isn't hard. It's uncomfortable. It made me feel sick to my stomach.

What made it worse was the fact that Jackson and Namjoom continued their friendship as it had always been. Further guilt plagued me when I thought about the fact that I hadn't told Namjoom either what happened. And sometimes when a guilty conscience becomes too much it needs to be lifted from us.

That was how I found myself in tears one evening confessing everything to Namjoon. The kiss. His words. My actions. He sat there with a composed face, something I knew he did when he was processing information.

"You need to speak with him," Namjoon said softly, taking my hands on his, "You need to apologise and hope that he will take that. One bad action doesn't make you a bad person. It's the way that you respond and make amends that shows your true judge of character."

With his words ringing in my ears I planned the next day to go and visit Jackson, finally closing the door on a chapter of my life I wished I could forget. Booking a meeting with him - knowing fully well he would refuse to see me otherwise - I found myself feeling sick with nerves as I sat in the waiting room for his office.

My blood ran cold when I saw him walk towards me, gesturing that I could enter his office. His face was not angry, but I could tell there was something seething behind the professional demeanour he had put on. My leg began to twitch as I took a seat, and I waited a moment to compose myself.

"You wish to discuss your financial future prospects today Miss [Y/L/N]," he said icily, barely even looking me in the eye.

"I wish to discuss my future," I said slowly, "A future where I hope you have forgiven me."

He finally looked me in the eye, his hard exterior softening for a moment as he processed what I had said. He clasped and unclasped his hands, a nervous twitch I knew meant he was uncomfortable.

"I came to apologise for my behaviour six months ago. At first I was going to try and explain myself but it all came out sounding like excuses. And there is no excuse for my behaviour. I treated you unfairly - I used you because I was feeling shitty and it wasn't fair on you. You don't need to accept this apology, you don't even need to speak to me again if you don't want to-"

"[Y/N], it's okay," Jackson said slowly, "I accept your apology. You know, when Namjoon talks about you his whole face lights up. That was when I made my peace with the whole situation because I knew that whatever crush I had on you was nothing in the comparison of the love he has. We all make mistakes, and it proves you're human. Thank you for coming here to apologise, it means a lot to me."

I exhaled a breath I didn't know I was holding, and resisted the urge to go and hug him tightly. An apology didn't mean we could go back to the way they were. I would have to go at the pace Jackson wanted to take it.

"For a while I was bitter," Jackson said, his guard now lowered, "I thought you were an idiot for even allowing him in your life. But I realise that we don't choose the people we love. We don't always feel like we should love the people we love. But it isn't something anyone can control, and I can't hate you for following your heart."

"You can hate me for the things I've done-"

"The past is in the past, and once the apology is made that event should be left where it belongs - in the past!"

We laughed, and it felt like a watershed moment. He didn't hate me, that much was obvious. He didn't love me. It felt like the world was being rebalanced again as I finally took the step away from the person I once was to a better person I would become. Jackson was a vital part in making me realise that I needed to change myself.

Walking out of that office, sharing a friendly farewell with Jackson, felt like I was so much lighter. I walked home with a mind that was finally put at ease by the fact that I had resolved my prior disputes. Namjoon kissed me gently when I came in, expecting to comfort me as I cried. But instead I smiled, content with the fact that the world seemed to be spinning more slowly now.

Maturity has taught me that arguments and disagreements didn't need to shake the world with their explosivity.

-

one more chapter to go.

the end is near.