Forbidden.

That's the word Boden had used when it came to talking about Irina's accident. That it was forbidden. That if he heard anyone, and he meant anyone, talking about it they'd be on toilet duties for the rest of the year. Basically as far as anyone was concerned, that fall never happened.

Those who'd witnessed said fall were more confused than anything over Boden's stern morning briefing, one which they noticed Irina was not present for despite them seeing her walk into the firehouse a few minutes beforehand, looking as though she hadn't take a three story drop onto the roof of a car just two days ago.

They didn't know what Irina had told Boden the morning he went to her apartment to check on her. They didn't know if she'd been seen by a doctor and given the all clear. They still didn't know how she was even up and walking about and a few out there theories had begun to form over the days between shift. All they knew was that they couldn't talk about it to each other, or more importantly to Irina.

"That's all for this morning." Boden finished his briefing with, closing over his folder as the scraping of chairs began to fill the room, right at the exact moment Irina entered.

The first thing everybody noticed were Irina's arms, or more so the fact that they were on show, her scars present and clear for all to see. Irina knew Boden had told the guys about her past, as he'd mentioned it the other day after she told him her secret, well half of her secret, so she figured there was no point hiding them anymore.

"Morning, Chief." Irina said with a nod of her head, one which Boden happily mirrored.

"Morning." He added, flashing a quick smile towards her before he gathered up his folder and exited the room, leaving a somewhat awkward atmosphere amongst those who remained.

Irina could sense the eyes on her as she followed the last of the guys into the common room. She could feel them tracing the length of her arms, as if counting all the slashes that littered her pale skin and she could see the pity forming in their eyes, despite her back being to the room as she filled up her coffee.

It was then that she sighed gently to herself and set her mug aside, feeling as though she needed to say something otherwise the guys would be tiptoeing around her all shift. And that was the last thing she wanted to happen. And the exact reason she'd kept her scars covered since the day she walked into the firehouse.

"You don't need to pity me." Irina's thick accent silenced the hushed conversations that had filled room and gained the attention of everyone in it as she turned to look at them. "I know all of you know about my childhood and I am fine with that..."

Cue Otis's sigh of relief as he figured she might have hated him for telling them.

"But I do not need, nor do I want, pity." Irina continued sternly. "I've come to terms with what happened to me so there's no need to tiptoe around me or treat me like I'm going to break, because trust me, I won't."

If someone had dropped a pin right now, everyone would have heard it, enhanced hearing or not.

"Understood." Severide spoke up after a few awkward moments of silence where nobody really knew what to say. "We won't treat you any differently." He added, authoritatively which had the others nod their heads slightly in agreement.

"Good." Irina nodded, ending the conversation as she turned back around and finished pouring her coffee. She wasn't as tired this morning which is probably why that little speech had gone better than it might have a few weeks ago. Irina had actually managed to get a few peaceful hours of sleep last night before the inevitable nightmares woke her up.

Perhaps it was knowing that there was at least someone within the firehouse who knew part of the truth about her that allowed her those extra few hours of greatly needed sleep. She wasn't sure, but what she was sure about was that she was grateful for those few hours as she was feeling a lot better than she had in a long time.

🔔 Squad 3. Ambulance 61. Boat Capsize 🔔

A few light groans from the Squad guys could be heard as they stood from their seats and headed to the apparatus floor to gear up, along with Dawson and Shay. The groans were more in response to the fact that they hadn't had breakfast yet and were most likely about to get wet, than the actual call itself.

Irina just let out a soft chuckle over their reactions, feeling a touch jealous that she wasn't going with them as she hadn't quite finished all her classes yet in order to pass her certification, despite not even needing to take them as she was already capable of doing anything Squad calls required of her. But she knew soon enough that she'd be rolling out with them and she very much looked forward to it.

For now though, she'd simply relax and enjoy her breakfast. Only once she saw Otis leaving the common room and heading to the bunk room, she knew there was something she needed to do before she even thought about piling her plate with pancakes and eggs.

"Otis." Irina called after him, gently grabbing his wrist before he could step into the bunk room, as there were others already in there and she wanted to talk to him privately.

"Yeah?" Otis asked, turning towards her as his eyes flicked down to his wrist that Irina was still holding, which soon made her let go and clear her throat awkwardly, all while avoiding eye contact.

"I, uh..." Irina cleared her throat again, cursing the strange and rather unwelcome feeling she felt in the pit of her stomach when she felt his skin beneath her fingers. "I wanted to apologise for how I acted the other day, you know, in the hospital... I know you were just trying to help and I shouldn't have snapped at you like that."

Irina had felt guilty ever since she'd left the hospital over how harsh she'd been with him, especially when she realised he was just trying to calm her down and reassure her that everything was okay. Something she would have normally been grateful for but given the circumstances she hadn't exactly been in the right mood that day to appreciate it.

"I don't want you to be scared of me." She added, Otis's eyes softening a little at her almost timid tone of voice.

"Irina, I'm not scared of you." Otis said softly, itching to reach out and take her hand, but given how she'd reacted when she realised she had still been holding his wrist, he figured it was best not to. "I mean sometimes you can be a little scary, and quick to anger... But I'm not actually afraid of you."

Irina just let out a gentle sigh, one of both relief and agreement as she really was quick to anger. But it wasn't her fault and it wasn't like she did it on purpose, it was just that sometimes she couldn't help it. Especially when it came to all things medical. Or Red Guardian related.

"I know I can get angry sometimes... I just-" She sighed again, turning to sit down on the bench that sat against the wall. "I'm really trying to control my anger but there's just some things that push me over the edge."

"Hey, I get it..." Otis began, taking a seat next to her. "Given what you've been through you have every right to be angry." He added softly, feeling a little happy over the fact that she was opening up to him once again. And to hear that she was worried that he was afraid of her, well that warmed his heart a little... And it broke it a little too, as he had never, ever wanted her to think that.

🔔 Truck 81. Police Assist 🔔

"There goes our breakfast too." Otis said with a chuckle, chest fluttering as he'd made Irina smile a little as they got to their feet and headed out to the apparatus floor.

The whole drive to the scene Otis couldn't seem to get Irina out of his head, despite her sitting on the other side of Darden in the back of the Truck. He just couldn't help it, the way he felt about her. It was as if every time she spoke to him, opened up to him that his feelings grew more and more.

Perhaps it was the fact that every time one of those things happened, it meant he got to see the real Irina, instead of the one the others got to see. Whatever it was, he was starting to wish it would stop as he knew there was no chance in hell that Irina would ever feel the same way about him.

"Otis." Herrmann's voice and nudge to his shoulder, pulled Otis from his thoughts and he'd realised they had arrived at the scene. "You're blocking the door."

"Right. Sorry." He mumbled, pulling open the door and landing with a thud on the ground, his eyes tracing over the vast amount of police cars in the area.

"Hey, Casey." The voice of Antonio Dawson, Gabby's brother and someone Irina had only heard of but not met, reached their ears as he came walking towards them.

"Antonio." Casey greeted, shaking the cops hand. "What's the situation?"

"Got a steel door, security bars on the windows... Need you to get us inside." Antonio replied, gesturing to the house that was surrounded by police officers and heavily secured.

"Drug house?" Casey questioned, arching his eyebrow.

"Weapons stash." Antonio replied, Casey nodding his head as the bars and steel doors began to make more sense.

"We'll get you in no problem." Casey added, turning towards his men, and one woman, his eyes scanning them to see who he was going to choose to help him.

Irina seemed to be standing tall, her shoulders raised and head held high as if she was wanting him to pick her, to give her another chance to show off in front of them. Casey may have been a little on the annoyed side with Irina lately, given how eager she was to join Squad, which is why he ignored her clear efforts to stand out in front of them.

"Darden, grab an axe. And the hydraulic ram." Casey pointed towards him, Darden nodding his head and rushing to grab the items.

Irina just sighed a little in defeat, knowing full well what Casey was doing as he was a very easy person to read. She could get that door down with one kick, but if he wanted to waste time then fine, let him.

After a time that would have been shorter if Casey had picked Irina, the guys were back in the Truck and cruising smoothly down the road.

"Haven't heard anything from Squad." Casey said, checking his phone and seeing that it had only been about twenty minutes since Squad left for the call.

"We're nearby the scene, want me to swing us around?" Cruz asked from the drivers seat, coming to a stop at a red light.

"Yeah, we'll see if they need a hand." Casey nodded, flipping the switch for the sirens and allowing Cruz to glide through the red light and head towards the scene of Squad's call.

The smell of the fresh sea air met those on Truck as they pulled up to the scene, seeing that the Chief had had a similar thought as he'd just pulled up himself about thirty seconds before them.

Hopping out of the Truck they could see Dawson and Shay, along with a rather soaked victim, standing near the edge of the pier, looking worriedly out at the sea at the upturned boat that was floating a good bit away from the edge. But that was the only thing they could see. They couldn't see a single member of Squad anywhere, not in the water and not on the CFD fast boat that was circling the wreck.

"We were round the corner, figured we'd see if Squad needed a hand." Casey said as he and the Chief approached the concerned paramedics.

"Any victims missing?" Boden asked, not liking the look on Dawson or Shay's face.

"One adult male." Dawson replied, eyes shifting towards Casey before back out at the twinkling sea. The sea that none of them knew what exactly was happening underneath.

"Who from Squad is diving?" Casey asked, his own concern growing.

"All of them." Shay replied blankly, the intense worry she felt in her stomach taking over.

"Battalion 25 to the CFD fast boat... You got eyes on Squad?" Boden called into his radio, feeling the presence of the others who walked further towards them, trying to get a better look at what was happening.

"Negative Battalion 25." The boat captain replied, causing an array of sighs to follow suit.

"How long have they been in the water?" Casey asked, growing more concerned by the minute.

"23 minutes." Dawson replied, not a single person there liking that answer.

"How much time do they have before their air bottles run out?" The victim, who stood next to the medics, asked, pulling the blanket that was around him closer to his chest.

Nobody felt like answering that question, which in itself was an answer as it was clear that it meant they didn't have long left before their air ran out. Only nobody really wanted to state that fact out loud.

"Lieutenant, I can get them." Irina said seriously towards Casey, earning a few looks from the others who didn't know whether to believe her, or doubt her.

"No." Casey replied immediately, not even looking over at her. "You're not Squad certified yet and I can't allow you to take that risk... No matter what you think you can do." He added that last part quietly, except of course Irina heard it. But this wasn't the time for that.

"Lieutenant, please I can-"

"I said no." Casey half yelled, watching as Irina didn't even react to being yelled at. She just bit the inside of her cheek and avoided the eyes of the others who admired her courage but didn't envy her at all.

Irina knew she had to do something, she couldn't just stand around while those in the water could possibly drown. And she knew that what she had to do would be something that Casey wouldn't like, which was to ignore his orders and go over his head to the Chief.

"Chief." Irina said, moving towards him as Casey followed swiftly behind her, pissed off that she was undermining his authority. "Chief you know I can get them... Please."

"Chief-"

"Go." Boden said, cutting off the annoyed sounding Casey as he nodded his head towards Irina. "Get them out."

"I will." Irina nodded, ignoring the scoff Casey let out as she pulled her radio over her head and handed it to the Chief. She approached the edge of the water, throwing an apologetic look back at Casey before she jumped in and made the swim for the boat, which thankfully it didn't take her too long to reach.

Diving under the water and hearing the rush of it in her ears made Irina feel like she was back in the river on the night she'd first met Chief Boden and the Squad guys, only this time the water was much clearer and a lot warmer.

Being able to hold her breath for up to ten minutes meant this was an easy save for Irina as she swam further down, almost chasing after the boat as it slowly sunk towards the sea bed. Before it touched the sea floor, she swam underneath it, using all her strength to push the boat back up so she was almost standing on the sea bed with the boat held above her.

Taking a few steps towards the hole that she guessed the guys had entered through and were now unable to get out of, Irina spotted the problem, and that was a huge piece of wood was wedged in the gap and blocking their exit. So, once again using all the strength she had, Irina used one hand to try and wiggle the wood free, cutting her palm on the broken edge in the process.

It took a few minutes longer than she would have liked given that she was using one hand to literally hold the boat up, but eventually she managed to free the piece of wood and she could see the guys through the gap, all of them without their masks on as it was clear they'd run out of air. Luckily for them though, there was a small pocket of air above them, which Irina was thankful for given how long it had taken her to free that piece of wood.

Grabbing an underwater flashlight that floated through the now bloody water next to her, Irina flicked it off and on a few times, gaining the attention of the guys who quickly swam themselves and the victim they'd went under for, towards the now free gap in the boat.

Back on shore, those standing around grew more and more concerned as the minutes passed, Otis especially who'd almost drained of colour as he took a few steps towards the Chief.

"Chief, Irina's been down there for five minutes and no one has seen her come up for air." He said quietly and full of worry as Boden looked sympathetically towards him.

He knew it wasn't fair having the guys stand there worrying about Irina but he also knew that he couldn't tell them the truth, not when he'd swore to Irina that he wouldn't. So for now, he had to let them worry.

"Look!" Herrmann shouted out, pointing out to sea. "I see them. They're out."

Relief was an understatement to how everyone felt to see all four Squad guys, Irina and the victim breaking through the surface of the water, where they were quickly pulled up and onto the boats that had been circling them.

"Oh thank God." Shay mumbled to herself, letting out a huge breath that she hadn't realised she'd been holding in as the CFD fast boat sped towards them, leaving a wave of ripples in the water behind it. "Kelly!"

"I'm good, I'm good." Severide replied, as the boat docked, Shay having ran towards the edge to help him back onto shore. "I'm okay, really."

"You scared me." Shay breathed out, punching his arm gently before she pulled him in for a hug, not caring that he was soaking wet and would get her uniform wet too.

Hearing those words, seeing that reaction and how relived everyone was over the guys being okay, well that was the exact reason why Irina had gone after them in the first place. The exact reason why she'd gone over Casey's head and to the Chief, as she knew he'd have been the only one that would have let her go under.

Not that she wouldn't have if he hadn't been there, if it had just been Casey there she'd have dived in anyway and dealt with the consequences later. But she knew how close everyone was within the house, even if she herself was still on the outskirts of that, and she knew it would have killed them had the guys not made it up, which is what she suspected would have happened had she not been there.

"Are you okay? You're bleeding." Otis said a little flustered as he wrapped a blanket around Irina's shoulders, feeling the immense relief over knowing she was okay.

"I'm fine. It's just a little cut." Irina replied, closing her fist and hiding the blood that was seeping through her fingers underneath the blanket. It was more than a little cut, but she'd deal with it herself back at the firehouse. "Thank you." She added with a smile, pulling the blanket more around her even though it made no difference. But Otis had gotten it for her, and she wanted to seem at least a little appreciative towards that.

"There's not gonna be any doubts about whether you'll pass your scuba certification, that's for sure." Severide said with a chuckle as he approached them, Otis just standing awkwardly to the side. "Thank you, for saving us."

"You don't need to thank me." Irina replied, using one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. "I'm just glad you're all okay."

"How long were you under there for anyway?" Severide asked, curious because she didn't have an air tank with her.

"Five minutes or so." Irina replied, shaking her non bleeding hand a little as if to motion 'give or take'.

"Damn, you have quite the set of lungs on you." Severide said impressed, and starting to look even more forward to having Irina on his company that he had previously.

Irina just let out a soft chuckle before Severide walked off, no doubt going to check on the rest of his men, leaving Irina standing with Otis, who had just been looking down at the ground the whole time Severide had been with them.

"Are you okay? You look worse than I do." Irina said quietly, making Otis snap his head up to look at her.

"Yeah, course. Why wouldn't I be?" He chuckled out nervously, scratching at the back of his head. "I was just worried, like everyone else." He added quickly.

"Okay." Irina nodded, sensing there was more to Otis's concern but not wanting to push further because she didn't want to end up feeling that weird feeling she always felt in her stomach when he would make it clear that he cared about her.

Irina wasn't quite sure what that feeling was, but all she knew was that she didn't like it and she wished it would stop. Only, she'd begun to feel it more and more over the past few weeks. Whenever she'd see Otis, or talk to him. Whenever she'd think about him or even when anyone said his name, she'd get that strange flutter throughout her stomach and chest.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Otis asked one last time, wishing he could just hug her or something to assure himself that she really was okay. That she was really standing in front of him and not floating in the water after drowning to death.

"I'm okay, Otis." Irina said with a smile, placing her uninjured hand on his shoulder. "Really. I'm perfectly fine."

There it was again, that feeling. The one that made her remove her hand from Otis' shoulder quicker than she'd placed it there. She was beginning to suspect what that feeling was that she got every time she was near him, and it was a suspicion that she did not like one bit. But she knew she'd be fine, that it would eventually fade, because if there was one thing Irina was best at, besides fighting, it was repressing her feelings.

And whatever feelings she may have been developing for Otis were ones that definitely needed repressed. Irina was a killer, and assassin. She was trained to be emotionless, to not feel connected to anyone. Although she did have her father, Melina and her sisters, but that was different. They had the same life as her, they understood her. But Otis didn't.

She had a bloody past, a bloodier one than even that of a solider. That's not something she wanted to burden Otis with. He was sweet and he was caring, and he deserved far better than Irina thought of herself. So whatever feelings he may have had for her too, she just had to hope he'd get over them before she ended up hurting him, as that's the last thing she would ever want.

As the companies pulled into the firehouse, the adrenaline of what had happened was wearing off as those on Squad found themselves more exhausted than they'd been when they left for the call. Boden had offered to let them go home, but Squad being Squad, said they'd be fine to stay for the rest of shift. That all they needed was a hot shower, a cup of coffee and a rather large breakfast, as it was only around 9am and everything had happened in the space of an hour.

Irina headed for the locker room, where she would sew up her own hand using a small med kit she kept in her locker. And while she did that, and while Squad showered and changed, a still rather pissed off Casey, headed straight for Boden's office.

"Casey?" Boden questioned, as said man shut his office door. He watched as Casey placed his hands on his hips as he turned to face the desk, his jaw tensing as his eyes shifted around the room before finally landing on Boden's.

"Chief, we need to talk about Irina."

-
uh oh, what could casey have to say?? 👀 guess you'll have to wait and see

also yes, i took the boat incident from s9/10 but shh, this is a fanfic so i'm allowed to do that

i think there will be one more chapter before a little time jump to the part in iron man 2 where tony's at the racetrack when whiplash attacks him, and again it will be news footage... and irina might even see a certain somebody she hasn't seen in a long time 🫣

but yeah, hope y'all liked this chapter, if you did please don't forget to vote and maybe leave me a comment? always appreciated 😊

ps. for those reading my other otis books, i have placed City of Smoke on hold for the time being while i work on this one and on A Slow Burn, it was just too much for me working on four books (one supernatural one too which is also on hold) at once and i needed to shorten the load a little so to speak before i got overwhelmed and ended up abandoning all of them... but they will be back, so don't worry!! it just might take a while

and if you're not following me, maybe consider doing so? that way you'll be updated more on the status of my books!

okay bye!