𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐂𝐄 : 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐁𝐈

❝ And I tried to hold these secrets inside me❞
xxv. lockwoods: too gifted to comprehend

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The blue-painted ceiling seemed to be speaking to the juvenile Hoseok as his eyes wandered through imaginations and monsters. His hands were clutching onto a black marker which was pinned on the wall and dragged it; scribbling on the walls and illustrating his creativity. Yoongi was almost out of breath when he saw his brother's mischief afraid his strict parents will catch him.

Yoongi speeded up his phase and grabbed the marker out of Hoseok's hand who seemed to be enjoying the scene. "Not this again Hoseok, remember what happened last time?" Yoongi hauled his brother's shoulders in anger and frustrations, mostly anxiety concerned about his sibling's action. Hoseok just stood dumbfounded, trying to analyze what is happening to him.

"What's the fuss here?" A feminine voice spoke which Yoongi understood belongs to his mother. Hoseok's breath grew uneven and sweat osculated his forehead when he saw his mother furrowing her eyebrows seeing the doodles on the clean wall. She pulled the ashamed Hoseok closer to her harshly and screamed, "I'm sick of this, Hoseok! when are you going to behave like a normal person? Scribbling on the walls? failing classes? picking fight with classmates? are you mad?"

Her lectures and wailings only ascended, Vicent chocked his tears back watching. Hoseok covered his ears looking at his toe and shouting, "bla bla bla," Trying to mute all the voices and words that are degrading him. His mother's face was covered in crimson red and her anger grew to no bounds, Hoseok suddenly felt a harsh sting on his cheek when she slapped the hell out of him; diverting all her bottled up emotions to him.

She left the place gritting her teeth before she hits him again, trying to control her fuming nightmares. Hoseok had his eyes open wondering why his mother was so harsh on him when he only tried to cut some slack. Human emotions, it was a complete enigma to him. He found it hard to understand what an 'ideal person' is, why his parents are not trying to accept him, and yell at the poor one saying he is retarded.

He is not retarded, he just doesn't understand.

Yoongi bit his lip and hugged his brother, Hoseok stood motionless. "What did I do? Is something wrong with me?" Hoseok questioned standing like a statue. Yoongi shook his head and hugged his brother harder, "nothing is wrong with you, brother. Something is wrong with them."

***

Yoongi and Hoseok were hiding under the table watching their parents fight. Hoseok eyes were glazed with salt tears as his mind went frizzy, mumbling that there are monsters trying to eat him. Their father pulled Hoseok's book and drawings, shaking in vexation as the papers were scattered on the floor. 

"look at these papers! he is mentally retarded and a fool. This was all your fault, you gave birth to him like this! what a disgraceful family, how can I ever look up now? Do you see his tutor's face every time they give us his answer papers and report cards? Why are you even alive?" 

"My fault? you're the father, of course, he got those genes from you! He just needs a doctor, goddamnit, why are you like this? questioning your own son's existence? How will he be able to be brave when his own father calls him a fool and a retard?"

"He doesn't need a doctor! No one can help this devil's child. He yells that he sees monsters, scribbles on the walls, always fail the test, writes 'b' as 'd'. He can't even properly form a sentence! even a newborn child can do this! He can't be saved and do you want me to get ashamed by the doctor too? eh?"

"Stop being an asshole, it's your fault!"

Yoongi started to shiver while hearing his mother and father scream at each other as if they lost their mind. Hoseok started to wheeze, suffocated under the shower of arrows and dirt monsters. The world seemed to collapse, everything was blurred. Every time his father called him a devil, he wanted to go and scream at them saying 'I'm not, father! I'm just trying to make you happy but, it all goes wrong. You hate me for everything I do, it even scares me to see your face." 

But he can't, afraid that he will hurt them more.

Yoongi tried everything he could to help his brother from their parent's arrogance and pride. They accuse him of multiple falses, calling him every curse word they know. They call him a monster, but to Yoongi, Hoseok is just a child who needs supporting parents and some attention. A shoulder that would let him lean on and tells him, 'everything is going to be fine.'

"Brother..." Hoseok trailed clutching his brother's shirt. "...I'm trying. I'm trying everything I could but, there are monsters who are stopping me. I- I'm scared. Mama and papa are saying bad things about me, Is it my fault? Am I wrong? I just want to make them smile, make them proud. I just want to be normal."

"There is a voice inside me saying I'm a bad guy. Can you make it stop? It hurts...It hurts a lot."

Yoongi cried resting his forehead on his sibling's, trying to stop all the negative emotions around him. Hoseok always felt like there is a knife near his heart, a gun on his head, and a voice in his ears saying he is worthless. Pouring oil on fire, His parents not understanding his condition pressured him and called him out. 

"Our parents, they are the bad guy. Hoseok, Not you," he whispered still covering his brother's ears.

──

❝ My mind's like a deadly disease❞

+ to those who didn't understand, Timothy/Hoseok has dyslexia: a learning disorder.