Sam.

~~~

Shit! Shit! Shit! The words ricocheted through my mind as I stumbled along the unfamiliar street, my breath hitching with every hurried step. I was sure the house wasn't far, but everything felt hazy. My legs had carried me God knows where after I left the backyard, and now I couldn't even piece together how to get back.

The street was poorly lit, the kind that belonged in a thriller movie just before something terrible happened. My heart pounded as I looked around—no pedestrians on the sidewalks, not a single car driving by. Just me, the empty dark, and the sharp gusts of wind tugging at my loose hair like invisible hands.

Wrapping my good arm around myself, I shivered. The wind bit through my thin dress, and I felt utterly exposed. What is wrong with me? My thoughts spiraled, Courtney's cutting words replaying in my head. They hadn't just been cruel—they'd echoed the fears I was too afraid to admit to myself.

"Hey there." The gruff voice behind me made me freeze. I turned my head slightly, catching sight of a short, stocky figure following me. My stomach dropped.

I quickened my pace without answering, my boots scuffing against the pavement. The sound of his steps sped up too.

"You need help?" he called louder, his voice tinged with something that made my skin crawl.

"No," I muttered under my breath, walking faster. Panic clawed at my chest, and I nearly collided with someone else—a tall figure who appeared out of nowhere.

"Leave her alone." The voice was steady, commanding, and achingly familiar.

I felt my entire body sag with relief as Ray stepped between me and the stranger. He was all sharp lines and unwavering focus, his striped T-shirt stretching across his chest as he blocked the man's path.

The guy gave a half-hearted chuckle, muttering something before brushing past us. I barely noticed. Ray turned to me, his arms wrapping around me in a fierce hug. I buried my face in his chest, the smell of his cologne grounding me as I felt the rapid thrum of his heartbeat.

"What the hell were you thinking?" he asked, his voice low but laced with worry.

"I—I'm sorry," I stammered, looking up at him. His hands moved to cup my face, his touch warm against my cold skin.

"How did you even find me?" I whispered, still catching my breath.

"Andrew told me you stayed in the yard for a while," he said. "But when I went out, you weren't there. The back gate was open, and—" He paused, exhaling sharply. "Thank God you're okay." He hugged me again, tighter this time.

"Spot," I murmured, guilt creeping into my voice.

"You put him in the kennel," Ray reminded me, gently steering me back toward the house. His arm draped protectively around my shoulders. "Why did you leave, love?" I stayed silent, my thoughts tangling together in a chaotic mess.

Ray sighed. "I swear I didn't know Courtney was going to show up, and I only found out about Rory right before the party. It's... it's too much, isn't it?"

"Yes," I admitted quietly, my voice shaky. "And it's more than that. We agreed to be honest with each other, Ray, but you don't tell me half of what's going on."

"I know," he said, his tone long and heavy with regret.

By the time we reached the house, I was too drained to argue. He let me step into the yard first, the warmth of the house's lights spilling onto the grass.

Ray followed, running a hand through his hair. "Every time I try to open up, something happens," he said, sitting down on the wooden swing. "And I don't want to make things worse."

"How could telling me about James's addiction make things worse?" I asked, crossing my arms.

He sighed again, gesturing for me to sit next to him. "I swear, it's like he loves you more than me at this point," he mumbled.

I blinked at him. "Who?"

"Andrew," he muttered, patting the seat beside him. "Please, just sit."

I sat down reluctantly, eyeing him. "Are you... jealous?"

"Yes and no," he admitted with a faint smile. "He's supposed to keep all my secrets.

"He does," I said. "He just explained about James to me."

"Well, that's not even my secret to tell." He rubbed his chin. "Are you feeling better?"

I took a deep breath, trying to push the chaos in my head aside. "Yeah, I guess. Ray—"

"I'll tell you everything," he interrupted, his voice softening. "It's just... embarrassing, I guess."

I raised an eyebrow. "What is?"

"How dumb I was—or maybe still am."

"I wouldn't ask if it weren't for tonight," I said, meeting his eyes. "Courtney said some things, and—"

"What things?" His eyes darkened with concern.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. But if you don't tell me what's going on, she'll keep saying whatever she wants, and I'll have to wonder if it's true."

Ray exhaled, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "You can't believe anything she says, love. Just so you know, I haven't even talked to her. I've been looking for you all night."

"So where do we start?" I asked softly.

"Rory," he said with a small grimace. "Logan brought him as a plus-one. I found out right before the party started. Apparently, they've been hanging out. I guess they're either friends or... more."

"That makes sense," I said, nodding slowly as I stared at the faint glow of the porch lights. "They have a lot in common now."

I glanced back at Ray. His face was tired, his shoulders tense, but his eyes held a flicker of warmth—the same warmth that made me believe, somehow, we could weather this storm.

"I hadn't thought about it that way," he admitted, voice quieter now. "Still... he knows how you feel about Rory, and he brought him here anyway."

Ray shifted beside me, the swing creaking under his weight. "It's fine," I added, trying to sound calm. "Honestly, I didn't even notice Rory at first." He nodded at my words, but I could see the tension in his jaw. "Rory lost his best friend too, Ray," I continued, hoping to ease some of his guilt. "And Logan... it must be hard for him too. I guess it's good they found each other."

Ray exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. "And I had no idea Courtney would show up. Logan mentioned James was bringing Chloe, but I didn't think they'd bring Courtney too."

"So they're friends?" I asked, watching his reaction carefully.

"Sort of," he said, his voice guarded. "We met Chloe first. She started dating James, and later she introduced us to Courtney."

"And?" I pressed, sensing there was more he wasn't saying.

He hesitated, his gaze falling to the ground. "We started dating not long after that," he said finally, his voice heavy with reluctance. "It was during a break between tours, so we spent a lot of time together. But then I went back on the road, and she stayed here in L.A."

I watched his face closely. His expression had softened into something unreadable like he was sifting through memories he'd rather not relive. "Ray?" I prompted gently.

"She needed money," he said after a pause, his voice quieter now. "At first, it was for rent, or so she said. I gave her the money because I wanted to help, but it opened up... a lot of issues. This won't sound great on my part, love."

I nodded for him to continue, though my stomach was twisting in knots.

"She always seemed to need more," he admitted, glancing at me briefly before looking away. "Rent, bills, other things. But over time, it felt like she was using it as a way to push me into moving in with her. And I—I wasn't ready for that. Honestly, I didn't want it."

"You didn't want to live with her?" I asked, tilting my head, and studying his face.

"No," he said firmly. "Being tied to one place—it's never been my thing. I like the road, the freedom to move."

I raised an eyebrow at him, a slight smirk forming on my lips. "But?"

"But I want to live with you," he said softly, his eyes meeting mine. "Maybe I've grown up since then. Or maybe she just wasn't the right person. Either way, I want to share a home with you."

My heart fluttered at his words, but I kept my expression neutral, nodding for him to go on.

"With time, though, it became clear the money wasn't just for rent or necessities," he continued, his tone turning bitter. "She'd buy Prada bags, Chanel dresses, and other expensive things she didn't need. The worst part, though... most of it went to coke."

My breath caught. "She was using?"

He nodded, his jaw tightening. "Yeah. Maybe she still is. That's part of why I worry about James. Women like Chloe and Courtney always drag him back into it."

I leaned back slightly, absorbing his words. "So why did you date her for two years, Ray?"

"At first, I didn't know she was using," he explained. "She hid it well. Remember when I told you that if we'd met at the Echo last year, things would've been different?"

I nodded, the memory of that conversation rushing back.

"After that show, I caught James and Courtney using together," he said, his voice tinged with regret. "She tried to blame it all on him, but later, James told me she'd been using for a while. Said it was to 'stay thin,' which... God, it's just so stupid. And she did a lot more to stay thin."

"And after that?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"Things just spiraled," he admitted, his eyes distant. "We were stuck in this toxic cycle of breaking up and getting back together. It was awful, but I couldn't see it for what it was at the time. That's why I didn't want to tell you about her. It's not that it still hurts—it's more that... I wasn't innocent in all of it. Breakups are rarely one person's fault."

I hesitated before speaking, my throat tightening. "She thinks you'll go back to her."

Ray's brows knitted together as he turned to me. "What?"

I swallowed hard. "They came outside to smoke. Courtney and Chloe. They mocked me, said you always go back to her."

He reached for my face, his palm warm against my cheek. "I used to go back to her," he said firmly. "But I'll never do that again. I love you, darling."

His words made my chest ache, but doubt still clawed at me. "You can't deny she's better looking than me," I said, my voice trembling.

Ray's lips twitched into a small, knowing smile. "You've got an ex who's built like a Greek god."

I let out a surprised laugh, cutting him off. "He does not look like a Greek god. And you're very handsome, Ray," I said, brushing my fingers along his jaw. "Besides, looks don't mean much when the inside is rotten." He raised an eyebrow, his smile turning playful. "You did that on purpose," I reluctantly said.

"Maybe," he admitted, a small smirk forming on his lips. "Your ex is good-looking, but I was never worried about that part. I was worried about the emotional bond you two had." I nodded slowly, his words sinking in.

"And my emotions toward Courtney?" he added, his voice softening. "They're not warm and fuzzy, trust me."

I met his gaze, feeling the weight of everything he'd said settle between us. "Okay," I said quietly, believing him.

Ray's words hit me harder than I expected. He was right—I'd shared so much with Tom, life-changing experiences that had bonded us in ways I couldn't deny. But I never thought Ray worried about that. Sure, I'd seen flickers of unease in the way he reacted to Tom's name or presence, but he'd never voiced those fears outright.

"How did you finally break up with her?" I asked, steering the conversation back to Courtney.

Ray shifted closer to me, resting his forehead against my shoulder. The weight of him there felt both comforting and heavy, like he was unburdening himself in the only way he could.

"I went on tour," he began, his voice low and strained. "I left her my credit card... and by the time I got back, I was broke. In every way you can imagine."

My heart twisted. I could picture him coming home, exhausted from life on the road, only to find everything he'd worked for gone. "And that's when you ended things?"

He lifted his head to meet my eyes. "Yeah," he said, his voice tinged with a bittersweet finality. "She lied to me too—said she was staying home while I was away. But instead, she was out partying."

I frowned, my chest tightening with anger on his behalf. "Not that she had to wait for you at home," I said carefully, "but why lie about it?"

"Exactly," Ray agreed, his tone sharp with lingering frustration. "And then she'd blame me for her loneliness. Like I was supposed to fix it all, even when I wasn't there."

I hesitated for a moment before asking softly, "Is that why you were so insistent that I come on tour with you?"

Ray leaned back slightly, his expression thoughtful. "Maybe," he admitted, his tone uncertain. "I don't know. I just knew I didn't want to be away from you."

His words warmed me, but his next question made me pause. "You can't tell me you never compared me and Tom."

Caught off guard, I blinked at him. "Maybe," I said slowly, unsure how to put my feelings into words.

He nodded, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "That's normal, I guess. I've done it too." His gaze softened. "The difference between you and Courtney... it's like night and day. Astonishing, really."

His words stirred something tender in me, but I couldn't ignore my own insecurities. "People compared me to her too," I murmured, more to myself than to him.

Ray's expression darkened slightly, a protective edge in his voice. "And they saw what I see," he said firmly. "No one ever cared about Courtney. Not really."

"Even James?" I asked.

Ray sighed, his hand brushing through his hair. "Even James. He's still sort of her friend, but he's not blind to who she is. He swears he's clean, but I'm not sure how long that will last with them around him, and I have a hard time believing in him."

The weight of his words settled over us like a storm cloud. "So, what now?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I'm leaving that to Andrew and Loyd," he said, the tension in his tone unmistakable. "They'll either get him into rehab or cut him loose."

"I hope he stays," I said, my voice filled with cautious hope.

Ray nodded, but before he could reply, my stomach let out a loud, unmistakable growl.

He burst out laughing, the sound like a spark in the darkness of our conversation. "Do you want me to grab you some pizza?" he teased, a smirk lighting up his face.

"No," I said firmly, standing up and brushing off my dress skirt. "We're going inside. We'll eat, drink, and spend time with the people who matter."

Ray's smile softened into something more genuine as he stood and laced his fingers through mine. "Sounds perfect." Together, we walked back toward the house.