Chapter Theme: The Fray - Never Say Never

The tension was high as the four of us sat on the dinner table. 

Dad had a hard expression on his face as he looked at Slade with piercing eyes. On his side was Mom who looked so uncomfortable that she couldn't even look at me.  

From my periphery, Slade remained still as he sat next to me. His head was bowed down a little, probably trying hard not to antagonize Dad. But I couldn't, for the love of God, remain calm after what I just found out. Kung si Slade parang isang maamong tupa, pwes ako naman ay taas-noo habang nakahalukipkip ang mga braso. My eyes were burning with anger as I stared at my parents.

"Kailan pa?" Dad spat out in a strict and bitter tone, breaking the silence between us. Huling beses ko siyang nakitang ganito noong bata pa ako, noong nalaman niyang sinaksak ko si Haji ng lapis.

I raised an eyebrow as I grimaced. "I should ask you that, Dad. My God! Akala ko ba hindi kayo nagkikita?!" I paused just to glare at Dad. "Don't tell me lagi mo pala siyang pinupuntahan sa tuwing nasa school ako?!"

Mom and Dad both looked at different directions in discomfort. I couldn't help but yell in frustration.

"Reika..." Slade spoke in a calming tone as  he touched my hand to calm me down.

"Don't touch my daughter!" Dad yelled as he stood up. He almost launched at Slade but Mom was quick to grab him back to his seat. Napabitaw naman agad si Slade sa akin, umayos ng upo at nag-peace sign kay Dad.

"Ang tatanda n'yo na! How are you even capable of bearing a child?!" I couldn't help but yell again. My insides burning from anger while my heart beating senseless. "Ano ba! Sa sobrang tanda ko na, pwede ko nang maging anak ang kapatid ko!"

"R-reika your Mom was just 19 when we had you." Dad spoke up again. He sounded like he was desperate to console me by reasoning out with me. 

I took a deep breath as I scratched my head furiously. "How selfish can you guys be?! Slade and I aren't even an issue here kasi wala kaming ibang madadamay! Kayo, meron! That's my sibling right there! A soon to be living and breathing person! Hindi man lang ba kayo natuto sa pagkakamali ninyo noon?! Look at me! I should be enough to remind you of your biggest life mistake!"

"Reika!" Mom yelled, eyes open wide in shock. "You were never a mistake! Don't you ever say that again!"

Napasinghal ako at napailing-iling. "Come on Mom, I know the truth! I was conceived from a one night stand! You don't have to--"

"No! Hindi 'yan totoo! 'Yan ba ang sinabi sa'yo ng Lolo mo?!" Dad cut me off. He looked devastated.

"That's not the point here!" I slammed my hands on the table from so much anger. Slade called me out, trying to keep me calm but my nerves were at all time high to even pay attention at him. "You abandoned me! You didn't fucking raise me, my Grandparents did! Tapos ngayon susundan n'yo pa ng isa?! Hell, ni hindi nga kayo! Ano?! Uulitin n'yo na naman ang ginawa ninyo sa akin noon?!" I felt my tears stream down my eyes but that didn't stop me from pouring my heart out. "I was just a little kid back then! Inggit na inggit ako sa mga pinsan at kaibigan kong buo ang pamilya! Gabi-gabi akong nagdasal na sana balikan n'yo ako at maging buo ulit tayo pero hindi ninyo ginawa! Hinayaan n'yong lumipas ang napakaraming taon para lang bumalik at bumawi! For awhile there I thought I could actually forgive and let you guys back into my life but this just goes to show how heartless the two of you are! I was just a kid but I was in so much pain! Tapos ngayon, gagawin n'yo ulit ito sa magiging kapatid ko?!"

I stormed off, trembling and almost breathless from the pain inside my chest. I wanted to get away from my parents so bad that I quickly grabbed my bag from the couch and ran out of the house. 

"Reika sandali!" Slade yelled out, even Mom and Dad but I didn't listen to any of them. Saktong may dumaang taxi sa harapan namin kaya agad akong sumakay rito at nagtungo sa taong unang pumasok sa isip ko.

***

"Reika, ano ba talagang nangyari?" Tanong ni Magno pero hindi ako kumibo o gumalaw man lang. Nanatili akong nakadapa sa kama niya habang nakabaon ang mukha sa unan niya. 

"Rei, cellphone mo kanina pa nagri-ring," aniya pa pero hindi pa rin ako gumalaw.

"Si Slade ba? Ano bubugbugin ko ba?" Pagalit niyang sambit kaya mabilis akong umiling habang nakabaon pa rin ang mukha ko sa unan. "Mga magulang mo ba?" Tanong pa niya kaya naman tumango ako.

All of a sudden, it was Magno's phone that rang. Alam kong maaring mga magulang ko ito kaya otomatiko akong bumangon sabay duro sa kanya. "Answer that phone and I will never talk to you again!"

Magno sighed and glanced down his phone. "Si Slade, ang tumatawag."

I extended my hand to his direction, asking for his phone. My forehead creased when I saw the caller ID. "Deadshit? You seriously named him Deadshit?"

Magno just shrugged.

I heaved a deep sigh but instead of answering his call, I rejected it and sent him a message instead.

To deadshit:

I'm okay. Dito muna ako - Reika

Before I could even hand over his phone, there was a sudden knock on the door. Magno stood up to open it and saw Tito Addam holding up a bottle of Brandy. "How about a little drink before going to bed?"

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa ni Magno. I couldn't say no to his Dad kaya lumabas kami at nagtungo sa kusina.

"Wag masyado damihan." Tito reminded as Magno poured on my glass. 

My chest felt so heavy that I drank right away, wincing at it's bitter taste.

"Ang panget mo, Rei." Biro ni Magno at kapwa nila ako pinagtawanan ni Tito. 

"Magkakamag-anak tayo. It runs in the blood." I jokingly glared at the two of them, making them burst into laughter.

We kept on laughing and joking around in the first couple of drinks, but all of a sudden Tito cleared up his throat as if he was preparing for a serious conversation. I braced myself by taking a deep breath.

"Your Mom called me, she's worried about you," he said. 

I nodded and smiled as I took another shot.

"Akala ko ba okay na kayo?" Magno asked.

I heaved a deep sigh as I stared blankly at my empty glass. "Akala ko rin okay na kami... pero ang hirap pala. 'Yong akala mong napatawad mo na pero bigla-bigla na lang bumabalik ang sakit at galit. I wish there was a way to just forget about everything and to start anew, but that's just too good to be true."

"Nasabi na ba nina Abbey at Rico ang totoo?" Tito asked, piquing my curiosity.

I nodded and smiled, pressing my lips together. "Yeah... I still can't believe that Dad got Mom pregnant again." 

Nasamid si Magno dahil sa gulat, si Tito naman ay ngumiti lang. Tito Addam and Mom are the closest in the family, siguradong si Tito ang unang sinabihan ni Mommy sa pagbubuntis niya.

"That's not the truth I'm talking about, Reika." Tito shook his head a little. "Looks like they still haven't told you."

"Told me about what?" My eyebrows furrowed. 

Tito took a deep breath as he poured brandy on my glass. "I know you love your Grandpa so much but you have to remember that sometimes, people do very wicked things just to protect the people they love."

My breathing hitched as my chest tightened. I wanted to beg him to stop talking and just change the subject. Part of me was scared to learn the truth that I always tried to avoid.... but part of me was also eager to discover the long-kept secrets involving him.

"I don't want to hate him..." Tears brimmed over my eyes once more.

"Dad, 'wag mo na lang kayang sabihin?" Magno sounded hesitant as well. I had no idea whether he knew or was he just being sensitive as well.

"No matter how hard we try to bury our secrets, it will always resurface." Tito Addam's words resonated within me. I knew he was right, but I was still scared so I closed my eyes shut and tried to brace my heart. 

"I was 20 while Abbey was just 18. Your Mom and I used to sneak out just to watch gigs and that's when she met your Dad. They became friends until they fell in love. But when Dad found out about their relationship, he tried to tear them apart. Dad tried to send Abbey to Spain. Our Mother couldn't do anything to help, kahit kami ng mga kapatid ko wala rin kaming magawa dahil si Daddy ang laging nasusunod. But your parents, they fought hard and they ended up eloping. For about two years, my parents searched everywhere for them until they found them here in Filimon Heights... with you as a toddler." 

"But that's not what Grandpa told us?" Naguguluhang tanong ni Magno.

My eyebrows furrowed as well. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Grandpa always told me that he and Grandma were there when I was born! 

"Mula sa Wilkinson, lumipat kami rito sa Filimon Heights. Your Grandparents  wanted you to live with us in the mansion he bought just so we could all live together. Nang mga panahong iyon, nagre-rent lang kayo sa isang maliit na kwarto. Your parents decided that it would be best for you if you'll live with us. Your Dad promised that the three of you will leave the mansion once he earns enough money. Lumipas ang mga taon, nakapag-ipon ang Daddy mo at nagtayo siya ng negosyo, isa iyong guitar shop, he even named it after you. Pero biglang nasunog ang shop, gumuho ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ng mga magulang mo. Bumalik ang Daddy mo sa pagba-banda habang naghi-hintay ng career break niya. Pero tila ba minalas ang Daddy mo, bigla siyang tinanggal sa banda at wala nang ibang kumukuha sa kanya. Kahit mga record label, parang iniiwasan na rin siya. He was desperate because your Mom was pregnant too... alam mo ba 'yon?"

Tumango ako at sa puntong iyon ay muli akong naiyak. "Nakunan si Mommy nang maaksidente ako... Dad told me about it."

"But did Rico tell you about the conversation he had with my Father in the hospital?" Tanong ni Tito addam at sa puntong iyon ay mas lalo akong natakot. Sa kabila nito, umiling ako.

"W-what did Gramps do?" My lips trembled as my voice broke into sobs.

 "Your Grandfather is a good man, Reika. He only wants what's best for us, even if it means crossing the line. And unfortunately, he can be stubborn. So stubborn that even your Grandmother can't do anything about it." Tito Addam looked down, I saw nothing but regret in his eyes. "While you and your Mom were at the hospital, your Grandfather talked to your Dad and begged him to leave Filimon Heights... He convinced him that you and your Mother are better off without him."

I wiped my tears as I remained a straight face. "Grandpa may have said some provoking words but at the end of the day, it was ultimately Dad's choice to leave us. I-it's not like Grandpa forced him. Nagpadala si Dad sa kamalasan niya." I tried to defend Gramps even if my heart was already hurting.

"Reika, hindi minalas ang Daddy mo." Tito looked into my eyes as if he was pleading for me to listen to him. "A  year after your accident, I found out something... That your Grandpa bribed those record labels to reject and ignore your father, that he bribed your Father's band-mates to kick him out and prevent him from ever being hired, that he paid people to burn your Father's business to the ground so you will continue to rely on him. Your Grandpa did all that because he always believed that he's the only person capable of taking care of you and your Mother..."

I froze. My heart felt like it's been ripped to shreds. My happy memories with Grandpa flooded my mind. 

"We discovered what your Grandfather did, galit na galit si Abbey sa Lolo mo pero sa kabila nito, galit din siya sa Daddy mo dahil sa pang-iiwan nito sa inyo. Abbey wanted to leave Filimon Heights and raise you on her own pero ayaw mong iwan ang Lolo at Lola mo. Kaming mga kapatid niya, gusto rin sana naming tumulong pero pinagbantaan kami ni Dad. Your Aunt and I had your cousins to protect, we couldn't do anything."

Mariin akong napapikit nang maalala ko ito... Mom packed my bags and told me that we were going to leave. I loved my Grandparents so much that I didn't want to leave like what Dad did to us! Grandpa begged me not to leave him! I was so mad at Mom back then for making my Grandpa cry. 

"Ayokong sumama sa kanya, kaya niya ako iniwan..." I said, trying to supply the narrative I grew up believing.

"Hindi." Mabilis na umiling si Uncle. "Abbey tried looking for a job pero ni isa, walang tumanggap sa kanya. Bukod sa ginagamit ng lolo mo ang koneksyon niya para walang kompanyang tumanggap sa mommy mo, wala rin siyang alam na trabaho dahil buong buhay niya'y nakaasa lang siya sa mga magulang namin. Kahit mga kaibigan ni Abbey, takot din na tulungan siya. Abbey was scared that you'll end up like her that's why she didn't want you to stay with your Grandpa... because the more you lean to him, the more he will take control of your life."

"B-but Grandpa always told me to follow my heart." I tried to argue.

"He used to tell us that too." Tito Addam smiled. "But it stopped the moment we went against his wishes... but maybe, just maybe, he's softer with you. Maybe he softened throughout the years. Maybe everything he learned from raising us, he applied to you."

Naramdaman ko ang paghawak ni Magno sa kamay ko. He was trying to console me but my tears just won't stop.

"Dad always thought that the best person to take care of you was him, and not your Mother or your Father... Your Father was already out of the picture so he sent your Mother away to Spain to continue her studies. Wala kaming ibang nagawa, ni walang nagawa ang Mommy namin para matulungan si Abbey. Kinumbinsi ko na lang si Abbey na gamitin ang pagkakataon para makapag-ipon nang sa gayon ay mailayo ka niya oras na makabalik siya."

"M-Mom was studying?" My chest tightened even more. 

Tito nodded once again. "Akala namin pauuwiin na niya ang Mommy mo oras na maka-graduate siya pero hindi iyon ang nangyari. He made her continue to work. Your Mother couldn't do anything. Nakauwi lang siya nang mamatay ang Lola mo."

I remember how heartbroken I was when Grandma passed... and how angry I was to Mom because she only went home when she was gone... I was wrong. Everything I knew was a lie.

"Why didn't she tell me?" Labis akong nanlumo.

"You were too young to understand." Uncle insisted. "And she knew how much you loved your Grandpa... she didn't want you to lose and hate him too. And she knew that in your mind, no truth could ever make you doubt your Grandpa. I wanted to tell you, Reika. I really wanted to. But your Mother wanted to spare you the hatred and the heartbreak."

"She should've told me." I broke into a sob.

"Hinahayaan lang siyang umuwi ni Daddy sa tuwing disyembre o recognition day mo. She could see anger in your eyes every time she comes home pero hindi siya sumuko, patuloy siyang nagtrabaho sa kagustuhang makaipon. Gustong-gusto ka parin niyang mabawi. Nang malaman niyang bumalik ang Daddy mo sa Filimon Heights para makita ka, parang nagkaroon siya ng lakas ng loob para harapin ang galit mo at kalabanin si Daddy. She broke Dad's rules and came back here to finally be with you. Gaya ng inaasahan, pinagbantaan ulit siya ni Daddy."

"W-what did he do?!" Napalitan ang sobrang panlulumo ko ng matinding kaba.

"I was supposed to give her a job in our company. Sikreto lang dapat iyon pero nalaman ulit ni Daddy. Nagbanta siyang magpu-pull out ng stocks oras na tanggapin ko ang Mommy mo. In the end, she decided to just stay home and take care of you. Last week, she told me that he dropped by your house. He threatened her to leave you alone or he will do something that will make you hate her."

I've heard enough. All I could do was cover my face as I cried uncontrollably. Magno hugged me as patted my back to console me.

All of a sudden, we heard a vehicle pull up from the drive way.

Tito Addam heaved a deep sigh. "Looks like your parents are here. Pray that they won't kill me for telling you the truth." He joked.

My mind was in a complete daze but there was only one thing in my mind. 

Dali-dali akong tumayo at nagtatakbo palabas. My heart was racing as I reached the gate. And by the time I saw Mom and Dad walked towards me with tearful eyes, I ran straight towards the both of them and hugged them tight. 

▬ end of 56// thank u ▬