Natagpuan ko ang sarili kong nakaupo sa buhangin habang nakaharap sa mga alon na humahampas sa dalampasigan. Tumatalsik sa akin ang tubig-dagat ngunit wala ito sa akin. Patuloy lang ako sa pag-inom mula sa hawak kong beer, dinadama ang malamig na hangin at pinagmamasdan ang madilim na karagatan at kalangitan.

      "Andito ka lang pala B1." Naupo si Slade sa tabi ko. "Kung saan-saan na kita hinanap, akala ko sumali ka na talaga sa kulto."

       Hindi ko siya kinibo, nanatili akong nakatitig sa karagatan. Ni minsan hindi pa ako nalunod pero parang alam ko na ang pakiramdam kung paano unti-unting lumubog sa tubig nang kawalan nang walang sinuman ang dumarating para sagipin ako. Lagi akong binibitiwan. Hinahayaang malunod. 

      "Tinanggal mo na ang wig mo? Andaya!" Natatawang reklamo ni Slade nang makitang nasa bulsa ko ito. Gaya ko, tinanggal na rin niya ang wig niya at inilagay ito sa kanyang bulsa. May kalakihan kasi ang mga bulsa sa polo na suot namin.

      "Hindi ka kumikibo ah?" Tanong niyang muli kaya napaangat na lang ako ng magkabila kong balikat.

       Ano pa bang sasabihin ko kung wala akong masasabi?

       "You okay Rei?" tanong ni Slade at mula sa gilid ng mga mata ko, nakita kong humarap siya sa akin. Hinilig pa niya ang ulo niya para makita ang mukha ko.

        "Oo naman!" Giit ko sabay irap sa kanya.

         "Hindi ka okay eh?" pangungulit niya pa.

         "I'm okay. I'm really okay. I'm Reika De Juan for the love of God. Ba't ako hindi magiging okay dahil lang sa isang lalake?" Napailing ako at natawa. "Lalake na lalake rin ang hanap!"

      Napainom ako ulit mula sa maliit na bote ng beer na hawak ko. Napakapait nito pero parang normal na sa dila ko. Uminom ako nang uminom hanggang sa wala nang natira. Tumingala pa ako sabay taas ng bote, umaasang may kaunting patak pa akong makukuha.

       "Akin na 'yan, mamaya mabitawan mo 'yan at bumagsak pa sa mukha mo." Biglang inagaw ni Slade ang bote.

       "No! May patak pa yan!" Bulyaw ko sa kanya. Aagawin ko pa sana ito sa kanya pero bigla niyang itinaas ang bote para lang mailayo ito sa akin.

      "Kahit sobrang konti na lang, pagta-tiyagaan mo pa rin?" He looked at me like he was judging me. 

       "Are we still talking about the beer?" I couldn't help but ask.

        Before Slade could answer, I stood up to get another beer from the bar. But before I could take another step, Slade pulled me down, making me sit right beside him again. 

       "You drank one bottle already. Just sit down the sand and don't move otherwise you'll be all nauseous and woozy," he said authoritatively, like a concerned big brother. Pareho sila ni Silver na parang ang titino kung umasta. It also reminded me of how Magno acted the first time I got to drink beer. 

        Napabuntong-hininga ako at napatitig na lang uilt sa karagatan. Pero hindi gaya kanina, hindi na ako komportable dahil kay Slade na nasa tabi ko at nakatingin sa akin.

       "Ano bang problema mo?" tanong ko sa kanya.

      "Do you always do this?" Seryoso nitong sambit kaya mas lalo akong nagtaka.

      "What?" 

      "Keep things to yourself?"

       I was at loss of words. All I could do was look at the ocean nonchalantly.

       Why should I tell anyone about how I feel? Is anyone even interested to listen? And if there is, which I highly doubt, I still won't because I don't want to burden anyone.

      "I can handle myself..." I sighed.

      "No man is an island, Reika." He retorted.

       I smirked. "But that's the thing, I'm not a Man but a Woman."

      "You can't always hide behind the walls you built." He insisted. He didn't even crack a little smile from my joke.

       "Watch me." I smirked and raised both of my eyebrows jokingly as I looked at him.

        Slade sighed. This time, he looked right ahead. 

        For a few moments there, I was able to enjoy the silence. I continued watching over the dark ocean, and so did Slade, as we both sat on the shore with our legs crossed right in front, like an indian-sitting position.

       "Silver hates me and it kills me whenever she gives me the cold shoulder." Slade said out of the blue, catching me by surprise. 

       I looked over at Slade as my eyebrows furrowed. "She gives everyone a cold shoulder."

       Umiling si Slade at ngumiti habang nakaharap sa karagatan. "No, you don't get it. Silver and I used to be inseparable despite of our different personalities. But everything changed when I joined Wave Syndicate."

      "Maybe it was you who changed?" tanong ko.

      Tumango naman siya. "I admit I had my own faults, but it was never towards her, it was to our Parents. Silver was always supportive of my music. She was the only person who supported my passion when our parents couldn't. Noong lumayas ako at doon ako tumira kay Uncle, sinuportahan pa rin ako ni Silver... pero nang naging parte ako ng isang banda, biglang nagbago ang pakikitungo niya sa'kin."

       All I saw was sadness in his eyes. I couldn't help but feel bad. 

       "Have you asked her why?" 

       Tumango si Slade. "She said it was so difficult to be my twin."

       "Silver will come around. She's got a good heart." I assured him. I don't know what else to say. I'm not really used to people confiding in me. 

       I heaved a deep sigh and looked up at the stars.

       "Something bothering you too?" he asked.

        I nodded and smiled but still I couldn't find the words to say.

        "This helps." Nagulat ako ng nag-abot sa akin si Slade ng isang maliit na lata ng beer. "Kanina pa yan sa bulsa ko kaya di na masyadong malamig."

         Tinanggap ko ang beer at ininom ito. Wala ulit kaming kibuan hanggang sa tuluyan ko itong maubos.

         "Okay ka na?" Slade asked.

          Bigla na lang bumuhos nang kusa ang mga luha ko, pati ang mga salita mula sa bibig ko.

         "Tanggap ko naman kung ano at sino siya eh. Mahal ko siya, lahat ng tungkol sa kanya. He can even be a woman and I will still proudly shout to the world that I am in love with her or him or whatever pronoun man yang gusto niya!" I cried out loud, losing every inhibition I have. 

          "What a lucky bastard he is..." Slade remarked as he patted the top of my head.

          "He's not a bastard!" I yelled and pushed him angrily. "He's a big ball of sunshine that brightens up everyone's day! He deserves the world and nothing but the best! He's always deserved better but the world is just full of shit!"

          "Joke lang! Joke lang! Shhh, sige na, kalma na." Slade tried to pacify me with his words but for some reason my tears and words just wont stop.

         "Maraming bakla na may mga babaeng nakakatuluyan! I even have videos from KMJS episodes to prove them! Bakit kami, hindi pwedeng maging ganoon?! Bakit hindi niya ako magawang mahalin?!"

         "Shhh! Shhh! Kalma lang, baka may makarinig na sa'yo." Inakbayan ako ni Slade at hinimas-himas pa ang noo ko kaya nagpumiglas ako.

         "Naglalabas ako ng sama ng loob tapos patatahimikin mo ako?! Gusto mo bang ikaw ang patahimikin ko?!" Inis na inis ako.

         "Reika, you're drunk. Come on, let's get you home." Slade said gently.

          "Please make him love me too!" I cried out again.

          "Come on, don't do this to yourself Rei. It's okay if he doesn't love you," he said in a comforting tone as he patted my back again.

         "He doesn't love me! Why can't he love me?" I cried even louder as I hugged Slade. "Why can't the people I love just love me back? Even my own parents abandoned me."

         Slade hugged me and I felt him pat my back at the top of my head gently. "Your parents love you, Rei. You just have to forgive them."

         "No they don't!" Giit ko. "Love never abandons! Dad always told me that but yet he was the first one to leave!"

END OF CHAPTER 15

Note: The song above is one of the reasons why I came up with this story's plot hehe

THANKS FOR READING!

VOTE AND COMMENT <3