EMELINE

I never felt this free before. 

For so long, every time I closed my eyes, only vivid memories of my past and the people in it filled my vision. The only thing it did was opening the emotional scar these people left for me. But now? Right now my soul consumed with another felt different, like a string bound together as if it was always meant to be. 

I wasn't afraid anymore. And, I loved it. I loved it more than I wanted to admit.

But like always the feeling of triumph collapsed when I realized in a moment of horror that I was sensing something nearby. At first, I couldn't hear or see anything in the dark. Not until I called out his name that a rush of noise surrounded me.

Those hushed whispers started to get loud and now I could finally see past the blurriness. Some people were in the middle of a clearing near a lake. The longer I took to get close to them, the louder I was surrounded by the harsh chanting which quickly turned into a terrifying scream. Someone was yelling in pain.

Where in hell was I?

"You don't have to do this."

"You don't but I do."

"It won't end well."

"So be it."

Just as I started to suffocate in panic, I felt something pulling me into a darker abyss. I struggled against the pull. I fought to go back to the other soul which was beckoning mine to follow him. 

Alexei's soul.

The harsh memories filled my body first. Memories of burning in the hot fire of the Hell and the hellhounds waiting for me to be their feeding source. I couldn't leave it no matter how many times I tried to. No, I couldn't get stuck in there again. I won't be able to survive this time. My body jolted suddenly hearing a shout. Was it a hellhound? My ears perked up to listen clearly when I heard it again. It wasn't a hellhound but someone familiar. 

"Come on, Darkness!" Someone yelled out. I realized I could feel my body again so I looked around to see Allegra who looked terrified. I had yet to see what caused her to become afraid when my gaze went to Lex. 

He was pale. Unnaturally pale. I tried to say something but I couldn't. So, I sat there shaking, not knowing what I was really feeling. Was I terrified too? For him?

"Emie, I don't know what happened but his soul...it's not returning from that place." Sweat glistened along her forehead, the force of what's happing finally restoring through my haze.

He's hurt.

I had to do something.

But what?

"I've got this." I assured her with a smile. I could already feel my arms prickling with something. I just needed to tap into that, to be focused on the job. With determination, I pulled his head onto my lap so he could feel more comfortable. He looked so peaceful there like he didn't have a worry in the world. Despite not wanting to, I couldn't help but rub his cheeks with my knuckles while smiling foolishly. 

"You're my beloved."

My eyes closed immediately. I tried to hate him, to get him out of my mind but he was always there, whispering apologies as threats. I realized with another shocking revolution that what memories I had of him was not all bad. He did save my life even when he didn't mean to. I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't even notice when with a force, someone grabbed my wrist. 

Startled, I looked down to notice Lex had his eyes open and staring back at me. Besides us, Allegra let out a heavy sigh.

"What happened?" His voice came out raspy. 

"I couldn't command your soul. It didn't want to come back from that place." Allegra explained, looking away from both of us. I opened my mouth to say something but Lex's hold tightened, making me remember where I was. I was still hovering over Lex and his face was still too close to mine. 

"Are you all right?" He whispered, barely able to keep his eyes on me.

"I'm fine but you're clearly not. We need to get him upstairs." I said to Allegra who was fast enough to give me her hand. 

"I'll help."

"I can walk." He snapped, rolling his eyes. I watched him push himself up slowly but unsteadily to his feet. I could scoff by the way he was wobbling.

"You can't even stand." It's like he didn't even hear me and started limping toward the staircase. "Lex! Would you listen to me for once?"

"I'm fine." He shrugged, not taking a break. 

"But-" 

He cut me off with a cheeky smile. "Aww, are you really worried about me, little soul?"

This asshole and his attitudes...

"No." I bit my lip from saying anything else like-let me help you. He was already asking for more, I could always see it in his eyes. If I even gave him a piece of me, he'll consume me whole. So, I looked away as if I was indifferent or didn't care. When he was sure that I wouldn't fuss over him that he turned to Allegra.

"I saw them, Allegra. Your theory was partially right." 

She looked at him sharply. "What did you see before I broke you two apart?" 

"Those de-people were literally being beckoned by a deity. Not their leader."

"A deity?" Allegra actually flinched in shock. "How can you be so sure?"

Lex proceeded to rub his eyes with a hiss. "Because that thing almost scratched my precious eyeballs out."

A deity...that word almost brought me to my knees. "I-I felt something odd too."

"Are you all right?" Out of nowhere, Lex gripped my chin. Looks like the more I wanted to get away from him, the faster he ran toward me.

"Stop asking me that." I gritted out, trying not to give in.

"I'd take that as you're not fine. I need to have a little discussion with her and then I'm coming back to your room." I tried to protest but he had me cornered with a scowl. "I wasn't really asking."

Well, then...

***

I was trying to sleep. 

Trying not to overthink.

Why couldn't I just shake off Lex like I meant to do when I first remembered who he really was? Last night when he came to my room, I pretended to be asleep. He was almost shaking when he started telling me about the tragic story of a girl he cared about. I didn't get to know the last part though. Cause by that time he was already blaming himself by suddenly leaving the room in a haste.

But I could never forget the sound of fists hitting the wall over and over again in the next room.

More than that, I was ready to pull my hair out thinking of just where Demos disappeared. Back in the days, he would never dare to let me go out of his sight. So why now? Why did he lie? What was he planning? What was my purpose with him? Did I really even believed in the marriage now that I knew about Lex?

Then again, Prophesy was missing too along with Jonathan. 

God, I was this close to losing my sanity.

Without warning, my head started to throb. No, no, no. This couldn't be happening. Not now. The familiar wave of darkness was there to snatch me away before I could feel the rise of panic in my bones.  

"Why are you here? What do you want from me!?"

"You know what I want. Just give in, come on. You can never escape me, sweetheart."

My eyes were glued to the past, watching Lex threaten me with my soul. Before I could shout for him to listen, I was back on a beach, surrounded by a woman and Lex.

"Lex...do you need it back? Your soul?" The pathetic voice couldn't be mistaken. It was me, begging Lex to listen for once.

"He's lying..." Someone hissed near me. The woman or was it...Keisha?

The moment I remembered all about the famous Reaper that Keisha smiled mischievously as if she could feel the future me with them. The pain that tore me apart was nothing like I felt before. 

"...Did dear Alexei tell you about the prophecy? Or especially how it ends?"

"Should I tell her or should you?"

No, please don't, I cried out. For the first time ever I sobbed with the loss of my life, a life that could be normal if Lex didn't...

"The prophecy said the pure soul dies in the hands of whose soul she is bound to."

I woke up screaming. It was so vivid...so real that my heart was breaking again. Did he feel that way every day? Did those beautiful lies always choke him in his sleep? Did he even feel regret for what he has done to me? 

A sound came from my right. I whipped around, expecting Desmos to finally grace me with his presence when a scream formed on my lips. There was a large shadow floating only a few feet away from me. As if it could see the turmoil in my eyes, the lights flickered on and the shadow transformed back into a half-sleepy Lex.

"You again." I started to get up, giving up trying to sleep at all. This man could never give me one second to myself, could he? Did he not know the look on my eyes? Could he not feel the raw pain from my heart?

He waved my displeasure away with the back of his hand. "I heard someone screaming. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It was just a nightmare." It was a nightmare, a memory now I wanted to erase at any cost. 

"That just doesn't seem like a nightmare."

"It doesn't concern you."

He brushed off my comment again. "Stop lying to me, little soul. Just tell me what you saw."

"No." Not when I'm still hurting, I wondered with a tight smile. 

He sat down next to me like I didn't just tell him no. "If it's something bad...I can handle it. But I can't handle you suffering alone."

"I am fine..." I trailed off, noticing his curious gaze on my marks. While once they were all over my body, now they were only on my wrists and hips. "You don't have to always stay outside of my room, you know? Just because you are my-just because we were something before doesn't mean we have to be something now. I can take care of myself."

He looked taken back. "You've been crying, little soul. You are far from fine."

He made it hard to think at times, hell, it was hard to breathe near him. So, I moved away, putting some distance between us. "You don't have to know why I was crying. Just go."

"Just go? We don't know what was that we saw last night and your so-called fiancé is missing." He leaned back, watching my reaction. "It's dangerous for you to even stay here. I can't let you go even if I wanted to, Emie. Ask me anything. I'll happily hand it over to you but that? I can't do that."

"Are you worried that I'm going to go back to him?" When he didn't answer right away, I continued. "What if I am? You can't do anything about it."

"You wouldn't." His eyes narrowed.

"Just let me go, Lex." If I could, I would've dropped on my knees. I never believed in the saying, out of sight, out of mind but now? Now I wanted to do anything to get Lex's face away from my sight. 

He was my ultimate weakness.

My supposed death just proved that. 

With gentle fingers, he made sure we were facing each other. I almost wanted to push him away but the look in his eyes stopped me. His fingers brushed against my cheeks in a taunting touch. "Don't you feel it?"

I felt the connection...alright.

Just when I thought he wouldn't say anything, he whispered against my lips. "I'm sorry if you think I hurt you."

I took a deep breath before meeting his gaze, letting him see the hurt I was trying to hide all along. "You already hurt me."

"You know I would never hurt you on purpose. It was in the past, a mistake. It was a prophesy, for devil's sake! Even I'm weak when fates are involved, don't you get it?" His voice was low, and concern filled his eyes.

"That's the thing. I don't know if I can ever get over the fact that you had a hand in killing me. It's there, constantly reminding me of that time when I don't want to remember that. I want to move on but you won't let me." I answered, trying to keep the fear from my voice.

"Y-You think I'm going to do that again." Anger now filled those dark eyes.

"I don't want to think that." I breathed out, letting him see the truth. I thought he'd argue more but to my surprise, in a second, he was almost out of my room.

"I'll send some people for you to feed, you're getting weak." For some reason, I couldn't just let him leave like that. In spite of my anger toward him, I did remember those moments where he made me feel liberating. My heart raced just thinking of that. I talked about him letting me go but...

Could I truly let him go? 

"Alexei?" 

My heart was thumping against my chest. He wasn't still looking at me but he at least stopped walking. "I-I think we started on the wrong foot. I'd like to start over again. Can we be-" Saying the words in my head was much easier than saying it aloud but I had to say something. 

"Can we be friends?"

There, I said it. If I thought I knew what pure anger was before nothing prepared me to see the look in his eyes when he finally glanced back at me. 

"Oh, my little soul, even if I wanted to, I can never be your friend when I-" My heart stopped. The disappointment I felt must've shown on my face cause he once again turned his back on me.

"I'm sorry."

Before I could say a word, he turned and left the room.

I should be somewhat glad that he didn't want me as his friend. That maybe I could grief my old life in peace and move on to the next. But why did it feel like he didn't want to do anything with me?

And most importantly, why was I feeling guilty?