Author: jeansandshoes

Reviewer: __Carrots__

Chapters Reviewed: Twenty Four (including the last author's note)

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o First Impressions:

Blurb wise:

There's so much you could do in your blurb.

Blurbs written by professional authors are usually short and precise. Yet, they ensue curiosity in the readers.

Your blurb does it, yes. It interests readers but at the same time it doesn't introduce what your book is actually about. Of course, I'm not telling you to summarize your story in your blurb. But there's so much happening inside your book, and just reading the blurb, I could never have guessed that your book was so happening and eventful.

"(Y/n), a young woman, plays fire and can turn herself invisible. Working in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s elite force known as the Jackals, she is presented with an opportunity. The Avengers are going to gain a new member and every S.H.I.E.L.D. personal can apply. "

First, I'd like to mention the spelling mistake that you have in your blurb itself.

It's 'personnel' and not 'personal'. Yes. Change it.

After that, when I first read your blurb I imagined a main character who's main conflict and challenge in the book would be to become an Avenger. To pass certain tests; physical as well as mental. And to face a lot of discouragement from her colleagues, to face nepotism and the end of it all, train intensely and emerge as a qualified and potential Avenger.

But I am informed in the Second chapter itself that our protagonist has already been recruited as an Avenger and is packing her bags to move to Stark Tower. All my presumptions based on the blurb turned out to be merely that; just presumptions.

And honestly, I was disappointed . Not with the story, but with the blurb. Such an interesting story with such a contradictory blurb.

Our protagonist is a former HYDRA weapon, she thinks she has certain type of powers when in-fact , she has a complete different skill set of powers. Her memories have been tampered with, she has no idea who she is. She has so much at stake to prove her loyalty. A former HYDRA weapon; now an Avenger. There is so much intensity and suspense in your book, yet all I get from the blurb is; a cadet with a chance to be an avenger.

Yes, there is so so much potential in what your blurb could be. And so much more potential in what a better and revised blurb could do to increase your readers. Yes, work on your blurb.

Cover wise:

No.

I'm sorry, jeansandshoes. But your cover is just not working for me. The background is good. It gives an insight of the location where the HYDRA base is; an abandoned and unacknowledged area as you described in the book. But other than that, nothing adds up.

The font especially. The font is not clear at all. I had no idea what the cover said, not until I strained my eyes and brought the screen/ monitor closer to my eyes. Not an eye catching over.

And the girl that you added to the background picture, it looks like she's holding a file and a rod. Or perhaps a laptop and a baton. None of the above guesses are accurate to our MC's character. She'd rather be holding two guns in her hands, as you often mentioned in your book. And man! What is she wearing? Is that a bikini? Is that anything at all? I'm sorry, but I need to know. But it's such an unclear picture I have no idea what to make of it.

I look at the cover, and it doesn't strike me as an Avengers Fan-fiction cover.

Title wise:

I like your title , I like it a lot actually. It tells us that there's something really different about this new recruit. She's not a new recruit, she's The new recruit. A recruit who has done things and gone through things that not many have, that's what makes her particular, that's what gives her a specification.

The newest recruit? I want to know what makes this one so special that they wrote a book about her.

Sadly, your blurb does nothing to help the suspense that your book title creates. Won't repeat it again, but work on your blurb.

o Plot/Story-line:

A unique plot, with an amazing story-line. I have read the whole book and hence, I can say with surety that there are no significant plot holes in your story that will affect the conclusion. Everything weaves in together to produce an amazing, well structured and well balanced story.

Good job! 👍

o Character Development:

You have amazing character development skills!

We have only ever seen the MCU characters on screen, so reading about them, their actions their reactions, what they have for breakfast, where they sleep, how they sleep, their comments, their dialogues, their body language, reading all this is a complete different experience, (especially for me, this is my first Avenger fan fiction).

So yes, I'd say that you have done an in-depth research in the already created and produced characters of the MCU.

Having good character development skills for your own chapters is a completely different thing than having good character development skills for characters that have already been introduced to the world and created by a different person. So yes, being so accurate about how to represent a character that is not your own creation, is a big deal. And I'd say that you did an amazing job at it!

As you detailed the characters and their body language and reactions and all if those things, one thought that came to my mind constantly was, "Wow, so Steve like" or "such a Sam thing to do"

So yes, Amazing!

o Grammatical Errors and Typos:

First Chapter:

I was totally disappointed about how there were so many typos in the first chapter itself.

These typos are such that can be clarified in a first proof read itself. But yet, they are still present, even though the book is complete.

Constant switches from past and present, very noticeable, Especially to a critical eye.

Unnecessary and excessive use of commas as well as full stops.

There were many, I repeat many typos in the first chapter, additionally many grammatical errors as well as punctuation errors.

Gradually, the punctuation errors did decrease, from the Fifth chapter onward, there were close to no punctuation errors.

But typos and grammatical errors were still in abundance! I cannot, I cannot be pleased with your writing if there are so many typos and grammar errors!

They were mainly past and present tense switches, that you have to rectify, You definitely have to!

And the typos! jeansandshoes, so many! Like I mentioned before, these typos were such that could be rectified in the first proof read itself, your book is complete but there are still so many typos!

I have highlighted every possible typo that I could find, to make your editing work easier. Now it's your responsibility to navigate through the inline comments and find out the highlighted as well as corrected typos.

o Writing Style:

Every writer has a unique writing style. So I won't comment much here. But I'll definitely say how your writing talent is a full circle. from the expressions to the descriptions to the connections to the pace, everything. Even those things that I have forgotten to mention, was so neatly developed and laid out. It was honestly as though you didn't need any more development at all. Your writing skills, I'd say was fully developed from starting to ending. To such an extent, that it made me doubt my own critics.

Was I making a mistake while reading the book, or is the book really so well written?

Of course, this is when I don't bring to mind those numerous typos and grammar errors.

But, there is always room for improvement, how much ever experienced and advanced. I think you are a bit spontaneous in your writing. You don't give your ideas sufficient thoughts. "What will happen if I do this? what will happen if I introduce this character? What will happen if I kill this person?"

I will say, you don't do much experimentation with the numerous ideas that form in your head.

I love the way you describe the situation, the objects, the positions, the faces. Right from the color to the terminology it is known by and it's shapes and sizes. The more accurate the details the more immersed the reader is in the book.

And considering that this is a reader insert book, accurate and detailed details is an amazing move! Makes the reader really feel like the protagonist.

One thing I want to mention is your lack of communication skills with your readers.

Almost all the comments in your book have gone unnoticed, and even if noticed have gone ignored by you.

Readers are encouraged to be more interactive only if their comments receive replies. And most times readers presume that these authors are obnoxious and ungrateful, who think that their book is far too good and others have no need to express the same.

But, I know you're not that type of an author. Your appreciation and gratitude as well as your willingness to have your whole book reviewed is the proof, but still you don't want your readers to presume the contradictory personality of you, right?

So be more involved with your readers, be more interactive.

__________

That's it.

But keeping sideways the reviewing session, I just wanted to say, "I TOTALLY TOTALLY TOTALLY LOVED YOUR BOOK!"

If I wouldn't have had to read your book with the aim of scrutinizing and examining it, with the aim of purposefully spotting mistakes, I would say it was a perfect read!"

I hope you take all my highlighted suggestions and typos and grammar corrections into consideration, because if you don't, well there won't be any point to all of this, would there?

If there are any further questions and suggestions please comment.

If you think that some parts of the review didn't stand up to your expectations, and also that you found it confusing, please let me know.

Zainab

♡