Reviewer: agni_infinity

Author: BhaskarChakravorty

WARNING: I am BRUTALLY, yes, BRUTALLY. Honest. You asked for a review, you get an honest, slap-to-the-face review.

First Impressions:

Cover:

Frankly speaking, your cover has potential. It has a good background and all, but the font of the title is very unflattering and ruins the whole aesthetic of your cover.

Also, your subtitle, it should be in a smaller font. Remove the hyphen between the subtitle and the title, it makes the work seem like one of an amateur's. Use a different font for title and subtitle.

Also, your story description reveals the protagonist to be male, so why is the picture in your cover show a young girl? I am really observant. I know... LOL. Humor. I'm sorry, I will continue.

Please edit your cover accordingly.

Title:

The title is very long. But I understand that it is a series. But please don't capitalize the entire title, it is visually very unpleasing and chases the reader away. It sounds like someone is yelling into my ears.

Me: OY!

Reader: Why the eff are you shouting crazy biatch!

Me: OHIO!!!!

reader: *starts running* what the heck?

Me: OHIO CHRONICLES!!

Reader: *has vanished into thin air*

See? No one likes to be yelled at!

Small things like these make a huge difference.

Try this instead:

Ohio Chronicles: The Hill Full Of Secrets

And your subtitle is frankly a bit too plain jane. It's not as mysterious and its not even an alliteration or something. But honestly, it is your wish. The Ohio chronicles is a creative name though.

Blurb:

I really liked the idea of the protagonist and the place having the same name. But...d

"Hi pals! im john ohioSimilar to my name i live in ohio, usJust shifted to this place, got new friends and love me some tracking, me and my friends plan on a trek to the Campbell hill (highest point of Ohio) as the vacations unrollA bunch of sick dudes with names similar to some greek gods on a adventurous hill trekWhat could possibly go wrongRight?MYSTERY, thrill, paranormal activity, sci-fi connectionOr something unthinkable Buckle up this one's a real page turnerYou have been warned!!!! 😉"

So I have hereby underlined the parts I think point to or scream AMATEUR!!!!!

No offense. (Actually... It's for your own good)

Grammar. Good grammar, at least in the description, is very, VERY, important. I understand having to write as a bilingual person is very difficult, or you are just lazy to capitalize, put punctuations [#me]. But, use a grammar tool. Like Grammarly [not sponsored]

Secondly, do something to separate your story description and the tags and authors note or whatever that is.

I think its best not to mention mystery, thrill, panaromal activity in your description. Add those to your tags. Tags automatically are seen under the description and it would also really help boost the reader count. It always helps when your story is on the hotlist for a particular tag.

Secondly, I wouldn't recommend adding the buckle up! This one's a real page-turner! To your description. It sounds a bit too... obnoxious. At least remove the emoji. Please remove the emoji!

Coming off as an amateur really ruins reader count. But its okay, we all have to learn somewhere. I swear I cringe at my first description to this date. It went something like me quoting a stupid, cheesy comeback of my protagonist that has nothing whatsoever to do with the story. And my cover... Ugh. It was so awful. Anyway, my point is all of us improve.

First chapter:

The first chapter is what gets the reader really hooked. It makes them decide if your book is worth a read or not. You have to make a mother flippin' great impression. So I really wouldn't recommend naming it

Ch-1

I mean, what does chuh-one even mean? Imagine opening a published novel to find the words ch-1 on the first page.

So, change it to chapter one, or even better, name your chapters. Name it something intriguing. Chapter names are what I would call the equivalent of clickbait in youtube videos. Make them expect something and then give them something better. The title of each chapter should be catchy.

So now, moving on to the actual chapter.

Starting with a backstory is conventional. But the problem is... It is too conventional. The first chapter of my book is a backstory start and I know, its pretty lame and I'm changing it. But you can either add a prologue before the first chapter like I'm planning to do or rewrite the first chapter. Which is not a difficult task as you haven't written much yet.

Starting with something catchy is very important. and then you can just slowly work in the backstory with everything else. Entwine it within the book. Feed the readers the info, little by little, without them even realizing it.

So, I started reading your first chapter and BAM! It was done. Please make your chapters at least a page lengthy. Which is 1500 words If it is gonna be a novel with sequels... this chapter-length just won't do. It is abrupt and screams amateur. Yes, I do realize that we are amateurs, but we don't want the readers to know that!!!

Grammar:

Again, what I said earlier applies here and everywhere in your book. Install a grammar editor like Grammarly. Make use of it. Learn from the suggested mistakes. Grammar errors are... absolutely... A waste of paper. Or screen space. Please correct them and edit your mistakes. They are the ultimate reader repellent. Writers are supposed to be the language messiah's

And this is how the saying goes.

Messiah's don't mess up.

So, no matter how page-turning or thrilling the plot. Readers will run far far away from a book that has poor language. Trust me, I speak from experience[of many of my friends, but hey, still experience]

My advice more than even using a grammar tool would be to improve your grammar. For that, you could read a lot of books. Hey, you got the best resource! Wattpad. [Wattpad hasn't sponsored me for this too! Come on, I'm promoting you! PAy me! Kidding, moving on]

I am guessing by a long shot that you are not from the US. If you are, I am sorry. Wait, what am I apologizing for? Oh, yeah, I shouldn't assume place of stay.

So the key to writing is reading and research. Research research research! It really improves writing. Even if you are an expert on the topic, please cross-check with a certified and reliable source. It always helps and hey! You can even learn something new!

Writing about America? Do research about American slang. Customs. Idioms. All that. What is Wendys? Where do Ohio people usually hang out? Dig deeper.

Writing style:

One word for you: PARAGRAPH.

My friend, my eyes hurt. They hurt, reading such long strings of words all cramped together. Start a new paragraph every time:

1] a new person or thought is introduced

2] there is a change in setting

3] there is a change in time

4] every time you write dialogue for a different person.

It is essential. Really essential. Splitting the chapter into shorter paras makes it highly visually pleasing for the readers. Longer the para you write, lesser the no. of readers. Pro tip I learned from my professor. May he rest in peace. Wait- I don't know why I said that, he isn't actually dead. May he be alive I peace? whatever.

Plot:

You were indeed right. It is a page-turner. But please don't mention it very often. Let the readers come to that conclusion. I don't find any plot holes. But it got a little confusing at some places. But I guess, that was because of the lack of spacing and the-I'm sorry- horrible grammar.

Besides that, it really is interesting. The plot.

Characterization:

I love how you have different tropes of character. What I would really like to point out is that. Especially if you are writing a series. You must make your characters there dimensional. Please don't just say, the character is a geek. Make the characteristic bleed out into your writing. HAve him talk and geek out about the dialogues.

So telling that I'm a geek for greek mythology is one thing.

But showing you my mythomaniac cards collection. All my action figures of greek gods and creatures. My entire Percy Jackson and the heroes of Olympus series and occasionally cursing in greek. Like right now. Malaka!!!

See that shows you that I'm a greek geek.[hehe]

Final words:

A great plot. Has a lot of potential. Must really improve on every other aspect though. Just remember that the hardest part of the story is figuring out the plot. And you have done that! Just keep going and do the rest!

yours Truthfully,

Agni [true to the name]