Author : preshivipes

Reviewer : ItsmeAxelle_

Chapters reviewed : 8
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First Impressions:

Cover, title, blurb -

The cover and title doesn't do any justice to the book. The book is really well described and has a lot of stories interwined, but your cover was a little too plain and will get lost amidst the hundreds of books made on spies.
The fairy font looked very laidback against the girl with the gun.

The title is actually grammatically wrong. The reason being - 'Love' is an emotion, a thing to be kept treasured. 'Spy' on the other hand is an occupation, a thing that you aim to be. So you cannot have these two things as a choice for the MC. I suggest you dig deeper and find a title more apt for your book. The apostrophes in the title made it look really amateurish, which you definitely are not. So I would suggest for a whole new look for your book.

The blurb is nice, no kind of issues there. But, the last line. Please remove that and club all the previous lines in one paragraph, and then you can add a question.

"What will she choose?"

This blurb will entice readers, since you end it with a question, so yeah thats all I would want you to change about your first impressions!

The chapters -

You've decided to go with an introduction which is nice, but, I didn't think it was necessary since you have already summarised the entire story in your blurb, I don't think you should be doing that as an intro too!
Instead, you should try putting a prologue, like maybe a fight scene where someone dies, a flashback, anything from your book, but I strongly suggest you remove that introduction, it really puts readers off!

Chapter 1 ~

When you talk about stella, you don't have to make it italics, since you're explaining about her, it can be done up in normal lettering, but when the dialogue part comes, that's where you should add italics.

"Stella is my childhood friend..."

And then you could continue the backstory which was..beautiful. I swear, such a nicely written one.
But when you end the narrative, 'since then' has to come in the next line, since you have finished the back story!

'Almost immediately ' in the next line too, since it starts off something new.

Chapter 2 ~

When the man says, "The Julie that has been dead..."
Specify what Julie is feeling, since its a huge thing when someone tells you you're dead! You can't be just confused...So you have to add a little insight of how she reacts.

And the dialogues too!

"Caitlin, I'm sorry, I can't come back to you and Julie."

"Ca..Caitlin! I-I'm sorry. I..can't...can't come b-back....to and..Ju..Julie!"

Did you see the difference?

I've noticed this in almost all your dialogues, the emotion is lacking from the words, the character might be saying it in anguish, yet the words seem like a simple statement.

"What do you mean John?"

"Wha..What do you m-mean?
J-John? John?"

See? This is just examples where you have to infuse a little panic in your readers though words!

Chapter 3 ~

When Kendal says, I want to be friends and all..how he thinks Julie is different.
The thing is, I felt a little disconnected from the MC as I just realized all I know about her is that she is ready to help people, and that too because her mom told me!!

So I suggest, giving us a little monologue about her, a little rant from her side, maybe giving her a quirk! Anything to make us feel how she is really is!

I feel you got caught up in imagery and thats why the balance between character and surrounding got lost!

Chapter 4 ~

When her mom tells her that she and dad were spies, I didn't feel any shock since the MC didn't feel shocked!
I felt too disconnected with her since her inner thoughts weren't really specified.
She says she's hurt, but is she really hurt?
So I'd like it if you worked on how to incorporate styles of fitting emotion and dialogue in her narration.

I suggest you read more books and get an idea of how to go about this!

'The Great Bandit' by RDHayes

'Echo and The Crawlers' by auroraborealis09

are 2 books that really can help you!

Chapter 6 ~

You are terrifying good at describing things, But but but, you don't have to describe everything..the hug and her shirt riding up part is not really necessary, you can cut the part off!

Chapter 7 ~

This is where it struck me that your chapters are really really long! You could have cut the chapter at 'Your father's friend, George. '

I was reading this at night and I suddenly realized that its taking way too much time because the chapters were so lengthy. The content is so well executed but the longer your chapters, the lesser enthusiasm people will show to read the book since you've fitted everything in so compactly! So I would strongly suggest you shorten up your chapters.

And Julie accepted quite easily that George was in love with her mom. Again, this is the part where I would like you to add her inner monologues!
A little more surprise maybe or even shock!

Chapter 8 ~

Sand filled object can be punching bag' the reason is when you're inside your head you don't really talk in such a polished and poetic manner..

I didn't feel the urge to induce tears in my orbs just for the reason of a elaborate showdown in the midst of people.

I didn't want to cry just because I wanted them to see I was sad.

See' get my point? When you talk to yourself you want people to relate to the MC...but if the MC uses descriptive words a lot, you start feeling disconnected from the character since its a mouthful to keep up.

Instead of ft' make it Feet.

She was 6ft tall.
She was around 6 feet tall.

It really shows a little personalization!

Writing technicalities and grammar -

There is this long standing issue of when you end a dialogue, instead of a full stop you have inserted a comma.

Like this : "I thought she was here,"

Even though the sentence has ended you have put a comma, I think its a small issue but just wanted you to know.
And 'mom' everywhere is 'Mom' so you could work on that.

Your words, ability to describe, grammar, format of a chapter is AWESOME! Really I was honestly loving the story so much!

But having said that, seeing your word count!

The smallest chapter is 2447 words! And you have a chapter of 4497 words! Wow that's incredible but wayyyyy too long. I strongly suggest a little consistency in word counts. 1500 words for one chapter is more than enough! You could keep it in that range itself. Cut down your chapters and that's how you can draw more audience!

Final words -

Woah! This book was really a page turner! It has such a plot that is already so exciting! And the fact that it doesn't just revolve around her dad's murder is great!

With words that seem to suck you in, and an effortless story telling knack, Julie and her adventures have taken me to a wonderful place, which is always leaving me asking for more!

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Here was your review!
Hope it lived up to your standards!
Feel free to contact me for any kind of help😀❤

Have a good day!

- Signing off, Axelle.🐧