Author : auroraborealis09

Reviewer : ItsmeAxelle_

Chapters reviewed : 8

First off, you are an amazing writer and I am already in love with this book!

First Thoughts -

When I first saw your cover and the title, believe me, I thought it would be just another adventure sort of book, and I didn't feel they both did justice to your blurb. The title was too, I would say, To-the-point. I mean the blurb has already mentioned Echo and the crawlers, I don't think the title needs to be like that. So I would strongly suggest you change the title and the cover.
Feel free to PM me if you need any ideas or shops for the same!

The blurb -

Its wonderfully written, as it has a really mysterious vibe to it and it has a good cliff ending, and I didn't find any faults in it. It is really well written so good job!

Writing technicalities-

Honestly, there were no typos in any chapter, except for one or two which weren't even noticeable, I can see you have really worked well in making sure there is no errors in the words and grammar wise so well done yeah!

Now for the parts I found faults in :

When I first read the prologue, it was AMAZING. I mean really, your descriptive skills and all the little details in trying to make the readers understand was Impeccably done!
But having said that, you had one tiny flaw, that was gaps. In the first line, 'She ran like crazy' , you could have introduced it better, like maybe added the sounds of her footsteps, you know? It kind of looked an essay, as it was in paragraphs, so I strongly suggest you put up gaps between lines that show her moving or when she is struggling to get away from the crawlers. But other than that, good job with the prologue!

In chapter 1, I have mentioned the parts where I felt you could have added stuff , in the inline comments as they weren't many things that you could improve.

In chapter 2 however, l felt in between the dialogues and conversations, you didn't add the tones, like when Phoenix asks her about her name, you wrote,
Echo said, "I'll wait till I remember."
Before this I wanted you to add something like "Echo looked at him defiantly", this isn't a major flaw but for books with the 3rd person narrative like yours, things like this could go a long way!
And also the part where you mentioned the argument between Kit and Apollo, I felt you could add some past dialogues or even a bit of background, like probably, "That 5 years ago, and now trivial arguments over things like that have ceased." As narrative. Even about his mother, did she die or is she alive? Bring out the more unanswered details in the descriptions.

In chapter 3, I would have liked you to make sure that you write about what others are doing, like when Apollo makes a move to approach Echo, what are the other friends doing? What stance is he keeping while approaching her?
I also feel the dialogues are way too straight forward, there are no words like 'er' or 'um, you know, to bring out the hesitancy in their words. Even the nightmare part, you have to show her body language, like if she woke up sweating, was she shivering etc. And Apollo should have been a little more alarmed at her situation, like a bit more panicked.

In chapter 4 and chapter 5, the only flaws I found were mentioned inline, so no other fault than those.

In chapter 6, the part where Kit wasn't happy, make the readers understand the depth of his uncertainty, as the Post crawler world must have made him a little uptight and untrusting, so I really recommend you add a little bit of emotion into his words and gestures.
Even when phoenix asks her about movie night, make sure the characters return the smiles and don't just stay stagnant over words, its very important for the readers to get into the minds of the people, rather than knowing the outside image of how they feel.

In chapter 7, I didn't feel she was surprised at her new fangs, she took it very lightly and just acknowledged it. Even at her super hearing, I would suggest more of dialogue and inner conflict within Echo. I feel there's very less genuine interaction between the characters.
The part where you wrote she made new friends, I would have liked to see more of moments, like maybe someone ruffling her hair, or smiling at her in a real true way etc.

In chapter 8, there were no much flaws, but, when Echo asked Kit if he had an issue with her, there was no mention of her suspecting that in the afore chapters, I mean I wished you had added things like "She smelled his passiveness from the moment she had entered that house." Just so the readers know that Echo was already skeptical about Kit's attitude towards her.

Overall thoughts-

I feel your chapters are too short to be honest, maybe thats the reason why I find myself wanting for more, like I need more insight into their heads, I need more details about what are they thinking about Echo being resurrected. I feel you need to polish the areas of Interaction, like you add more tones of the words, more facial expressions, more movements etc.
I understand you have written in the 3rd person narrative, and that's why it is a little hard to try and get into their heads, but again wow! What descriptive skills you have man! Amazing, just amazing.
Though I would love more character, like quirks, maybe more, I would say, information on how they are, kind? Snooty? Dumb? Make them as interactive as possible, go all out on trying to include details!

Final words -

*moment of silence*
I LOVE YOUR BOOK.
*Back to reviewer mode*
You are amazing at describing things, really good bro, also, I loved your whole unique plotline and I see your book becoming huge! Really!
All the best for your upcoming projects, Good luck!

So, here was your review, any suggestions or any thing you'd like me to address, feel more than welcome to PM me.

Have a great day!

- Axelle.