PEARL

No amount of focusing on my breathing, thinking happy thoughts, or looking out of the window to view space could stop my shaking. I messed up. Messed up big time.

I had always wanted to be in space, even as a child. The wonder of the unknown always followed me, even into my adult years.

Now that I was here, it mattered little. There was a permanent fist twisting my insides, knocking the breath out of my lungs every few seconds. There was also a knife in my heart, one that I put there myself.

I am so stupid. What was I thinking?

I knew I was causing a lot of trouble—not only for the man I was in love with, but for his brother. I was sure Shadrach hated me for manipulating him into this. Hated being too light of a word.

Osa had been unusually quiet. Ever since I had a plan to leave Lare, it stayed at the back of my mind, silently observing. It infuriated a part of me. It had yelled at me and demanded I do something, but the moment I did, it went chicken and refused to respond.

I ground my teeth together, fighting tears.

François sat beside me after it was safe for us to get out of the seats and harnesses. The ship we were in was huge; a cave of shiny metal and strange architecture that looked like melted blobs of rock.

In its own way, it was breathtaking.

The inside of the ship looked nothing like I pictured a spacecraft, even from space movies and internet speculation; everything adorning the front of the ship looked like symbols, glowing letters, and crazy-looking wires Shadrach yelled at me to stay away from.

The walls would move, too, like the blobs of rock were a living thing. They crept, a few inches every hour, because I'd been staring at them.

"He'll forgive you." François put a light hand on my shoulder. I was too busy biting my fingernails to acknowledge the tender act. I wasn't sure which alien she was talking about. "Ca ira."

"Doubt it." I bounced my knee, not even going to ask her to translate her French. "Finally let him have me–and let myself have him–then I take off. I told you about my life before the world ended. I was so terrified to let him in. And he didn't care about my faults. I feel like the worst person in the world."

"In ours or theirs? I think you are brave," she murmured, moving her hand away from me. Her white lab coat was smeared with purple dust from the planet we snuck away from. "I did not want Earth to die, either. That is my home, that is your home. Dumuzi has a good heart for saving both of us and for doing what he could. He is a good man. I cannot see him angry at you for long."

I sighed. Maybe.

"But Shadrach..."

"I'm sure he will forgive you, too."

Not likely. I had tricked his brother into getting us off Lare. It was harder than I thought to get François alone and talk to her without my mate—or any other weird alien technology—eavesdropping.

Even harder to rein in Shadrach.

The second I asked Shadrach to take me to Earth, he laughed like it was the most hilarious joke I ever cracked.

When I had François ask him to take me to Earth, he was torn, especially when she unloaded on him with a string of curse words in French after he said no. She made it a point that she would never help him with his projects again.

"You are on your own, big guy," she had huffed, crossing her arms as she glared up at him. "Not until we fucking fix this shit first!"

She was every bit as determined to save Earth as I was, and she wasn't afraid of aliens or using certain things as leverage. It was all we humans had. She liked my plan and didn't want me to come alone. Shadrach would give her anything, so he reluctantly agreed.

Now all three of us were heading to Earth, offline and moving fast, until a few minutes ago when Shadrach slowed the ship so we could eat and rest.

"Your plan is rather brilliant, really." She crossed her legs daintily, looking at me with a gleam in her eye. "They will not destroy Earth if we are hiding on it. Now that we are offline, even with their technologies, it will take some time to find us."

"It's just a bluff." I shrugged. Shadrach was going to pull us out if he decided crap was indeed going to hit the fan. "At least nobody will die."

She said nothing, putting her head against the strange rock.

Long minutes passed before she finally spoke again. "I would die for Earth. Even if it wasn't a bluff, I would do it. I felt helpless, like I could do nothing. You do not know the nights I have stayed up worrying. I have tried to keep myself busy with working on my inventions or visiting New Dilmun. But nothing eases the sting."

I thought about what she said, feeling a little bad that I wasn't there for her. In my defense, Dumuzi was going through some stuff, and he needed me first. I felt like I was trying to save too much—trying to fix too much, leaving my relationship with a certain alien in tatters in the process.

I stood up. My knees were sore, and they popped when I made my way to the head of the ship. I needed to speak with Shadrach, even if he didn't want to deal with me anymore.

I took a deep breath, trying to summon courage.

The cab was dark, hundreds of glowing symbols stretched on either side. There was a transparent window gazing out into space, but instead of space being clear and inky like it was before, it was blurry. A huge alien sat in a seat, quiet and gazing out into the abyss.

I took a few tentative steps until I was behind his chair. "Shadrach?"

There was no response. I couldn't blame him. I was putting him in an awful position. So I stood there like an idiot, taking on the uncomfortable silence, holding myself in it like I was putting my feet to the fire.

I deserved it, after all.

"You are wrong," he grumbled, his voice like grinding boulders. He sounded pissed and tired and a lot of other things that were probably my fault.

I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut at the wave of guilt that washed over me. "About what, exactly?"

When I opened my eyes, I stared at a pulsing, glowing tube to the right of me. I was too afraid to look at him. I knew that was cowardly.

"Nobody dying. My brother, I believe, will have my head for this."

My stomach sank to my toes. That made little sense. He would never hurt his brother, would he? "He wouldn't do that."

The silence that followed was somehow a he would. Before I could promise him I would never allow that to happen, he spoke, his words hard and clipped.

"Perhaps he will destroy me. Perhaps he will not. You are his mate, and it looks bad on him that he cannot keep you under his watch—especially a human. He is slated to be the head of the council. This is quite a scandal for him. One that his very brother was a part of."

I crossed my arms. "What the hell are you talking about? Under his watch?"

"Do not be so offended. My kind considers Sohmes sacred, perhaps even more so than ordinary mates." He waved his hand at me, which seemed dismissive. "You are too important to lose."

But I would not let him dismiss this.

"I'm not offended. Control, Shadrach. That's how wars start. Seems kind of hypocritical if you ask me, given that you all wanted to end us for similar reasons."

"Control? No. Surveillance. Are you aware of the power Dumuzi will hold soon? You are his greatest weakness, and others may seek to exploit you. I do not see why there is a problem. Past Sohmes cared little of a watchful eye from their partner in the days of old."

"I'm—" I bit my lip, fuming. "I'm not harping on your culture, or trying to be insensitive, but if you think for one second, I'm going to be a doormat to Dumuzi, you're wrong. I am not his weakness."

"Nevertheless, you should respect him and his seat of power, and you reflect him. I am putting you at risk by sending you to Earth when the planet is on the verge of execution. Make no mistake about it. If blood will be shed between us, it would be within good reason. My kind is not violent, but we defend fiercely. And you do not put an Enuki's mate in harm's way, much like I am doing now. An enraged Enuki is an enraged God, Pearl."

"But—"

I stopped talking because I wasn't even sure what I was going to say. But what?

I didn't have a but what. I had nothing. No words to say, because I knew this would going to cause some issues. By the sound of it, a lot more issues than I bargained for.

I ran nervous fingers through my hair. "I won't allow him to hurt you, or vice versa."

I tried to sound brave. Silenced ensued. I hated it.

"Is he pissed?" I asked instead, hoping I'd finally get a response from him. Anything than this horrible silence. "I know he has a mental link with you. Mine's been sort of... blocked for a while now. I think removing the bracelet that contained Osa helped, as well as making it difficult to track us. Osa has also been acting up..."

I trailed off, wondering if I should tell him about Osa demanding me to get off Lare, but snapped my mouth shut. Maybe I should keep it to myself.

We didn't need any more problems.

As far as I was concerned, that was a one-time deal. Either that or I was seriously losing my mind.

"Determining that can be risky. If I connect with him, he may pick up on something in my thoughts and gain a sense of our direction. Even if I could, I would rather not be in his brain. It would be chaotic. I'm doing everything I can to keep him out, but he is also persistent."

Something like a choking sound came from my throat.

"Tell me he won't hurt anyone." I clenched my fingers and took in a deep breath. "I mean—this is all me. If he wants somebody to be angry with, it needs to be with me. But, like, what did he expect me to do? Nothing?"

"The Enuki does not know what to expect from you. Perhaps he should have been more thoughtful in promising to remain out of your head—he would have seen this coming. At all times, a watchful eye must be kept on you; influencing François against me was heinous."

"I know. I'm sorry for this, Shadrach," I said because I had nothing left to say. "Believe me, this is tearing me up, too—"

"To me, you are a snake from your world and the meaning that goes along with it. I do not see what he sees in you. But I would be lying to myself if I said I did not admire your backbone."

I ignored the snake part, because yeah, I deserved sort of deserved that. I would not run away and cry, though. My career back in the day comprised a whole barrage of online hate that picked apart my frazzled, overly animated character.

Another day at the office.

But I didn't want him to hate me. He was Dumuzi's brother, and by all accounts, my brother-in-law now, because Dumuzi had said weddings weren't a thing. We were married the moment we solidified our bond and our bodies became one.

I pointed to the empty chair next to him. "Can I sit?"

He shrugged. "Touch nothing."

He didn't have to tell me twice. The chair was way too large, made for an Enuki, not the tiny, frazzled human that climbed into it. It was like leather; cool against my back and firm. I grunted and hunched my shoulders.

I kept my voice friendly, really wanting to get on his good side, not that I was there to begin with. I had a feeling it would take a while. "Still not going to tell me which part of Earth we will be at?"

"No."

"Why?"

He pointed to his head, then mine. "Just in case he stops for a visit."

"Which begs the question why hasn't he yet?"

"I do not know."

I rubbed the sides of my head with my fingers, biting my lip. He wouldn't intrude on my thoughts, even though I asked him not to, would he? Sure, removing the bracelet that contained Osa would weaken our bond. But not by much, because we were a mated Sohme pair.

My mind was pretty freaked out, but I was alone in it. Thankfully. Now, I was even more nervous at the prospect of a mental visit from my... husband.

I flinched at the mental word. How strange was it that I had a husband when I was sure that I was going to die alone? And as soon as I solidified our bond, I took off on him.

I did it for the right reasons, though.

After a few minutes, my body no longer shook as I watched the dark area of space in front of me. My adrenaline had burned out of my veins long ago. Now I was tired. Tears stung my eyes, but I held them back.

I hadn't slept well in days. My eyelids drooped watching the ashy smears travel by at a slow pace. "I think I am going to hit the sack." I slid off my seat, straightening my legs. "Let me know when I'm... home."

Felt strange saying that, because it also felt like a lie.

A glowing green eye narrowed at me. His face was like ice. "Hit what? Do not strike things within my ship."

"Relax. It's a saying." I yawned. "It means I am going to bed. Sorry for... well, all of this."

"Take your leave, then."

Ouch.

There wasn't anything I could do–no amount of freaking out or regret could fix the situation I was in now. I swallowed hard, eyes stinging again at the thought of Dumuzi's anger. I thought about what Shadrach said, about me making Dumuzi look weak.

Maybe I was, after all, a snake.

A snake who I missed him terribly.

I probably broke his heart, his trust, and made him go crazy again. But Earth was my first man—my first love, and he'd better understand that, and so should the council.

So should Shadrach.