~~~harleys p.o.v~~~

We had actually surprisingly made it back in one piece. At this point It was getting pretty late in the game of life, so.. that was a thing.

Even though I wanted to spend time with Joel, I wasn't going to stay here very long. I was a dick but I wasn't a die in front of your ex-boyfriend dick.

Once we made it back to the apartment with flopped onto the couch with a sigh.

Joel leaned his head against my shoulder with a smile. "Harley..?"

"Mm?"

"I missed you.." They said lightly before gently taking my hand. I tightly gripped his hand, lightly stroking his thumb.

"I missed you as well.." I mumbled lightly kissing his head.

They gave me a warm smile and without any sort of hesitation I returned one. Everything else sort of just went away and it was just me and him in that moment.

"Cmon, want a hot chocolate?" I asked gently kissing his cheek.

Joel nodded before we both got up and went to the kitchen. We made each other a hot chocolate for each other before handing it.

"Yknow Joel.. I want to thank you.." I said, taking a sip.

"For what?"

"Literally everything." I sighed before turning toward him. "I dunno, just thought you should know that I guess.. just don't get used to it."

Joel chuckled, shaking his head with a smile. "You always tell me that, and we both usually get used to it."

"Yeah that's fair." I shrugged before turning to him.

"So now what?" I asked

"Whatever we want I guess." They replied

~~~

Whatever we wanted turned out to be just us picking up and doing random things. Playing video games for a while, unsuccessfully making some more food, playing with Dusk and finally Joel got me to settle down and watch something on Tv.

We both layed on his bed watching a show. I didn't know exactly what it was about or what it was. All I could grasp was funny one moment then it absolutely fucked everything up. In conclusion, slightly killing the mood, but it was entertaining.

However the way I felt it was.. relaxed. I didn't usually indulge myself to spend time like this, even before everything. Yet here I was, with Joel. In impossible circumstances.

It felt.. couple-y

I genuinely didn't know if it was a good feeling or not, but.. it felt nice to be like this again.

Resting my head on his I stared at the clock. It would be time for me to make my leave soon enough. Still, part of me wished I could just.. stay here still.

"Harls?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you for being here with me.." Joel whispered looking up at me with a smile.

"Yeah.. it's no big deal, really."

"It is to me.." Joel reaffirmed, slightly cupping my cheek.

"I kinda wish we could go back.." I sighed, placing my hand over his.

"I could get behind that.."

"If things were different.. I would stay.. we could have everyday be like this.." I mumbled slightly leaning towards him. Resting my forehead against theirs.

"Things could be different.. we can make them.. we can.. try.." Joel reaffirmed again, however I could hear the tiniest sliver of guilt and sadness in his voice.

That brought me down more.. how could it that we still found comfort in times like these?

"I'm afraid it doesn't work like that, darling." I said in a softer voice, kissing him lightly and quickly.

"I wish it did.." Joel sighed after the kiss. We both stared at each other for the longest time.

We pressed our lips together again, and even though I knew that love was bullshit and wasn't worth it.. I felt like it was at this moment..

Corny shit I know..

But..

I did.

I loved..

No that's a strong word..

But you got the gist anyway.. besides that, I felt free in this moment. Everything else just seemed inconsequential. At the moment it was just Joel and I..

Nothing else..

A small kiss turned into a lot more as I cupped his face and he cupped mine. I smiled at him as I shrugged off my coat.

Kissing turned into much more until.. I noticed something.. my eyes narrowed on Joel's hand. More specifically his wrist. I pulled away abruptly from him to see his eyes looking distracted as he stared back at me.

"You're dying today?!" We both yelled at each other.

I scooted back away from him as we both stared at each other.

Of course.

Of fucking course.

I let out a light scoff. "I should've known." I shook my head. Getting off the bed and passing a hand through my hair.

I'm such a fucking idiot.

"Were you even going to tell me?" I asked softly.

"Were you even going to tell me?" Joel repeated the question with more force.

"I didn't think that far. Hell! Last time I checked all I wanted was to leave you here. At 1 am." I said, with a little more force than I would have liked but Joel just stared past me.

"So.. if I weren't dying today. You still would have been in this position with me?" Joel asked softly. He got up pressing a finger at my chest. "You dragged me along even thought you knew you were dying?!"

"Don't say it like you're in the right either. You literally didn't tell me jack shit about anything. At least I told you I was leaving!" I said exasperated.

"Yeah but,, I thought at least.. I could.. get you to stay. In a way I guess.." They whispered.

A part of me broke down. Stay?

...

"Stay..?" I repeated out loud, testing the word and the waters. I scoffed again turning away from him grabbing my coat and shrugging it on. "You didn't want me to stay back then. Why do you want me to stay now."

I heard their breath slightly hic at the words but I didn't let up. I didn't care that I was crossing anymore lines.

"This was all a mistake." I whispered but I knew he heard me.

"Don't say that.."

"I don't know why I kept trying to do this. People like you don't need people like me." I said bitterly before walking out of the room.

I heard Joel following after me but I kept walking before he grabbed my wrist pulling me back.

"So that's all? What the fuck Harley." Joel said his voice slightly lowering and a glare forming on his face.

"Don't use this as an excuse to walk away once more just because things didn't pan out the way you wanted." They said, the glare slightly softening as well as his voice.

"The way I wanted? You think I wanted this?!" I scoffed running my hands through my curly locks with a glare.

"You think I wanted you to die? You think I want to die?? Don't be pissy that you think all I wanted to do was to have sex or string you along. Because I didn't. I wanted.. ... no.. it doesn't matter.. what the fuck." I chuckled before again pushing past him.

"Then what do you want! Tell me.." Joel pleaded, stopping me once more.

"I want you to let me leave. Let me walk out of your fucking life." I hissed at him, again trying to push past him. Yet they stood their ground not allowing me through.

"You want to walk out of my life? Fine. You've done it already. And you keep waltzing back in! And I let you.. every time.. and you're always so quick to leave.." They replied, placing a hand on my chest and looking up at me.

"I didn't want to leave I just.."

"What Harley?" They pleaded.

My breath caught for a second. The way that they looked at me.. concerned.. like I needed help.. but once again.. like I needed to be fixed..

"I don't belong with you. I love you.. but you are most definitely not mine. You've never been. It's been nice of you to play along but.. you and I both know we don't belong together."

"Harley.."

I finally pushed past him. My heart racing and my hands trembling beyond belief.

"I'm a fucking idiot. Time and time and time again I keep falling for this shit hoping that it'll be different every single time and it's not." I said with a glare shot out. I get that my anger is misplaced, but so was this entire situation.

"Harls.." Joel called out softly and genuinely as he gripped my wrist.

"Stop it. Don't." I hissed trying to pull my hand away, looking at the tears forming in his eyes.. and the ones in mine.

"Harley please.."

"Why should I.. indulge in you anymore.. why should I listen to you.. Don't pretend that whatever we had was anything more then us just wanting to feel normal.. to feel like we belonged.. we aren't anything. We weren't anything. It was humorous to begin with.. right?" I asked mostly to myself before I finally pulled my hand away, stalking off towards the door.

"Harley wait.."

"No, it's fine.. goodbye.. Jonelisse." I said with a sigh before I left. I didn't look back, I pushed every little thing I was feeling and walked out.

I tightly gripped my chest as I felt the worst coming up, but I didn't let up, I left the apartment building feeling a few sloppy tears flow down my cheeks.

I felt my pocket to grab my keys before realizing I left them behind. I trembled before gritting my teeth and continuing on.

Then I heard them.

"Harley!"

I turned my head to see Joel trying to catch up with me.

No,, I'm not getting sucked into this again.. never again.

I pushed everything down before I ran, not caring as I ran through a busy street hearing the cars honk and nearly feeling like I might actually die for a second.

I picked up speed as I knew Joel would not run through that street. I ducked into an ally resting my head against the wall.

I let the tears flow freely as my breath slightly shortened. It finally hit me what I had done, yet.. I knew it was for the best. People like me and him don't have a happily ever after.

The prince just doesn't fall for or get with someone like me.

~~~

pov; i finished rewatching s2 of bojack horseman so um, a n g s t :)
yeah get reked and defalt danced on m going to bed now bye and enjoy ur angst 🙏✨