~~~harleys pov~~~

There was little talk as we walked down the street. Although I found the silence quite comforting. Well, as comforting as it could be when one is on the countdown.

There was a small - extraordinarily small - part of me that was.. happy? No that's not the word.. satisfied? No. Ah, content? Nope that's still not right.. listen I wasn't completely hating the company that Joel was keeping with me at the moment.

But I still wasn't enjoying having him hang around me.

As we walked along the street he was silent. I mean, he was usually unnervingly quiet but it still felt off.

"What's up."

"Huh?"

"What's up." I repeated as we made our way towards the location of my favorite and only diner that was open at 2 am.

"Oh, uh, is this a trick question?" they asked as they trailed behind me.

I stopped as I leaned against the wall. "How would it be a trick question?"

"I dunno, I feel like you'd make fun of me."

I snorted at that. "Listen my prince, I will make fun of you any chance I get. Respectfully of course."

Joel frowned at that yet that turned into a deadpan face. "Oh I know. You'll do it both disrespectfully and respectfully. There isn't an in between with you."

"Yeah something like that I suppose, god you know me so well, Mm?" I remarked lightly as more of a throw away line, not really expecting him to respond.

"Well.. that's.. debatable I suppose.. but you're absolutely so impossible to read."

I smirked at him as I led him into the diner. "Don't I know it." As we waited to be sat I sighed. "But you're quite impossible to deal with as well."

"Oh really? So then what on earth does that make you." They quipped. Obviously a joke I could tell that but.. what did that make me?

"Most definitely not impossible then. I just happen to have a lot of will-power to drive away people I hate. Unlike you."

I could tell that I was crossing some line but with Joel all lines were constantly scribbled out and all trampled over in an attempt to understand each other.

I still don't know why we even bother then. It didn't work then and it most certainly won't work now. And maybe, unlike him, I'm tired of making it try to work.

Joel was obviously silenced and even when a worker took us to a table he silently grabbed a menu and avoided eye contact with me.

After a while of silence and the most elevatory-elevator music of the building he finally spoke.

"Harley."

"Mm?"

"Do you ever think about what it would be like if we never broke up?"

Ouch.

Ok, was not expecting that. And I could tell that he knew the moment I looked up at him. His expression mirrored my own.

Distress, shock, and maybe even a little regret.

Yes.

The answer was yes a million times over. I constantly thought about it, it kept me up whenever my mind thought that I needed some extra baggage that night.

Many different scenarios would pop in my head to try and remedy the actual situation.

But the outcome was always the same.

The same ending.

I placed my menu down as I ran my fingers nervously through my hair.

"What makes you ask that?" Stalling. The only thing I knew better than deflecting.

"Well, we you randomly visit me out of nowhere in the middle of the night. Even though you never talk nor hang out with me anymore." Joel explained. "Not that I'm implying that it lives in your head rent free,, I'm just wondering why now..? Why did you even agree to hang out. I know you hate me, don't you?"

Maybe I didn't want to leave things the way they were.. or..

"I do hate you." I replied as lax as I could leaning back a bit in my chair.

"As expected."

"But to your answer, I don't think about it. There's no point in thinking about the outcome of something that's already happened. It's like pitying your mind and what goes on to you. Once you go down that road life turns into an endless nightmare I suppose."

Another beat of silence as Joel nodded before returning back to reading the menu off. I preoccupied myself with staring out the window, I already knew what I would get anyway.

"I've thought about it." They say suddenly.

I continued to look outside but i decide to listen and hear him about before cutting him off.

"I know it's dumb, but I do sometimes think about it. Not in any weird or longing way but.. you know?"

I hummed softly as I turned to look back at him. "Nice to know you still love me, Mm?"

Joel chuckled at that as he shook his head. "I don't know how I feel about you but love is a strong word."

"Mhm."

Love indeed was a strong word. A word that I didn't like. It was a word that was simple enough but could be used to excuse things or could be mistaken as something else. The scariest thing was someone could use that word to try and remedy the disgusting actions of themselves with a simple 'I'm doing it because I love you.'

My thoughts were cut off the moment I saw a waiter approach our table.

"Hey, Harley, how're you doing?" The young girl asked with a smile.

I flashed a smile towards her. "Doing as fine as I can be."

The waitress nodded her head towards Joel. "Who's your guest?"

"That's Joel, he's my.. friend." I replied as I turned towards them. Joel pulled up a smile before turning towards the waiter.

"Well, what can I get you two?"

"I'll have the usual."

The waitress turned to Joel as he scanned through the menu before they looked up. "I'll just have the same as him."

"Okay, I'll have them ready in a bit." The waitress said as she scooped up our menus and walked towards the kitchen.

"Bold move ordering something that you don't even know." I remarked as I rested my head on my hand.

"I'm not too worried about it. I know you have pretty good taste in food." They simply said before focusing his eyes out the window.

"You sure put a lot of trust in me."

"I try to."

I snorted as I shook my head, turning towards him with a knowing grin. "After all is said and done?"

"After all is said and done."

They gave me their signature warm smile and this time it felt much more friendly.

It was the one thing that could take my mind off the inevitably of the the clock ticking.

After a bit of silence the waitress brought us two plates of pancakes. My face automatically brightened once I saw the food and once Joel saw the food.

After we both started to eat I looked up a them. "How's my favorite tasting to you?"

He smiled. "Good, I prefer waffles but pancakes are a close best second breakfast food."

"Waffles and pancakes are basically the same thing." I remarked with a shrug as I continued to eat.

"They really aren't."

"They're basically cousins." I stared as I finished my plate.

"Nope, they're totally different."

I shook my head with a small smile. "Yeah yeah whatever you say."

The rest of our time at the diner was filled with easy and light conversations. It was nice, to be like this again. And even though I knew the I would die one way or another I let myself forget that. I let myself forget that for the sake of pretending that everything would be okay.

Maybe if I said it enough it would be true.

But.. I knew it wasn't.

I knew I couldn't hang around here, i was dying one way or another and I'd rather not have to die in front of Joel. I.. couldn't do that after so many awful things l.. still don't want to hurt him.

I swiped the check of the table before Joel could so I could pay.

"You don't have to pay for me, Harls."

"Well I am, so don't make me regret that decision." I replied before finish paying the check. I got up from the booth and started walking towards the exit.

"Where are you going?"

"I dunno, but I know you probably don't want to hang around me." I said with a shrug.

"Well, you seem in need of company.. plus I want to see you off before you leave town."

Leaving life but the leaving town was a good analogy.

I sighed but pulled up a smile.

"Well, I guess I don't mind having your company for a little bit." I pulled out my phone to check the time. It's almost 3 am. Sometime in the next 21-ish hours I'd be six-feet under.

But most definitely not before I lived a little.

And who knows. Maybe Joel might be a good old fashioned partner in crime to have one last time.

Hopefully I'd have just enough time to spend it with him and not feel horrible about what might go down if things go wrong.

☆☆☆
POV; everything continues to go absolutely downhill from here lesgoooooo