~~~Third Person P.O.V~~~

To say that Harley got worse was an understatement. And both of the boys realised that. Currently it took Harley all his effort to speak and move. So most of the time that they spent together was just them silently watching a movie or Joel napping beside him.

It wasn’t the way they’d ideally spend their time, but there wasn’t a way to do it without Harley getting physically exhausted.

Harley was a former ghost of the boy he was a few months ago. He was skin and bones now, his cheeks weren’t as full as they once were. His hair wasn’t as curly, it instead fell into his eyes, in lower waves. His eyes.. Were dimmer.. They never beamed, they never sparkled with mischievousness.. But his smile.. It was still the same.. 

Joel hated to admit it.. But every day.. Every time that Harley looked different a piece of him was almost forgotten. He wasn’t as witty, or as sarcastic, or as dry, blunt, or even trying to be as charming as before. This was a new side of Harley that he had never gotten to see until now..

But it changed nothing.. This was still his soulmate.. And he still wasn’t giving up on him.

“T-.. The lawyer really-.. W-wa-was a jack-... jackass..” Harley mumbled, staring at the screen.

“Yeah, he had it coming from the start.”

“T-T-T-rex… was right.. T-t… to eat him..” Harley stuttered out. 

They were currently watching Jurassic Park for the millionth time. Harley liked these movies, especially the first one. He didn’t comment much on it anymore, he just spoke quietly causing Joel to turn it down whenever he needed to speak.

“Mhm, right he was.”

“T… T-rex… is the.. B-best… character..” He mumbled out.

“Uh-Huh, right after the velociraptors though.”

“F-f-fuck the v-velociraptors..” Harley mumbled. Joel giggled a bit, hearing him weakly chuckle after him. They gently locked hands with each other. His fingers were a bit bonier now, but.. It was still the same warmth.. Emulating from both of them.

Joel looked at Harley, in response he looked back, both of them smiling at each other. Like it was Joel had to find new ways to make Harley smile, even if it was just a fraction of a smile. The latest on this were some dorky ass hairpins of the sun and some stars.

“Hey Harls!” Joel greeted, holding his surprise tightly in his hands.

Harley looked up with a smile and a nod. Signifying that it was a hello. This week was the worst week for both of them. Harley had lost most of his voice and it took him a while to gain it back, just because he was lucky. 

Lucky. 

Sure.

Harley made a couple of hand movements. Deciphering as ‘Where were you?’

“Just getting a little surprise for you!” Joel exclaimed before sitting beside him. Harley gently cupped his cheek with a smile. Before long the younger of the boys kissed him, and they both smiled wider.

“W-... w.. Was… t-that.. Tha… the… sur…”

Joel shook his head and Harley dropped the sentence entirely as Joel opened his hand. Harley stared down, and his smile grew even bigger and he started chuckling weakly.

“I-... luhve.. Lo-... love.. Th-.. them..”

Joel smiled. “I’m glad you do,” He gently pushed away some of Harley’s bangs, clipping them in just to keep the bangs out of his face.

“You look so beautiful..”

Harley shook his head before pointing at Joel. “y-you.. A-... ar… are… so… beau-... bea.. Beautif… beautiful…”

They both smiled before resting their heads together.

After a couple of minutes, Harley stopped paying attention to the movie, instead he leaned his head back against the pillows, staying silent.

“Harls..?” Joel asked softly, pressing a hand against his arm.

“I- It… I- It hurts… I-It hurts.. S-so.. m- much…” He stuttered out, a few tears slipping down his cheeks.

“H-Hey… do you want me to get the doctors?” Joel asked, ready to get up at any second, but Harley weakly shaked his head.

“N-n… nu-... no…” He gripped Joel’s hand like a lifeline, staring at him. “N-no… t-they-... the… they’ll take.. Y-you… a- … aw… away… from… m-... me…”

Joel sighed, looking out once before laying back down with Harley. Harley progressively got worse at speaking. Not worse per say.. It took him a lot longer to form sentences and to pronounce the words. It took him so long to get a single word correctly.

“I’m not going anywhere.. Don’t worry..”

Joel wrapped his arms tightly around Harley, his chin resting on top of his head. It was something that was different though. Harley looked up at Joel.

“Joel…”

“Yes..?”

“C-Can I-.. can I say i-it now..?” Harley was shivering at this point, his lip trembling slightly.

“I-I can’t.. I - .. It hurts… I-It h-hurts s-so much.. I’m s-so t-tired.. I - I want t-to s-s-sleep..” Harley pleaded, his eyes balancing his tears.

“I… I don’t want you to go..”

“I don’t want to g-go… J-Joel.. I don’t.. I don’t want to-... to die… I-”

Joel silenced him with a kiss on his lips, before pulling away. “I-.. I love you so much Harley... “

Harley stayed silent, as he pulled Joel into his chest, Joel sobbed as his eyelids grew heavy. “Please don’t go… please don’t leave me… you are my world..” Joel mumbled, tears heavy in his voice before his own eye lids dropped.

“.. Go to sleep… I-I’ll.. Be here… w-when you wake up… M-My prince… I love you…”

As Joel fell into a deep sleep, his sobs growing loader even though he was unconscious, Harley’s eyelids finally dropped, as he exhaled. He looked down at Joel, as he noticed his breath go steady, before he looked towards the ceiling at the beautiful stars that twinkled..

His shoulders drooped, as he fell asleep. But this wasn’t just his first slumber.. This was his last. It solidified once the heart rate monitor went flat, a long deafening sound.

~~~

~~~Joel’s P.O.V~~~

I woke up after the bright sun peared in through the windows. I turned to the side seeing the unresponding IV monitor.. I turned around feeling a sob catch in my throat. 

I stared at Harley.. If I didn’t know any better.. I’d think he was just asleep.. That he was just resting before we started the day..

But his chest was still.. I tangled my fingers with his.. But his hands were icy cold.. I felt tears drift down my cheeks as I buried my face in the crook of his neck. “... harley..?” 

There wasn’t a response, obviously..

I felt the sobs escape my lips as I cried harder, gripping his back. “Please no… No… Harley.. Please… please…” But it was useless to cry out to his body. I sobbed harder and harder, at no response, at no movements.

My breaths finally slowed down as I pulled away, wiping the tears from my eyes. “... You never got to be my king… I- I never got to take you to Paris… i - … i couldn’t do it. “ I sobbed out, before falling back onto the bed. I cried harder before turning to him. The nurses never came… I didn’t know why… 

But I didn’t question it.. Instead I laced myself back in his arms. Burying my face in his chest. I just wanted to be embraced by him, one last time… I knew that if the doctors came in… they’d take him away from me.. I stayed silent as I rested my head against his chest, trying to live in the last moment he’d ever have with Harley.

“... i can’t find you…” I mumbled as the tears slipped down my cheeks. 

Too soon, it was time to go. I got up, walking over to one of the seats in the corner. I stuffed my laptop, a couple of the picture frames I used to decorate and finally one of the hospital blankets. I zipped it up as if to close off the hospital memory before pulling on one of Harley’s jackets.. It was a bit big on me.. But it smelled like him.. It smelled like home..

I took one last look at Harley after I slung on my bag. I walked towards him. His skin was paler than usual. His eyes were shut.. I’d never see them again... His hair was a bit longer and messier, but I used those dorky ass hair pins to push his bangs away.

I gently unclipped the pins and stuffed them in my pocket. I let his bangs fall in his face, before I gently brushed them back.

As soon as I got a clear vision of his face, I leaned down, gently placing a ghost kiss on his cheek.

“... Goodbye Harley… rest well..” 

I turned on my heel walking out of the hospital my head low as a soft breeze hit my face. I felt the sobs, but I didn’t want to cry out here..

I didn’t want anyone else to know..

Too soon I made it in front of the apartment, I grabbed his keys, turning them and opening the door. As soon as the cold breeze hit my face I narrowed my eyes..

This..

This wasn’t home anymore..

But.. of course it was.. But without Harley to greet me here, without him to ask me how my day was. Without me to ask him.. It didn’t feel like anything..

It felt..

Empty.

I shut the door behind me throwing the keys in the key bowl thingy before I placed the pins right beside them.

I layed down on the couch without bothering to remove the jacket or the bag. I just layed there sobbing, hoping that I could just get one more second with him..

Just one more…

~~~

-knock knock-

“Who is it..”

“Eli, Vi, and L?”

I raised my head ever so slightly before sitting up officially. Tightly gripping Harley’s jacket.

“Come in…”

The door opened as the three girls walked in, all the levels of concerns in their faces.

“Hey.. we brought you food..” L said holding up a bag of food that really didn’t spark my interest.

“... thanks but i’m not hungry..” I said with a smile before laying back down on the bed.

Elise stepped forward gently placing a hand on my wrist. “Joel.. listen to me.. I know it’s hard but..”

“It’ll get better, yes I know it will.. I just… I don’t want anything right now.. I’m sorry, but.. I just don’t.. Feel anything either.. I’m either overwhelmingly sad.. Or I'm overwhelmingly angry. There isn’t a single in between. I love the three of you.. And I know Harley did too… but.. I just need some time alone.. I’ll see you guys when I get outta this bad place..”

Without hesitation I felt three pairs of arms envelope me in a tight hug. I did my best to hug them as well, but we were silent. Soon they pulled away and looked at me.

“.. Bye Joel..”

“Bye..”

~~~

It’s been three months since he passed. I never truly got better. It was hard to adjust to a homelife without him, but I knew that I had to sooner than later..

Every day I’d hear a creek and turn my head thinking that it was Harley coming to say hi, or go to work, but usually it was his cat, Dusk. 

Not the cat going to work, just the cat generally existing..

I sighed a bit staring back down at my book. This was my new escape and my new therapy. Reading countless different books every day, just to have a peak at a new fantasy world, or a new world of fiction that could take me to a different place..

It helped me pretend that I wasn’t so alone..

-thump-

I sat up, confused before I saw the mailman walk away from my door. I narrowed my eyes before placing the book down and walking towards the door. I opened it seeing a pile of envelopes and a package.

I scooped them all up in my hands before closing the door. I already knew the books were from a bookshop that I ordered so I put the box down at the table.

I had to turn on the light since it was already getting dark and I wanted to see what came in the mail.

Hospital bills, normal bills, stupid catologes that meant nothing……. I approached the last one confused. It was a stuffed envelope that had my name in cursive handwriting.

I turned it over several times, looking at the stamp.

Paris? I don’t know anyone who lives in Paris..

I tapped the envelope in my hand, before finally opening it, and out fell its contents.

There was a longer note, a shorter note and a little envelope packet thing. I grabbed the first note and began to dive into the words.

Dear, Joel,

I feel like you're going to hate me, that you aren’t even going to want to read this.. If you're reading this, it means that I’m probably gone, and I’m so so sorry. I wanted to keep fighting.. And I wanted to keep being with you. It breaks my heart to even think of being without you.. But I left.. And I’m so sorry..

I kept wondering why it happened to me.. Why I had to do this to you, and I feel like I got a pretty revolutionary answer.. Because the universe sucks, and it's a cold and unfair place. This was something I couldn’t control nor prevent, and I hope that you won’t resent me because I couldn’t get better.

7 years wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for me. I don’t think it could’ve been enough.. And this is my best gestiment.. I don’t exactly have a ticking clock of when I will die..

I feel like there is so much I want to say though, I feel like I have so much to tell you, and this letter wouldn’t be enough. I could take pictures maybe.. I could write a song maybe, but those wouldn’t do you justice. What I have to say to you is beyond pictures and music, it’s beyond words and letters, it’s beyond the galaxy.
I wish I could’ve given you everything.. You deserve everything this world has to offer. My prince, you aren’t the world to me.. You are everything that makes this world beautiful. You are the shining sun, the beautiful rain, the gorgeous flowers growing in the meadow. You are the stars and you are the buildings. You are the ocean and you are the one that keeps everything in balance for me. You are the one who pulls me back down to earth when I need it most.

And I hope I could’ve been the same for you.

You deserve everything in life and I wish I could’ve provided that, and I wish you wouldn't hold it against me for not doing it. As much as I wish coming to you in my next life.. I’m scared that If I do, the same thing will happen over and over again, like I said before. I wish to be a star.. That way you can see me whenever you go to bed, watching over you like I once did. So I can find you and give you the hope and comfort that you need. I want to be with you, and I love you so badly it hurts. I don’t know how to express how leaving you, how slowly dying feels like. I wish you never felt it.. But I know that it comes like. 

If I can say one more thing before I close out this letter, don’t let my death hold you back. Don’t let my death chain you to the house, only allowing you to go out into work. Don’t do that. You're twenty-three years old, Joel. I know you don’t like me even mentioning it, but please, go out, find friends, find something to do that makes you happy, and maybe even try to fall in love again. Try to make a family. I shouldn’t hold ownership of you after my death, and I want you to know that It’s okay trying to love again. If those marks on your skin aren’t a permanent reminder that I love you, then you're insane.

I was happy in our little universe that we created. I know that we both were, but don’t be afraid to make new universes.

It doesn’t change the fact that I love you, and It doesn’t change the fact that you love me.

We’re the brightest stars out there, and I’ll find my way back to you.

I’ll find you, Joel.

I love you, so much my prince.

Yours forever, Harley William Olsen.

I didn’t know when I started crying, but I tightly gripped the paper in my hand, letting the sobs come out louder and louder.

“I-.. I loved.. I loved you too, Harley..” I whispered to the paper as though he could hear me. I felt a strange comfort after the letter but I placed it down looking at the smaller note.

I should’ve just proposed to you under the stars that night.. But I was afraid, Joel. I was afraid that you would have to see me die after being promised a wedding. It didn’t change the fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, but life isn’t fair. I wish it was though. I wish I got a chance to say everything and anything to you. I wish I got to say I love you, more than once. So can I say it now?

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you more than words. I love you more than actions. I love you more than anything on this planet. I love you more than the galaxy and the stars. I love you more than anyone else. I love you, you are the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I keep fighting. I love you. I love you. I love you because of the love you gave to me. I love you because of the life you gave me. I love you because you never truly thought I was hopeless. I love you because you're silly. I love you because you’re a bookworm. I love you because you exist. I love you because you let me. I love you just because. I love you for everything you’ve done for me.
I love you, my prince.

I stared at the paper, smiling a bit, before looking up. 

“I love you too, Harley..” This time not using past tense.. Because, for sure.. I knew it.. More than anything. I love him, and he loves me.

I finally opened the packet sliding into my hand a beautiful ring, with a couple of blue crystals. Engraved in moons and stars.. It was silver and on a silver chain..

I gasped a bit, before putting it around my neck tightly holding onto it.. I knew.. That a part of my heart would always be sealed away for Harley.. 

Always..

I quickly ran out the door, grabbing my keys before slamming the door. I knew where I had to go. I ran through the park and up the place where Harley took me that night.

I made it.

I made it.

I looked around. It was our first stargazing place. At the moment there were actually a couple of people with their own significant other.

But I just continued to look.

I looked at the sky, hoping to find it. And I did.

Right beside the beautiful moon was a shimmering star that had a slightly pinkish red glint to it. I took a tiny step closer, smiling at it.

“I found you..”

🌌🌌🌌

Thank you so much for reading this oneshot. Honestly it broke my heart to write it, but I am proud of it, and yeh, Hope you enjoyed