~~~Joel’s P.O.V~~~

It’s been another month since we danced in the rain and he told me.

It was a false hope, then actual hope. 

Harley didn’t ever truly get better.

That wasn’t to say he didn’t try, he ate well, he made sure to keep active, and took some pills that would help him sleep, I got excited when he was able to properly pick me up, when he stopped losing so much weight and actually looked like he did before.

The circles under his eyes never left though.

He almost never got sleep.

He stayed awake all night and struggled to stay awake in the day.

Then, he progressively got worse.. He barely ate anything. He grew weaker again. He started to decrease in weight. It was almost overnight, he grew thinner and thinner. Colder and colder. The slightest breeze sent shivers down his spine.

“Harley, eat.” I said firmly.

He stared at a bowl of soup. Pushing it away wrinkling his nose. 

“I’m not hungry.”

“Harley.”

“There isn’t a point in me eating, Joel.”

“I’m being serious, if you want to get better you have to keep your strength up.” 

“Get better..” He mumbled.

“Yes, get better.” I repeated.

He let out a humorless laugh, shaking his head before turning to me, a wave of anger flashing through his features

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN I WEIGH NINETY-SEVEN FUCKING POUNDS?!” He yelled out before burying his face in his hands.

I stayed silent as I heard him swear in another language.. I’ve been around him enough to know when he swore in every language he knew..

“I’m twenty-four years old. I’m twenty fucking four.. And I weigh ninety seven pounds.” He mumbled out in english. 

“Harley..”

“You are twenty-three and you weigh more than I do.. Do you know how mortifying that is? I weigh less, I’m fucking shrinking.” He laughed humorlessly, shaking his head. “No, not even that. I’m fucking dying.”

“Harley.”

He let out a shaky breath. “I- I can’t eat, I can’t breath, I can’t sleep, I can’t carry you, I can’t even carry anything to help you! I can barely walk outside! I can’t stand outside when a small breeze comes around, I can’t even be a good soulmate! I can’t do anything!!” 

I gently placed a hand on his forearm, he tensed up slightly before looking at me.

“Don’t ever say that. You can do everything and anything, Harley. I promise.”

“I’m getting worse.. Why can’t you see that..”

“Because.. I care about you… because.. I-...” I bit my lip. I didn’t want to say it.. I didn’t want him to say it either.

“... Can I say it..?”

“What..?”

Harley lifted my sleeve shakely, pointing at the words.

‘My prince.. I love you..’

“No, Harley, please.. No.. I’m not… I’m not ready to say goodbye yet..”

“The longer I wait… it shows you how awful I truly am..”

“What..”

He looked away from me, his hands trembling a bit, as he pulled his hoodie on firmer. “I don’t want you to see me get worse. I don’t want you to see me die. I don’t want you to see me like that… I don’t want to break you.. I don’t want you to remember me like that..”

“Harls… I fell in love with the dork, not how he looked like. I fell in love with everything little thing he brought to me.. I’m not shallow, and I want to stay with you forever..”

“Joel..”

“You can’t back out now, you said 130 years.. So that’s how long I’ll be with you.. And maybe even after.”

“Joel..”

“Harley,” I gently placed a kiss on his forehead. “You mean the world to me.. A world without you is one I don’t want to live in. A world without you, isn’t a world.. You aren’t going to die.. And you aren’t pushing me away, and you definitely aren’t any less handsome in my eyes as for when I first met you.”

I noticed his blush ridden cheeks as he smiled at me, he smiled at me. It was weak.. But it was still his smile.

“Wanna know s-something..?”

“Tell me..”

“I can fit the entire world in my hands..” He said, beaming proudly. I giggled, smiling at him.

“Can you now?”

“Mhm?”

“Mind if I ask for some proof..?”

“Not at all,” He gently reached forward cupping my face in his hands as he ran a thumb down my cheek. “The entire world.. Is right here.. Right here with me..”

I felt a few tears slip down my cheeks before he leaned forward pressing his lips against mine.

“... I’m sorry for yelling at you…”

“It’s okay..”

“No it’s not.. I overstepped.. I just…” He started before pulling his hands away.
“Just… what..?”

“I’m upset.. All those promises… about having children.. About spending the rest of my life with you.. About showing you the beauties of the earth.. I- I want to do them.. But … I don’t want any children if they have to see me like this..” He explained, swallowing hard, before he turned to me. “You're going to end up being a great dad.. You know that right..?”

“You too..”

He shook his head, chuckling weakly. “I wish..”

~~~

After that day, everything got worse. We had to move Harley into the hospital.. Until he got better.. 

Neither of us mentioned that he might not get better or walk back into the apartment ever again..

They moved him into a room farther off from the others but still on the first floor. Just in case.. I hated it.

I hated it all.

I took a deep breath before walking into the room for the regular visitor hours.. He didn’t notice me at first, he stared outside.. He looked miserable..

It wasn’t until a second later when he looked back at me his expression was brightening.

“My prince, to what do I owe the service to?” He asked, his voice was just as charming as before, with his smile.

“To see you?” I asked, before walking towards him gently kissing his cheek, careful not to disturb the tubs.

“I missed you..” He whined tightly clinging onto my arm.

“I did too, are you doing okay?” I asked sitting at the side of the bed.

“Meh, I guess I’m fine. They managed to get me to 100 pounds!” He beamed.

Even though it was only three pounds, it meant the world to both of us. I tightly gripped his hand, placing a gentle kiss on his knuckles.

“That’s amazing, Harls..”

He went into a longing stare of me, his smile fading.

“Is something wrong..?”

“Y-Your really- you’re really h-here right??” He asked, his voice slightly cracking.

“Mhm, I’m really here, Harls..” I said softly, gently grabbing his hands.

“I-I’m sorry.. I’ve been seeing… everything.. And collectively nothing..”

“Huh..?”

“Sometimes… when I blink.. You aren’t there anymore… I think… I think you leave me…” He mustered out.

I pressed my lips against the palm of his hand. “Never.. I promise.. I’ll always be by your side.. Always.”

“I-... I promise that too.. I’m still here… I’ll always be by your side..”

“Yeah..”

~~~

“Harley..?”

“Mm.”

“Are you still awake..?”

“Mhm.”

“Sorry.. That was dumb of me to ask..”

“Mm.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, my king?”

“Why do you want the galaxy..?” I turned my head slightly to the side. Harley’s bangs were over one of his eyes, his hair was less curly than usual.. The tubs.. Reminded me every day..

“You know that movie.. Where the main characters die..?”

“You mean every movie..?”

“Mhm, yes that one. Well I like the idea.. That when you die.. You don’t actually die.. I like the idea that you kinda just become one with something.. That you’re there.. Looking for your mate… so that in your next life.. You can be together.. A life that I can wake up beside you, every day.. A life where you can fall asleep in my arms. A life where you can wake up to my kisses.. A life where I can take our children with us to stargaze.. I want that life.. I want a normal life..”

“That’s really sweet, Harley..”

“But about the galaxy.. When I die.. If I can no longer be reincarnated.. I want to be a star.. I want to shine in the galaxy.. I want to see it up close.. And I want to live somewhere there… If I can’t have this life.. If I can’t have a fantasy life.. Then I want to be with the stars.. Forever..”

I swallowed hard, turning slightly and burying my head in his shoulder, it was a bit bonier as he got skinnier.. But it still felt natural.. Like he still needed to be there... “I like that…”

“I do too..”

~~~

I woke up, it was late at night, the windows we closed and so were the blinds. The only bit of light we got was from the heart monitor, and the stars on the ceiling.

After we moved Harley into the hospital, I wanted to decorate. I put a little bit of things, just so it could feel like home.. The stars were something early.. So that I could always go stargazing with him.. I fall asleep with him in the hospital.. I wake up to him..

I wanted to go back to sleep. I looked at Harley, his arm was draped around me, the other rested against my forehead.. I could believe he was asleep.

But he shifted around, he winced, and his breathing was uneven..

But he still tried..

He was still fighting..

I sighed a bit before trying to go back to sleep. I almost tensed up when I felt something across my forehead.. I knew it was Harley though..

He always brushed my bangs back.. It was something he had accustomed to. I wanted to lean forward slightly..

But I didn’t want him to pull away, so I lay there, unable to move or say anything in fear that he’d stop..

“I’m so sorry..” 

I swallowed hard, hearing these words.. He shouldn’t apologize he hasn’t done an-

“I’m sorry for putting you through this.. You don’t deserve it.. I’m such a shitty boyfriend for doing this to you…”

I stayed silent, his words meant more… they meant so much.. But they weren’t true…

“I’m s-so sorry, Joel… You deserved a different soulmate.. Not one who was sick.. Not one who’s dying.. And not one who won’t get to be here with you for 130 years..” He weakly chuckled, before a sob escaped his lips. I felt his hand pull away.

“I won’t say it yet.. But I want to.. Before I go.. So please… when you wake up.. Let me say it soon.. I don’t want to die before you hear it..” 

There was silence for a couple of seconds before I opened my eyes. Harley’s back faced me, as I felt the true ache inside me. I knew.. That if he said those words.. He’d be gone.. I didn’t want that.. But I didn’t want him to suffer anymore..

Either he gets better.. Or… I lose him forever..

~~~

“Joel..”

“Hm?” I turned my head, seeing Harley staring out the window. I paused the movie we were watching on my computer as he stared outside. 

“It’s raining..”

I turned towards the window. It hasn’t rained since our dance in the rain, at least not that one that Harley saw.

“I want to go out there so badly..” His eyes were pleading.

“I know you do.. But Harley, what if you get hurt..”

He didn’t pay attention to me, he just stared outside, his eyes pleading, but they were glassy.

“I don’t have much time left, Joel.. I just want it.. I want to stand there.. For the last time..”

“I know I just-... Wait for a second.” I asked placing the laptop on a chair before getting off of the bed and walking out of the room to the front desk.

“Excuse me?”

A woman looked up at me, with a sad smile. “Joel, right?”

I nodded my head.

“Are you here to see Harley?”

I shook my head.

“Oh?”

“I um-.. I was wondering if we could borrow one of those oxygen tanks..? And a wheelchair?”

She smiled sadly at me. “Where are you kidnapping him to?”

“I want to take him to see the rain.. With.. his condition.. I don’t know when the next time I’ll be able to do it..

“You have to be back in 30 minuets, in his condition, he might freeze or he might run out of breath. You gotta be in and out.”

“Yes yes, I promise..”

She sighed before leading me to a room where we got a wheelchair and oxygen tank. We walked back into the room where Harley beamed at me.

“In and out, Olsen, you got that?”

He did a silly but weak salute. “Yes ma’am.”

Harley was practically bouncing with excitement once he was unhooked from his collection of machines. They hooked him to the oxygen tank before sitting him in the wheelchair.

“In and out.”

We both nodded before I pushed him out of the room.

“I’m free! You broke me out you glorious thing of nature!” He beamed as he kissed me. I laughed a bit as we went down the hallways, I opened a door that led us outside.

It was raining much less than that night.. But it was still beautiful. I didn’t push him all the way in the rain, instead he stuck his hands out as they became dripping wet.

“I wish I could dance with you.. Or at least stand up with you..”

“I do too..”

“But thank you.. Thank you for this..”

“You ask for such simple things.. I can’t deny you, Harls..”

“What will you deny me?”

“I dunno yet, we’ll just have to find out.”

“Can we go to Paris?”

“Huh?” I was stunned at his change in conversation.

“It’s the only place I haven’t been to where I really want to go.” He explained, his face in a distant look.

“Paris?”

“Mhm, I want to go there, I want to go to the top of the Eiffel tower, at night though.. I want to see if there’s a good view.”

I swallowed hard. “.. We’ll just have to wait and see..”

He turned to me, a small half smile on his face. “It’s okay if we can’t, but.. If I get better.. I wanna go there with you.”

“... I’d like that..”

He gently took our hands together, before gently pushing me back in the rain, I gasped a bit, but I stared into the sky.

It was cloudy, but I could see the sun. I looked back down at Harley, he was laughing a bit, but I noticed he was shivering as well.

“Thank you Joel.. for taking me out here.”

“... Your welcome..”

This is honestly just making me depressed, it’s like a rollercoaster my friends, it goes down and up.