Something inside me is missing,

Something that will never come back.

I saw the way you panted and heaved,

The dread was overwhelming

And I just knew.

I knew.

I knew you couldn't come back

No matter how much I wanted you to.

It's been five days.

I still don't want to believe it,

But I suppose I should, shouldn't I?

I can't help it – every day for

Four years (it feels much longer)

You were there.

You were familiar.

You made me happy.

And now you're gone

And you won't ever come back.

I'm trying so hard not to cry,

To lose control of my emotions –

I'm full of emotions, and yet

I feel so empty.

I looked at a picture of you.

It was the only one I had

And I couldn't help but

Let a tear escape because I knew.

I knew.

I knew that the only way

I could look at you was through

The pixels of a screen,

Ink on a piece of paper.

Maybe, eventually, I'll get over you,

But until then

I'm still trying to mend my heart

And be happy

But I know.

I know.

I know it'll be quite a while until then.