Jamie

Allow us to take this opportunity to take this moment to establish a precedent: I am not a good person. 

Really. I steal, I lie, I kill, for Christ's sake. 

But I don't let my self loathing completely consume me by holding myself to ridiculously high standards, because I believe that there is no such thing as a good person. 

Are there people who do nice things? Absolutely. Are there people who love taking care of others? Absolutely. But people who do things out of the kindness of their hearts? They're a myth.

Think about it. We learn from a young age to do things for others because it makes you feel good. Makes you feel good. If you had to rip off a toenail every time you did a good deed, would you still give them out like candy? I don't think so.

No, we do nice things because we feel, in our heart of hearts, that we must constantly be making up for the fact that we are selfish by nature. So we do "random acts of kindness" to soothe our conscience, to quash the little voice that knew we only do these things for ourselves.

Like I said, I'm not a good person. I'm not even a mediocre one. But I don't deserve the hand I've been dealt. 

Which begs the everlasting question: Am I a crappy person as a result of drawing life's short straw? 

Or did I draw the short straw because I was destined to be an ass?

Anyway.