question from spreadingsmiles15

Do you think you are and experience plays a part in how you write??? Also, how do you understand the way different people (or kids like in Single Father) think? I actually have a very hard time writing how others feel and would really like some advice on how to write for opposite genders and all that...

answer

Experience definitely plays a part in how (and what) I write. A lot of people ask why I have to write sad stories. The answer is simply that you write what you know. I know sadness, I know loneliness, I know mental illness, so these are the things I write about. I'm not an expert in them, but I feel a lot less qualified to write about happiness or romance because those are feelings and emotions I just don't relate to as well. I don't see it as an issue; some people are just born a little sadder than others. It gives me a unique perspective on the world. So when I go to write, a lot of my characters inadvertently echo my own thoughts or perspective.

To answer your second question, although I've kind of already gotten into it, I understand the way people think because they're all a different slice of my own being, only amplified. In Mental, Hyungwon is quiet at first because he's scared of being ostracized or isolated. My experiences haven't been as extreme as such, but there have been many times in my life when I'm trying to fit in with other kids and have to restrain myself from saying what I really think or feel because I'm worried that I will force my own rejection from a group. In Forgetting, Yoongi struggles to find the line between the relationship he wants with the reader and the relationship that has been forced upon him as that of a caretaker. In my own life, someone very important to me is suffering from a mental illness, and it's changed a lot for me. Where they used to take care of me, now I worry about taking care of them. So in answer to you, while no character is a carbon copy of myself and not every character derives their function from myself, the majority do, in one way or another.

As for writing about how others feel, I think it's near impossible to do if you haven't been in a similar situation yourself. Therefore, to be a writer, you must allow yourself to be vulnerable, even when you're scared, because to be a writer is to let yourself be hurt and feel pain so that you may gain experience. You have to be ready to accept rejection but still always pursue the attempt. Not just for possibly negative experiences, but for positive ones, too. Approaching new people. Trying new things. You can't write what you don't know (or at least, I would contest that you cannot do it well), so you have to be ready to experience new things, even if that's scary for you (and it is for me). I've learned a lot, and as a by-product, my characters will have the opportunity to learn those emotions, as I have learned them first and now have the ability to pass them on and reshape them as I see fit.

Finally, in terms of writing from the perspective of the other gender (I believe that's what your question was referencing but I could be wrong)...Honestly, I find it a lot easier to write from a guy's perspective, but that's just me. I have always had a hard time reader a female's perspective because I don't think they ever capture it quite right. As a female speaking for other females, we're extremely complex, and I'm not insinuating that males are any less complex, but females tend to struggle more with emotions. In books, that often comes off as the character being overemotional, flighty, obsessed, weak or, conversely, overpowered and independent to a fault. I think that the gender of your narrator also affects how you will use your side characters. Simply from observation, it seems as though a female narrator with female friends often goes through their conflict or trial alone or with little to no help from their friends, as the conflict usually involves forcing the female narrator into a trial of establishing dependence in a firework show of feminism. However, a male main character seems to rely on or accept help from male side characters. The bond seems to be different - female to female seems to be weak (if not haphazard and half-formed) friendship, whereas male to male mimics more of a brotherhood. Personally, I like writing stories that are about more than just one character's struggles. Everyone can grow into a dynamic character and change over the course of resolving the conflict.

I know that didn't really answer how to write for the opposite gender, per se, but I think acknowledging the differences in techniques is important as well. I don't know if there's so much of a difference in voice and tone between writing for male vs. female, only that females constantly seem to be grappling with some overrated emotional burden, while males seem to stay focused on actually accomplishing the task at hand.

But, that's just me.

Hope that answers some of your questions, and thanks for submitting!