This is for you Wolfie!! Anywho, one day, some of the queers were watching a movie when Shlem decided to come into the living room.

"Guys, it's 3am, why the fuck are you watching Shrek?"

"Better question is, why you not watching it Shlemy-wemmy?" Wolfie asked

"I told you to stop calling me that you cotton picker." He said.

"You joining or what? I haven't got all night I don't want to spend too long on these fanfics." Potato said.

"Fine I'll join if that's what the plot needs me to do."

"Shh!! Stop breaking the fourth wall!! They're about to make another sex joke that went over our heads as a kid!!" Cheese said.

"Yes daddy- I MEAN CHEESE." Shlem shouted.

The others looked at him curiously.

"Did.. you just call Cheese-" Wolfie started

"NO!! NO I DIDNT YOU LITTLE CURRY MUNCHA!!" Shlem blushed angrily

"Oi that's my wife you're talking to!" Potato shouted

"Oh go rub puss you lesbian fucks."

"Haha!" Butter laughed.

"Something funny to you bitch boy?" Wolfie asked

"I'm not a bitch boy and no. I just got a text from Hoops and it made me smile."

"What'd he send? A dick pic?" Cheese asked

"Why you curious? You wanna see it or something? You secretly homo bro?" Butter asked.

The others laughed along with the joke whilst Cheese nervously chuckled and scratched the back of his neck.

Anyway, in the end, Shlem did join them for the Shrek marathon. Some there were only two seats and Wolfie and Potato were sharing whilst Butter was on the floor. Shlem decided he was too good for the floor so he opted for sharing with Cheese.

After the second film, Potato stood up. "I'm going to get a cookie that user and sleeping made. You guys want anything?"

"I'll come in there too. We might take a while... who knows how hard it'll be to find them?" Wolfie winked as she stood up too and followed Potato.

"I'll go after them to make sure nothing dodgy happens." Shlem said, walking after them.

It was just Cheese and Butter now so Butter decided to take it upon himself to interrogate Cheese.

"Alright man what the fuck is up with you and Shlem?" He asked

"Wha..? I... have no idea what you're talking about! Haha..." Cheese blushed.

"Puh-lease! I've read enough fanfiction about gay sex to spot a cliche!! And you two are clicheing all over eachother. It's gross."

"I don't know what you think is going on but I promise you it is NOT."

"Oh yeah? What's with all the blushing then?"

"What? You wouldn't blush if Hoop's accidentally touched your inner thigh? Because SHLEM JUST DID THAT TO ME! It's a natural reflex..." Cheese blushed.

At the mention of Hoops' name, Butter's face went bright red.

"Y-you leave him out if this. He was banished from the queers so we do not speak of him any more."

"Oh yeah? Don't act like you two haven't been meeting up for coffee dates at every opportunity you get. We all see you sneak out." Cheese said

"Wait you do?" Butter should've changed his name to tomato with how red he now was. Cheese wasn't much better.

"Yeah. So you drop the Shlem thing and I'll drop the Hoops thing. Got it?"

"...Fine." Butter said.

Ah this point, the others came back into the living room with cookies, Wolfie and Potato looking severely disappointed.

"Cockblock..." Potato muttered as she sat back down.

"No fucking in the kitchen. People have to eat off of that counter." Shlem said.

He went back over to his chair and fell back into it. Forgetting Cheese was sat there too, he ended up landing directly into Cheese's lap.

Both guys slowly turned to look at eachother, faces bright red. The other three gave eachother knowing looks and laughed quietly amongst themselves.

Shlem went to embarrassed tomato to angry tomato very quickly.

"Why didn't you move over you little cotton picker?!? I don't want to slam myself onto your cock!! You might get me pregnant!!!" He shouted

"Ooo Mpreg! I saw that in porn too!" Butter chimed in.

"Oh fuck off." Shlem said, rolling his eyes.

"S-sorry Shlem I guess I was just lost in my own world and didn't see you coming..." Cheese lied. In reality, he was just staring at his ass as he sat down.

"Right, well move. I don't want to keep sitting on your weirdly bony lap." Shlem said

"Laps aren't bony." Potato said

"What?" Shlem and Cheese asked at the same time.

Wolfie threw her head back with laughter as the realisation dawned on everyone.

"Oh you little monkey." Shlem said to Cheese.

"I-it's not my fault!! Guys can't control these types of things!! It's not- I don't- I swear I didn't mean to-"

Shlem stood up, picked up Cheese by his shirt, sat down, and put Cheese on his own lap.

"I'm not sitting on your fucking boner for the next three hours." He said.

"Wha... wha?" Cheese was flabbergasted. He couldn't think properly at all. His crush had just PICKED HIM UP and PUT HIM ON HIS LAP!!! Cheese's brain was completely fried from blushing. The only thing he could muster was a weak thumbs up.

Shlem smirked at this and sat back, a light blush on his cheeks.

"Good little mouse." Shlem whispered in his ear and that was enough to give Cheese a seizure. He curled into a ball in Shlem's lap who just gave him reassuring pats on the back. He was definitely enjoying the control he had over Cheese in this moment.

Maaayybbeee he was enjoying it a little too much.

Cheese suddenly sat up straight (or at least as straight as he could lol. Gay jokes) and turned around to Shlem with a smirk.

"Look who's got a bony lap now Shlemy." He said, hoping to finally fluster the guy.

Shlem was albeit, take aback by the words but he quickly regained his composure.

"Well maybe if I didn't have such an adorable twink on my ass then it'd be a little more comfortable for you little mouse~"

Cheese froze. That was it. There was nothing else he could do. Was there anything else? Maybe he could... no. No it was too far. Or would it be? Fuck it. Only one way to find out.

"Shlem?" Cheese asked

"Yeah mousy?"

Before Shlem could react, Cheese grabbed his (face) cheeks, and pulled the taller man into a kiss.

Finally, for the first time that night, Shlem froze. He didn't know how what to do but when he felt Cheese running his fingers through his hair he relaxed into the kiss and even kissed him back.

The other three in the room were silently celebrating with eachother but as soon as Butter pulled out a camera to record, Shlem pulled away and kicked the camera out of the window and to Afghanistan.

"Dam can you guys not whilst we're watching Shrek?" Potato asked

"You two were literally going to have sex in the kitchen!!! Fucking hypocrites!!" Cheese shouted.

"Yeah but the difference is we're actually a couple." Wolfie grinned, putting her around around Potato's waist.

"Well so are we now!" Shlem said.

"Wait we are?" Cheese asked hopefully.

"Well... do you want to be?" Shlem asked nervously.

Cheese eagerly nodded and Shlem was so happy he pulled him into another hug and kiss.

"Awww look. More gay people in The Queers." Butter said sarcastically. He then got a shirtless pic from Hoops and completely combusted from gay panic whilst the others just completely questioned his taste in men. But then again, he is a Jiro simp so it makes sense.

The end :)

Shlem, Cheese, if you find this, please don't kill me. This is a PISS TAKE. Obviously you two aren't a couple, I just did it for fun. Also Butter, don't you DARE send this to them. Got it? Wolfie, I love you!!

And to anyone else who happens to be reading this. I'm not dead!! Yay!!!