s1e1 openings
part three :

shifting shadows

the next day i played with him, i snuck out of choir and walked down to the basement quietly.

although we sat on opposite sides, he still insisted on being white, starting the match. a few minutes in, after i took one of his pieces, he took my queen. devastating, but i knew i needed to go on.

as i reached for my next move, his hand stopped mine.

"you resign now."

what.

"resign?" my voice sounded small, weak, and i felt uncomfortable after i spoke.

"thats right child. when you lose the queen in that way," he let go of my hand to lay my king flat against the checkered pattern, "you resign."

there was a moment of silence.

"no."

"yes, you have resigned the game."

"you didnt tell me that in the rules."

"its not a rule, its sportsmanship."

i was not going down without a fight, there was still a game to play. i have never been good at sportsmanship, not when theres still a chance.

"i wanna finish."

"no-"

"you've gotta finish."

"no." he looked at my eyes, and swiveled to get out of his chair, "you lost."

"please!" i was getting desperate.

"the game is over." he poured himself something in a black bottle, but i wasnt too worried about that at the moment.

i would regret what i said next.

i swore at the old man. and he locked me out from our chess sessions for a long time. i was devastated, and annoyed. but i didnt let that stop me from playing. from learning.

i still had my own games to play.

every day, i would leave class and try the basement door, finding it locked. i'd save my pill, sometimes skipping a day or two, and practice in my head at night. on the ceiling.

checkmate.

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a few days later, being forced to clean off the school board eraser outside in the cold, i tried the basement door one last time. and found it unlocked. my heart leaped in my chest. finally.

he stood there, reading a book, his back facing me. but with a few bangs of the eraser, he turned around.

we stared at each other for a second, my heart pounding as i wished him to invite me to play.

he gestured toward the board.

"youre gloating." he said, as we were well into our first match. many of our pieces lay beside the board, being taken from the other.

i wasnt going to lie, i wasnt doing poorly. i had just taken his knight, but he had also just taken one of my pawns, and i had not made an effort to gloat about my advance.

"i'm not."

he took a deep breath, and grabbed the pieces to reset the board.

my heart leaped a little bit in my chest again, but now i had even more reason to hide it.

"it was close."

"i still beat you."

"could have beat me sooner."

i didnt respond. we continued to reset the board.

"you should learn the Sicilian Defense."

"whats that?" i was internally thankful, my nightly sessions had begun to get repetitive.

he begun to show me what he had mentioned, "...and then knight to KB3."

"whats KB3?" i had never heard that term from him yet.

"kings bishop three, where i just put the knight."

a placement? the squares name?

"the squares have names?"

he looked at me seriously, "if you play well they have names."

i was eager to learn more, my mouth began to water, "show me."

"not now," he reset the board from his example, "lets play again."

he huffed.

"youre mad."

"i'm not mad." huffed again, "just play."

weeks after, i played with him everyday. he begun to open up, show me more and more techniques, and our sessions would hit up to two or three games at a time.

he would have me show him a technique, to show i understood it, and we would play another game. each time i got better and better, but he still beat me most of the time.

he taught me that there were certain strategies called openings, and they were certain ways to start your game. and, if you were smart, by reading your opponent you can choose which opening to choose. and each opening set out the mood for your gameplay. vicious, strategic, etc.

little by little, game by game, i learned even more. and at nightfall, after Mr Ferguson would light the candle and bid us goodnight, i'd practice. running through the custodians moves and try to find patterns, new strategies.

it was frequently made obvious to me that i had a long way to go. but, one day.

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i walked down the stairs from class exhausted, i hadn't been getting much sleep with all the practicing i had been doing.

i sat down across from the custodian, and forced my eyes to open.

something was off.

"i'm playing white?" that never happened.

"from now on, we take turns. its the way the game should be played."

should, "then how come i couldn't go first before?"

"play."

i began to beat him more and more. one day, after taking a long sip of his bottle said to be filled with whiskey, he gave me a big red book. the edges looked a little rough, but i was exciting all the same.

it was a book of openings, all the ones i needed to know and more. he said he'd teach me chess notation so i could understand it better.

"am i finally good enough now?" i said with an eager smile, i tried to hide it as best i could.

i think thats the first time i saw him smile, the lit bulb above us making odd shadows cross his face, "to tell you the truth of it, child, you're astounding."

i didnt try to hide my smile anymore after that.

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the next day, after reading my book in secret during all of math, i snuck down to the basement for the last couple minutes of class.

i slowly walked around the corners of the basement, the lights separated just far enough to leave darker, eerier patches. i turned the last corner to see a man i didn't know standing next to the janitor. he was tall and lean and had a dark suit on, almost blending in with his surroundings.

the janitor wasnt smiling, but didn't look disappointed, so i guessed i wasnt in trouble. the sight still put a rock in my stomach though.

the janitor spoke first, "this is Mr Ganz from the chess club."

"chess club?" i said, i hadn't heard of such a thing, but i really hadn't heard of chess either before methuan.

"we play at a club."

Mr Ganz stood up straighter, "I'm also coach of the high school team." He stepped forward, reaching his hand to me, "Duncan High?"

i reached out to shake it.

"would you like to play me a game?"

we sat down, i was at white and he was at black. what he did next was peculiar though. taking my left pawn in one hand and his left pawn in the other, put his hands behind his back and shuffled the pawns between them, and held the two fists in front of me. i looked at the janitor for reassurance.

"you play the color you choose." he said quietly.

i chose the mans left hand, white.

i chose the Reti Opening, and Mr Ganz caught on. we played through.

"well, you certainly know the game young lady." he said as we finished.

i won.

"do you have a team here?" i told him i played down in the basement.

"yes, Mr Shaibel said you play a few games every sunday." i realized that was the first time i even knew the janitors name, i'd been so into playing with him that i hadn't really thought about it. i had also realized the man said i played every sunday, which must of been a lie Mr Shaibel told to cover my back for skipping classes. i always appreciated that act, and i'd learn to wish that i had thanked him. for that, and more.

but then i just nodded, "so where do you play in between?"

i had no problem sharing my secret,
"in my head." i squinted at the man, as if i didn't even understand it myself.

"on the ceiling."

after the young man pondered what i had said, he jumped in his chair, seeming to remember something. his arm reached in his bag and gave me a colorful box. he encouraged me to open it. it was for me.

inside was a doll, with fake brown hair, silver earrings, and a yellow dress. i was never one to play with dolls as a child, barely ever held one really. i suddenly felt uncomfortable, not knowing how to react, and looked toward the janitor.

he picked up his eyebrows, say something nice to the man.

"thank you very much." i looked at him a second more, "do you want another game?"

i played them both. beat Mr Shaibel. and finished out Mr Ganz game with my back to the board, saying my moves aloud.

i beat him too.

before he left, he had one more request. he asked for a picture of me. "how about you stand next to Mr Shaibel?"

i stood next to the plump man, cautiously putting my hand on his shoulder. neither of us smiled, but he flashed the camera anyway. Mr Ganz told me how he couldn't wait to tell the kids at Duncan about me, and that he had to go.

i threw away the doll on the way out of the basement.

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"Mr Ganz told me you are a gifted child," Mrs Deardorff told me one afternoon when she'd called me to her office, "and he has an unusual request to make."

Mr Ganz sat to my right, smiling over at me.

Mr Ganz wanted me to come to Duncan with him, and perform for their chess club.

perform? why?

"He says you're a phenomenal chess player." she said, but was i really better than the kids on this team?

"we have a dozen members, and i was suggesting to Mrs Deardorff that you come along and play all of them in a simultaneous." well that was a big word.

"in a what?" i asked.

"at the same time." he chuckled.

i figured he meant what we had done the first day he'd come by, with him and the janitor. there were two boards set up, one with Mr Ganz and the other with Mr Shaibel. it was easy enough, i just turned in my chair and focused on one move at a time.

but with a dozen people, i'd probably have to walk in a continuous circle around them all. the thought overwhelmed me and excited me at the same time. it was a challenge, and a new pace for me.

Mrs Deardorff sighed in a way that told me she wasn't too fond of the idea, "we like to give our girls a chance for experience outside whenever we can, but i'm a bit wary of letting elizabeth go off to the local high school."

Mr Ganz promised he would accompany me to the school and bring me back afterwards, and met Deardorff's wishes of having a lady chaperone around me as well.

"what do you say elizabeth? do you want to play chess at the high school?" she looked a bit more fond about the ordeal now, so i felt safe to be honest.

"yes, i'd like to."

Mr Ganz left, and i had begun to as well when Mrs Deardorff spoke up.

"elizabeth!" i turned around, "i'm told that you've been playing chess with our custodian," uh oh.

"yes ma'am." i looked at my toes.

"this is very irregular elizabeth." she said warningly, "have you gone to the basement?"

isn't that obvious? "yes ma'am."

she forbid me to ever go back, and told me Mr Fergussen would check the schools game closet for a chess board for me. not like that was going to stop me. i hadn't been caught before, and i knew Shaibel wouldn't tell on me.
but her words didn't have a nice manner to them, and it was another one of her actions that put a feeling in my stomach i didn't like.

she didn't approve of me.

"thatll be all elizabeth," she got interrupted by the phone, "mind your manners at the high school."

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the next day, Mr Fergussen gave me the same white cup, but it was much lighter than usual. i looked in to see the green one missing.

"there's one missing." i said, maybe too alarmingly.

"that's it, next!" the rock in my stomach came back.

the girl behind me was all too eager for her turn, but i didnt budge, "where are the green ones?"

"you don't get them anymore." his body swayed to the side, and i saw the container of the green pills behind him on the shelf.

"there they are!"

"i know where they are, Harmon, but i'm not gonna give you any." apparently there was a new state law where the tranquilizers couldn't be given to kids anymore. great.

i still had one more green pill in my tooth brush cup, but i knew that couldn't be my last time. i needed those pills. especially for the high school in a few days. i needed my focus.

Jolene had warned me about this. about getting too used to the feeling, and withdrawal symptoms. but she didn't have any extra either.

"there's gonna be a lot of jumpy kids around here the next few days." she spoke quietly as she left the bathroom. i leaned my butt up against the sink, putting my hands on its edge to stabilize myself.

i sighed.

when thursday came around, i worried more and more about my performance at Duncan High. without the pills, it was impossible to practice. but i was ready.

i would do my best.

Mr Ganz and the student he had brought to accompany me came and got me after lunch on thursday, and the girl would not stop talking. i had no energy to support a conversation, so one worded answers was all she got.

"wait!" a voice said behind us as we walked down the steps to the front door of methuan. i saw the car parked outside through the fogged up window, awaiting us to bring to Duncan.

i turned around and saw Jolene, "can i talk to beth?" she asked, smiling nice to Mr Ganz, a look i hadn't seen on her yet, "to wish her luck."

he nodded and the pair walked away.

Jolene grabbed my hand and faked a hand shake, and brought it up to press it to her lips, "good luck." she said, the smile had remained on her face.

she left my palm facing upwards, and i looked down to see two green pills. she had snuck some in for me.

i swallowed them dry, saying a prayer of gratitude for Jolene as we passed methuan's welcome sign and headed towards Duncan High.

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