we wake up early for training purposes as we have been doing it for over a year now. i don't know what made them choose me as a part of the team but i am the only girl amongst seven boys. 

enclosed within metal walls just is uncomfortable enough but top it off with being underground and you get the definition of absolute worst. the stuffiness is felt throughout the compound and it just makes it hard to breathe. vigorous training is nothing compared to our living conditions. 

everyone trained differently as we all had a certain area we are good at as we all come from eight different planets. we were now living in the higher ups' planet which is why we were put underground and never allowed to go outside because we aren't allowed to see what their world looked like.

we are a group that is being made secretly which was why we were in this planet and anyone would be curious to see what was outside but not us, we were to busy training.

my area was with daggers and over the past year, i was the one who made most progress because i used to be the worst out of the other 7. namjoon was good with spells, jin was at controlling fire. suga took over the water and jhope with chainsaws. jimin was quite good with his speed, taehyung took care of swords and jungkook was almost good at everything but best at lasers.

my role was pretty irrelevant compared to others but they still chose to make me stay. our training was almost over with only a little over a week left before we were going to get sent to the first planet, fire, jin's home. he wasn't looking forward to it but he has no choice. our first stage will be by trying to talk it through with them, if that doesn't work, we'll have no other choice but to go against its ruler.

"how's my dagger girl doing?" jin asked as he walked into the dining area, patting my head as he grabbed a tray and stood next to me for the food. "not funny, jin." i said as my food was served and i waited at the side for jin as his food was just about ready.

he looked at me and smiled while his food was being served which made my heart sink a bit because he was trying to hide his sorrow and i knew him best out of everyone."you don't have to try so hard when you're with me, oppa. you know that best than anyone else." i said to which jin just simply sighed as he lead the way to his favourite spot in the canteen, which was in the corner with big marble tables tables which we decorated with plants and put up quotes on the wall because we just were like that.

"it's just, too soon, don't you think? i mean, i know it's been a while and i don't know how bad it is out there, i wish i would've but i feel like, this is something they have to figure it out by themselves. and, it's the higher ups fault for creating such a law so why are we the eight victims who has to suffer the most? what if my family gets hurt because of me? i would kill myself if that happens."

"i know it's hard for you but i want you to know that your family is going to be alright and that we're not going to have to fight with anyone because they'll understand when we talk it through, don't you think so too?" i said, trying to comfort him because he looked really weak and concerning with his dark under eye bags framing his now extremely pale skin. he didn't sleep well, i remember him mentioning it well. for the past one year, he's always only missed his family he always used to say that we were like his family and that he was happy with us, so that was a temporary problem solver but now he's afraid of losing his lovely family whom he treasured oh so very dearly.

he's always talked of how he never got to say "good bye mom, i'll be back soon!" to his mother and it always struck him until he was so very guilty. 

the part that hurts me the most, however, is that he has tried to harm himself before just so he could get rid of him emotional pain with physical pain, causing him to have scars on his wrist which he was very insecure about.

just recalling it and having the thought of losing him gave me chills, which is why i warned him; "you better not do anything stupid because i won't be forgiving you, ever." which made him smile weakly as he held my hand in his and stared at my wounded hand and fingers which caused his smile to disappear and trace over them gently.

"shouldn't you be worrying about yourself, areum-ah?" he asked "why do you always care so much for me? why do you always have hope left me when everyone finds me as a disappointment? why do you make me want to trust you?"

"because you matter, oppa. i love you so very much and you're the most valuable treasure that i've ever had and you've never made me lose hope in you. i'm never disappointed in you because i'm proud of you for being this strong and holding on for this long. i promise you that no matter what, i'll always love you."

"you'll always remember me even when i go away?" he asked which made me smack his head while mouthing him a little 'fuck you' and him mouthing back 'please do' which made us crack up and we laughed for so long that we both had turned red.

he was struggling. his mind was eating him up inside out and what hurt me the most was that he never stopped to tell me this so i could help him out. 

"oppa, i'm scared." i whispered while we cuddled.

"of what?" he asked.

"of your demons, seokjin."

. . .

n o t e s : this was inspired from the conversation me an my best friend had yesterday, she's under major depression and it just hurts. she asked me why i cared and it hurt me.

v i c k y