Chapter 41 - Unsolved Me.

"It hurts. When you try so hard to fix something that's broken. Day and night, twenty-four seven. But in the end, your efforts are put to waste. You can't fix something that's broken, when you can't even fix your fucking self!"

~

With a steady but firm grip, I pulled the broken pieces, of the destroyed dresser out of Mika's back. I pulled them out of her back, slowly yet gently. She gritted her teeth together, in order not to scream out in pain. There were so many to pull out, was the dresser really that big? Or was Mika really that small? I chuckled at the thought.

Cat, on the other hand...

"FUCK! That HURT! God DAMN! SON OF A - ARE YOU BLIND?!" I could hear Cat scream out, groaning. As she'd take a few deep breaths, to calm herself down. "I'm doing this like a professional! So calm the fuck down!" Sami yelled back, pulling out the pieces of wood one by one out of her back. Professional, you say? I'm not too sure about that, though. Let me see... If you're pulling it out like a professional. The lady shouldn't be in pain and suffering.

Granny Lilian was watching us, her arms crossed as she seemed to be in deep thoughts.

"YOU?! Professional?! PROFESSIONAL MY ASS! Don't tell me to calm down! You're only wasting your time! If you were doing shit like a true professional! It wouldn't feel like you were hammering SPIKES into my ASS!" She got that right, and. Ouch, burn! "Oh toughen up! You're a fucking vampire for fuck's sake!" He pulled out, another piece of wood.

By the looks of it, this was the biggest piece so far.

"I would, if you weren't born so stupid! Where the fuck is your brain?! Do you have one, or did it leave you at birth?!" Cat retorted, as she'd grit her teeth together. 

A low growl came from her, as her fangs would appear. It'd cut her lower lip in the process, as she'd huff in annoyance. "Oh fuck you!" Sami snapped back. Mika was biting her lip as there were still a few pieces of wood, left and stuck into her back.

Poor girl, I've got to help my girlfriend out real quick.

Even though, I was pulling the pieces of wood out of her back gently, it didn't stop me from listening to those two arguing. "Fuck me? K. Bastard, I wouldn't even dream touching the likes of you! Yet alone sleeping with you! Dream on whore!" I had to put my fist, in my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud. It's getting savage, slowly!

"You fucking! - " Sami, was about to snap an insult at her back.

But couldn't, due to dear Lilian interfering. Nice job, do you always have to make such a late fabulous entrance? I thought, sarcastically. "Stop the fucking insults! Shut up, I'm trying to think! Sami, be a gentleman and pull those stakes/wood pieces out. Gently, alright?" Lilian said, emphasising the gently, sternly as her gaze fell upon Sami, before onto the state of Cat's back. Due to the slam, against the wall and the crash of the dresser.

It caused for the broken parts, to carve their way into their backs. Cat smiled smugly, as Sami would only glare at Lilian. "Fine, fine." He muttered under his breath. "Ow! Fucking shit!" I could hear Mika hiss. I tried to pull this large, fucking piece of wood out. But in all honesty, I think it's in her back, deeper than the rest.

"M, I'm going to count to three, then pull this one out. Be prepared." I warned her, all she did and probably could do, was turn her head sideways and nod weakly at me. I started to count. "One.." I started. My hand would tighten around the broken dresser piece. "Two.." I didn't waste, any time, pulling the wood out in one swift motion. "Fuck!" She hissed, under her breath before falling onto her side. Hugging her knees, to her chest.

She buried a cry. The back of her shirt, was torn and ripped. At the edg, of the broken fabric, it would be stained with blood. The deep cuts, and wounds the broken dresser made, were slowly healing. At least, she isn't human. I know she'd die if she wasn't a half vampire. Or a hybrid, knowing that her father is a witch and her family, on her mothers side are consistent of vampires and witches, half humans and half vampires.

I sat on the ground, placing a hand under her back. Careful enough, not to touch the wounds (despite the wounds healing), as I'd place an ar, under her legs. Picking her up, bridal style. I held her close against my chest resting my chin on her head. She'd still hug her knees to her chest, hissing in pain and muttering several profanities under her breath. "It's gonna be okay, relax M. They're out, okay?" I said.

Rubbing little circles, onto her back in a soothing manner.

Eventually, her tense muscles relaxed. I planted a kiss, on top of her head. As I'd still hold her. "This has never happened, before. With the summoning, I believe Cynthia is behind this." I heard Lilian mutter, I can't blame her. I mean, she is bat-shit crazy. And evil, and psychotic, and messed up.

But, I don't think I have the right to say such things... Secretly, I'm a lunatic.

••••••••••••••••••••

Silence took over the room, only that quietness and emptiness fitted together like stacked spoons. I sighed softly, while something ran down my cheek, blood. I quickly wiped it off, with the back of my sleeve. As I heard Mika whisper in a shaky voice. "M-Mum." Suddenly all I saw was red.

A fire sparked in me, which made it impossible for me to listen to what my grandma said. I closed my eyes, letting it take me. What'll happen if I let it take me? This pain, it all, isn't worth it. It's like, having to be the last generation to restore the Deriva clan in peace. I don't believe in fairy tales. I care for my family.

But, I'm tired of it.

Not only was my body tired. But especially, my soul was tired as well. Did I even have one?.. This darkness, deep inside of me. This light, or whatever that remains. They're at war with each other. And it makes it hard for me to breath nowadays.

It's like choking on whatever last piece of sanity that's got you on your feet...

••••••••••••••••••••

And then again, I think I'm designed to suffer. As they said, as lost as Alice, as mad as the Hatter. I thought, while looking out of the window. We were all sitting in the living room. Earlier on, we moved our locations from the bedroom to the living room. None had dared to say anything. Silence was screaming through the room.

Outside, it was storming wildly. Somehow, I found storms wonderful. The way the skies thrash, and scream. It is a reminder that even the skies scream. Burdened with the weight of lost, forgotten dreams. What a shame, that the girl who once believed in fairy tales and magic, had to be struck by reality with demons in her mind. I sighed as I  rested my head on Jason's shoulder.

He rested his, on top of mine. Cat was staring at the wall. She had a tired look on her face, she seemed exhausted, both mentally and physically. I didn't blame her. Our world was and still is, a mess. So we lost ourselves, in a wonderland of madness. At the thought, a smile appeared on my lips. But just as quick as it came, it disappeared.

Are we going to even survive?

Somewhere between what we survived, and who we were becoming. Was exactly where we were meant to be. Starting to get tired of the journey. And find the comfort in the darkness, deep inside of us. But, damn, even in the end.

We have to be our own heroes, because everyone else is too fucking busy running away.

••••••••••••••••••••

The girls, the boys and Adam, and Ragnor. I sighed softly, running a hand through my snowy white hair. It won't be long, now, until tomorrow becomes today, and Hell unleashes on the next day on the battlefield. I have my suspicions, but I must confirm them first. I can't take a wild guess, or it'll cost us all our lives.

"Hahaaa, hello, (great, great) grandmother dearest."

At the voice, I silently gasped. I quickly, left the room, leaving the four teenagers by themselves. From the corner of my eyes, I noticed how Mika tilted her head at me. On her face, she wore an emotionless expression. But in her eyes, I caught curiosity flickering. Damn child! Very quick to notice the littlest of things.

"Just like her mother, ne?" The voice said, in my head as it taunted me. Why you, why must you do this?! Things could've changed for the greater good! I thought, in reply. I walked out the living room, It was quiet, after a minute or two. I had not received, a reply back. Which was odd, because knowing her - "Because knowing me, I was always quick and eager to reply. You have such a good memory, grandmother. After all these years, I'm proud. Touché."

I couldn't deny, that in her words, there was a certain sarcasm hidden.

What is the meaning of this?! Of course I would, I loved and cared - "Bullshit! You did such no thing! I knew the sadness, that was hidden in your eyes. I knew the disappointment, you tried to cover up! With a fake smile! I knew your wishes! The wishes that I'd become a strong, and trustworthy Deriva soldier! That'd I'd make my own clan proud of me, after all these years! Well, my dear grandmother. I did become strong, and I did it without your help! I became strong, stronger then the lot of you!"

I couldn't help but listen to her. She did had some truth to her words. She did became strong in the end. But not that type, my grandfather wished for. Where did it all go wrong? "Don't lie to me, I knew that they looked down on me! My younger sisters having more skill, talent and chance at becoming the heiress then I!"

"I was the oldest, due that. I was supposed to be stronger then them all! I was supposed to carry myself, with grace, elegance and dignity but hold the aura of a upcoming, legendary warrior! I cared, but now I do no such thing. I will destroy, every little one of you, Deriva's!"

Why? What happened to you? Cynthia, I knew you! Despite the pressure of being the cla - "Shut up! You sicken me, with your clan talk! You knew the girl who once, believed in love, peace, and hope! NO such thing exists as hope! I had turned to evil, only he has given me all I wanted!" She, oh lord. Tears pooled up in my eyes, slowly. I didn't realise till they started trailing down my cheek. Stop this, this is not you. I know you Cynthia, I truly -

" - You Deriva's, are nothing but selfish bastards! Who think about the greater good, when their own minds are fucked up! They are fooled! Fooled! I tell you! Fooled by their own ridiculous ideology!  I do not care, if you hate me or not. I do not, GIVE ONE SINGLE DAMN, if you want me dead! If you want me dead, come on! Come and get my head on a spike!"

There was, so much hatred and anger. It was practically, radiating off of her, and bouncing off the walls. I shall not hate you. It became quiet, once again. I sighed softly till I cringed. As her voice, screamed inside of my head. "SILENCE! If you truly did love, and care for me! As you've always proclaimed! You'd understand the pain, the pain I had to carry! The pain of my own FAMILY looking down at me!"

"The pain of rubbish, clan meetings they always held, about me! Discussing if their future were in good hands with me!"

"The pain of being the heiress! The pain of having to carry the unnecessary burden of others!"

"The pain, of having to listen to the elders sickening talk about the greater good!"

"You would've tried, to help me! TRIED! But no, you didn't. And instead, you watched from the sidelines. Family, a useless bunch of meaningless connections. What's the use of having family, when they do not care for you one bit?! At all! So I destroyed them, I turned to the devil deep inside of me. Don't deny, that you don't have a devil."

I never said I denied! I shot back, right now. My mind was in a tangled mess. "Shut up! We all have our little demons to fight. And I lost, dearest grandmother. And my, my. It feels fucking amazing! So as revenge, I took your family away from you. One by one, I'll make all these people, who made me suffer. SUFFER IN RETURN! An eye for an eye, no? Grandmother dearest? I shall see you soon. My dear."

And that was all, that was said. I blinked, her words. They floated, throughout my mind. My ears hurt, and so did my eyes. "...mother?" Someone said, I turned around. I couldn't help but gasp, I thought they were dead? "Ziva..? Rosemary..?" I whispered, how can they be alive? They seem so, real. Like how they used to be, before death had fallen upon them. My vision was blurry, but I could make out who they were.

"No, it's me and Mika. Jeez, do we seriously look a lot like them that much?"

Cat said, gently as in her eyes a certain emptiness was held, I had this nasty feeling in the pit of my gut. After the talk, with Cynthia. I was starting to understand her, bit by bit. But then again, there was this other side of me. That one part of me, that felt utterly disappointed in her. My heart, body and mind were at war with each other. "Oh.."

Was all that I manage to whisper, Mika narrowed her eyes at me. The boys, were probably still in the living room. "I'm sorry.." I said, softly. There was a part of me that was ashamed of the way I acted. What's wrong with me? My mind, is like in a tangled mess. Their eyes softened, icy blue rivaling dark-chocolate brown. Just like their mothers. I thought, smiling softly. "Let's go back, to the living room." I said, hesitantly they nodded.

But I understood, they knew something was up. I wouldn't stop them, stop them from figuring things out, themselves. They're adults now, a lot of things has been hidden from them. They deserve to know the truth, after all. I'm ready to carry the consequences. No matter what is thrown at me. They're my girls, along with Rosemary and Ziva, Sirana and Grace.

I'm sorry, I couldn't save you all. As the current clan leader, it's my duty to protect my people. With or without people's permission. And I failed, I'm so sorry for that... I'm so sorry..

I thought, sadly as before entering the living room. Memories, flowed my mind.

~*•.~
"Grandmama! Grandmama!" A sobbing, soon to be, nine year old Cynthia screamed. As she saw the silhouette of her dear grandmama, well the person she nicknamed 'grandmama' to be exact. She wasn't exactly her grandmother, but her great-grandmother, Lilian.

Hearing someone call her, by her nickname she turned around, surprised. "Grandmama!" Cynthia yelled again, as she ran forward. Tears were trailing down her pale cheeks, which perked Lilian's interest. She squatted, so she was with height-level with Cynthia. "Yes? My child?" Lilian said, asking softly as Cynthia stand before her.

"S-Some of t-the clan's c-children, m-made f-fun of m-my hair and bullied me. Saying t-that I w-was weak, and unworthy of b-being the heiress! They s-said that mama w-was ashamed o-of m-me. T-that every-b-body hated m-me, and t-that I s-should die." Lilian gritted her teeth in anger, more likely her fangs. This had been going on, ever since the child was born.

As she grew older, it worsened. Most of the time, Cynthia managed to ignore them. But, by the end of the day she'd break down. Break into a million pieces, and have trouble picking herself up again. "I, I'm t-trying t-to ig-n-nore them, like h-how you, my imouto's, and mama says. I-I'm t-trying, b-but it's j-just so hard!"

"T-They h-hate me! G-Grandmama! I t-try to -" Cynthia said, stuttering and crying slightly. But couldn't finish her sentence, as she would be cut off by her beloved Grandmama. " - okay! That's enough!" Lilian started off, sternly. Her voice, was that stern. Cynthia thought she was in trouble. "You better listen to me good! You are NOTHING, of what these kids call you!"

"They don't hate you, they hate the fact you have more potential then those kids combined to become stronger! Don't listen to what they say, please! They'll only tear you down! You, are far more better then that! I know you, they don't! Listen to I, your mother, your sisters and your grandmother. Alright?"

Lilian said, her eyes held seriousness but also a certain spark of concernment for the young Deriva girl. She loved her, dearly but she was concerned. What'll happen to her when she grows up? Will she possess hatred for her own clan, when she is older? That was, something only future could tell.

With a smile, Cynthia said. "Thank you, Grandmama.. For cheering me up." As she said that, she hugged her great-grandmother. Lilian hugged her back, tightly. Before letting her go, she said. "Now, remember what I told you? Chin up, posture straight and don't let those kids get to you. Alright?" With a bright smile, Cynthia nodded.

Before turning around, on her heel as she'd run back to the compound.

Little did she know, her Grandmama disappeared.

Five years later, she came back, when she was fourteen.

Seven years later, she killed them all.
~*•.~

"...ilian?"

"Grandmother?" "Hello?" The girls (Cat and Mika), said in synth as I would snap out of my daze. "Yes, girls?" I said, slightly confused but kept my focus on them. "We were asking you, what we should do tomorrow.. Since tomorrow will be the sixth, but you weren't listening... Are you okay?" Mika explained, as Cat would be seated next to her. Looking at me, intensely as if trying to figure out what's wrong with me.

The boys were seated across from us, on another couch. I waved my hand, dismissing the question. "Yes I am okay," I started off, slightly concerned myself. "Tomorrow.."

"We shall get ready, we must be on our guard. We have to eat enough, and we have to arm ourselves."

They all nodded, it was settled.

It was a win or die situation..

And you can never know, if you'll win or loose.

You're gambling your life away..

And you don't want that.

Do you?

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A/N: WE'RE BACK BITCHES!