a/n: this is less of a drabble and more of
an analysis of tatum riley,  comphet, and
how easy it is to lose sight when you're in
the midst of being manipulated.  r.i.p babygirl
you would've loved  'the smallest man who
ever lived'  and  'my boy only breaks his
favorite toys'.

trigger warnings: emotional manipulation,
emotional domestic abuse,  brief mention of
eating disorders  (specifically bulimia),  tatum
was not immune to societal pressures & was
subconsciously viewing comphet as an excuse
for stu to treat her the way he did.

THE SICKEST ARMY DOLL PURCHASED
AT THE MALL, RIVULETS DESCEND MY
PLASTIC SMILE.  BUT YOU SHOULD'VE
SEEN HIM WHEN HE FIRST GOT ME.

SHE FEELS LIKE she should be grateful.

Because she should be,  shouldn't she?  Tatum Marie Riley has everything in the eyes of the world.  She's got a great family,  a comfortable lifestyle,  solid friends and an okay boyfriend.  Not even an okay one; a fine one.  Everything about Stu Macher is fine and everything about her life exceeds most people's wildest dreams.

She knows this.

She wishes she knew why her mirror says differently.

Her family really is great.  Her mother is excellent,  never nosy,  never naggy like her friends complain of their mothers being.  Her brother is a deputy without the suffocating restraints most people expect him to have,  protective in the way that makes up for their father's absence.  They live in a nice house that fits each of them the perfect amount,  homing Sidney when she stays over and proving to be the ideal place for sleepovers.  Tatum's got it all.  She does,  even when she tries to find faults in everything to excuse what's at fault in her.

Because a lot is.  Too much to fit her perfect life.

She's a teenage girl.  They're supposed to have secrets,  aren't they?  The diary under her mattress is full of ones that make her feel like the idea people seem to have of her.  She's got a hickey on her collarbone that she covers up with a grimace.  Sometimes she skips her homework.  Sometimes she has an extra cheat day.  Sometimes she sneaks out and in her diary, she hooks up with her boyfriend in his car.

In reality she sneaks out in her bunny pajamas and rolls out a blanket in the backyard to watch the stars, curling around Little Bo Binky the same way she did when she was a little girl dragging her big brother outside in the middle of the night.  In reality she still kind of wants to be an astronaut like Sally Ride.  In reality she has to pop two laxatives after dinner to keep her mind quiet.  In reality she feels a lot like a primadonna fever dream because this personality is hers but her future isn't.

Her future is Stu’s.

He's not a bad guy.  He's not off,  he doesn't have the same creepy vibe that Billy has and he isn't a complete jerk most of the time.  He's cute in a conventional way,  has a good sense of humor and is apparently utterly obsessed with her.  He has a list of pros and cons like any other person, and the way he manages to live in her head is unmatched.  In a number of ways it feels as though she's already sworn her life to him in a language only he knows,  one sparkling summer spent with him regardless of how he was so willing to leave her stranded in his home.

He seems to be obsessed with her.  Especially in public,  always touching her or encouraging banter that makes her argumentative streak race with adrenaline.  Normal girls are boring,  he says.  That's why he chose her.  She's been far from normal since the day he met her,  arguing with the math teacher with a smirk that spoke of how right she knew she already was.  He tells her she's gorgeous when she dresses up,  kisses up her arm while she basks in the attention.  In public she is shown off and showered in attention while he gets respect for landing a piece of ass as hot as Tatum Riley is.  He seems to be obsessed with her until the outside attention is gone,  then distracted by Billy or infatuated with his movies like she's nothing but a prize for the public.

It's confusing.  It's addicting.  It's infuriating.  It's fine. 

It's fine.  So what if her boyfriend gets in her head sometimes?  The cat and mouse game he plays with her emotions isn’t extreme.  In the end it's nothing compared to how she's had to create a punnett square of his traits to convince herself that she has to be in love.  Sure,  he's dismissive sometimes and obsessive at others,  but he's the joker to her queen.  This is the role she's meant to fill and he acts across from her perfectly.

If anything,  she's the bad guy here.

Because there are times she gets angry at the lack of individual attention,  rightfully so,  but he reminds her with that same sappy promise that he's who she's settling for.  She's not gonna get better than this and she doesn't want it.  She doesn't need it.  This is just how love is,  she’s concluded. He's obsessed and she's placated.  He has to use something to keep her hooked,  it just so happens that the thing in particular is the adoration she thinks might complete the puzzle.  

Because she's Tatum Marie Riley.  She's got the perfect life,  and as she runs the brush through bottle blonde hair she can hear his voice ringing:

It doesn't get better than this.