Ten Years Ago

Devyn

"You have to see that he likes you, right?"  Macy, a girl I only met five months ago, says to me, flopping down on my bed.

We're having a girls' night, her, me and my sister, Jessica. I mean, my mom insisted we include Jessica even though she's only ten. We're doing each other's nails and watching movies, and apparently, talking about boys.

My other "friends" from elementary school were just barely that. It was always Pierce and me. I didn't go to birthday parties of girls in my class - I was rarely invited anyway. I didn't have any good female friends until high school, and I only have a few. Macy isn't just good, though, she's great. I'm glad I met her the first week of ninth grade.

    "He's my best friend," I say, like I always do when anyone says anything like this about Pierce and I.

    "You wear a necklace that he made you, every day," she accuses me.

    "Yeah. So?"

    "He would drop everything to come see you," Macy goes on.

    "Well, not tonight."

Macy frowns and then looks at Jessica, then back to me.

Tonight, Pierce and his basketball team buddies are doing a no-girls night, playing video games and eating junk food. They just had their last game of the season last night and they won their whole division.

    "You don't need him tonight," Jessica says. She's wise beyond her years.

    "Exactly," Macy agrees with a laugh. "But I see how he looks at you."

My faces heats. I hate when people say this stuff about Pierce and I. I know he doesn't look at me any way, and he doesn't see me as anything but his best friend.

    "Nope. You're wrong. It's not like that."

    "It's not right now. But it could be," Macy goes on. "Why do you think he hasn't dated, like, at all?"

    "God, Macy. Can you just stop?" I finally snap.

Her smile fades. "Sorry."

    "Devyn, that wasn't very nice," my little sister tells me.

    "I know," I nod. "Macy, I didn't mean to snap. It's just... I swear, Pierce and I are not like that."

I want to believe that's true. I want to convince myself, like I've been convincing myself for a year now, that there's no way Pierce will ever see me that way. As a girl. I'm just his best friend. Even though we promised - almost three years ago - to marry each other if we aren't married when we turn twenty five, that doesn't mean a thing.  Ever since we turned fourteen and Piece got tall and handsome and his voice changed - I'm pushing all of those feelings down. It's getting harder every day.

    He doesn't think of you that way, Devyn.

But he calls me that night. He whispers into the phone so his buddies don't hear him and he asks how my night was. He says he's having fun but he can't wait to see me tomorrow. And my brain goes fuzzy. And I'm not convinced that the feelings I have for him are just friendly anymore. 

I know that's the night everything changed.

I just wish it didn't.

A month later is my fifteenth birthday.

I don't want a party, which I've already told everyone leading up to that weekend. Somehow, Pierce convinces me to have some friends over for karaoke. He loves karaoke, and my mom bought me an expensive machine, that even has a pop-out screen where the lyrics scroll, for Christmas. That item was on his list, not mine. But my mom is a people pleaser and she knew his mom wouldn't buy it.

"Why don't you borrow it and do karaoke for your birthday?" I ask him, the day before my birthday.

"Your birthday is first!" Pierce answers quickly, then transforms his face into the one that I can't say no to. Puppy dog eyes and everything. "Please? It'll be fun, I promise!"

"Fun for you," I say, but laugh anyway.

I'm a people pleaser, too. My mom taught me to be.

"Fine, but only a few people," I tell him and laugh again as he grins and starts jumping around. "Macy, you, me, Jessica -"

"Benji, Tom, Sasha?" he adds, looking hopeful.

"Okay." I nod.

His strong arms wrap around me a moment later. "Yes! I can't wait to celebrate you. Is your mom making the famous cake?"

I pull away from his hug and look at him, rolling my eyes. "Obviously. She already told me it's going to be the best one yet."

"I don't doubt her for a second," Pierce grins.

My mom can be over the top, with birthdays. She likes to throw big parties and buy big gifts. Her favourite thing is the cake - which she spends a day or two making and it's always a surprise. For Jessica's tenth birthday before Christmas, she made it somehow explode sprinkles. For Pierce's last birthday, it was like four feet tall and covered with pop rocks. The cake is always the center of attention when it comes to our birthdays.

"See you tomorrow," I say to him, looking into his eyes again.

He winks and reaches out to squeeze my hand. "It's going to be awesome."

The next day, I wake up to someone playing a Happy Birthday song on their phone. My eyes open slowly and I can't help but smile at my little sister, who's crossing my bedroom with her phone in her hand. My mom and dad both stand in the doorway, smiling.

"Fifteen!" my dad shouts, startling me. "It's not possible. Where did our little girl go?"

I rub my eyes, sitting up in bed.

"Birthday breakfast in thirty minutes!" my mom says, over the song.

Jessica stays in my room while I get up and throw on my robe. She's little, but mature for her age. She's such a great kid and I really like hanging out with her. Now she's looking at me like she's very unsure about something.

"Am I really allowed to come to your karaoke party tonight?" she wants to know.

"Of course," I say right away. "It's just going to be a few friends singing and making fun of each other. Plus, the cake."

"Oh my god, the cake," she repeats. "Mom's been pretty secretive about it."

"As long as it's not pink or sparkly, I'm sure it'll be great," I laugh.

"Happy birthday, sis. For the record, I can't believe you're fifteen, either." Jessica leans in and half hugs me.

"Me either," I repeat.

*

It's after 7P.M. when Macy arrives, and I'm happy to see her. I don't know what to expect with this party, and having Macy there makes it feel a little easier. I'm wearing a green dress that hits my knees and has spaghetti straps. My hair is down and I'm wearing a little bit of make up, mascara and lip balm. Macy comes in wearing jeans and a crop top, her long blond hair in a braid down her back. She always looks stunning.

    "You're gorgeous," she tells me anyway. "Who are you trying to impress?"

I roll my eyes and lead her into the house, towards the living room. There, the karaoke machine is set up and there's bowls of snacks on the table. My dad cleared the room by moving the couches to the far wall, making a bit of  dance floor. He's planning on staying upstairs all evening, though I'm sure my mom will try to poke her head in and see how it's going.

    "This looks amazing!" Macy says, looking around. 

There's some streamers and some balloons in the corners of the room, too. I don't even know when my mom decorated.

"Yeah," I agree, but I feel very uncertain.

"You told me a few days ago you didn't want a party," she says, looking over carefully. "So... why'd you change your mind?"

I avoid her eyes and shrug. "I thought it would be fun."

She can tell I'm lying through my teeth, but she doesn't say a word.

Thirty minutes later, everyone has arrived. Jessica is sitting on the couch in the living room, looking overwhelmed. Nervous, maybe. Pierce came in with Benji, Tom, Sasha and Henny. He's been trying to get me to be friends with the girls for months, but we are very different. Plus, I have Macy.

"I'll be in charge of the music," Jessica says loudly, getting everyone's attention.

"Good idea!" Pierce yells, then gives her a high five. "Go see Jess if you want to pick a song and she'll get you on the list."

I can't help but smile at my best friend. I know he wanted this for me and his good mood is contagious. After the first awkward fifteen minutes, everyone is having a great time. The music is loud, the singing is bad - except for Macy, who can actually sing pretty well - and the snacks are being enjoyed. When it's time for gifts, my mom appears out of no where.

"I'll just leave this here," she says to me, putting down the wrapped box on the table where the mostly empty bowls of pretzels and popcorn are sitting.

I nod at her and wait for her to leave again, but I'm sure she's just going to be hovering in the doorway. I don't even mind.

I open Pierce's gift first, because he insists. It's an album on vinyl that he knew I've been looking for, and a KitKat bar, which is my favourite. Our eyes meet as I silently thank him, before Macy shoves another gift into my hand. I open it slowly and find a crop top sweater that looks like something she'd wear.

"I have the same one," she says and then laughs. "It'll look so good on you."

"Thanks," I tell her, and then Benji tosses a tiny envelope at me.

It's a Starbucks gift card. "Pierce says you love coffee," he tells me, and then adds, "It's from all of us."

"Thank, guys," I tell them. I do love coffee.

That leaves the box from my mom. I have no idea what it is and I'm nervous to open it in front of everyone, so I leave it be, for now. Thankfully, Pierce sees my hesitation and stands up and grabs the mic again. As he's belting out another song - Pour Some Sugar on Me - and his friends are laughing and dancing, Macy slides in beside me on the couch.

"You having fun?" she asks into my ear.

I don't have to hesitate for this. "Yes."

"Awesome, you deserve it," she tells me. I see her look around to make sure no one is paying attention to us. "Pierce has been looking at you all night."

"Mace, it's my birthday party," I say, and shake my head.

"Yeah, but-"

"Macy, don't," I tell her, but add a laugh.

"Alright, alright." She shrugs and then gives me a half hug.

"Who wants cake?!" my mom is suddenly back in the living room, walking slowly towards us.

In her hands is my birthday cake. It's not huge, but it's two tiers and round. The top tier is decorated like piano keys and the bottom tier has hand painted music notes and treble clefs all over. On the top is my name with a 15.

"Mom," I say, staring at it in awe.

It's perfect.

"You like it?" she asks, as Jessica cuts the song and suddenly the room gets very quiet.

My mom places the cake on the table in front of me and then looks at me again. I stand up and walk to her, wrapping my arms around her right away. I'm not too cool to give my mom a hug, even in front of Pierce's friends.

"Yes, thank you so much."

I've never seen her look so happy.

After they all sing Happy Birthday and Pierce insists on cutting up the cake and passing it out on little gold paper plates, I sneak out to the kitchen where I know my mom is hanging out again.

"It looks like you're having a good time," she says right away, smiling at me.

"I am, and that cake is amazing, Mom," I answer.

She's beaming. "Did you open your present?"

"Not yet. I will soon," I tell her. "I just... I wanted to ask you something."

"Of course, Devyn." But she looks uncertain.

"Well...before this whole party came into fruition... all I really wanted was for Pierce to sleep over tonight. We're just planning on staying in and watching movies tomorrow-"

"You two haven't had a sleepover in years," she tells me, looking even more cautious. I watch as she wraps her hands around her coffee mug.

"I know. That's why I'm asking."

I see her thinking this over. This is new territory for us, since he and I are teenagers now. Not much has changed between us as we've grown up, but the sleepovers stopped sometime around twelve years old. I don't even remember why or what the reason was.

"We're just friends, Mom. I mean, best friends," I go on, because it feels like she needs the encouragement.

"I know." She nods but I'm pretty sure she doesn't know how to go about this. She sips her coffee, keeping her eyes on me. The laughter from the other room flows in, and she smiles. "Okay, he can stay over, but he sleeps in the guest room. I'll call Anita to let her know."

I barely hear the rest of her words because I'm already heading back to the living room to tell Pierce. I pull at his hand to bring him away from the rest of the group, and he looks confused. As soon as his expression softens, my heart skips a beat or two.

"My mom said you can sleep over," I tell him quickly.

For a split second, he looks panicked. His eyebrows sort of pin together and his eyes widen. And the relaxed again, just as quickly. "Amazing."

"You have to sleep in the guest room," I go on, with a smile.

"Of course," he agrees.

Everyone else leaves a bit after 11P.M. and Jessica is already long gone to bed. I'm left with Pierce, my best friend, and I once again feel a shift in the air. We watch some TV as my mom comes around to tidy up, but I'm already yawning.

In the hallway upstairs, Pierce gives me a long hug and whispers happy birthday again. I thank him for the party, and then he walks down the rest of the hallway to the guest bedroom and I slip into my own bedroom, closing the door behind me.