XIII

When everything feels so heavy, where do people go? To their safe place, to the place where they feel loved and safe. And where do I go when I feel everything is not alright or when I feel happiest? In my safe place, in his arms.

"Masyado akong namiss ng asawa ko." I giggled while hugging Jerome tight. "I miss you, papa; hindi tayo masyadong nakakapag kita na." He smiled at me and then combed my hair using his fingers. "Ang mama, nagsusukat ka ng wedding gown, bawal na ako ang kasama mo." I pouted, realizing that I'm choosing a wedding gown for our upcoming wedding.

It's been a month; I didn't count days. All I know is that it's been a month, maybe almost one year now, since we decided to go back here in the Philippines. I stared at Jerome; he just rested his head on my shoulder. Inikot ko ang paningin ko sa paligid. I couldn't help but smile when I saw a vase of tulips on our center table. We are finally back in our home, I mean apartment. Jerome bought this apartment a year ago when we broke up. Pero hindi naman daw niya tinitirhan, but it feels so good that finally I'm home.

"Papaa..." I called Jerome, but he didn't answer. Nang tingin ko siya mahimbing na siyang natutulog sa balikat ko. I smiled while looking at his handsome face. Mas pumogi talaga siya. "I love you forever, papa, and I can't wait to marry you."

Weeks passed, and I decided to meet Nikki. When I saw her, nakita ko ang pag irap niya sakin. I excitedly ran towards her in the coffee shop, then told her I have designs on my mind for our wedding. "Maganda naman," she stared at the dress, agreeing to anything na sinasabi ko.

"We decided, that blue and purple yung motif namin." Nikki nods her head, then lists down what I've said. She is our wedding designer; she's listing down what I have said to her, which is why I'm so excited na talaga. I really imagine me and Jerome's wedding; iniisip ko palang kinikilig na agad ako.

"How about cakes? I already sent the sample; may nagustuhan na kayo ron?" She asked. I pout then sip to the matcha I ordered. "Yes, chocolate cake." She nods her head again, then I show her the design of the cake. It is a three-layer cake with a simple yet elegant design. The cake is covered in luxurious purple fondant, adorned with delicate blue flower designs, and sprinkled with shimmering gold sprinkles.

"Maganda yung design, simple yet elegant." I smiled when Nikki complimented me, "Me pa, ako rin nag drawing nyan para ma visualize mo. Shonga ka pa naman." She raised her eyebrows, but I just smiled at her. "Biwisit talaga, sisingilin kita ng mahal sa pag-arrange ko ng design sa wedding mo." Sinimangutan ko lang siya, nung nakaraan nga libre bakit ngayon sisingilin ako ng mahal.

"Okay, sa reception ako ng bahala. Maybe dapat connected parin sa theme." I agreed to what she said, then told her that she should make sure that each table has a tulip flower. "How about your flower?" she asked, Napasip ako saglit. Umay ba sa tulips kung ayon ang bulaklak ko. "How about a purple rose? I mean, there's a white rose, diba, baka pwedeng kulayan na lang ng purple para match." Nikki nods her again and lists down what I've said.

"Sure na rin ba yung church wedding?" I sip again to my matcha, then nod my head. I want yung wedding na traditional. I want to marry Jerome in the church, like church is a sacred place, kasi so ayon. "Wag na beach wedding, baka mag deretso swimming ako." She rolled her eyes then wrote in her notebook again.

"Lastly, the design of the invitation para ma print ko na." I show Nikki the design I made for our invitation; I saw her approve and maybe be amazed by my design. The invitation is a deep navy blue card with a delicate pattern of lavender flowers scattered across the front.In the center, "Ashley & Jerome" is written in elegant cursive script, with our initials intertwined.Below, in a simple font, it reads "Together with their families, invite you to their wedding celebration," and "September 2" is placed at the bottom.

"Ayos ah, ngayon lang naging magaan trabaho ko. Nung nakaraang kasal mo ako gumawa lahat, iba talaga kapag minahal sa hindi minahal." I unconsciously bit my lips when I heard Nikki say, and I suddenly remembered Khev. How he is? I mean, I know I put his life into misery; I hope he's fine.

"I'm still guilty about that wedding." I admit me to her napanaguso ako nang malakas siyang tumawa. "Aba, dapat lang. Mahal ka nung tao tapos tinakbuhan mo sa kasal niyo pa talaga." Mas lalo akong na guilty sa sinabi niya. I forgot Khev's existence; since I'm the happiest when I'm with Jerome, I forgot the other man I hurt.

"I'll talk to Jerome about that; siguro baka, I apologize to Khev or make it up to him. I'm the cause of his heartbreak." And I'm not happy; he's there for me when I was broken, and then I left him without thinking.

When afternoon came, Jerome waited for me in the nearest fitting suit at where I was. When I entered the shop, I greeted everyone with a smile, then entered a fitting room where my soon-to-be husband was. I ran towards him when I saw him sitting in the coach; he smiled at me softly, then opened his arms to me to embrace me.

"Loveee love namiss kita agad." I told him. I heard his manly laugh. "I miss you too, rin agad baby. How's your date with Nikki?" He asked, then sat me beside him. I poit then told him that everything is fine. I also showed him my designs. I giggled when he agreed to Nikki that my design is pretty good. "Ang galing ng baby ko, ang ganda." He complimented that made me blush, hays small things.

"Lovee, lovee, okay na rin yung wedding ring. You want to see it?" He asked, which made my eyes twinkle. I excitedly nodded my head. He opened his eyes, then let me see the message of him and the one who made our ring, since our ring is personalized. Medyo nakakaluha ng dugo yung presyo. I smiled when I saw the ring; it was beautiful, and I'm excited to wear it. In a jewelry box lay our exquisite gold couple rings, each adorned with a meticulously engraved infinity symbol.

The warm glow of the gold bands seemed to embrace the symbol of eternity, symbolizing a love that knew no bounds. The infinity symbol, delicately etched into the metal, whispered of a love that would last forever-a promise of unity and unwavering devotion.

"Siguro papa ano, sa right palasinsingan ko yan," I said while looking at the ring he gave me months ago, when he proposed to me. Ayaw kong hubarin 'to ih, I want to wear this ring and our wedding ring in my fingers. Dalawa naman palasinsingan ko, I can wear both! "Yes, love, love ko, you can wear both." I giggle then kiss his lips.

"Just stay there, mama, tingnan mo suit ko." I giggle, then wait for him in the coach. Minutes passed when he came out; my mouth fell open when I saw Jerome wearing his suit. It was a blue suit in the shades of light, but wow, he's so handsome! I excitedly walked towards him, then smiled at him.

"Ang pogi ng mister ko! Gosh, bagay na bagay sayo!" When I said that Jerome bought the suit, I giggled when he did that. Sa Isang salita ko lang na pogi sa kanya ih. I stopped giggling when I heard a familiar voice behind my back.

"Miss, do you have a black suit?"

I bit my lower lips, then stared at Jerome. I'm scared na humarap sa likod ko to figure out who's that man. But by just his voice, I knew it was him-it was Khev. I feel Jerome's hand on my back, like he's rubbing my back to make me calm.

My eyes widened when I heard the voice na mas malapit na sakin. The next thing I knew was I saw Khev's figure in my sight as our eyes met. It was an electric shock when our eyes met. I saw how Khev stunned when he saw me; he looks different from the Khev I know, and in the year I left, I saw the changes in his features.

My eyes widened when Khev walked in front of me like he didn't see Jerome beside me. When I looked into his eyes, it was full of pain. I saw how tears filled his eyes. I just stared at him while squeezing Jerome's hands.

"A-Ashley, saan ka nagpunta? Why did you leave me? Why did you runaway?" It was a painful question; he's breaking down in front of me. As much as I want to comfort him, it's not right to do that. I avoided his gaze when the tears continued rolling to his eyes. Lalo akong na gu-guilty, masakit din naman makita siyang ganto. We've been together for two years; even though I didn't love Khev, Khev became my best friend, a best friend I can always count on.

"Mama..." I heard Jerome whispered at me. I stared and sat in his eyes. I also saw how lost he was. "Everything's going to be fine, papa; I just need to fix this." I saw how he was fighting his emotions, but his emotions win when he holds my hands tightly like he doesn't want to let go of me.

"Siya parin pala." I was taken back when Khev finally uttered a word again; he's looking at me and Jerome. I bit my lower lips when I saw how miserable he is. I look at Jerome pleading to him, "Please, papa? Let me fix this." I stare at him; he only stared at me, still holding my hands tightly. "I love you so much, papa; sayo ako babalik, sayo parin ao uuwi." With those words, he slowly let go of my hands. "I love you with all my heart, mama; hihintayin kita sa labas po." He kissed my forehead then smiled at me. Bago siya tumalikod para iwan kami.

"You runaway to our wedding, kasi nung nakita mo siya you realized that you still love him?" He asked while staring at me. I smiled at him sadly. He's now calm, but I can tell that he's still in pain. "Yes, mahal ko eh. Mahal na mahal ko siya. I never want to hurt you, pero nawala ako sa isip ko nung makita ko siya. Nag kusa yung katawan ko na tumakbo papalayo, para habulin siya." I started to sob while remembering Khev and I wedding when I saw Jerome. In just his soft glaze, he already got my heart again.

"Minahal mo ba ko?" He asked while staring at me. I smiled more painfully when I heard the question. "Sinubukan ko, ginawa ko naman lahat para matutunan kang mahalin eh." I admit, I try to be a better girl for him; I try to forget Jerome, but kahit sa isang araw sa dalawang taon namin, I never forgot him. He always comes into my mind. I always ask my mind how he is-did he miss me? Is he already taken? "I try to love you, Khev, but I always fail."

"Bakit mo pa ako pinakasalan Ashley?!" He is exclaiming while crying again. Napayuko na lang ako. "I thought kapag kinasal ako sayo baka ron ako tuluyang maka usad kaya pumayag akong mapgkasal." Pero hindi natuloy dahil nakita ko siya, don ko napagtanto na kahit anong gawin ko himding-hindi ako makaka usad sa kanya.

I sob hard while just staring at the tiles. I feel Khev hands on mine slowly rubbing my back. "Hindi ko kayang ikaw ang makitang umiiyak." I bite my lower lips, which made me sob more. He still doesn't want anything, which makes me cry. Khev treated me right for two years; he always tried his best. I remember Jerome telling him to always try to give their best at everything, especially to their loved ones. Just like Jerome, Khev treats me right and loves me unconditionally, but the saddest part is that even though they both love me, my heart always chooses only one person, and it was Jerome; it was always him.

"Now, I know in being two years together you never called me to random call signs, dahil ginagawa niyo. You never let me taste the food you cook, kasi gusto mo siiya unang makatikim, you never let me take pictures of you, kaya sobrang saya ko na pag nagkakaroon tayo ng selfie together. Now I also know why you didn't give our wedding importance, dahil ayaw mo sakin makasal, you don't want me to be your groom, Ashley. Hindi mo ako minahal."

Hindi na ako nagsalita pa; he's right about everything. Sinusubukan ko naman eh, kaso wala talaga ang hirap hirap sobra.

"Mahal kita sobra, Ashley. Matagal ko ng alam na nakabalik ka galing Pilipinas. Ginawa ko ang lahat para iwasan ka, pero I meet you here with the guy you truly love." I look at him as he smiles bitterly. "I already know this will happen. Masyado akong confident non na ako na talaga yung mahal mo, kaya I invited your ex in our wedding. Akala ko kasi ako pipiliin mo. You don't know how happy I am when you still continue walking to the aisle, waking towards me even you saw him. Akala ko ako na eh, pero bandang huli siya at siya parin talaga."

I just stared at him and listened to him. At hayaan lang sakin ilabas lahat ng hinanakit niya, lahat ng sakit nararamdaman niya. "I know sorry is not enough to heal you, Khev. But I deeply apologize and am guilty of the things I've done. Maiwala ka sana na sinubukan ko talagang mahalin ka. You are lovable, Khev; you deserve all the best things in this world. But I can't just teach my heart to choose you; my heart is always tripping to one person, and it was Jerome."

"Alam ko Ashley, but I'm thankful that I met you. You are the lesson that even in another life I will still take. Sa dalawang taon, I know you forgot being in pain because of my presence, kaya kahit ulit-ulitin man lahat, gagawin ko parin 'to. I don't want to see your hurt, crying, miserable, and heartbroken Ashley."

It breaks my heart when he smiles at me genuinely, like all the hatred he felt earlier fades off. I didn't move when he hugged me tight; I just let him then gently tap his back, trying to say that everything would be alright. I wish that he found a woman who loved him deeply and who could love him as much as he loved her. I really wish for Khev's happiness. "Don't be guilty now, Ashley; be happy. Be the happiest with the man you love; for now I just can't let you go, but soon I know I can do that, pero wag mo na akong intindihin. Like I said, be the happiest with him."

When Khev and I were done talking, kaagad na akong umalis sa shop. I saw Jerome waiting for me in the beanch; he walks towards me with worry in his eyes. I cried in his arms while hugging him tight.

"Mahal na mahal kita papa, sobra sobra. At sa bawat pagkakataon, ikaw at ikaw parin ang pipiliin ko."

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The wedding's cake :

The bouquet :

Wedding's invitation :

the wedding's ring: