Dan didn't go to school the next day.
He was caught up in too many thoughts and emotions.
He would not be able to see Phil after the kiss!
It is not that he didn't like the kiss.
He fucking loved the kiss more than he should have!
It wasn't that he didn't like Phil in that way.
He loved Phil!
He realised that he had lived Phil for ages.
That feeling that he was feeling.
That feeling was love.
None of these reasons were why he wasn't at school or why he couldn't see Phil.
It wasn't his heart telling him to not see Phil.
His heart was breaking to see phil.
It was the voices.
The voices in his brain.
Telling him stuff.
they made Dan believe they were true.
And most of it was true.

Your ugly! An idiot! Disgusting!

These were the things that weren't true.

Phil doesn't deserve you he deserves someone way better. Your a danger.
Your depressed.
A self harmer.
All these things are things that Phil shouldn't get caught up with.
And if you go out with him then we will get caught up with you.
He may get upset.
He may think your insane and tell you you are a psycho and danger. Which you are!
Phil deserves someone normal not insane like you.

And then these thoughts were true.
Dan was terrified.
Terrified for Phil.
Terrified if he found about all of this self harm and depression.
Because if they were to 'date' Phil would end up finding out.

How would be react? He may be mad. Sad? Angry? He could leave me! Not talk to me again! I just don't know..

But Phil already knew.

***
Phil was at school.
The bell had rung for class and he was sat in English wondering where the hell Dan howell was?!
The guy he kissed had suddenly ran away from him.
It was like a soppy love story.
But it wasn't a fictional love story, it was reality.

Phil decided to say he needed the toilet when it really was just excuse to go on his phone.
Then he could text Dan!
Thoughts crossed phil's mind which me managed to not listen to.
Maybe he hated to kiss! Maybe he doesn't like you in that way!
But if that was the case Dan would have pushed him away and not kissed him back.

Phil pulled out his phone clicking on his messages and finding Dan.

Phil: hey why aren't you at school?

Phil didn't send it.
He just stared down at the message.
Should I?
Should I not?
Okay fuck it! I am gonna!

Phil: hey why aren't you at school? x

Phil sent it and waited a few minutes expecting for a reply.

***
Dan's phone went off making him jump slightly.
He had been laying in bed for the past hour just telling himself how 'stupid' he was.
He sighed before focusing his eyes on the screen.
It was Phil?!
He couldn't talk to Phil!
No no no no!

Oh my god Phil put a kiss!
This made that feeling come back and fill dan's body up.
He quickly shook his head.
That means he really likes me! But he can't get caught up in my problems...
Dan just placed his phone back ok the table and sighed.
If I don't reply maybe Phil will just forget about it...

***
Phil waited for a few minutes.
There was no reply.
He checked the message again.
It hasn't been read.
Maybe he'll answer later.
But for now I better get back to class.

***
Phil checked his phone on the way to the next class.
There was no answer.
He sighed before sliding  his phone back into his pocket before entering maths.

***
Phil checked his phone at break.
No answer.
Not even read.

***
Phil checked at lunch.
Nothing.

Phil let out a sigh as he leant against the corridor wall and let out a long sigh.
He rested his head back on the wall.

"Phil you okay?"
Phil opened his eyes and looked down at the figure that had appeared next to him.
It was Henry.
Phil nodded his head.
"Want to go get lunch?" Henry asked.
Phil let out a small smile before following Henry down the corridor.

***
Thoughts took over his every mood.
Thoughts.
Voices.
Everything.
Even the blood that dripped down his arm.
And the shinning blades.
Nothing could get these thoughts to go away.
There was the need.
The lust to be with Phil.
He wanted to see Phil.
He wanted to see Phil more than anything in the world.
But those feelings were overpowered by the voices.
The voices that haunted his brain.
Haunted his every move.
Left him in tears.
Left him harming himself.
Left him not wanting to exist anymore in the world.
But... But there was something that could over power these voices.
And right now Dan didn't have it.
Dan didn't have the thing that was like medicine to him.
He didn't have it....

***
The school bell rung out.
Phil was debating something.
Was he going to go to dan's house?
Or not?
Maybe not he could just be ill I may be over thinking this but if he's not at school tomorrow then I will go.

***
Dan thought about everything.
Phil would get caught up in me.
I'm insane. I'm a monster! I need mental health and I can not drag Phil into all of this.
It was only a kiss but I know and he knows it would be more than a kiss.
But I just can't put him through all of this....

***
Phil was thinking.
He can't ill! If he was he would have texted me. God what's wrong with him?! We kissed!! And it was the best feeling I had ever felt... Did he feel the same? He kissed me back but... If he didn't like it he should tell me. Not fucking loose days of school. God! If he's not at school tomorrow I'm going to his house. I will confront him. I don't care if he doesn't end to see me. I'm going!

....
I decided to post a new chapter since I'm in a happy mood. 😂 not excited to go to school tomorrow though.
If you haven't already check out the introduction to my new one shots book.
It explains what the book is and what you can do.