The Program

Chapter Eleven

My oreos from this morning had turned into ice cream. The person to talk to had changed from Maddie to Marcus. And I, god, I am now an emotional wreck. So basically, between this morning and right now, I somehow found my way to becoming one of those dramatic teenagers from movies who hide from the world when it comes to boys.

The only real difference, I wasn't upset about losing some guy. It was about seeing that I loved one.

I have never been good around guys, either joining in whatever fun they were having and becoming a she-dude for a moment or freezing up when one mentioned they may actually like me.

I just never liked anyone, that was it, no big secret behind it. Liking a guy just wasn't my strong suit.

Maddie said I was this way because my parents divorced, leaving me to think true love could never be real. After this, I told her she was looking to deep into it. I just wanted to know who I was before adding someone else to the mix is all.

And how funny it is to know that I fell for Jack while the exact opposite was taking place, while I had absolutely no clue who I was, but I let him in anyway.

"So," Marcus started, sitting beside me on the couch. "are you gonna tell me what's going on or eat all the cookies and cream in silence until you feel better?" He gestured to the ice cream in my hands. And though he had become the person to talk to this evening after Maddie dropped me off earlier with more questions than she had when we had left, I shrugged, not wanting to talk about it again. Not wanting another person to realize my feelings for a guy whose dad would probably kill me if I even tried to make anything happen with his son.

Love sucks.

"This isn't about that guy Jack, is it? The one you went on a date with? If he hurt you I can kill him for you." He continued.

I just kinda looked at my brother, a little smile making its way onto my face. He was leaning into the couch, lazily hanging his arm on the rest while giving me a look back as well. His blond hair that matched my own color was hanging over his eyes and he too offered a smile. 

"Is it possible to hate yourself for falling in love with someone?" I asked. I figured if anything my twin might hold the answer.

"It would depend on the circumstances. Why?" He replied. "My sister doesn't love anyone does she?" He bumped his shoulder with mine at his words and my smile just got bigger.

"Maybe." I said, pausing. "I mean, yeah. Yeah, I do. I'm just, I don't want to talk it about it, just forget I said anything." I went back to my ice cream.

"Hey, i'm not going to make you tell me who it is if you don't want to." He said, moving closer. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me. When we were little, and our parents were fighting and all either of us wanted to do was cry, Marcus would own up to that whole twelve minutes older thing and be my big brother and hold me, telling me it would be alright. Even though we both knew it wouldn't be. "I'm just being a concerned brother."

"I know." I mumbled. "Thanks."

"But what you don't seem to know," He started, pulling away. "is that sitting on the couch in short shorts and a tank top while eating a frozen treat and having your hair all messed up isn't going to fix the problem. And trust me, i'm no where near an expert on love, but if you think you do really like this guy, tell him."

"That's the problem, Marcus." I huffed, throwing the whole I don't want to talk about this kind of thinking right out the window. "I can't ever tell him."

"Why? Is it because he doesn't like you? Or is it because you're afraid he doesn't?" That was definitely not logical thinking. Jack liked me, I knew this. "Do you think your heart might get broken?"

More like afraid it will stop beating.

"I don't want to talk about this. I'm not afraid that Jack doesn't like me, it's not about that. Can't you just go back to being my annoying brother and tease me about this instead of getting curious?" I could have been yelling but it was more like screaming.

"So," His word had a smirk with it. "this is about Jack? And you love him? Poor guy."

"Now you tease me?" I ran a hand through my hair. "Just stop, okay. I'm going to bed. My ice cream is gone anyway." I started getting up when he stopped me and pulled me back.

"Oh, come on, can you really blame me? My adorable sister is in love." He was still making fun of me. I was going to make another comment when the phone rang. "I'll get it." He said.

While Marcus was answering the phone, I started doing what I told him I would, getting ready to go to bed. Taking my empty bowl to the kitchen, I noticed it was only eight o'clock by one of the clocks we had. Going to bed early would most definitely do me some good anyway.

As I walked back out, Marcus was standing there with a stupid grin plastered on his face. "Um, who was on the phone?" I asked.

"Oh, it was mom. She's going to be a bit late tonight." He responded, heading back to sit down and for some reason, I followed. Standing before him, I asked another question.

"And the creepy smile is necessary because?" 

"I called someone." God, how many teeth can this guy show. And his smile just kept growing.

"Okay." I swear sometimes my brother could be like he was a minute ago, all normal-ish and stuff, and then he goes full blown mental. "I'm goona head to bed then."

"No, you're not." I rolled my eyes and turned.

"And why is that?"

"Because the person I called is coming over for a bit. He'll be here in about, I don't know, ten minutes." 

"So what, you don't need me around if one of your friends is coming to hang out." I pointed out.

"Oh, Lexi. He's not my friend. In fact, i've only spoken to the guy like once. And I didn't even know his number. I had to call John just to get ahold of him." 

"What does John have to do wi-" Oh wait. "Marcus, you didn't."

"Like I said, sis. I'm just being a concerned brother." His smile now lessening a tiny bit. "And this concerned brother, unlike over protective others who would want to push their sister away from the guy they barely know, thinks you should talk to Jack. Not because I think he needs to hear how you feel, but because I don't want to see you dying inside because you haven't told him."

But i'll probably be dying inside in a much different way if I do.

❒❒❒❒

As my brother had pointed out earlier, my clothing consisted of a worn out tank top and night shorts. Actually, the shorts were the same ones I was wearing when I woke up in the test, the ones with neon cupcakes. But I was a mess, not just with my clothes, but my hair was up in what any intelligent person would view as a messy bun on drugs. 

But this is my comfy, indoor, away from people look. Whether it is presentable for anyone living outside of my family to see was a different story.

And Marcus really didn't care, instead thinking that the proper thing to do when Jack knocked at the door around fifteen minutes later was to make me go outside to talk to him. And he told me that I wasn't allowed to come back in the house until I had a full conversation with him.

Like I said, my brother could be extremely mental at times.

And here I thought he wanted me and John to be a couple.

"Um, hey." I said, making sure my face wasn't in alignment with Jack's. I did a small wave before tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear and crossing my arms, trying my hardest to keep any bit of the uncomfortable feelings I had from showing. "Listen, my brother won't let me go back inside until we talk so if you could pretend that i'm telling you something really, really important right now, that would be amazing. I mean, I just really don't feel like talking about the fact that-"

I never got to finish my lame attempt at what was me trying to move around the actual important thing that I was supposed to be telling him, becoming cut off by the presence of a pair of lips against mine. It was short, simple, and oh so very sweet. But god, did I feel every part of me crumble at that moment. And melt, I felt like I was freaking crumbling and melting. Which was both the best and worst feeling in the world, my heart just opening up more and more to Jack though I knew I had to pull away.

But I didn't, I couldn't. Because as i've said before, it was hard not to want this.

It was hard not to want, no, need Jack. 

"You thinking about finishing that sentence or will I have to do that again to get you to say something?" Jack asked, only our foreheads now touching and lips unconnected, his arms not yet moved and I wasn't going to force them. I giggled some and finally faced him. "Not that that's a problem but I think your brother is staring at us through the window and I don't feel like getting punched tonight."

"He kind of invited you here for this reason so I wouldn't worry so much." God, I hated the fact that I was barely breathing when I responded.

"So, he wanted me to kiss you?" He asked. We still hadn't moved. "That's very, um, different."

"I think the more important question is why you did kiss me." And that's when I allowed my body to back away. "Go on, give me an answer."

"Because I wanted to. Believe it or not, you're actually not that bad at it, princess." As he said it, he sat down on the step that led to my front door, motioning for me to do the same. I just accepted it, plopping down and again crossing my arms. This tank top was sort of revealing and making me feel strange, not that this conversation wasn't doing a great job of that already.

"That's nice to hear." A blush making its way to my cheeks as I said it, me hoping to cover it by again not looking in Jack's direction.

"You know, this relationship isn't going to work if you won't look at me when I give you a compliment, princess." That snapped my head up.

"What? We don't have a relationship." I pointed out. Not that I didn't want one but how many times did I have to remind myself that dating Jack would end badly? At that thought, I scooted some away from him. "And we can't have one."

"Well, that's a major bummer." His voice was low but still comforting. "Okay, then do you mind telling me why? Does it perhaps have something to do with that little three word sentence you told at the end of our date a few days ago? Something about someone named Reid, if I remember correctly. And trust me, I think I would."

"Is there any chance you could forget I ever said that? It's not like it's really that important." I said, lying of course. It was super important.

"Um, well, I could try. But it would be kinda hard. Mainly because that's my middle name." My eyes grew wide. 

"Your middle name is Reid?" I practically yelled.

"Yeah, it was going to be Thomas but when my parents were discussing names while mom was pregnant for some reason she liked the name Reid and stuck with it. So, she used the name she always wanted for a boy, that name being Jack, added Reid and then smacked Harrow at the end." He smiled. "And thus, the name of a super charming and handsome young man was born. But I still have yet to find out your middle name, princess." He scooted closer.

"It's Ann. But back on track, your middle name is Reid but it was going to be Thomas?" Well, that wasn't a coincidence at all.

"Lexi Ann James. Has a nice ring to it. And yeah, I did just say it was going to be Thomas." Jack looked confused but I could understand why, not everyday you see a girl you just kissed practically freak out over your middle name. "Which I don't actually understand. If anything, you would think it would be Ben, you know, something that makes me named after my dad."

You have no idea, Jack.

"But anyway." He started again. "I was actually wanting to talk to you about that, the Reid is bad thing I mean. And then John hands me the phone, saying that Lexi's brother wants me to come to his house to see his sister and I thought this would be that opportunity."

"Listen, I don't know what exactly you want from me. If it's to explain the Reid thing, I can't help you." I basically pouted. "I know you said that you felt like people were hiding things from you, that they are lying constantly. And I don't want to be one of those people. But did you ever stop and think about them doing so to protect your freaking butt."

"And my butt kindly thanks them." He snorted. "But I would rather know." A hand found my shoulder, a simple gesture Jack also seemed to use in the test when he wanted me to open up. "After all, it's not everyday that someone tells me my middle name is evil. And as far as what I want from you, the truth, that's it. But kissing from time to time would be acceptable as well."

"No, that's not just it." I argued, brushing off the last part of his sentence for the moment. "Jack, it's not that simple. Don't you think if it was I would have told you already?"

"I don't know, would you?"

Yes, I would.

Jack didn't say anything after that, rubbing his hands at the back of his neck and grumbling. And maybe what  he said next was his way at changing the subject, maybe it wasn't. Either way, I would take it. Because he suddenly said, "I think my dad hates you."

Ha, no kidding.

"I only met the guy once, why would he hate me?" Which was true according to the event outside of the test. Well, besides for when I saw him at the hospital, but that didn't seem like something Jack was aware of so it didn't matter.

"I'm not sure. I only know that he told me to stay away from you, said you were bad news. And I don't want to believe him, Lexi. But how can I trust you if you don't trust me."

And that's when it happened, a memory invaded my thoughts and took over. It was about the time Jack was persistently trying to get me to tell him about Riley, the time he almost died and John saved him.

"There's no reason to get mad, I just don't understand why you can't tell me when I already know you can do your weird disrupting thing, Lexi. Don't you trust me at all?"

I did trust him then, same as now. But I was doing the same thing then as well, trying to protect someone. But I didn't tell him, and he almost died that day.

He was right, if I trusted him, I needed to show it. But John was right too, I couldn't just tell him everything. He was Jack though, the guy I literally told everything to.

This was just getting harder. John wasn't helping. And again, the life of someone else rested on my shoulders, on my decisions. And I needed Jack.

Oh god, I needed him.

Unconsciously, I found my head resting on Jack's shoulder a minute later. "Hey, you okay?" He asked, brushing a hand over my hair.

"Yeah." And a second later added, "I'm fine." I basically curled into him after that, thankful for him not moving away. He continued to pull me to him, within seconds making our faces directly facing the other's.

"You're kinda cute, you know that?" He said to me. It just resulted in me pushing a strand of hair behind my ear again, it falling seconds later anyway.

"I'm not cute. Just look at me." I half motioned to me with my hands, not actually wanting to break eye contact. And he didn't break it either, one of his hands landing at the back of my neck, pulling our faces even closer to where I could feel the warmth of his breath colliding with my own. 

"You're right. I was wrong." He whispered. "You're much to beautiful to have such a small word like cute classify you." 

"You sound like one of those unrealistic dudes from movies." I kinda teased, my mind going a bit crazy from the short distance between us and still no contact.

"If we were in this so called movie though, the girl would confess that she loves the guy by now." He breathed out. 

"Oh, and I thought the guy always said it first." I said, trying to scoot around the fact that yes, if I did tell him, the words would not only be true but my feeling would only grow by the second. Like they were now.

"Come on, princess. Give me a break." And I couldn't take it anymore. Finding out you love a guy and then having that guy try to force you to tell him in the same day was eating me alive. 

It involved to much talking, I was tired of talking. I wanted to do something else. Again.

"I have a better idea." I told him, suddenly, finally bringing our lips together though it definitely hadn't been that long since the last kiss. I somewhat smiled against his lips and just knew, Jack was my weakness.

With his Jackish ways and the amazing smile, my constant need to be near him, to make sure he was okay. It was the reason I chose to see him before actually shutting down the test. The same reason I told him everything and why it was incredibly hard to lie to him. It was all embedded in my mind for one single reason, Jack is my weakness. 

And I had a feeling he always would be.

And I love him.

I found that I was somewhat sitting in his lap when I pulled away. But it wasn't because I wanted to. No, far from it actually. It was because I saw headlights and noticed my mother pull into the driveway.

My head popped up instantly followed by mom standing in front of us moments later. A smile, I noticed, was having a hard time off her own face.

"Well, not that this isn't adorable and all." She said, her hands gesturing to us. "But Lexi passed out the other day and she shouldn't just be up and about. It's bad enough that she over exerted herself going to a friend's house today. Come on, in the house, Lexi." She helped me up and Jack let me go.

"Tell Marcus that, he's the one who made me stay out here." I grumbled under my breath. But I don't think anyone heard it.

"Yeah, no problem. Um, I was actually wondering if she was free in a few days. My dad thinks it would be a good idea to sit down and have dinner, get to know each other better. If you don't mind, that is." He asked. Wait, didn't he just say that his dad didn't trust me? I'm pretty sure that's what I heard a minute ago.

"Oh, that seems fine, Jack. Actually, if your father is okay with it, could you include me, maybe come over for dinner here? I mean, you don't have to but it would also be nice if I could get to know you better." She said, a smile present.

Huh, come to think of it, a dinner with Reid is something I could actually use to my advantage. Couldn't I have thought of that the last time I was forced to eat a meal with him?

"That sounds great actually. I'll talk to dad and call you about it." A smile of his own showing up. "Okay, well, talk to you later. Goodnight, Lexi." He said this followed by a wave and just as quickly walked toward his truck.

"Wait." I pulled from my mom and walked to him. I couldn't help but grab his hand and intertwine my fingers with his. letting a grin form on my face. "Just so you know, I do trust you. And I will tell you, just not now. Give me some time, but it will happen, eventually." It has to happen. John would have to deal with it, and so would I.

And a plan was falling together in my mind. Though I would hate it, dinner with Reid was the first step.

"Are you gonna kiss him or just stand there, Lexi?" I heard my mom ask, a blush reddening my cheeks.

"What is with your brother and mom wanting us to kiss? I'm pretty sure this is not how normal families act." Jack said.

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, my life is far from normal. I'm pretty sure my family is included in that." I replied. But Jack bent down and kissed my forehead lightly, my smile growing from it.

"I gotta go." He said, me nodding in response and he pulled away, leaving me to watch before I made my way back to my mother.

"Yeah, um, goodnight." I mumbled, not that he could hear it from the distance away that he now was, me also out of breath though our lips didn't even touch this time around.

I was to the door with mom when I suddenly heard Jack behind me. "Oh, and by the way." I turned around quickly as he added, "I love the shorts. Cupcakes are a good look for you, princess." And then opening his door, climbing in and starting it up. He exited the driveway with a hand out the window as he did to do a quick wave and he was gone.

And all I did was stand there for a minute, my grin only getting bigger and stupider.

❒❒❒❒

Okay, so not my favorite chapter in the world. In my opinion, my writing ability got worse this chapter. I just couldn't make my characters play out exactly what was in my head. Ugh, I guess i'll live with it though. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is just a rough draft of something I might publish someday. Anyway, hope you guys like this more than I do and yeah.....

Anyway, as always, vote and comment if you liked this. And also, I shall now say goodbye to you persons. So, uh, bye persons *waves* :)