The Program

Chapter Eighteen

Especially now, I regret never truly saying goodbye to Marcus before going through with this plan that put my life in the hands of the very people I was desperate to destroy.

Now that i've told John about Jack's mom being alive, about all Reid did to keep her that way, I think we both are a bit homesick for our families.

I heard him chuckle beside me, a happy sound from him i've actually only ever heard a few times around my presence. He was probably thinking back, recalling a memory.

But whatever the reason, it was good to see a slight laugh like his, from someone i've known to be a close friend over the last few weeks, especially considering the place we are currently. 

Bumping shoulders with him, I said, "What's got you all happy? Did you tell yourself a funny joke and it was so hilarious you couldn't hold it in even a tiny bit, so a laugh escaped?"

He shook his head, slumping against the tree again and looking directly at me. "Nah, just thinking back."

"About?" I pressed.

"My mom and dad, and Jack too I guess." He paused. "If you think about it, it's kinda funny that I can even think back to memories with them at all right now, considering how everything went down in here before."

"Puh-lease." I snorted, waving a hand. "We're disrupters, we can do anything. Memories would have been flooding through your head so quick if we were stuck in that situation again."

"Yeah, well," He looked at me, his eyes seeming to be a darker blue than normal. "Now we have a different situation to deal with."

"And no plan on how to get out." I added. He nodded in agreement. "Hey, John," I started nervously, him focusing on me. "What if we never get out? W-what if neither of us ever see our parents, or my brother, or Annie, Danny, Natalie, a-and Jack..." I trailed off, feeling my tears about to break through. Then, John placed his hand on my shoulder, a sympathetic gesture I wasn't exactly expecting to ever come from him where I was concerned.

"Everything is going to be okay, Lexi." He whispered. Scooting closer, he wrapped his arms around me, and me not caring that he did so.

He was still saying comforting words, or at least that's what I assumed given the tone he kept using, me not hearing much of the words because he was mumbling the whole time.

And then suddenly I was crying into his shoulder, my sobbing giving way and snot practically dripping from my nose in a messy frenzy of emotions.

Yes, I was that upset.

"I-I'm never going to see them again. My b-brother, i'll never get to tease him or have another meaningless fight, refer to him as my twin to literally everyone, never get to say goodbye and I just..." My crying was still taking over. "And my mom, oh god, that look she gave me right before I went through with this stupid plan. When I went full blown bananas on Reid and she just, looked at me, like she finally understood all the lies and pain and trouble that man put me through, and i'll never get to see her again. I'm not ever going to see either of them, or my dad, or anyone else I care about ever again."

"Don't say that, Lexi. We'll think of someth-"

"No. We. Won't." I cut him off. "Quit pretending like everything will turn out alright as if we're not stuck in this freaking dream of death that doesn't even end when we do wake up. This will never end. You know that, I know that, Reid knows that."

He was at a loss of words after that outburst, still just holding me to him, allowing me to soak his shirt sleeve with my sadness.

It was oddly nice to know we've gotten this far, after all the fights in the past and that whole 'freak' incident.

We were definitely friends, I had decided silently. No matter what him or I do to deny it out in the open, it was moments like these that showed that a friendship had been formed.

So, at my realization, I hugged him closer to me, my sniffle lessening and gradually becoming only small tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I told him. "I shouldn't have taken it out on you, you're stuck in this too. I'm just really, really..." I couldn't figure out the right way to finish my sentence, no words coming to me.

"Sad." He suggested. "Not the most descriptive word to choose, but I think it fits nicely here." He was softly rubbing my back now, laughter escaping me at the action and a smile forming for him.

"Yeah, sad. I'm really sad." I sniffed, wiping my nose on my arm. "God, I bet I look horrible right now. Sorry you have to look at me."

"Ah, come on, you don't look that bad." He said, placing a strip of hair behind my ear. 

"I thought you would have teased me." 

"I could have." He mumbled, really close to me, his hand grazing my cheek.

And that's when I realized this was becoming more intimate than it ever needed to be.

And I was in the process of turning away, plus pushing him from me, when he closed the space and his lips fell on mine.

To my relief, my mouth remained still during this, the few seconds that it happened anyway.

And my eyes were open for the whole experience, making it way more awkward than it already was. It was more of a feeling like me and John holding hands, -though that is a terrible way to put this- no sparks, or butterflies, or being something we should ever do again.

Though, I can't say I didn't feel anything, a small buzz going through me that felt...weird. Like when I disrupted that one time that Natalie taught me and also when I broke the test.

I got all of that from three seconds of mostly shock.

And when he pulled away, something written on his face that was definitely unreadable, then shock setting in for him as well, is when he said, "Oh."

All I did was agree with his statement.

❒❒❒❒

So, good news: Lexi's character spoke to me this chapter and brought inspiration with it...kinda. Even though it's much shorter than normal chapters.

The bad news: Well, you read the ending.

And, even though I hate spoiling you guys, a love triangle will NOT happen with this whole kiss thing. It has been planned for a few chapters now(because it will be VERY important to the plot later, not because I was in the middle of writer's block and couldn't think of anything) but let me just ease your Jaxi shipping minds and tell you that neither Lexi nor John have feelings for each other.

In fact, John has feelings for someone else......but more on that in the next chapter.

I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH! But...

...I don't know when i'll be updating again, hopefully in the next week or so.

But anyway.....I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I already said that, didn't I?

And in all actuality, this chapter should be dedicated to every last one of ya'll for being kind throughout this whole migraine thing and asking if I was okay. You guys were so sweet, I swear if I could hug you through the internet I would.

You know what.....*hugs to everyone*

But anyway, this chapter is actually dedicated to @Adventursplorer

She is one of my many readers(and an amazing fanfiction writer, seriously love that Bellarke), because as ya'll know, I love dedicating to you guys. It's because of you i've gotten this far.

Sorry for the long author's note and not so long chapter.

Please vote and comment if you enjoyed this chapter. See ya'll next time. :)

(chapter is unedited, will edit later)