They float in the emptiness of what used to be a world. There's nothing left of that world now. The only reason they can breathe is because they formed a protective bubble around themselves the moment they started choking from a lack of air. Cal doesn't know how much time has passed, or even how long it took them to get to this point. The point at which the tears have finally stopped. Where they have finally stopped screaming.

There is nothing.

Neither of them speak. Neither of them move. They barely even breathe.

They are sitting back to back, leaning against each other, because neither of them have the strength to sit up by themselves. Not now.

Cal knows Den already lost the love of his life. The person he loved with everything in him. His version of Helena.

Den also lost a friend before that.

Den has lost so many people.

Including his entire race of people.

Cal didn't know Yesmine was one of them. One of the people on the long list of people Den has lost.

Stars.

Even though he knows it's illogical, and that Den had as much control over the situation as Cal had, he can't help the thoughts. Can't help but think that Yesmine would still be alive if only Den had kept her. Had prevented her from ever returning to the Lescaean court.

He knows Den is probably thinking the same thing.

It's not Den's fault.

It's Cal's. He was being stubborn. They -- his family -- were killed because he loved them. Because they were the only way to hurt him. Because nothing else they tried worked on Cal.

It was his fault alone. He should have gotten Helena and Yesmine out of there when he had the chance. He should have hidden them away in a world where no one could ever find them. Where no one could hurt them.

He failed them.

He failed them as a husband and a father. He couldn't protect them. He couldn't keep them safe. He couldn't save them when the time came. He couldn't do anything. He was useless.

He is useless.

And now Den has to feel the pain and agony of Cal's shortcomings. Cal couldn't save Yesmine, and now Den has to feel the effects thereof.

"It's a curse," Den says after a very long time has passed, finally breaking their silence. His voice is as empty as Cal feels. "Everyone I love dies. I warned her of that. She didn't... she didn't listen. And I couldn't save her. I couldn't save any of them." He draws in a shuddering breath. "My family is the reason I lost Enna. She... she was terrified of water. So they forced me to drown her. Tied me to her and hung me over a pole, and beat me until I couldn't keep her head above the water anymore. Until the weights dragged her down. Just because she was human and they didn't like it. I threatened to kill all of them. I started killing them the moment they undid the chains. So they locked me up for three hundred thousand years. And I didn't... I couldn't feel anything until Yesmine taught me what it means to be alive. She's... she was the reason I could breathe again." He chokes on a sob and stops talking.

Cal feels the wetness roll down his own cheeks.

Of course Yesmine is the one who taught Den how to be alive again. Who else could have done something like that? She was bright and good... and no one could help but love her. She cared about people. She loved openly. She smiled when Cal didn't think there was anything to smile about. She always found something good, something bright, even in the darkest of places.

Even when they were in that room. She tried to give them all a reason to smile.

Even when the last thing they could do was smile, Yesmine tried.

Even though she was being tortured and raped, she tried to make him and Helena smile.

Cal keeps crying. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to stop.

"All these years..." Den speaks again after a long moment. "It hurt that she didn't want me around. I didn't... I wish... I would give anything for that to be all it was. I would give anything to change it back."

"She tried to make us laugh," Cal says finally. "She tried to make us smile whenever they would leave for long periods of time. Despite everything, despite the pain she was in... she tried to find something to smile about." He doesn't know why he's telling Den. It's not information that will help him. It'll only make it worse. It only makes the pain of losing her worse, knowing that she was this bright soul that had to be snuffed out.

"Of course she did," Den says, a sound that isn't a laugh, but might be trying to be, in his voice. "She was always smiling. I used to..." he sounds agonized. "I used to try to get her to stop, because it was annoying. And she'd just smile bigger like I was the funniest thing she'd ever seen."

Cal can imagine. It sounds like her. Smiling just because someone wanted her to stop. Not that Cal can see why anyone would want to make her stop. Her smile was one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen. "I'm sorry you had to lose her," Cal says.

"You're sorry," Den replies, his tone incredulous. "I'm sorry. I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who let her go."

"She was the first person to make you feel after you lost your Enna," Cal says simply.

"She was your daughter," Den says. "I've... I've only known Ri for a few months and I can't even... If I lost him too..."

"That doesn't mean your pain is any less than mine," Cal says softly. "You didn't even know what happened to her. Stars. All this time, and you didn't know what happened to her."

"I should have known."

"Den, you aren't psychic. You can't see into the future," Cal says, shaking his head. "You couldn't have known. I, however, should have. Because they are my brothers... I knew them better than that."

"I should've known better! I should've known her better. I should've know she wouldn't just leave me for something so stupid. I should've done something."

"And then what? Gotten yourself killed in the process? End up in the cylinder right next to mine watching as they hurt her! You think that would have been better? You think she would have wanted to see you in pain, or for you to see her in pain?"

"It's where I should have been," Den whispers. "She needed me! I wasn't even there! I should have been there."

"There is nothing you would've been able to do, Den. Nothing. Even if you were there. You would have only caused her more pain. Jaerren would have taken pleasure in following through with his threat."

"She needed me," Den whispers brokenly. "And I failed her."

"The only failure here is me," Cal whispers. "I'm her father and I couldn't protect her. It was my job, not yours."

"It was my job too," Den says. "It was my job because she was mine and I didn't... I didn't do anything to help her!"

"I couldn't do anything to help her!" Cal yells back. "What would you have done differently? How would you have helped? How would you have succeeded where I failed?" Cal's voice is broken. He's not even trying anymore.

"I don't know!" Den screams.

Cal pinches his eyes closed, breathing deeply as he tries to pull himself together. "This... what we are doing... this isn't helping anyone."

"I know," Den whispers. "But I can't turn it off."

"I know," Cal says. "I know."

"Let's just... sit," Den says after a while. "She'd kill us if we sat here forever. But we can just... for now..." his voice breaks again.

"She and her mother both," Cal amends. Yesmine got her fiery personality from her mother. It surely didn't come from him. Cal has several broken noses to prove it. "Just a while," he adds. "You still have a son to get back to, and I'd imagine he's very confused right now."

Den nods, the motion forcing Cal's head to move too.

Several long moments pass, it could be hours, Cal isn't sure. Den turns around and buries his face in Cal's back, his arms around him.

Hugging. Den is hugging him.

Cal is not quite sure how to react. He's never seen Den hug anyone. Not even Kat. It's always Cal doing the affectionate touching, and Den being all stoic and poised.

"You finally decided I'm not a bad lover after all?" Cal asks wryly, his tone trying to be light, and almost succeeding.

Den smacks Cal's stomach. "Shut the devil up and hug me, Eilon," he says, his tone a mixture of raw emptiness and a laugh that isn't really a laugh.

"You've got me in a rather awkward angle," Cal says, his tone mimicking Den's. "I can't hug you back unless you let go of me first."

Den sighs and lets go. Cal turns around and pulls Den back into a hug. It's something they both need.

Cal hasn't hugged anyone since he held Helena and Yesmine after they were already gone. Not even Kat.