I alternated between reading that awful journal and crying for the rest of the day. I tried to read as much as I could, telling myself I had to know the whole truth regardless of the pain it caused. But then I would start to cry so intensely that I wouldn't be able to see the words and breathing properly was a struggle. I couldn't believe it. I simply could not wrap my head around the idea that my mate, the sweet man who held me tightly when I slept, had done such awful things. And when I first started reading I assumed that the murder of Lucas's mate would be the worst of it. But I was terribly mistaken.

August 31

We had to hold Adeline's birthday away from the palace this year. She is not pleased but I fear that the rouge pack is getting too close and having so many family members nearby would only make us a bigger target.

September 7

Ares has attempted an attack on another pack despite the fact that we have given him everything he demands. He now has land, sufficient funding to start a pack, and he has signed a treaty stating that he will not attack the royal palace, our guards, or our guests. I now understand why he refused to sign a treaty in regards to other pack. I should've known better. Luckily, Vienna had been visiting the pack at the time, checking wellbeing. She managed to attack Ares, but was unable to kill him. Thankfully, he and his men retreated. The pack and Vienna were shaken, but unharmed.

September 9

Ares still refuses to sign a treaty. I had tried to persuade him otherwise, but he will not change his mind. With any other pack I would threaten to take away their privileges unless they complied, however I fear Ares will only become more violent. If this is his behavior when he is given everything he wants I can't imagine what he would be capable of if we started taking those things away.

September 20

Ares has been quiet recently. He has not attempted to pillage any other packs nor has he come to the palace demanding more. Perhaps I'm now paranoid, but I do worry about his silence as his pack is still growing, constantly getting larger.

October 1

I now wish I had listened to my gut instinct about Ares. I had been right all along. He had been waiting patiently for his pack to grow. In that time he has also trained many of his men and women to become excellent fighters. Yesterday, in broad day light, he attacked the Renegades Pack. He and his men slaughtered over forty werewolves including pregnant women and children. There are only two survivors from the Renegades pack. A warrant has been released for Ares arrest.

October 20

Still no sign of Ares. He has not returned home since he raided the Renegades pack. My subjects are restless and concerned; they know he is capable of extreme violence with no cause or reason. My men are searching for him but it's almost like he has disappeared.

March 17

Ares has returned from hiding. He arrived home last night. I sent out three of my guards the moment the sun rose this morning. None of them have returned and it has been several hours. I can only assume the worst.

March 20

I sent out seven more men this morning. None have returned. We are now dealing with a crisis in Egypt so my men will be unable to pursue this man until we return.

June 9

We have returned from Cairo and have heard nothing from the rogue pack. A report coming from a young shewolf when she stumbled onto their lands claims that Ares has become less violent. No attacks were reported while we were away and the concern around the pack has lessened. I have now decided that I will send guards out to surrounding packs to capture Ares rather than sending them directly into their territory.

August 12

Adeline is mated to Ares.

All the entries stopped after that and my lower lip began to tremble as I stared down at those words. Those little words that probably killed my dad more than I knew. But now it was all the other words that were killing me. I was mated to a monster, there was no denying it. I was mated to a man that had killed beloved lunas, nearly wiped out entire packs, and murdered the guards who protected me daily.

I cried until exhaustion took over and I could no longer bear to keep my eyes open. What was the point of staying awake anyway? Reality was far more bitter than I could handle.

The next morning I was awoken by someone softly moving around my bedroom. when I opened my eyes I saw my stylist floating through my room slowly. After a second she felt my eyes on her and turned to stare. I thought she would giggle and then tsk and my clothing before whirling me into a gown of her choice. Instead, her eyes looked deeply saddened. She broke eye contact with me to go through my closet and returned with a pair of my old jeans and an old tee shirt. She carefully placed them on the vanity, looking down at my dirty riding boots.

"When I feel awful I do the things I love to remind me that there's always a little bit of good left in the world. Someone downstairs told me you love riding more than anything so..." She whispered. With that she curtseyed deeply, rose, then left.

I wanted to ignore her words and stay in bed the whole day. I could barely fathom moving to pee, much less getting up and being functional for a few hours. But the more I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling the more I thought about it. I could picture Ryan in wolf form lunging at innocent people as they screamed. I could hear his voice as he shouted at my father, warning him of the awful things that were to come. And I could see the men who watched me closely when I played outside getting torn apart by his men when they went to arrest him.

After another hour I couldn't do it anymore. I dragged my aching body out of my bed and went to shower. Normally, a hot shower was all I needed to temporarily forget about my problems. I would lather myself in sweet smelling products and let the water loosen all my tight muscles. But the shower only made me feel worse. I shampooed and conditioned my hair in record time before jumping out of the shower, drying off and pulling on my clean clothes.

I didn't bother looking at myself in the mirror on the way out. I knew I looked terrible. But what did it matter anyway? It's not like I had to pretend everything was fine anymore. Everyone knew everything about my life now. So why not show them this heartbreak too?

I shamelessly walked through the palace, not even looking at the guards who milled through the hallways and I didn't stop walking when my father called my name. I just went straight for the front door, yanked it open and walked outside. My new target became the barn and I strutted there too.

Once I was inside the barn I was surprised not see Poison poking his head over his stall door, whinnying in excitement. Confused, I went to the white board, found Poison's name and saw that someone had moved him into a far back pasture, away from the other horses and away from the barn. Perhaps he had gotten a little stir crazy and started annoying the staff.

I set off to find my horse without another thought. I wove through the other paddocks, occasionally stopping to give some of my horses little ear scratches or a quick kiss on the nose. My stylist had been right, there was still a little bit of good in the world.

I drifted further and further away from the main barn until I made it to Poison's pasture. He looked up when he smelt me, but he didn't come over to greet me like I expected. Instead, he stayed away and his ear went flat against his head.

"What is it boy?" I asked.

Then I felt something thick and rough slip between my teeth. But before I could try to scream I smelt something sickly sweet and a moist cloth was pressed against my nose and mouth. Then my eyes began to burn and water. Tiredness washed over me instantly and a second later I felt like I had fallen into a deep sleep.

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