Chapter 52

Aisle

Iniwan ko siya mag-isa sa resort at hindi ko man lang ipinakita ang mukha kong punong-puno ng luha. Kahit ano pa man ang marinig ko mula sa kanya, hinding-hindi magbabago ang isip ko.

Matutuloy ang kasal at gagawa ito ng pinakamalaking eskandalo sa probinsiyang ito, gaya ng kung paano niya dinungisan ang pangalan ng lolo ko at ng buong pamilya ko. At kung paanong dinurog niya nang pinong-pino ang puso ko. 

I called one of my cousins, Kaden and he silently drove me home. Alam niyang hindi ko gustong marinig niya ang pag-iyak ko kaya binuksan niya ang stereo na siyang nakatulong sa akin para umiyak ng malaya.

Ibinagsak ko ang sasakyan at halos tumakbo na ako sa hagdan para makapagtago sa lahat.

"Autumn, all you need is to listen."

Hindi ko ito pinansin at nagtuloy ako sa pag-akyat sa hagdan. Ayoko nang makarinig ng paliwanag!

I came back with my firm decision, at panghahawakan ko iyon, walang hahadlang sa mga plano ko kahit maging ang pamilya ko na iniwan ako sa ere.

The wedding day was approaching, and Wayto never bothered me again. Ngayon na ang deliver ng mga gown na susuotin sa kasal, hindi man lang ako gumalaw sa pagkakaupo sa sofa habang nagbubuklat ng magazine nang sabihin ni Mama na dumating na raw ang mga ito.

Only my cousins and Kuya were aware of my plans. My family assumed that I've already listened to his explanations and everything was fine, sinabi ko na lang na huwag na itong pag-usapan at mas mabuting sa kasal na lang kami magbigay pansin.

This plan was rebellious, but they pushed me into this.

"Autumn, anak, nandito na ang gown mo!" Mom excitedly said. Ipinatong niya sa center table ang malaking kahon na naglalaman ng gown ko.

Actually, basta na lang ako pumili ng gown, I couldn't even remember its design. Sabi sa matatandang paniniwala, ang kulay raw ng pang-kasal ng babae ay depende sa pagiging malinis nito.

Pure white means the bride was virgin.

Cream means the bride was slightly touched.

How about any color? Corrupted already?

I sighed. Nonsense.

Itinago ko ang kawalan ng interes sa dumating na wedding gown ng humarap sa akin si Mama.

"I wanna fit it." Nanlaki ang mata niya sa sinabi ko.

"No, baka hindi matuloy ang kasal." Gusto kong tumawa sa sinabi ni Mama, dahil alam kong kahit hindi ko ito sukatin ay walang kasal na matutuloy sa simbahan.

"Paano kung hindi kasya sa akin? I don't want to look terrible." My mom was hesitant while looking at me.

"No. Kasya ito sa'yo, sinukatan ka lang naman nitong nakaraang buwan. I don't think you gained weight, anak."

"I don't think so..."

"Unless you're pregnant..." nahihirapang sabi ni Mama.

"I am not pregnant. Marami lang siguro akong nakain nitong nakaraang araw." Katwiran ko.

"But it is still a no. By the way, did you talk about your set-up with him after the wedding? Hindi ba at may tinatapos ka pa sa ibang bansa?" I nodded, kahit iniisip ko pa ang sasabihin ko.

"And? What is your plan?"

"He will let me continue my studies in States. I'll just work here after graduation."

"It's still half a year, right?"

"Yes, mom."

"Pumayag?" she asked doubtfully.

Tumango na lang ako. "But can I see it? The gown." Pag-iiba ko ng usapan. Hindi pa lumayo sa ganito ang usapan namin ni Wayto, how's that possible?

Thinking ahead of time was not part of the ingredients, dahil hanggang kasalan

"Of course, hija!" binuksan ni Mama ang kahon at inilabas niya ang wedding gown ko.

The gown was pure white. Pinigil ko ang sarili kong umirap, I forced a smile and faked my fascination. 

"Gosh! It's so pretty! I can't wait to wear it." Pansin ko na napapaluha na si Mama, ibinalik niya sa kahon ang gown ko, tumabi siya sa akin at niyakap ako.

"Ang bilis ng oras, anak. Dati sobrang liit mo pa... but look now... you're getting married."

I crept a smile. Napapaluha na rin ako, but we have different reasons. Sa halip na mas palalimin pa ang pasisinungaling ko, yumakap ako kay Mama ng mahigpit.

"I love you, Mom."

Three days before our wedding Wayto tried to visit me, hindi na siya pinayagan ni Mama na lumapit o magpakita sa akin dahil parte pa rin ito ng pamahiin. And for the first time, I was glad of that.

Dumaan na rin si Tanya at August para kunin ang gown nila. To all the people around me, silang dalawa ang higit kong mapagkakatiwalaan sa mga oras na ito. These two never betrayed me, and no matter how foolish my decision was, they never tried to leave me alone.

"After that? What's next?" tanong ni Tanya.

"Babalik ako sa ibang bansa, finish my studies. Find a boyfriend and get married in real." I said while browsing my phone.

"And you're happy with that? Please tell us that you're happy with all of--" hindi ko na pinatapos si August.

"I am happy."

They both frowned. Tanya tried to open her mouth, but she chose to close it again.

Hindi na namin pinag-usapan ang kasal sa mga sumunod na mga oras, we talked with each other with our usual sosyal conversation. I was glad that they could read me without words out loud. Too lucky to have them both.

Gabi na nang magpaalam silang dalawa sa akin, nakatayo na ako sa main door habang tinatanaw ang papalayo nilang sasakyan.

"Those girls... I like and hate them..." hindi ako lumingon kay Kuya na nasa may pinto rin habang nakahilig sa hamba nito.

"Madalas silang konsintidor."

"They're just supportive." Pagtatama ko.

"But I'm glad that there are people you could relied to..." I smirked. Bagay na hindi ko nakuha sa lalaking minahal ko at sa sarili kong pamilya.

"You are not planning to sabotage my plans, are you?"

Mas humalukipkip si Kuya sa hamba ng pintuan, I knew that he's gazing at me.

"I promised not to interfere. It's still your wedding, afterall." I sarcastically smiled.

"Too ironic, right? I was expecting that my whole family would stand against this wedding katulad ng dati. Everything was magic." Umiiling na sabi ko.

"I need sleep, good night, Kuya."

When I was all ready to end my day, my phone vibrated. Hindi ko na sana ito hahawakan, pero nagsunod-sunod ang pag-vibrate nito. I checked it, and I grimaced.

It was him.

Ibabalik ko na sana ito sa lamesa nang mag-vibrate na naman. Text messages from him, I read the first one.

Babe...

Second message. I want to see you...

Third message. I love you...

Fourth message. No matter what... I'll wait for you.

I stopped myself from throwing my phone outside the phone, instead I turned it off. I tucked myself firmly on bed, taught of anything but not Wayto until my whole senses was brought to sleep.

"Come on, that isn't realistic. Chinita ka, chinito ako. Tayo instsik ngayon gabi Olbes. Wag na arte, ikaw dugo labi. Akin kagat. Isa pa sabi."

"Nalalason na ako, Autumn. Nalalason na..."

"Kahit ikaw sobrang arte, ikaw mahal ko."

"Now tell, saan gustong dahan-dahanin?"

"Gandang babae..."

"Kasal muna... I love you, Autumn..."

Nagising akong may luha sa mga mata. Bakit sa dami ng pwede kong mapanaginipan ay iyon pang mga salitang hindi ko na dapat inaalala pa? Those memories...

The whole wedding preparation was done. The remaining schedule was for my make-over na hindi ko na gustong bigyan pa ng oras. I don't need to look more pretty on that day, uubusin ko lang ang oras ko.

But to avoid confusion from my family, umalis ako sa bahay. Nag-drive lang ako ng walang plano kung saan pupunta, but when I noticed my track, isang tao lang ang naalala kong malapit sa lugar na ito.

Aurelia's residence.

It was two years ago when she got married, at kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay buntis na raw ito. She married Rashid Villegas, katulad din ito ng Samonte at De Mesa brothers, na mga taga-rito naman sadya pero mga lumaki sa ibang bansa.

Kung tutuusin, mas malapit ako kay Euphie kaysa kay Aurelia, but I knew that she's kind and she's willingly accept me as her guest, kahit kaunting oras lang. I just want to hide, dahil baka may makakita sa akin.

I parked my car, walked near their gate and pressed the doorbell. I waited for someone to respond until I heard a man's voice.

"Baby... are you expecting someone?"

Ngumiti ako sa camera kung sakaling sumilip si Aurelia rito. "A-Autumn?"

"Yes."

Hindi na pinahaba ni Aurelia ang usapan, the gate was immediately opened by her husband. Agad kong itinago ang pag-asim ng mukha ko nang makitang chinito rin ito. But at least, he's fair.

"You're familiar..."

"Autumn Stassi Olbes, Mr. Villegas."

"Ah, the Olbes princess." I nodded.

"Didn't know Aurelia has a famous friend. By the way, welcome. I didn't notice you on our wedding."

"I'm sorry, I was out of the country. Ngayon lang ulit kami magkikita ni Aurelia." Siya naman ang tumango.

Nahirapan pa kami ni Aurelia na magyakap dahil sa malaki niyang tiyan.

"You're so pretty! I'm so happy for you." Bati ko sa kanya.

"Girls, I'll prepare something." Kumindat pa si Rashid kay Aurelia na tipid ngumiti sa kanya.

"But you're prettier, how are you?" tanong niya sa akin.

Naupo kaming dalawa, pansin ko ang marahan niyang paghaplos sa kanyang tiyan.

"A she or he?"

She smiled. "Baby girl..."

"Aww..."

"Are you here to personally give me your invitation? Nasaan si White? Hindi ka niya sinamahan?" gusto kong masamid sa tanong ni Aurelia.

"He's busy. Sabi ko kahit ako na lang."

Mataman niya akong pinagmasdan. "You don't look happy."

"I am happy." Pagsisinungaling ko, ngumiti ako sa kanya.

"Autumn, wedding is one of the most wonderful things in a woman's life. You should be happy, masarap ikasal ng masaya."

"I am happy." Ulit ko, hindi para kumbinsihin si Aurelia kundi ang sarili ko.

Marami kaming pinagkwentuhan ni Aurelia, karamihan ay tungkol sa mga trabaho namin dahil nasa pareho kaming industriya. She told me that she would be continuing her medical education, na siyang ikinatuwa ko.

Sa huli ay sumali na rin sa aming usapan si Rashid, nakaupo ito sa tabi ni Aurelia na paminsan-minsan ay humahaplos sa tiyan nito.

Habang pinagmamasdan sila, hindi ko maiwasang hindi mainggit. I envied them, kung hindi ba kami nasa magkasalungat na pamilya ni Wayto noon, ganito na rin kami?

Wayto caressing my big baby bump while whispering on my ears. The most jowable woman in Enamel, beautifully pregnant and happy. Pero sobrang imposibleng mangyari.

I hate him and his fucking late reason. Kung hindi niya ako sinayang at ang pagmamahal ko... I could be fucking pregnant now with our fourth child!

Tang ina niya talaga.

Buong akala ko ay makakatagal ako sa mansion nila Aurelia, pero ilang oras din ay nagpaalam na ako. I told them I forgot the invitation, pero umaasa akong makakalimutan nila ang araw ng kasal ko.

Ayoko pang abalahin ang buntis na si Aurelia para sa magulong kasal ko.

I kissed Aurelia good bye, ngumiti sa akin si Rashid.

"Thank you." I said.

Dumating na ang araw ng kasal namin ni Wayto. I was dressed beautiful in white, with expensive jewelries, roses in my hands and a long veil that covered my face.

Nakayuko ang ulo ko sa ilalim ng puting mahabang belo. My hands were shaking while holding the bouquet of roses, and the beauty of my wedding gown was fully emphasized as I slowly walked into the aisle.

My tears fell like a river. I bit my lips to stop my continuous sob, my heart was pounding painfully so fast, my eyes were getting blurry, and my knees were shaking.

Alam kong anumang oras ay bibigay na ang tuhod ko. Sa bawat paglapit ko at paghakbang sa kanya, parang unti-unting nauubos ang aking lakas.

I missed him.

I missed him so much.

And I loved him... no matter what.

I looked in front of me, visualizing his tender smile.

The one who was waiting for me... was one of the greatest men I've ever met.

I threw the flowers and ran as fast as I could... slumped my whole body and warmly embraced his tombstone with tears gracing my cheeks.

"Umuwi na ako, lolo... your favorite granddaughter is here..."